A/N: Sorry, I feel like you guys might hate me after this one.
Also...this is really embarrassing. Are we seriously only on chapter nine of this story?! *facepalm*
Chapter Nine: The Unraveling of Trust
Sang: Are you busy after dinner tonight?
Silas: I'm at the Diner until 8. Why?
Sang: Do you want to come over when you're finished? We can watch a movie.
Silas: I'd love to, Aggele. x
I slipped my phone back into its pocket, with a smile on my face, as I pushed my locker shut at the end of the day. While I did want to watch a movie with Silas, I was also determined to talk with him. Sending a text saying "we need to talk" may have set off a few alarms, so I settled on something subtler.
It had been difficult to focus the rest of the day. Kota's words kept echoing in my head, whispers about Silas talking about me with the football team. It made my stomach coil, the idea that he would discuss our intimate moments with people I considered absolute strangers.
But I was trying my best not to assume or jump to conclusions. It was most likely a misunderstanding, and we would clear it up tonight.
That didn't stop me from covertly watching the football team extra-closely all day.
"You ready, Peanut?" Nathan asked from his relaxed spot against the lockers beside me. "We're meeting Luke at the cars."
"Ready." I nodded, patting my locker's paint-chipped door before meeting Nathan's pace as we headed towards the front entrance. "Are you coming over to Luke's with us?"
"No, I can't today," Nathan answered apologetically, as we passed a group of younger students goofing around by the drinking fountain. His hand touched the small of my back as we gave them a wide berth. "I need to run some errands, plus I've been hogging a lot of your time this weekend."
"I don't mind." I frowned, peeking up at his carefree expression. "I like spending time with you."
"Good." Nathan grinned, and I must've imagined his chest puffing out slightly. "But the other guys wanna spend time with you, too."
"Then let's all spend time together!" I beamed, pleased whenever the opportunity arrived. "Like we did at the park."
"If only it were that easy. Planning family time can be a little difficult when there's ten schedules to work around," Nathan chuckled as we turned into a less crowded hallway. He nudged me with an elbow, before his handsome smile morphed into a smirk. "Plus, you could say they'd like some of their own lion time...away from the Pride."
My eyes widened to his reminder of our morning together, and I turned my head forward. "Oh."
"Yeah, 'oh', " Nathan echoed with a soft laugh, tugging on my backpack's strap. "But not just that kind of alone time, Peanut. Any and all time with you. Even the chance to work at the Diner—or do homework—with you is fun."
"Homework is never fun," I countered, shaking my head. We passed the front offices, and I hiked my backpack up higher. It was near the glass doors of the front offices that I spotted Kota—who was still glassesless, which had me staring at his face in fascination all day—walking slightly ahead of us on the other side of the open area. "There's Kota!"
I nudged Nathan's side, and we began heading over to Kota's side of the mostly deserted lobby. But he retained a brisk pace, with a look of utter concentration gracing his features, as he blinked ahead and ignored me calling his name.
"Kota!" Nathan tried louder, but he didn't even glance back and all I could do was watch in confused trepidation—
—as Kota walked straight into the glass door with a thunk, before bouncing off the smudged glass.
"Kota!" Nathan and I cried out together, and my bookbag thumped against my back as we rushed over to his side. He was still standing, rubbing at his poor nose with a pained grimace.
"Are you alright?" I asked the moment we reached him, settling a hand on his blazer-covered shoulder and trying to fight off flashbacks to my baseball disaster with North and Silas when I noticed the redness taking over Kota's nose.
"I'm fine," Kota muttered, his voice high and a little nasally. "Just an idiot."
"What happened?" I pressed, wondering if maybe he'd gotten a concussion at some point today. "Were you daydreaming? Why did you run into the wall?"
"Looks like Kota heard you were giving out kisses to injured boys on the team," Nathan teased quickly, shooting a smirk at his best friend.
Kota's cheeks turned red enough to match his nose, and I wanted to chop Nathan on the head.
"I can't see very well," Kota explained, gently poking a few parts of his nose before letting his hand drop. He tried an experimental sniffle before flinching again. "My spare glasses are at home, so I've just gone without all day."
"Poor baby," Nathan cooed as those same words floated through my thoughts, but his were accompanied with a snort.
"I'll be fine," Kota assured me quietly, sparing a small smile that was still three times as big as Mr. Blackbourne's. "Really. Are you off to meet Luke?"
"It amazes me how you can remember everyone's schedules," I told him, shaking my head in wonder as I squeezed his shoulder in a hopefully comforting manner. "But yes, we were just headed to the parking lot. Do you want us to stay? We can."
"No, no. I'm fine, really. I'm just going to take a quick detour to Dr. Green's office," Kota said, bringing a hand up to his nose again. "I'll meet you at the car, Nate?"
"Sure," Nathan agreed, pushing open the door beside us and ushering me out. "See ya."
Kota and I each waved, then I took off in search of my own personal Candy Man.
"It smells like butterscotch in here," I observed curiously, looking around the jeep's immaculate interior.
"Do you like it?" Luke grinned, turning out of the school's parking lot. "I just hooked up the air freshener this morning, so it's only had a little while to start working."
"You did this?" My eyebrows skyrocketed, taking another look around to make sure this was North's jeep we were sitting in and not a new one.
"You bet I did." Luke's beam grew, sniffing proudly. "It smells like what dreams are made of."
"Umm, and North approved of this?" I asked hesitantly, unable to mask my surprise.
"You mean 'The Happiness Hater' ?" Luke grumbled back, mood visibly deflating in sync with his shoulders.
"Sure," I agreed with a roll of my eyes. "Did 'The Happiness Hater' approve of his jeep smelling like butterscotch?"
"Well, that's an interesting question, Cupcake," Luke stalled, biting his lip as he focused on the road. "I figured, since I'm a passenger in the car at least twice a day—"
"He's going to yell a lot, isn't he?" I interrupted flatly.
"Yeah," Luke pouted, slumping against the dark seat. "I know."
I tried to distract my now-sulky boy with the radio, but it was mostly advertisements. I zoned out for a moment as we cruised down the roads headed to Luke's house, feeling the butterflies in my stomach take flight at the thought of Silas coming over tonight.
I felt wholly unprepared, but with a sly glance at Luke it dawned on me that this car ride could be used to my benefit.
"Luke, what's your favorite kind of kiss?" I asked curiously, tracing the rim of the cupholder with my finger.
"Hmm, that's a tough question," he hummed slowly, expression turning thoughtful as our speed noticeably slowed. Luke's lips slid into a dopey grin, and I fought down a blush at what he must've been imagining. My own imagination was peeking out, thinking of the different moments we've had alone. Before I knew it, my eyes were glued to Luke's lips and I was wondering if he planned on pulling the car over for a live demonstration. "I have to say I'm a sucker for classics, so probably milk chocolate. But on a rainy day, I'd definitely say the ones with caramel in the middle."
I wasn't sure if I should be insulted or amused, but my lips decided for me as they broke into a grin.
"Not Hershey's kisses, Luke." I laughed, tugging on my seatbelt as it dug into my vibrating stomach. "Kisses kisses."
"Oh! Right," Luke nodded, as if he'd been following along the entire time. As if he hadn't just gotten that dreamy look on his face from thinking about chocolate instead of locking lips with me. My playful monkey turned to me with a little wink, and I just rolled my eyes. "In that case, my favorite kisses are ones with you."
The growing smile his sweetness caused froze when I realized exactly what he'd said.
"Wait. As in there's more than just kisses with me? Who else are you kissing?" I asked slowly, feeling goosebumps skate across my skin.
"What? No one!" Luke backtracked, smiling sheepishly. "Oops. Definitely no one else. Only Sang kisses. Obviously only Sang kisses. Well. Okay. Maybe Erica kisses, too, but they're only on the cheek—and she insists. You know I would never kiss anyone else, Sang. If you want, I can talk to Kota's mom. Explain to her that I'm a one-woman man, and there's no room for even the most platonic—"
"Don't worry about it, Luke." I sighed in no small amount of relief, before taking in a deep breath. My head hit the passenger window with a thunk, moving my attention to the trees flying past outside as I willed my rapid heartbeat to calm.
"Okay, on a more serious note," Luke continued after a quick clearing of his throat, and I heard the sporadic rhythm of his fingers drumming against the steering wheel, "I'd have to say a smooch."
"A...smooch?" I echoed hesitantly, rolling my head against the cool glass until I was facing him again with the car door against my back.
"Yeah! When I get all up on your lips, and we make a smacking sound," Luke insisted, smacking his lips together, before his grin turned a shade shy and he kept both eyes focused on the road. "It's fun, and the other guys don't mind when I do it in front of them so it's not a type of kissing I need to hide. Smooching. I like it."
"Me too," I agreed with a smile, nodding along. I liked it a lot. "What other types of kisses do you like? And not the chocolate kind."
Luke's grin turned impish, and I wondered what other types of candy could be made into kisses.
"All types of kisses, Sang," Luke exclaimed happily, shrugging as he stopped at the light. "There's no such thing as a bad type of kiss, unless you go about it the wrong way. Like frenching is fun, but not if you slobber all over me. Not that you've done that. And who knows, maybe I wouldn't mind if you did?"
Interesting.
"Frenching is with tongues, right?" I asked, to clarify. I'd learned a fair share about kissing from the girls locker room now, but obviously there was still a lot to learn and the lingo could be confusing. What about tongues made it French?
"You bet it is, Cupcake," Luke nodded, glancing at the clock on the dashboard. "How do you feel about playing hooky? I have a new dessert recipe; we can swing by the Diner before going to my house."
"But we're supposed to go straight to your house," I answered, pursing my lips as he started driving again.
"Oh, come on! It's like two minutes away from here. Uncle has way better supplies at the Diner than our kitchen, and he won't yell at me for getting it messy," Luke pleaded, his lower lip slipping out into a pout more delicious-looking than any dessert I knew of, until his eager look faltered. "Well, he won't yell much."
"Okay," I agreed hesitantly, scrunching my toes together as I wondered if this was going to bite me in the butt.
"So," Luke started, drawing out the word playfully. "Now that we're on the topic of canoodling, what's your favorite non-chocolate-based kiss, Cupcake?"
My lips pursed, kicking myself for asking in the first place. I couldn't tell Luke my favorite kisses were ones with just him, and a pang of guilt stabbed my side.
But maybe...maybe I could get a little more information before facing Silas. Kota hadn't wanted to share the specifics of "giving" someone a blowjob kiss without Dr. Sean there, but Luke never held back when I had questions.
Maybe I could claim a blowjob kiss was my favorite, but it would be embarrassing if Luke asked me to give him one or two now...I'd be caught in a lie.
I pushed the doubts aside; this was my opening.
"Umm, I'm not sure if it's my favorite, but...." I stalled, fiddling with my lower lip as I worked up the courage to fib. Would he know?
"Spill it, Shortcake." Luke's voice was laced with amusement, and his attitude gave me the courage to take the leap.
"I think blowjobbing is pretty nice," I answered noncommittally, sneaking a peek at Luke from under my eyelashes.
Luke's head snapped to me with a look of pure shock, his hands following the motion, and I yelped as we swerved into the curb. Up and over, we cleared it with a series of painful bounces. Metal grinded, the jeep swayed, and my fingers clawed into the seat cushion. And then we were in a yard, Luke causing the brakes to squeal until we were gliding leisurely across the freshly watered lawn.
It was terrifying.
"Crap!" Luke cursed, and the seatbelt cut into my skin as we slammed to a halt inches away from a gleaming, black mailbox. "Shit."
"Luke?" I whispered shakily, not giving up the death grip on my seat.
"Shit," he repeated, smacking the steering wheel once before he turned to me with nothing but concern in his eyes. "Are you okay, Sang?"
"I'm fine," I assured him quietly, giving the grass directly outside my window a weary look. "What's wrong? Are you okay? Why did we...?"
The jeep fell into silence as I trailed off, and Luke shook his head like a dog, to clear it.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to lose control of the car like that," he apologized, scowling to himself. It stung me to see him so angry with himself, but I had no clue what to say. "I was surprised, and obviously didn't handle it very well."
"Are you okay, Luke?" I repeated, reaching out for his arm.
"Just dandy," he snorted, before turning back to me with serious, brown eyes. His mouth opened, closed, huffed, then opened again. Brown eyes opened themselves to me—utterly vulnerable— like a window. "So, you've...?"
I couldn't move or break my eyes from his vulnerable look, but Luke didn't give me any time to answer before he was shaking his head emphatically and turning towards the windshield. "No. No, nevermind. It's not my business what you do with the others. It's probably better if I don't know."
He looked insecure. Unsure. My Luke, someone who was able to provide sunshine on the rainiest of days, looked like I'd just drowned his puppy.
I said something wrong. Maybe I said everything wrong.
"We're just going to pretend that never happened, okay?" Luke cleared his throat, not meeting my eyes.
I couldn't tell if he was referring to my answer or the fact that we were currently parked on someone's front lawn.
Either way, I was getting tired of purposefully overlooking things, so I let go of his shirt and turned to face the window in what I hoped Luke would accept as nonverbal agreement.
As luck would have it, he didn't notice the steam rising out of my ears as the sound of shuffling paper carried from his side of the car.
"One sec," Luke mumbled distractedly, and I lost my inner battle to hold a pity party that he hadn't even noticed was in full throttle. My eyes snapped to him before I could stop them, and saw his hand scribbling out a note. "Hold this, Cupcake."
I accepted the folded paper cautiously as Luke started up the jeep again. He shot an embarrassed glance behind us before rolling up beside the black mailbox that looked like it'd already been bent to the side a few times.
"Sneak that note in there, would ya?" Luke asked, rolling down the window as I bit my lip to hold in any questions. But Luke knew me, and I'd barely tossed the paper inside and bolted the mailbox shut again before he was explaining. "We left some tire-marks on their lawn. They're not too bad, but I wanted to leave a number just in case."
"Oh." I blinked. "That was nice of you."
"Yeah, well, we'll see how happy North is when they call," Luke sniggered, pulling back into traffic.
"Luke!" I scolded, unimpressed. He just shrugged.
"What do you think about stopping at the gelato place on Elm Street before hitting up the Diner?" Luke suggested, all thoughts of kisses and almost-accidents fled from his mind as he merged lanes.
"Let's just go to the Diner, Luke." I sighed with a smile.
"Yes, ma'am," he murmured, taking one hand off the wheel to give mine a squeeze before he stationed both hands at ten-and-two.
My mind was bombarded by a slideshow of Luke's shocked face as we swerved off the road. Apparently this kiss was a bigger deal than I'd thought, and I fingered my phone with the overwhelming urge to google it. But then Luke was pulling into the Diner's parking lot, and I had a lying Greek giant to face off with.
Monday nights were usually pretty slow for customers, and I was relieved when we walked in and only three tables were occupied. The counter was deserted, a blond boy I didn't recognize was waiting tables, and Luke didn't waste any time before tugging on my hand and speed walking to the kitchen.
"Little bird!" A grin spread across Uncle's face as we pushed through the swinging door.
"Um, hello?" Luke huffed, rolling his eyes with a smile. "I'm here, too, Uncle. Remember me? Your favorite nephew?"
"Yes, there you are," Uncle answered dryly, glancing down at our entwined hands. My eyes were drawn to Silas, who was working at the counter behind Uncle. He was still in his uniform, pulling out a knife from the cutlery block. "And you're lucky we're pretty slow today. Just don't trash the kitchen too much. Sang, will you be assisting Luke with whatever new concoction he has planned, or would you like me to put you to work?"
"Actually, I was hoping Silas would have some time to work on our biology project while I was here," I answered unsurely, tracing the curve of my bottom lip with a finger while ignoring Luke's look.
Silas's head shot up from his station sharpening knives, eyebrow raised. I pleaded with my eyes.
"Of course, take your time," Uncle answered, waving us towards the door. "You have your pick of tables out there."
Silas didn't move, studying my face, before he turned towards Uncle. "Would it be okay if we use your office? We'll need a computer to type up the report."
"Sure, sure." Uncle didn't blink an eye at the idea of Silas and I going off alone together. He just smiled when Luke kissed my brow before he ran off for the pantry.
Silas set the knives down with a curious look, before leaving his station and holding open a door to the back hallway for me.
"Couldn't wait until eight?" He murmured in a low voice as I passed by.
"Luke wanted to make something messy, and I was hoping we could talk," I whispered back as the door shut behind us. Silas's enormous hand traced the line of my spine before resting on my lower back as we continued towards Uncle's office.
"I'm not complaining, but we may need to work on your fibbing skills, Aggele." Silas chuckled as we headed down the hallway. "Biology project, but you didn't bring your backpack?"
"Oh." I frowned. I thought I'd been getting better. "We do actually have a project to work on, though."
Silas hummed noncommittally as he led us through the door to Uncle office, and I closed the door with a click of the lock. Silas didn't bat an eye, but I shook my head as he pulled out Uncle's desk chair for me.
"No, you should sit," I explained, tapping a few fingers against the wooden door before stepping towards him.
"This sounds serious." Silas's brows rose he lowered himself onto the chair. My fingers began trembling, nerves getting the best of me as I worked up the courage to confront him.
"Well, it's kind of...kind of personal," I started, clasping both hands behind my back.
He grimaced, eyes wandering fleetingly for the door before landing back on mine. "Sang, maybe you should talk to Doc about this? Or Erica? If it's about women issues...."
"No! No. Why would I ask you about...nevermind. It's just...umm. Okay," I blundered through how to begin, stopping to take a deep breath before working up the nerve to look at Silas through my lashes. "I want to talk about kissing."
Silas's eyes flooded with interest, and he straightened in his chair.
"I'm all ears," he assured me. "Although I'm not sure why you'd want to talk about kissing, when we could be actively—"
"We've frenched, right?" I asked, cutting him off before I took the coward's way out and ended up making out instead of working things out.
"Yes," Silas answered, his full lips fighting a smile as both eyes sparkled. "Yes, we've...frenched, Aggele."
"And we've made out," I continued casually, nodding my head for him to agree.
"Maybe once or twice," Silas teased, his head cocking to the side as I worried my lip.
"We've also pecked," I said seriously, trying to remember the other types of kisses. I didn't think Silas and I had smooched.
"Like chickens." Silas nodded, eyes lit with amusement.
"And we've...rubbed our lips against each other?" I asked uncertainly. "I'm not sure if that one has a name."
"I believe it's called 'kissing', Aggele." Silas smiled indulgently.
"Yes, so we've done a lot of kissing," I said decidedly, nodding my head. "Lots of variety."
"Sang, it isn't that I'm not enjoying this train of thought, but where are you going with this?" Silas's stomach shook with a deep laugh, as he shook his head in bafflement.
"Well, I've been thinking about other types of kisses," I told him, trying to stay calm. He was smiling, and happy, and I just couldn't picture my Silas saying anything bad about me in a locker room. That boy in Home Ec was smirking when he'd talked about our lips wrapped around each other, but that was because he thought my lips were too small for Silas's.
"Have you now, Aggele?" Silas humored me, but I couldn't decide if his smile was indulgent or patronizing.
"Yes, I have. So," I cleared my throat, steeled my spine, and looked Silas dead in the eye. "When are you going to give me a blowjob?"
"What?" Silas's jaw loosened, eyes bulging in a way I'd never seen from him before. At least he wasn't driving.
"We've frenched," I repeated pointedly, crossing both arms over my chest. "So when are we going to blowjob? Do you not want to?"
The last question came out weaker than I'd wanted it to, so I strengthened my glare.
"Sang," Silas gaped at me, one hand coming up to slowly rub down his cheek. "Sang, I'm not sure I'm following what you're saying."
"Do you not want me to blowjob kiss you?" I pressed, trying to recall what Mr. Blackbourne had said about being more vocal with the boys. It'd gotten me into trouble yesterday in Home Ec, but surely the man knew what he was talking about.
Silas just blinked back at me, and I wasn't sure why he was acting so weird; he seemed just fine with it when he was bragging to the football team.
A tense, lengthy silence took root, with me focused solely on Silas and Silas staring blankly back.
"Sang, what are you talking about...?" He finally managed to ask with a shake of his head, jaw firmly clenched.
"Do you or do you not want me to give you a blowjob?" I powered through, teetering on the edge as I anticipated either a welcoming smile or sympathetic rejection. This was all still so new to us; maybe I was pushing things that were better left untouched right now.
"Well, γαμώ. Christós, Βοήθησέ με," Silas mumbled, breathing a tired laugh injected with bafflement. Fuck. Christ, help me. "Of course I want to...."
He trailed off, and I leaned forward expectantly. He wanted to!
"You want to share that with me?" I asked hopefully, just to make sure.
"Sang," Silas croaked, his eyes wide with disbelief as his large hand moved to scratch the back of his neck. I took a small, eager step forward. "Yeah, I do. I'm just not sure where this is coming from, or why—"
"Can we do it now?" I asked with a grin, squeezing my fingers together. Silas's face wasn't disgusted like Kota's or ignoring my comment like Luke. While he didn't exactly look excited or eager, I tried to overlook it and focus on the kiss itself.
"Now?" Silas echoed faintly as he slumped back in the chair, gazing unseeingly around the cluttered office. "Here?"
"Yes! Now, here, wherever," I beamed, beyond excited. I'd had a lot of firsts with the boys, but from the way Kota was speaking about this kiss...it was definitely special.
Without further ado, I scrambled onto Silas's lap without an ounce of decorum. My thighs straddled his, and I looped both arms around his warm neck with a happy sigh. After a glance at Silas's parted lips, I looked up at him expectantly.
"Okay, let's do it." I was practically vibrating with excitement, my mind flashing back to when Silas taught me how to kiss the first time. Even then, I'd been overwhelmed and unsure of what I was feeling. Now, I was ready to embrace it.
"Sang, are you sure you don't want to make out for awhile first?" Silas asked tentatively, hands hovering over my hips as he blinked.
"No," I scrunched up my nose before realizing he was stalling. He probably expected me to second guess this. I struggled to refrain from glaring at him again. "Let's just do it."
Silas stared back at me, hands gently grasping my hips. I would've taken the initiative—that's how excited I was to start this—but I had no clue how to begin.
I couldn't imagine what to expect. Was there more tongue involved? Biting? I pictured blowing into each others mouths between kisses, but that didn't seem very fun.
Silas's hands dropped down to my thighs with a shake of his head. "Sang, I don't think we should...."
He was turning into a broken record, and I officially felt like a pushy horn-dog that dads tried to protect their daughters from. What was wrong with me? Silas had never pressured me to do anything, and yet here I was....
"Do you not want to?" I asked quietly.
"You're not ready," he hedged, licking both lips. "I know you're not ready, and not like this. Not here."
"I'll decide if I'm ready for something or not, Silas." I frowned, unsure if I wanted to rip my hair out or his. Then the doubt crept back in. "Unless you're not ready?"
"Oh, he's definitely ready," Silas mumbled under his breath, fingers digging into the sides of my thighs on reflex.
"If the only thing holding you back is me, then please stop." I sighed, playing with the hair on his nape as I continued softly, "I want this, with you. I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it. I may not be ready for some things...but I'm ready for this."
His deep, brown eyes consumed mine as his ocean scent engulfed me, and I wished with everything I had that he would agree. Maybe it was desperate of me, wanting something because it had caused Kota to blush, or because a boy whose name I didn't even know said I'd done it already.
Maybe I was just trying to prove something.
My words of reassurance did nothing to comfort Silas.
"Well, let me take care of you first, at least," he insisted after a beat, tone bordering on panicked. "Please."
Take care of me? What, did he want to feed me and make sure I had a bath first?
"I don't want to be taken care of, I just wanna do this," I retorted with a firm shake of my head.
"Sang...."
"If you don't want to, Silas, just tell me. I'm sorry. I won't pressure you anymore, but I don't want you holding back because you think I don't want it," I promised, sliding my hands around to cup his slightly stubbled cheeks. "I've been thinking about this, and it's something I'd like to try. I want to learn."
"Okay, but are you sure you don't want to learn with someone...smaller?" Silas asked, breaking eye-contact as his eyes darted to the murky green carpet beside us.
I frowned, not sure where this was coming from. Silas was rarely ever self-conscious, especially about his size. He was the one who started sending me pictures of his body!
"Silas," I whispered, bringing a hand down to his broad shoulder. "I love how big you are."
"How do you know—" Silas cut himself off, eyes widening as his gaze snapped back to mine.
"You're big because your heart is so big," I declared softly, feeling decidedly romantic. "It's directly proportional."
"It is?" Silas blinked. "I thought it was related to the size of our feet."
"What?" I frowned, looking over my shoulder and down at Silas's feet. His shoes were humongous, longer than my head. Then I looked at my own flats, which were dwarfed by his. "Well, I guess so. That makes sense, too."
Silas sighed, his hands coming up to rest on my hips again. "Sang, I know you're not supposed to look a gift horse in the mouth, but I'm going to ask one more time. Then I'll relax and stop doubting this is real and not some crazy episode of Punk'd, but...are you sure?"
He looked so uncertain, I couldn't work up the energy to be annoyed with him asking again.
"Silas, I want to kiss you like this. I want to kiss you any way I can," I answered as firmly, but warmly, as possible. My other hand moved down to grip his shoulders, wanting to transfer my sense of surety to him. "I want to share this with you."
"Okay," he nodded, seemingly satisfied with what he saw in my eyes. "I don't think there's any doubt that I want this, so...okay."
And just like that, it was like a switch was flipped.
He swooped in, lips claiming mine in a hard, heated kiss that set my heart on fire as one large hand moved to cup the back of my head. Silas's lips were soft, warm, and like feathered pillows against mine. I snuck in a hesitant lick, enjoying the saltiness I tasted as another reminder of the ocean.
I kept my guard up as Silas's invasion turned into a slow cascade of individual kisses, each one flipping my stomach and allowing me to nip at his lower lip. It was distracting, waiting for when and how the blowing would start. I didn't want to mess things up—or miss my cue—and was determined to just enjoy it instead of worry so much.
A calloused hand explored my back, slipping its way beneath my shirt and making me want to purr like a content kitten. Shoulders bunched under my clutching fingers as he pulled me closer. My lips slipped open, wanting to devour Silas's as his tongue met mine in way that had my eyelids fluttering. I was lost; in the kiss, in the ocean scent, in Silas. My body wanted to cling to him, wrap my limbs around him like a monkey, and never let go.
"Okay," Silas mumbled against my lips, before leading a trail of kisses up my jaw and planting one slowly, sweetly beneath my ear. I shuddered as his lips ghosted over my earlobe, unable to stop myself from scooting closer as the wooden chair squeaked in protest.
We broke apart an inch, chests rising and falling in sync, and my eyes trained on Silas's parted lips. A proud smile tried to fight its way onto my own tingling lips, loving how swollen his looked from such a brief period of kissing me.
"σας παρακαλούμε να μην ξυπνήσει ακόμα," Silas breathed to himself. Please don't wake up yet. Half-lidded eyes appraised me as his head tilted to the side, and I was too engrossed with his nearly-black gaze to complain about the switch to Greek.
Firm hands grasped my waist, scooting me back on his sturdy thighs until I was perched precariously on his knees. I watched, intrigued as to where this was going, as Silas reached for his belt buckle. The clink of the metal buckle, then thwash of the leather being slid undone awoke something primal and absolutely terrifying inside of me.
"Silas...what are you doing?" I asked cautiously, feeling every muscle in my body go rigid.
Thick brows knitted, steady hands pausing on the buttons of his jeans. My breath gave 'unsteady' a new meaning.
"I'm taking off my pants," Silas answered through a shallow breath, licking the lips I'd just had my own tongue on.
My head rocked back. "Why?"
His hands hesitated on the second button, before moving up to grasp my knees with a wary look. "How else are you going to...you know?"
No. No, apparently I didn't know.
"Why do you need to take off your pants for us to kiss?" I rephrased, letting my hands slide off his shoulders until they hung limply at my sides.
Silas's confusion only grew, which fed into mine.
"Sang...what exactly do you think a blowjob is?" Silas asked slowly, purposefully.
"It's a type of kiss," I answered readily, not even attempting to go into any detail I could only guess on.
Understanding flashed in his dark, brown eyes, along with a red tint sweeping across Silas's olive complexion. He was blushing.
"Ah, this makes more sense now," he mumbled, taking in a deep breath as he squeezed my knee. I sat still, no less confused than before. Seconds passed in silence, but Silas focused solely on re-fastening his belt instead of explaining. Instead, just mumbling under his breath, "if this is some prank that Luke cooked up, I'm going to kill him."
"This isn't a prank, and what exactly makes more sense?" I pressed with a frown, trying to keep my gaze above his waist.
His throat cleared, eyes falling shut, and my fingers curled into anxious fists.
"Blowjobs are a form of oral sex," Silas explained calmly, after a beat, as if he hadn't been fumbling over this same topic less than ten minutes earlier. His eyes studiously avoided mine. "It's when you please your partner by using your mouth on their privates."
It was spoken so swiftly, so clinically and so unlike Silas that I almost missed the cocktail of enraged embarrassment racing through my veins like a wildfire. A lightbulb flickered to life in the back of my mind.
"You....you told the entire football team I did that?" I managed to articulate, scrambling off his lap onto unsteady feet.
"What?" Silas frowned, hands falling to his knees.
"You talked about me like that in the locker room?" I heaved in a deep breath in further disbelief. Realization dawned on Silas's face, and the regret that followed it was enough to break a tiny piece of my heart.
"How do you know about that?" Silas asked as the color drained from his face.
"So it's true?" I squeaked out, scratching at my wrist as something akin to mortification infused itself under my skin.
"Who told you?" Silas pressed firmly.
I stared back at him in a daze, reaching out for the wooden tabletop beside me. "Really? You're more concerned about how I heard about your little secret than the fact that you humiliated me? That being talked about like that might hurt my feelings?"
"You weren't supposed to...," Silas trailed off into a quiet voice with a shake of his head, accompanied by a frown. "You weren't supposed to hear about that."
Just another secret in the pile I suspected might smother me before the Academy officially offered their welcome.
"A boy in class told me." The words popped out of my mouth, when I hadn't wanted to explain anything until he did first.
Silas's frown deepened, but he stayed quiet.
"Really? You have nothing to say? You lied about me to a roomful of teenage boys that I go to school with, and now you're speechless?" The betrayal was like lighter fluid, and words wouldn't stop pouring from my mouth.
"I didn't want you to hear about it," Silas explained quietly, hands gripping his thighs. "I was handling it."
"No. The secrets need to stop," I whispered, and my eyes began to burn as I realized I hadn't been blinking. Or maybe it was the tears gathering. " 'Handling things' like this about my life without my input is not okay. Keeping things like this from me needs to stop."
"Sang," Silas murmured, his voice gruff and deep for a tone so quiet. The chair was pushed back as he got up, reaching for me with open arms, but all I saw was Silas smirking in a locker room as my step-mother's words spewed from his lips.
"Don't touch me!" I flinched back, my right hip colliding with the desk and causing pain to radiate up my side. Silas's face fell, hands going up in surrender.
"Relax, Aggele," Silas tried again, taking a step back. "Let's sit down and talk about this. It's okay."
If he were standing behind me, I was almost positive I'd try to flip him right now.
"It's okay? Silas, do you know how many years my stepmother accused me of sneaking around with boys? Calling me a whore?" I cried, scoffing at the memories. "When I hadn't so much as held a boy's hand!"
"Sang...."
"Then you...you go and tell boys that I see everyday that I'm doing something so...so...." I choked on the words, watching the world blur as tears gathered. "You basically told them I'm a whore!"
"Don't say that." Silas's voice dropped in warning, the skin around his eyes tightening as he focused on me. "They know you're with me, and that we've been dating for seven months. I know it's stupid, but they expect us to do these things."
"Yes, it is stupid!" I raised my voice over his, clenching my fists to hide their uncontrollable shaking. "It is stupid and embarrassing and completely unexpected. I don't care what they think we should or shouldn't be doing."
"Aggele." Silas took a deep breath, reaching out for me before I jerked back again.
"I said 'don't touch me' ," I snapped, hating the way my shoulders hunched as I wrapped my arms across my nauseous stomach, tucking both shaking fists into my sides. Silas ran a restless hand through his dark hair.
"Please, I was just trying to help." His voice and eyes turned soft, and I hated how helpless he looked. Plus the fact that I must have looked twice as helpless—I could feel the onslaught of tears running down my cheeks—in order for him to react this way.
"How was that helping? What if they thought I was easy, because you said that?" I asked sharply, the underside of my chin slick with tears as they kept gathering. "What if they tried to...tried to do that with me, too?"
"I wouldn't let them touch you, Sang," Silas declared, voice and stance and eyes filling with a sense of determination and promise so fierce that I lost my balance for a moment, before reality set in.
"McCoy touched me!" I cried, sniffling against my now clogged nose. "Jade touched me! Rocky touched me! You can't be everywhere at once, and you can't stop everyone."
"I can try!" Silas's voice rose, eyes turning fierce. "And I was supposed to get in with the team. This was for the assignment! I was—"
"I'm not part of the assignment!" I spat out, taking another step back. "You said pretending to be your girlfriend was to protect me, not help your reputation."
"I didn't do it for me! I did it to help your reputation!" Silas argued, followed by a growl that was reminiscent of North.
"How is this helping?" I scoffed, throwing out my arms to gesture at nothing. "How is talking about intimate things we've never even done helping me?"
"We wanted them to back off. The guys would just assume you're like the other girls at this school instead of a shiny, new mystery," Silas explained quickly and fervently. "And then it also helped with my part of the assignment, to get an in with the team, which wouldn't have happened if I ignored them."
"Even if we were actually doing something as personal as oral sex, or whatever you call it, you had no right to tell strangers about it. Assignment or not, that's private," I told him, my voice quivering in anger.
"Palio arhidi! I never told them anything! I promise, Sang," Silas swore firmly, his dark eyes piercing into mine. "I may have not denied a few things, and...and yes, there were times that I nodded along or humored them, but I never said you did that."
"You never told them I didn't do it, and nodding along sends the same message," I argued, thrusting my hands into the air helplessly.
"I just wanted them to stop harping on me about it!" Silas claimed, his voice raising to a hoarse yell. I wanted to stop arguing with him—it killed me to see him so unhappy—but I also didn't want to lay down and roll over whenever they did something I didn't agree with. "You don't know how frustrating it is to have a roomful of...a roomful of malákes asking if I've gotten into your pants yet! So, yes, I let them believe you did that so they would shut the hell up."
"I don't buy it," I whispered through the tears and snot, denying every excuse. "You're big, Silas. You're big and strong, and those other boys on the team wouldn't bother you if you told them it was private."
I turned to the side, searching for a towel and just grabbing an old shirt off one of the side chairs when I saw it. I wiped hastily, furiously at my face and the waterworks that betrayed me. This talk was supposed to help.
"Trust me, Sang. I didn't...." Silas's voice softened, losing its strength. "I don't know what to say. I...I don't know how to explain. You know I'm not good with words. How do I...?"
He slumped back down into the chair, head falling into his cupped hands as a groan escaped. I wanted to comfort him, crawl into his lap and apologize for making him so sad. And that's when I knew I needed to leave, before I rolled over again.
"This isn't you, Silas," I choked out, shaking my head in denial. "The Silas I know wouldn't do something like that."
"Sang." Silas's head shot up, midnight eyes glistening as his open mouth searched for words. Shoulders drooped as he found them. "I messed up. Okay? Έκανα ένα λάθος! I made a mistake." I made a mistake!
"Yes," I managed to agree through my closing throat, voice lacking any ounce of the emotion I felt steamrolling through me. I couldn't stop imagining what else he'd said. "Yes, you did."
My feet turned on their own accord, walking on auto-pilot with a calm I didn't feel. The lock turned easily beneath my quivering fingers, and I barely registered Silas's protests as I cleared the threshold.
"Syngapi," was the last thing Silas's hoarse voice called as the door swung shut behind me. I'm sorry.
My mind was on pause, muscle memory being solely responsible for how I made it back through the kitchen and into the dining area.
"Hey, Sang! Wait up!" Luke's voice called out from behind me. Reluctantly, I turned back to face his approaching joyfulness. It stung my heart. "What's going on? I offered to let you lick the bowl, and you just zoomed right by—"
"I'm going home," I cut him off and side-stepped his outstretched hand, my stomach turning over itself at the goofy tilt in his smile. Blinking back any moisture left in my eyes, I allowed myself one glance at Luke's warm, brown gaze. "Please don't follow me."
Luke wasn't speechless often, and I used the silence as a cover when my back turned towards him. It felt worse than any punishment I'd undergone in my old life—especially when I had to pass a frowning Uncle to get through the front door—and my teeth sank into my lower lip hard enough to draw blood.
It was a long walk back. Not because the sun was setting or Sunnyvale Court was far away, but because I couldn't get Silas's haunting eyes out of my head. Couldn't forget the way they shone with tears when I'd backed away from him. Couldn't erase the image of him comparing notes with the football team, no matter how viciously I scrubbed at that part of my imagination.
My fingers fiddled with my phone the entire walk, barely noticing each time it vibrated against my clammy skin.
I wasn't sure what to do, or what the protocol was. Being on my own was usually the last thing I wanted. Should I send a group text, asking not to be bothered? Or reach out solely to Mr. Blackbourne? I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings; they didn't deserve it. I was so angry and hurt, but it felt wrong to crawl into bed with Nathan after I'd had an argument with Silas. My finger twitched, wanting to call North and tell him this was all a bad dream. Wanting to hear him assure me that everything was alright. But the texts and calls remained unanswered as the minutes ticked by and I trudged down the deserted street.
Because for the first time in a very long time, all I wanted was to be alone.
So I continued past Nathan's house without a second glance, shuffling through the familiar grass until I moved aside a rock and dug out the key I never thought I'd use again, unlocking the door to my past Hell.
Marie's head shot up from where she was sitting on the couch, scowl already in place as I toed the door shut and flipped the lock. I must've looked worse than I'd thought, because her frown softened a smidgen as I walked past. A haughty voice trailed after me. "Dad's out. I'm having Danielle over tonight. Don't be loud, and no boys over."
I didn't bother reminding her that it was a school night, or letting her know I didn't want any boys over.
All I could think about was making it to my bed before the tears took over.
And maybe—for just a selfish, pity-party, woe-is-me moment until I could get a handle on each of these raging emotions—I wanted to forget I'd ever met Silas Korba.
A/N: Uhhhh...my bad. This one ended up being a bit of a downer.
I wanted to stay somewhat true to the good intentions Silas had when telling the team that Sang was his girlfriend, but also stray a bit from what we'd expect from him. But, gah, this chapter flopped around so much, and Silas ended up being a jerk during the first draft. Then Sang was especially mean in the next one. Then Silas was a pushover who didn't defend himself. Then it kind of blew out of proportion. So I just kind of compromised on everything, and this popped out.
Writing is hard.
(And now that you're here, any preferences on what I should update next? Indecisiveness is a cruel beast.)