James peeled open his eyes. His head throbbed, his body ached. His mouth was sticky, his throat dry. He turned his head, looking for water. A large jug glistening with condensation sat on the locker by his bed. A jewelled water droplet ran down its curved body, joining the water ring forming at its base.
James sat up. The bed was old. Its springs groaned beneath his weight as he reached forward to pour a cool glace of water from the jug.
"Good morning, James," a voice exhaled as the iced water began to slosh into the glass.
James jerked his hand in surprise, spilling water over the old side table and cursing beneath his breath. He had thought he was alone, but thirst had distracted him. He thumped the jug back onto the locker and met the gaze of a blonde haired boy with electric blue eyes, a turned-up nose and an unreadable expression. He was sitting in an old armchair, his legs crossed and a tattered book discarded on the frayed arm of the chair.
James stared at him for a long moment, too surprised to find the courage to speak. He wondered how long he had been waiting there, waiting for him to wake up.
"Do you know me?" the boy asked finally, his electric blue eyes darting this way and that, taking in every flicker of emotion that passed across James' face.
"No," James muttered, glancing away under the boy's scrutiny.
If the boy was concerned or surprised by this answer, he didn't show it. His expression was unforthcoming. It was careful and measured, betraying none of the boy's thoughts.
"What do you remember about your alterations?" he asked in a soft voice.
"My what?"
"Your powers – how you moved the stones and the ground when you arrived here," the boy continued.
"I – I don't know how I did that... I mean I've never done anything like that before," he whispered. He could feel the heat in his cheeks.
"Really?" the boy nodded, noting what he said in a polite way as if he was not really interested.
"Listen, I don't know what you think you're at here but..."
The boy held up his hand and cut James off mid-sentence. There was a calm, efficiency about him that James couldn't help but admire.
"James, we are here to help you. It was our aim to rescue you from where they were keeping you, but by the time we had arrived they had abandoned you either to death or for us to find you. I suspect the latter given hindsight. They wanted us to see what they had done to you".
"And what did they do to me?" James breathed.
"Surely you can figure that out?" the boy asked, lifting an eyebrow, his expression remaining humourless.
James clenched and unclenched his jaw, before turning and finishing to pour his glass of water. He didn't know what the boy wanted. He knew well enough what they had done to him. He could still see it clearly in his mind. He didn't need to leave his thoughts to wander far to relive what they had done to him. He doubted that would ever go away.
"How did you end up imprisoned?" the boy asked when James' silence had stretched on.
"I... I don't know, I just was imprisoned. I don't remember how I got there. I don't remember..." he trailed off. He didn't remember anything before the prison. His life was the prison and nothing more.
"And do you remember any faces from your time in prison?"
James exhaled. "Some... maybe, but they're not strong. My memories of the prison aren't always clear. I just remember time didn't exist and pain did. Everything was pain – careful and considered, it cut through the drugs they gave us," he breathed.
"Do you remember them giving you drugs?" the boy asked.
"Not really. I mean I remember syringes vaguely. Maybe once or twice. But there had to be more. I mean what else could it have been?"
The boy smiled, a cold, pitying smile as if there was another, more obvious answer that James was failing to consider. "Did you have your powers in there?"
"I don't... I told you, whatever I did, I did for the first time out there," he breathed, pointing to the door.
The boy nodded, pressing his lips together and exhaling heavily through his nose. He tapped the sides of the chair, his foot bouncing, his expression glazed over.
"What about the other prisoners? Do you remember them?"
"Maybe... I mean I know they were there, but they didn't have names and how many I can't be sure. I remember Ali clearly, but that's only because she was in the car when I came here... Is she okay?"
"She's fine. She's resting. It's hard for her to take in too," he sighed.
"To take what in?" James asked, knowing there was something they were not telling him.
The boy watched for a long moment and for the first time he looked sad, heartbroken almost. The pain tried to crack through his perfect mask, his cool gaze, his easy appearance.
"My name is Ethan Jansen. Like you I have special powers – alterations, and because of these alterations we are in danger. We rescued you to keep you safe with us".
"They are hunting you too?" he asked.
"Maybe, maybe not. But we need to hide for now. Regroup".
"Can I see Ali?" he asked.
"In time. She's resting now," Ethan replied. "Is there anything you want to ask? Any questions?"
James watched him for a long time, too many questions racing through his mind.
"Where are we now?"
"We are staying at a campsite. It only opens from the summer on, so we have time here. It has enough beds for everybody and a large store of provisions, plus it's more out of the way than where we were before".
"Why am I here? Why did you... I don't understand?"
"How far back does your memory go? Do you remember anything, anything at all from before the prison? I really need you to try."
James didn't know what to say. He just stared at this boy Ethan, as he tucked his long hair behind his ear and waited for him to answer.
James exhaled, and tried to recall what he could, but he kept being pulled back to the darkness of the prison, the pain, the laughing, the taunting. He would catch glimpses of the others at times, snatches of their pain, of their panic and fear, but that was it. His whole memory was of the prison. Nothing else existed. Not even his own face or his full name.
"Nothing. It's the prison and that's it. Darkness, coldness and pain. Nothing more," he shrugged, trying to feel indifferent about not knowing who he was. He didn't want this stranger to see the panic rising in his chest, the fear of not knowing choking him.
Ethan sniffed, a sad smile on his lips as he stood up, gathering his book.
"We'll do our best to help you remember," he whispered, and once again James could hear the ache in his voice.
"You know things about my past?" he breathed.
Ethan paused at the door and smiled again. "Charlotte will probably come to see you in a bit. I don't think I can keep her away much longer. Be kind to her. You don't know how hard this is..."
James watched as the door clicked shut behind the blonde boy. There was no turn of the lock or sliding of a deadbolt. If he wished he could get up and walk out the door, further even, but he didn't want to leave.
Strangely, he felt safe in his little hideaway. His room was plain but clean. The floor was simple, untreated wood and the walls were whitewashed. There was only a single bed, a bedside locker, the armchair where Ethan had sat and a chest of drawers by means of furniture, but it was more than he had ever known. Or at least more than he could remember.
The light filling the room was soft, a bluish half-light as the sun crept over the pine trees that filled the horizon. Looking out the window, James could make out a huge lawn that stretched down towards a lake. Cabins flanked the deep green grass, slightly distorted by an early morning mist that floated up from the lake. Others like Ethan moved in and out of cabins. They seemed contented, laughing and joking with one another. Some seemed to be racing across the lawn, some moving faster than could be believed. Others were swimming, despite the early morning and the certain chill James knew would hang in the air at this time of year.
He sat back on the bed. He knew certain things, but they were based on instinct. He knew how things worked, what things were, how to do certain tasks. It was the same with his alteration, as Ethan had called it. He knew how to make it work, what it could do. He was strong, of that he was certain. He still clearly saw the car been dragged towards that girl as she fought to get free of the ground. He had done that. Only she seemed to be strong too. She had pushed in on his mind somehow, diminished his strength, made him weak again.
He turned back to the glass of water, topping it up and gulping the liquid down until it caused his throat to ache.
His mind wandered to Ali, the one person he was certain was his ally. He had to trust in Ethan's words that she was safe. She looked so fragile and delicate in the car. He wondered if she was like him too. Did she have alterations that could affect the world so readily?
There was a knock on the door and he edged to the side of the bed before it opened. He glanced up and met the bright blue eyes of the girl who had defeated him when he had first arrived.
"Hi," she whispered, moving in. "How are you feeling?"
James tensed as she took a few quick steps towards him. She stilled, a blush climbing up her cheeks.
"I'll just sit over... here," she breathed, pointing to the chair and edging towards it almost reluctantly.
His memory of her from his arrival at the campsite was still clear. She was powerful. She had been stronger than him in that instant. She hadn't shown this much emotion when she had beaten him, but now she seemed unassuming, shy even.
"You're Charlotte, right?" he frowned. "Ethan said..."
She nodded brusquely, glancing at the floor. "That's me... Charlotte Owens". She flashed him a bright smile, though she looked like she was about to burst into tears.
James shuffled, gazing at his hands for a moment.
"Ethan said you wanted to see me..." he coughed, clearing his throat and glancing at her from under his eyelashes.
"I... well yes," she said, sitting up a little straighter, perhaps trying to compose herself. "I just wanted to see that you were okay and..."
She trailed off, watching him as if he had done something terrible to her.
"And?" he prompted.
"And to see if it was true that you didn't remember anything from before the imprisonment?" she sighed. "I mean, but of course you don't. That was clear from the beginning. It was obvious... I mean..." She frowned, lost for words again.
"Am I forgetting something important?" he asked.
She stared at him, a pained look flashing across her face, almost as if he had stabbed her. "No. Nothing... I was just hoping you could tell us about when you were kidnapped". Her words were cool and breezy as she fixed a transparent smile on her face. To anybody else she may have seemed cheerful and happy, but he could see through to where fissures were appearing.
"Sorry, I don't remember," he breathed.
"That's okay. We'll figure it out ourselves," she smiled tightly.
"I'm sorry I attacked you and your friends," he offered, wondering if she was afraid of him after what he had done.
"That's okay, we're used to that sort of thing. We've dealt with it before... well not me really, but the others. You never used..." she trailed off. It was as if she didn't have the energy or the commitment to finish her sentences.
"I never used what?" he breathed.
"Sorry," she smiled. "I spoke incorrectly. I meant in general... an alteration like yours..." She stared at him, with a pained smile plastered across her face, her breathing shallow as if she was panicking.
"Are you sure you're okay?" James asked, not really knowing what else to say.
"Perfect, absolutely perfect," she said her false smile intensifying. "I'm just glad you're safe, that's all that really matters, the rest is irrelevant". And for the briefest moment he caught a glimpse of a real smile, a sad but real smile.
"Can I ask about the others that were with me? I don't remember them, but I know they were there. I see their faces..." he scrunched up his face and tried to remember them clearly, but he wasn't even sure how many there had been. "I know Ali is here, but..."
"The others are here too," she breathed. "Ali, Kiya and Daiki are recovering in their own rooms. They are shaken and like you not one of them can remember anything that came before the prison. Their memories have been wiped. Freya is a little more shaken up. It has been hard to try and calm her down, but she has gone through this sort of thing before and it might be why she was less resilient to it".
"So you consider me to be resilient?"
"Of course," she smiled, a real smile. A dimple appeared in her left cheek, her eyes sparkling for that one moment. "You were trained to be. It's as much a part of your DNA as your alteration is".
James watched her. Something told him it wasn't the first time their paths had crossed. It wasn't a memory, more careful observation. Unlike Ethan, Charlotte wasn't careful in what she said. She was revealing a knowledge of what he may have been before, but like Ethan she was not willing to share it with him yet.
For the most part she seemed kind, even if she wasn't being honest with him. She didn't seem to be much of a threat, but she had been the one to stop him from fleeing. She had been the only one who had been able to override his own powers. He wasn't sure of what to think of her. Whether she would cry or laugh seemed like a thin degree of separation. And then at times when she did smile, it felt disingenuous. It was a show for him, as if she was placating him, playing some little game.
"Did you know me before this?" he breathed, the words coming unbidden from his mouth. He was certain that she would be easier to break than the boy.
She met him with her mixture of sadness and happiness and shrugged. It was a hollow exchange, perhaps meant to appease him, or to avoid giving an answer. Or maybe she just didn't care.
"I should go and see if I am needed elsewhere". She stood and turned as if to say something, but just smiled her false smile again. "I'll talk to you later".
And as she left he could hear both the pain and the sincerity in her voice.
Thanks so much for reading Feared! I hoped you enjoyed this chapter and are exciting to see what happens next! Please vote and leave a comment if you can! I love hearing what you guys have to say! Thanks x