Kat
February 25, 2005
*
Same day
*
This is all my fault.
I thought telling Vanessa would help. Why couldn't I just keep my stupid mouth shut?
No, you know what, this is Nate's fault. I thought they stayed up sharing their secrets, so what the heck did he tell her?
Well, I guess if she's is going to be miserable and lonely, I can be too, right?
We don't need to pretend anymore.
It was pretty clear earlier that Ben is only interested in a physical relationship and I just can't do that anymore.
It's too easy to want more with him.
Where is he?
I really need to go comfort Vanessa. She's probably getting liver disease as we speak.
I can't just sit around waiting.
I think I can probably walk, I just wish I wore better shoes... and pants... and a jacket. What was I thinking in February? Oh, right. I wasn't thinking, I jumped in my car and rushed over here.
Just as my hand touches the knob, the door opens forcing out an involuntary queal out as I jump back.
"You okay, Beautiful?" He smirks at me. Jerk. He probably did it on purpose.
"Yep." I do my best to seem irritated, but I probably just look constipated or crazy. That's what Vanessa always tells me, anyway.
"Going somewhere?" His smile widens, knowing he caught me trying to sneak out.
"Uh, yeah, to my heartbroken friend. You know the one your friend just treated like garbage." Seriously, what is wrong with Nate?
"Yeah, sorry about that." His grin fades, as he looks slightly ashamed.
"Whatever." I roll my eyes. His friend just lost the best thing that's ever happened to him.
"And listen, forget what Nate said, he's an idiot." I honestly hadn't even thought about that part, I was more concerned about them breaking up.
"Tell me something I don't know." I scoff.
None of this matters. I need to go make sure she's alright. "So... can we get going?"
"Uh... yeah, sure. Let me just grab my jacket." I grab my phone from the his dresser, kicking myself again for not getting dressed properly.
Ben walks out of his closet wearing his sexy leather jacket and suddenly I have the urge to continue what we started earlier.
Vanessa will be fine, right?
Yeah, she's fine. What's a few more minutes?
Crap. No.
I need to end this messed up relationship and go help my friend.
Priorities suck.
They suck hard.
Really, really hard... Suddenly my mouth is dry and my heart is racing. I lick my lips, hoping my desire isn't obvious.
What was I saying again?
"Darlin'? You get lost in that pretty little head of yours?" He taps his finger on my temple.
I roll my eyes, causing his dimples to emerge. Oh god. I need to get out of here before I jump him and lose all sense of rationality.
Yep, we need to leave.
Now.
"Listen, I think we need to talk." I need him to understand that I'm serious.
"Well, that sounds..." He trails off, biting the inside of his cheek. "...intimidating."
I mentally kick myself. I always make things awkward.
No, I need to be strong. Now isn't the time for flirting with men who could pass for Greek gods.
He motions for me to follow him out of his room. "Come on, we can have your big scary talk in the car."
I follow behind him, but he stops abruptly just before we make it out the door. I crash into him, as he turns around, glancing at my legs before he walks to his closet. Is there something on me?
"Hang on." I hear him just before he disappears.
I look down at the pathetic toothpicks I call legs, but find nothing there. You would think with all the running I do, I would have some curves, but no. I'm built like a prepubescent boy.
He returns holding another leather jacket. "Seriously? You're going to wear two?"
He holds it out towards me. "No, darlin', this ones for you." His eyes scan down my body creating an unwelcome reaction.
Calm down, body. We're staying strong, remember?
"Thank you." I take it from his outstretched hand. "What kind of person owns two leather jackets?"
"Sorry, Beautiful, I only talk about my kids on the third date." I roll my eyes. Just how many does one guy need? Jackets, not kids.
"And what date are we on, exactly?" I ask as I slip on his jacket, enjoying his scent wrapped around me.
"What date do you think we're on?" I love when he's in his playful mood.
"I believe I asked you first." I adjust the collar to free my mess of hair.
"Well, technically tonight should have been the first, but someone ruined it." That's an understatement.
"Yeah, it was pretty crappy of them to end their relationship and ruin our awesome night of bowling." My words dripping with sarcasm. I'm so glad he gets me.
"Seriously, we need better friends." He chuckles. "Want me to check Craigslist?"
"No way, I don't want to get murdered." I laugh with him.
"Oh, come on. I would never let anything happen to you." His words make my heart sing. He would protect me.
Pitter, patter.
Pitter, patter.
"I mean, just look at these guns!" He points at his biceps with a goofy grin on his face. "You're in safe arms."
I roll my eyes, but he keeps going. "Hey, maybe there's a 'couple seeking couple' section."
So much for my knight in shining armor...
"Okay, one..." I hold up a finger. "I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be friends you find."
"Ah, but wouldn't it be an adventure?" His dimples are back, causing my heart to flutter.
Pitter, patter.
Pitter, patter.
"Not the kind if adventure I want to go on." I shouldn't be enjoying tonight this much. I'm such a bad friend.
"You're no fun." He sticks his tongue out at me. "So what's two?"
"And two." I hold up two fingers, shooting a glare at him. "That would be false advertisement, or did you forget we aren't really a couple?" He stops laughing abruptly, so I'm just giggling by myself like a crazy person.
"Right." He walks to the door, holding it open for me. "Come on, let's get going."
Without saying a word, I follow him.
What did I do?
Once we are in the car, a thought hits me. I definitely didn't tell anyone Ben's secret, but someone must have. "Did you ever figure out who did tell Samantha?"
"Don't say her fucking name." He growls, running a hand down his face.
"Okay, sorry." I cross my arms and look out the window. Fine, I will just shut up now.
"It just..." I can see him look over at me through the side mirror, but I don't turn my head. "It doesn't sound right coming from you. You guys are from two different times in my life, you know?"
Maybe he's still not over her.
"Oh-kay." I glance at him, but my gaze returns to anything outside of this horribly awkward car.
"So, what did you want to talk about?" He nudges my arm with his. Yeah, right, like I'm in the mood to talk now.
"Nothing." I continue staring at the scenery flying past my window.
"Oh, come on, Beautiful. I know you better than that." Crap. He's onto me.
"So, where did you go, when you sent me to your room?" I decide to divert the conversation, hoping he takes the bait.
"I called my mom, if you must know." I glance over at the smirk I know he's wearing, just as his eyes meet mine for a second.
He looks back towards the road, so I'm finally able to speak again. "Oh okay. Weird timing."
I keep looking outside, afraid to meet his gaze again. I'm a coward.
"Not really. She's been talking to Samantha." Stealing another glance, I notice he spits out her name, like it leaves a horrible taste is his mouth.
"What!? Why would she do that?" Well, that got my attention, I turn in my seat, facing him completely.
Who's mom hangs out with their child's ex? "Because she's crazy. She's the reason that psycho found me."
"What!? She told her?" Better yet, who's mom spills important secrets to their child's ex?
"Not on purpose, but she shouldn't have even let her into the fucking house." What does that even mean? How did she tell her on accident?
"Why would she do that?" He pulls into the parking lot outside our dorm.
"Oh, my mother loves her. She still can't understand why I won't take her back." He parks the car, turning towards me in his seat.
"What!?" I feel like that's all I say anymore, but this is all too unbelievable. "She knows what happened, right?"
"Oh yeah. She just wants me to be with somebody, she doesn't care if she's a crazy cheating bitch or not." Wow. What a horrible mother.
"Oh. Now I understand why you took our deal so easily." It all makes sense now. I thought his end of the agreement was unfair, but maybe not.
"Yeah, it wasn't just that." He glances nervously at me, flashing me an awkward smile. "Oh, before I forget, Mom invited us to dinner tomorrow."
"Oh... okay." Oh god, I'm not sure I'm ready to meet her.
"Now, what did you want to talk about?" He nudges my arm again. Crap, guess I better just say it.
I give a sheepish smile. "I was actually going to say that maybe we should stop pretending-" He cuts me off before I can finish.
"You want to stop?" His smile now blinding me, as his gaze bounces from my eyes to my lips.
Is he so happy he's going to kiss me?
"Uh, yeah." I figured he would be relieved, but I didn't expect him to be this excited.
I'm not sure why it hurts my heart so much. I try to roll down my window to get some air, forgetting that he turned the car off.
Oh god, I'm suffocating.
"Okay, so how do you want to do this? Make an announcement or just pretend like nothing has changed?"
"Uh... Well, maybe not an announcement, but we need to make it public or our friends will be confused why we just stopped talking."
"Why would we stop talking?" His face showing his confusion.
"Well, most people don't talk after they break up, do they?" I really don't know, but I thought that was how it went.
His face falls, before he looks away, starting intently ahead. "You want to... break up?"
"Well yeah, what did you think I meant?" I can't stop myself from secretly hoping he wanted more.
Yeah, right.
"Nothing." He crosses his bulky arms over his chest, still not looking at me. "It's going to look a little fucking suspicious if it's the same day they broke up, don't you think?" His voice comes out harsh, but he has a point.
Is he irritated that I didn't figure that out myself? "True. We can pretend for another week, so we can plan out the best way to do it."
"Yep." The word pops in his mouth. "Guess you're stuck with me for a little longer."
His voice is angry, but I can't understand why. "And I can go with you to your mom's house tomorrow."
"You know what, don't do me any fucking favors Kat." Woah, what just happened?
"I just-" I try to explain, but he cuts me off.
"You better go check in your friend." He dismisses me from his car.
Without saying a word I get out of the car. If he wants me to leave, fine, but I'm not putting up with this crap for another week. I hold the door open, leaning down to his level.
"You know what, let's just end it now." I tried to stay calm, but now I'm pissed that he's pissed. None of this makes any sense.
"Fine." He starts his car. "Whatever the fuck you want."
"What is your problem?" I slam his car door, not waiting for his answer.
"You." I barely hear him hiss through the car window. "It's you. It's always fucking you."
I stomp inside, slamming every door along the way, unable to contain my anger.
I just want to scream.
And cry.
And talk to my best friend.
But of course, Vanessa isn't here.