This chapter is dedicated to the one who fixed me. Xxx
They say that hunger is the best cook, but you only truly understand that saying when you are eating the best food of your life, just because you can't actually remember the last time you ate. Okay, maybe that is a little bit melodramatic, but hey, I'm allowed to be after the ordeal I went through.
"Is it okay?" Blake asked as he watched me shove the third slice of pizza into my mouth.
I nodded my head ravenously, grabbing for a fourth slice of pizza. Hell, I was no fan of pineapple but this was way too good to go to waste.
"We really need to talk as soon as you're done," Blake said, still looking at me intently, holding me in his stare, watching each bite I take as if it was the most interesting thing he has seen in his life.
I nodded again. There was probably not a way to get out of it, unless off course I took my last bite now and sprinted. I started looking for the nearest exit immediately, but found the back door closed. There was more reason to believe that it would be locked than that it would not be. I was stuck, and maybe it could be for the better, although I would still bet at it being for the worse.
I struggled to swallow my last bite, knowing what was coming next. It just didn't want to go down at first but after a few seconds I pushed my plate away from me, indicating that I was done with my hot meal, even though I wanted more. Partly because I was afraid I might never have such nice pizza again, and on the other hand to avoid Blake and his questions completely.
"Follow me." Blake stood up and made his way out of the kitchen with me reluctantly following him up the stairs and towards his bedroom. Even through my paranoia I could still appreciate walking behind him and checking out his ass.
It didn't take him long to close the door behind us and make himself comfortable on the bed, patting on it to show me to sit down.
"Not there. Come here," Blake said as I went to sit as far as I could from him. He gestured to the spot right next to him which was way too close for my comfort, but still I moved closer; just a bit.
"Not close enough Elijah," Blake said again.
What was he playing at? When I refused to move he lounged out towards me, catching me around the waist and throwing me down, pinning me down underneath him.
I could not help closing my eyes. I didn't want him that near me at all. I could feel his breath and his body pressed against mine. His hand moving up and down my arms and...
"What the fuck!" I just could not hold it in and I found myself pushing Blake. Hard. He fell to the ground.
"Elijah...?" Blake was dumbstruck. The shock in his eyes scared me? Was I that much of a monster? Did I hurt him? Maybe I didn't deserve any happiness in life. Look what I did to the people who cared.
I didn't ask him if I was okay. I just lowered my sleeve, covering the scars and raw marks running over the horizon of my arm; showing an artwork of all the unhappy times in my life, which has obviously been a lot.
"I know about the scars Elijah. I know you cut," Blake said as he got to his feet and walked over to me, ignoring the fact that I was obviously some monster that had hidden strength I could really use to hurt him with.
"Let me see it."
I didn't fight as he sat down, but I could feel the tears burn in my eyes. I had no idea what was going to happen next, but nothing good could come from the boy you like seeing the hurt and the scars and all the things that make you a walking warning sign. I didn't want to bare my soul to him, and the scars were part of my soul. Still I allowed him to push my sleeve up.
I shuttered as his fingers touched the raw flesh and white lines, running his fingers over it, probably feeling every bump, like a bump in the road slowing us down to a complete stop, indicating that with so many bumps it would be better for him to find another road. One more traveled and easy. Not one that would fuck him up completely.
"Why?" I had to ask him. Why would he look at my scars in almost... Was that? Admiration?
"Look," Blake said and pushed up his sleeve, revealing white lines running across them in every possible direction. Long healed they were almost melting away into his skin once more, but there they still shone, showing that maybe sometime in the past he might have had just as much pain as me.
I had to do the same he did. Not to return the favor, but to know what it would feel like years from now, if and when the pain just might stop and create a smoother path on my arms.
"Why?" His eyes had tears in them, but he did not allow them to leave his eyes, even though I lost control of mine a while ago.
"I told you I was once broken too. You're not the only one." Blake gave a weak smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. I didn't want to see him like this. All vulnerable. I pushed his sleeve down, covering the old scars from his past. Hoping that if he couldn't see them it just might mean they weren't there at all. That they just never existed.
"Let me glue you Elijah. Let me be there for you." It wasn't a question. He was demanding.
And then...
I felt his lips on my cuts and scars, softly landing kisses on them in the same manner you would kiss the scraped knee of a child and the pain would go away instantly, because kisses made it all better.
My sleeve was pushed up higher. Each cut got its own kiss, and then I was on my back and Blake was on top of me. His eyes baring into my soul. Enfolding me into a safe embrace where nothing could hurt me anymore.
"Let me glue you?" It was a question this time.
"Okay," I whispered back.
His lips were on mine. Soft and tender, asking for permission to take me and make me his, and I obliged, parting my lips and allowing him access to my mouth. Allowing him in deeper than I have ever allowed another human being. Becoming his in the way I believed I would never allow anybody.
I closed my eyes and for the first time in four years I did not see blood and tears and reckless shouting and slamming. I saw me and Blake, holding hands, walking down the beach, watching a movie, kissing, and falling asleep together in a safe haven where only love could exist.
Then the safe haven broke away as my eyes opened and I struggled to catch my breath while his nose touched mine and his eyes caught mine daring them not to blink.
"Be my emo? Just mine. Hold hands with me and kiss me and allow me inside. I promise, I can make the hurt go away. All you have to do is to say yes," Blake whispered, his hand still caressing my arm, the other one folding around my neck while interlocking his fingers in my hair.
"Are you asking me out?" I had no idea if he could hear what I said over my loud breathing, but I hoped for the best.
"I'm asking you to be my boyfriend," Blake said and gave a proud grin, as if he was the first person that has ever asked out another boy.
"Are you sure? I'm very broken," I replied, astounded by how much I had to say all of a sudden.
"And I told you I will glue you back together again," Blake said and stole a quick kiss.
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"You can glue me."
"And you'll be my little emo?" he asked.
"Yeah."
And the kiss that followed felt like it would go on forever. I wanted it to go on forever. If it lasted forever then nothing would ever be wrong again.
Forever naturally didn't last too long. Nothing that perfect could last in any case. Life just wasn't that fair or that kind.
The sound of "I'm Not Okay" filled the room and my eyes searched through the room, knowing that the song didn't just appear out of thin air.
"My phone," I mumbled.
"Over there on the charger," Blake gestured to the desk in the corner as I pushed him off me, walking towards the phone.
I recognized the number instantly, and that alone was good enough reason not to want to answer it.
"Are you going to answer that?" Blake asked with a question mark hanging over his face.
"No."
"Who is it?" He frowned, walking over to me and taking the phone out of my hand.
"Dad," I said as the phone went silent in his hand, just to start singing again as the same number tried to call again, and again, and again.
It took eighteen missed calls before he finally gave up.
"He's probably just worried about you," Blake said. "I know I would have been. You disappeared after school yesterday and you haven't been back home since."
"I'm not going back." I had no idea when I made the decision that I wasn't going back, but I just did I was perfectly fine with the idea of asking Blake to live under his bed. There was no way I was going back home as long as he was still there. If it was just mom it would have been fine, but I was not facing him again. Never again. I never wanted to see his face or hear his name ever again for as long as I lived.
"Then what?" Blake asked. It looked as if the confusion on his face became more and more.
"I can live under your bed?" I had no idea if I was serious or if I was joking. I just knew that I wasn't going home.
"You can stay here for the weekend," Blake said and for the first time I smiled. Really, truly smiled. "But..." And the smile faded right there and then.
"But?" I asked.
"But, you have to call your parents and let them know you're okay."
"No." I had no intention of calling my father. He could go to hell for all I cared. I wasn't taking any worry away from him.
"Then you can't sleep here tonight," Blake said, walking back over towards the bed and leaning back, daring me with his eyes to fight back.
I shrugged. If I gave in now, I would probably give in for the rest of my life. Every time we had a fight or disagreed he would give me an ultimatum and I would give in and do exactly what he wants me to do. On the other hand it's not like I really have a choice in the matter. There was no way I could go home as long as my dad was there. Not after disappearing for the last twenty-four hours. And my mom would let him stay as long as she needed for me to stop acting out. That leaves me with the only thing to do.
I sighed as I searched for the contact and pressed the call button, which hardly rang before my mother picked up.
"Elijah! Where the hell are you!?" I had to hold the phone away from my ear otherwise my eardrum might have burst with her shrieking on the other side.
"At a friend's," I mumbled.
"You better get your fucking ass here right this second! We have been worried sick! Your dad has been driving all around town looking for you since last night! Do you have any idea what you have put us through!?" she continued to scream at the top of her lungs.
I chose to ignore her hysterical screaming.
"I'm sleeping over at my friend's house again tonight," I said.
"You will do no such thing! You better get yourself over here right now young man!"
"Thanks mom, I'll text you later," I answered.
"Do not dare hang up this phone Elijah! If you hang up this phone you can stay right there where you are and not bother to come home. I tell you this..."
I hung up the phone and then without Blake seeing, switched it to silent, making sure that no calls would interrupt me. I know I was in trouble, but maybe after I have been glued just a little bit I could go ahead and deal with them easier.
A/N: I might sound repetitive, but I really feel the need to thank everybody who is reading once again. You might not know it, but in a small way you are making my dreams come true. So remember to vote, leave a comment and share Elijah and Blake with all of your friends. Xxx