(NOT EDITED)
*Perrie's Pov*
Curiosity got the better of me. Maybe it was my run-in with Jade. Maybe it was a need for some empathy. Maybe it was that I couldn't decide if nearly sleeping with Jade had been a mistake or a step in the right direction. But I suspected there was one person in my life who would be able to empathize. Jade's cousin had been a friend to me when I needed it the most, and I'd spent the last few weeks avoiding him. Besides, I was curious to catch up with him. Still in the closet Luke and his secret boyfriend Edward had broken up following the disastrous trip to the country that had also ended my relationship with Jade.
Curiosity had prompted me to open those letters. Curiosity had given Jade a window back into my life. Curiosity was going to kill me.
And that was how I found myself sitting in a quiet corner table waiting for Luke. We'd arranged to meet late in the afternoon in a club on Kensington High Street. No one in the reacording studio had batted an eye when I left for the afternoon. I guessed Eliza was secretly pleased to see me going out, although she'd simply joked that her and Alycia owed me an afternoon since I would be spending the evening watching their adopted son Aden.
Luke swept into the club with an air of authority that matched his birthright. He didn't look snobbish or out of place as he crossed the well-worn plank floor and took a seat in a rickety chair across from mine. This was his country after all and he fit here, like a benevolent lord come to visit his patrons.
"Perrie." A lazy smile spread across Luke's face. "It's good to have the band back together."
I raised an eyebrow.
"The lonely hearts club, of course." He said.
"I take it that one is the loneliest number then?" I'd expected as much, but I couldn't deny that I'd secretly hoped Luke and Edward had worked things out. If they'd been able to...but it was stupid to even entertain the possibility. Being with a royal came with demands and expectations that mere mortals couldn't live up to.
"At least today two can be as sad as one."
I just wish I wasnt lonely.
"If you're going to take a mind trip, can I go along next time?" Luke asked, calling me from my thoughts. "Preferably somewhere sunny."
"England's pretty sunny in August."
"Okay, anywhere but England."
"Actually," he said thoughtfully, "it will probably boost both of our images to be seen together. I can see the headlines now: Princess Jade betrayed by her royal cousin."
I chuckled humorlessly. "The queen would love that one. Two members of the royal family linked to me."
"The queen loves any news piece that insinuates I'm heterosexual."
"When was the last time you spoke to Edward?"
"When was the last time I spoke to him?" Luke said "Or when did I last try?"
"At least you're trying," I murmured.
"Jade hasn't attempted a reconciliation?"
I hesitated, uncertain how to answer. It was impossible to explain Jade's behavior. I hadn't known about the letters until a few days ago. If I'd just read them, I might believe Jade wanted to get back together. But she had only confused me. Jade didn't want me back, she wanted me under her control. "I suppose she has."
"Let me guess." Luke leaned back in his seat and eyed me appraisingly. "She made promises that things would be okay, but you didn't believe her."
"It sounds like you're familiar with this situation."
"I suppose I am. Except that I'm in the opposite position, making all the promises and knowing I don't have a hope in hell of living up to them."
"Then why make them at all?" The question exploded from me, earning a censorious look from my companion.
"Because we want to believe in fairy tales, Perrie," he said in a quiet voice. "That we'll find our one true love and live happily ever after."
"Then allow me to speak for Edward for a moment. We don't expect magic or glass slippers or fairy godmothers. We just want to love you."
"Perrie, Jade and I have lived our whole lives under the scrutiny of the world. Asking someone we love to endure the paparazzi and endless tabloid attacks is the last thing either of us want to do."
I sucked in a breath to steady myself. I already had a fair share of tabloid headlines to my name. What was a few more? "Try again."
"I suppose—" he paused, folding his hands on the table —"we're scared. Scared that we can't protect you. That we'll break you. That you'll see how broken we are."
"You aren't broken," I told him softly.
His answering laugh was hollow. "I live a lie. And Jade currently vacillates between drinking alone at home and drinking in the private room at the club."
This was news to me. I'd seen Jade at the club, of course, but learning that she'd taken to drinking alone came as more of a surprise than it should.
"For what it's worth," Luke continued, "Jade loves you."
"Then why did she push me away?" The words whispered across my lips.
It was impossible that Luke heard them, but he answered anyway. Perhaps he was asking himself the same thing. "Because that proves how much she loves you. Enough to give you up and walk away."
"Like you love Edward?" I asked.
"I don't have the strength that Jade has." Luke rubbed his temples. When he looked up, his smile was brittle at the edges. "I didn't give Edward up. He left me, remember? I'm afraid I'm too selfish. Edward won't even return my calls."
Something about his words recalled the old proverb drilled into our heads as children. "Actions speak louder than words. Find him and show him. Don't give him a chance to run from you."
Luke's head cocked to one side, considering my advice. "Perhaps you're right. Maybe it's time for action."
I gave him an encouraging smile as I tried to avoid the jealousy that churned through me. I was hopeful for Luke and Edward, but I couldn't help but wish that Jade would fight for me. She'd made plenty of promises, written in letters and spoken with honeyed lips, but without action, promises were only wishes.
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"I let Aden have water before bed, but god help you if you give him candy." Eliza piled another sheet of emergency numbers into my waiting hands and I tried not to giggle at the sight of my self-possessed boss acting like a nervous parent, even Alyica was trying not to giggle at her.
"I've got this," I said soothingly. "You've already wasted half an hour making sure that I knew how to call the police, the fire department and the ambulance. I have your mobile number. Get out of here and go out with your wife." It felt good to get away from my rigid schedule and do something for someone else.
"Thank you again Perrie." Alycia smiled at me. "We will be back by ten."
"Take your time," I encouraged them. It wasn't as if I had any plans.
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Aden was full of energy. Even though he was adopted he looked so much like Eliza and Alycia. I played sports with Aden outside and also versed him on Xbox which I failed at.
But it was like Aden had an inexhaustible supply of energy. By the time I plopped down on the sofa, I was pretty sure I was going to fall asleep. It had taken over an hour to calm him down enough to put to bed. Now the flat was silent and for the first time in a long time, I welcomed the peace and quiet.
The shrill ring of my mobile interrupted the moment. I checked the screen, sighed, and slid accept. "Hi mother."
"Perrie, you answered." There was a note of disbelief in her voice. In all fairness, I'd been avoiding her for the past few weeks. I hadn't been able to do so entirely, but I had managed to only see and speak with her during public outings where I was certain she wouldn't ask me about what was happening between Jade and me.
The problem was that I couldn't avoid her forever.
"I had a free minute," I explained, glancing toward the door to Aden's room and lowering my voice. "What's up?"
"You're quiet," she accused. "Where are you?"
There was no doubt she was expecting a juicy answer. "Actually, I'm babysitting."
"Babysitting?" she repeated.
"For my boss. And her wife —"
"Well, I suppose Jade is with you."
It was a trick and I knew it. When I said no, she would launch her interrogation. She'd seen the tabloid headlines for weeks—the ones speculating on the state of our relationship—although she had a different perspective than the average gossip rag reader. She'd met Jade. She'd seen us together.
She knew I loved her.
But Mum and I had never had an open relationship. We didn't discuss things and I didn't confide in her. We'd confronted my illness together in the past, but it hadn't made us any closer. Sometimes I wished it had, because right now I could use some unconditional love.
"She's not, actually." I kept my response simple, hoping to avoid further questions.
"I don't know what's going on with you two, but you have a life outside of her, Perrie." Mum paused, but I didn't speak immediately.
"I know that. Work has been crazy. We have signed quite a few more bands."
"We should get together and do lunch soon."
I couldn't dodge her phone calls and requests much longer and we both knew it. "That would be nice."
"Soon. I have something I need to speak with you about." Her voice caught as she spoke and a shiver ran up my spine.
"Is everything okay?"
"Everything is fine."
But I knew my mother well enough to know that fine was code for trouble. It was likely that trouble had something to do with my father's late nights and her fragile emotional state. She didn't understand why he insisted on chasing new projects, but I did. Keeping a woman like My mother happy was no small feat. She oozed anxiety on the best of days.
"Perrie," she continued, "you would tell me if something was wrong? If you were slipping up?"
My throat hitched and I swallowed. "Of course."
"Because I saw on Twitter that—"
"Don't believe what you see on the internet," I cut her off. I'd tried to avoid the stories they posted about me, but I was only human. No matter how many times they speculated about my weight or my nonexistent relationship or Jade's late night activities, I couldn't stop myself from looking at their so-called reports. But I knew they weren't true.
"Perrie," she began in her shrill, I-am-your-mother voice, but a beep interrupted her.
"I have another call. I need to take it. It could be my boss."
"Of course. I'll speak with you this week." Her voice was flat with annoyance, but I said a quick goodbye and answered the waiting call.
"Saved by the Jesy," I quipped as I answered my best friend's call. Once again I found myself grateful for Jesy's almost preternatural timing. It was as if she could sense when she needed to save me from my mother.
"Is the boy in bed?" Jesy asked.
"Yes, why?."
"Good," she said quietly. Something was up by the sound of her voice. "You should turn on the T.V."
My stomach bottomed out and I couldn't bring myself to respond as I fumbled for the remote and flipped on the telly.
"You're sitting down, right?" she pressed.
Frustration and fear got the better of me. "For fuck's sake, Jesy, what's going on?"
"Jade gave a rather interesting interview at the Global Aid fundraiser tonight."
Had she done so with a certain gorgeous, but bitchy girl on her arm? Is that what she wanted me to see? Proof that she was the good-for-nothing she believed Jade to be. This time my stomach turned over and I fought the urge to run for the loo. It was bound to happen sooner or later, but I'd stupidly let myself believe that the other night at Club had meant something to her.
"She couldn't wait around forever," I mumbled into my mobile.
There was a pause on the other end that lasted so long that I checked the screen to make sure we hadn't been cut off. "Just watch. They teased the clip a few minutes ago and they should be playing the whole bit here in a minute."
"You aren't making me feel any better."
"This might," she said. "Oh! It's on."
I found the right channel just as Jade's beautiful face flashed on screen. "Found it."
We lapsed into silence as the Entertainment Today host introduced the story with speculation on Jade's lack of a date. Relief flashed through me, but it didn't last for long. I twisted a loose lock of hair around my finger and tried to stay calm as they aired the interview. She looked amazing in a classic black tuxedo that was precisely tailored to show off her body. I wasn't sure if it was the same one she'd worn to the gala we attended together, but regardless my body responded to the sight as if it remembered the things she had done to me while wearing it.
A buxom redhead reporter sauntered close to Jade with mic in hand. I hated her simply for being near her. "Jade where's your date this evening?"
Jade simply flashed her a dazzling smile.
"Perrie is at home tonight," Jade responded fluidly. Nothing in her face betrayed the truth—that she had no clue where I was this evening and that she hadn't for quite some time.
"She's been spotted coming and going to her flat lately, but not with you. You two haven't been seeing much of each other these days."
"My girlfriend has a career," Jade reminded her and my heart leapt involuntarily. "She's tired and I told her I would see her at home tonight. As I'm sure you know, we recently moved in together."
My mouth fell open, mirroring the reporter's. She didn't know that. No one knew that. Because it was a lie.
The woman recovered and gave a half-hearted look of sympathy. "We hope she's feeling better soon."
"I'll tell her that," Jade said smoothly, "when I speak with her tonight." Jade's eyes pierced through the camera. How could she know I was watching?
"So..." Jesy trailed off as the show went to commercial.
I clicked off the television and tried to find the words. There were plenty of them rushing through my mind at the moment. I cursed and fell back on the sofa with an exasperated sigh.
"You have to talk to her."
"Do you think?" I snapped, closing my eyes and trying to center myself. She was right, and I was being bitchy. "I know."
"I won't wait up," Jesy said. "But try to call me sometime this weekend."
"I'm not going to just disappear," I promised her. "It's over between us."
"Why?" she asked. It was such a simple question, but it shredded me. Probably because I'd been asking myself the same thing.
"Because it has to be," I whispered.
She didn't say anything. We both knew I was lying to myself, but the wonderful thing about best friends is that they know when to push and they know when to shut up. "Call me."
"No promises," I warned her before ending the call. Talking to Jade meant walking into the lion's den. Who knew what would happen once I was inside?
I sat in silence. Twenty minutes ago I'd wanted peace and quiet. Now I could almost swear I heard each second tick by, counting down to the inevitable.
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Hey guys!
Sorry that I haven't been updating I am just so extremely stressed out at the moment due to my exams for my high school certificate starting in two days.
Anyway I hope you guys like this update and hopefully the next update won't be to far away I will try my best :)
See you next update