[RECAP: Sera's family finally knows about her relationship. But she still feels like there's something Mr Marek isn't telling her...]
They'd had a few more dates but Tarq was still evasive and non-committal about next year. Sera had hoped to talk with him about Saint Martins as both he and Lionel had graduated from there but he always ended up changing the subject.
She had thought he would have been proud of her winning a place there. He had always seemed so supportive of her art. But it increasingly felt like a taboo subject.
So she stopped mentioning it. She tried to talk about other subjects but conversation often felt brittle. There was this huge, great, unspoken thing between them and they both knew it. But only Tarq knew why.
Sera avoided asking him to dinner with her parents as she was sure they would pick up on the tensions. Her father might even become more convinced that he was right about Tarq using her.
Was he using her? Did he only want her body, on a temporary basis?
But between the sheets it was a different world. He was passionate, commanding, demanding: sometimes so much so that it almost scared her. He pushed her to her limits but it always took her to a higher, better place.
Above all Sera felt cherished in bed. The things Tarq murmured to her sounded genuine. It wasn't as though he had to say those things to get her into bed.
And the way he held her afterwards. The way he always insisted on her staying the full night with him. Her parents had probably guessed by now that Sera wasn't really staying at Lois's house but they didn't say anything.
Then there was the pressure of having to remain super discreet at school. It was all starting to become a bit much.
Sera wasn't sure how much longer she could cope with the intense joys and crashing fears. No one can ride a rollercoaster forever.
* * *
Finally Sera confided in Lois. Or tried to. Lois was still seeing Lionel from time to time but it was very different from Sera's relationship with Tarq. For one thing Lois seemed less invested in it. She had fallen hook, line and sinker for Lionel in terms of the bedroom but remained aware that he wasn't very reliable long term.
Sera envied Lois her sangfroid. She wished she could manage the same calm and collectedness.
"Tarq's been a bit strange recently," she began.
They were at Lois's house, an increasingly rare Saturday afternoon when the two of them were planning a night out as Tarq had been away for several days.
Lois drew a line of Chanel Rouge Noir polish down her nail. "I can't believe the hype over this stuff," she said, reviewing it. "My sister managed to get me this bottle through her work contacts but it's apparently like gold dust."
Sera peered at it. "It is very dark. Kind of gothic."
"It's supposed to look like dried blood. I think I'll put some glitter over the top of it."
This was probably sacrilege but as Lois got loads of designer cosmetic samples through her sister she was never very reverential about them.
Sera tried again. "I don't know what's up with Tarq. He seems distant, sometimes."
Lois blew up on the now glittery nail. "He's probably just stressed about Paris and everything. Sorting out his affairs."
"Paris?"
"You know, the job he's taken in Paris. He'll be busy with the preparations I should think."
A cold dread was creeping around Sera's heart. What Paris job? "He'll be in London next year."
Lois looked at her, frowning. "He's going to Paris, not London. He was offered some hugely prestigious artist-in-residence thing there. Didn't he tell you?" She saw from Sera's face that this was completely news to her. "God, Sera, I hope I haven't put my foot in it. Lionel mentioned it ages ago. I just assumed everyone knew."
Everyone did know, except Sera. "He hasn't told me." Her voice felt tight and miserable.
Lois looked guilty and uncomfortable. "There must be a reason. Maybe he's trying to figure out how often he could get back to see you. Or - " her face brightened " - maybe he was scared to tell you in case you didn't want a long distance relationship?"
Sera feared the opposite was a more likely scenario. Tarq wouldn't want to pursue a relationship in another country. She was quite confident she'd still want to date him if he went to live on Mars.
"I feel such an idiot. I don't know what to say," Lois was saying. "I just assumed that it was open knowledge."
Sera sat there, numb with misery.
"You'll have to ask him about it," Lois said.
There was no way Sera could do that. She was going to have to grit her teeth, keep up the pretence of not knowing, and steel herself for the inevitable "adieu" when Tarq had the good-while-it-lasted conversation.
If only she hadn't told her parents. They were going to think she was a fool and she could have saved them a world of stress.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Any guesses as to what's going to happen with Tarq? Will he be persuaded to stay in the UK to be with Sera?!