5/11/15
CALE AND I WALK out the front door, his truck immediately catching my attention.
I hate the way my body tingles and warms at the sight of it, memories crashing down on me. "I can drive," he offers as he starts towards his car.
"No," I shoot out right away. Like hell I will ever step foot back in that stupid truck. I can't face those memories right now. Or maybe ever.
He pauses and flips to meet me. "It's no problem come on Gray, I can drive," he pushes.
I shake my head with my eyes narrowed in on his stupid truck. I lick my lips, "Fine then we can drive separately. But I am driving my car Cale." I open my car door about to get in when I add, "And how many times do I need to tell you to not call me Gray?" I slam the door behind me as I start the car.
I roll the windows down and turn the radio to a country station. There aren't many radio stations here. Pop, country, christen, and some oldies. The occasional alternative song will slip on that's three years old, but the hosts will claim is new. I sigh annoyed at this whole situation. I don't know how to be around him let alone go shopping with him for the day. It actually pains me to be around him, and it pains me even more to see him with my sister. They both look so happy. When was the last time I was happy?
I look at the rearview mirror to see him still standing there before he grumbles something and regretfully walks to my car. He slides into the passengers seat without a word. I pull out of the driveway and onto the street. The wind blowing through the windows and brushing my skin ever so lightly, I love this feeling.
I stop at a stoplight when I look over at Cale. He's staring straight ahead, but I know he can feel my stare. It hurts. Looking at him hurts. He's still so beautiful, and I know I shouldn't refer to men as beautiful, but he just is. He's rugged and sexy and beautiful. I can't deny it, and he's so aged well over the years. Cale isn't just a stupid teen anymore. He's twenty-three now. His hair is still its crazy mess that I have always loved. But his eyes are wiser, his body bigger, his jawline littered with scruff that makes my stomach dip. He's older, so much older, and yet at the same time he is still the same Cale from all those summers ago.
"I will never get in your truck ever again," I say. The light turns green and I pull forward and turn left through the intersection.
He doesn't answer for a while. Which I don't mind, I honestly don't need an answer. He just has to know, he has to know that I will never get in that truck and not think about the kisses, the touches, and the nights where he held me. The thoughts would consume me, and it hurt that those memories will always haunt me.
I hear him take a breath before saying, "Are you ever going to get over that summer?" His voice is a little hard.
I flinch at the edge in his voice, tears rising to the back of my eyes. Shit, I hate getting emotional, and especially over someone like him. "It's hard to get over something that completely broke you," I state simply. And it's the truth. It may have been four years, but he the hurt he inflicted will always be with me. The first cut is the deepest they say.
The sounds of a Carrie Underwood song fill the air between us. I itch to flip the station, but that will just make me look weak. Her voice speaks about how she will move on like he has when the deserts flood and the grass turns blue. How she will always love him.
I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.
I repeat this in my head until the song ends. I will finally have closure this summer and I will move on. I'll find love, and leave Cale in the past. Because that is exactly what he is...the past. He was never my future.
"I'm sorry," he murmurs quietly. I almost don't hear him between the wind and the radio.
Anger floods my skin. "I don't want your apologies Cale. Haven't you realized yet that they mean nothing?" My words are harsh, but they're the truth. No "I'm sorry" can ever fix what happened that summer.
I flip my blinker on and turn right.
"Can we please try and move past this and be friends?" He sounds unsure of his words. Like he's even hesitant of his proposition. Can we even be friends?
I say nothing.
"Please?" he pleads.
I continue to ignore him. Us, friends? Maybe when pigs fly.
Then he says the magic words, "For Bailey?"
He knows he has me. Because after everything is said and done I love my sister more than anything and would do anything for her.
Including befriending the one person who broke me and still has the power to do just the same.
I turn into the parking lot of the outdoor mall where the bridal shop resides. I turn my car off and look to my right. "I can try," I say before I slip out of the car.
He quickly scrambles out of the car and his hazel eyes hold mine as his lips turn up in a small smile. I refuse to acknowledge the fact that my pulse races at the sight of his smile. "That is all I am asking for."
"Come on. One date? One dance? One kiss?" he pushes with a huge grin on his face, his eyes brows wiggling suggestively at the last offer. I hate how pretty his face is.
I roll my eyes as I turn away from the keg and start walking down the beach. I'm never rude to people, but I have a few drinks in me and I know his reputation. My parents will kill me if I get involved with a Hasting boy. But he quickly follows suit. He obviously isn't going to let this go.
I halt my steps and turn to look at him. "Why me?" I ask seriously. "Why not Ashley or Maddy?" They are his age or close and way more his type.
I know of the Hasting boys. All attractive, and have humped well over half the population of girls and women in this town. I'm not looking for a summer fling. They always end in hurt. I have never been hurt and I definitely don't want my first heartbreak to happen with a Hasting boy.
He reaches out and twirls a piece of my blonde hair before letting it drop. His hazel eyes holding mine and the look in them is so intense I can barely breathe.
"Please?" he pleads. "I never beg," he pauses as the fat grin grows on his perfect face, "you must be really special."
I chew on the inside of my cheek before conceding. "One date," I agree. I honestly don't know what makes me say yes. His smile, the way my heart races at his nearness, or the fact that he is a Hasting boy.
He bites his lip like he's trying to hold back his excitement, which makes me giggle. I have never had a boy this eager to take me on a date. I feel giddy all over.
His hand brushes mine. "That is all I am asking for."
And I know from that moment. I know there will be more dates. I know I will fall for him.
I know he will have the power to break me if he wants to.
But I also don't think he will.
How wrong was I.
We both walk into a store named I Do. It's a small boutique, but widely known for their gorgeous wedding, prom, and bridesmaids dresses. I walk straight up to the main desk as Cale follows.
A middle-aged woman with black hair smiles at me. She has a few wrinkles but other than that is extremely beautiful. She's one of those women who age in a way everyone is envious of. "How can I help you dear?" She has a slight twang to her voice. I wonder where in the south she's from.
"Just here to try on some dresses—"
She claps as she cut me off. "Oh is this your fiancé? What a beautiful couple. I am a little old school, but I do enjoy how you young women bring in your future hubbies. They should get a little say in the wedding you know!" she babbles as she chuckles to herself.
I shake my head as my cheeks flush. I turn to face Cale who's awkwardly avoiding my gaze. "No I am here to try on bridesmaid dresses. He is my future brother-in-law," I say as I point to Cale.
Her eyes widen. "I am so sorry! I sometimes just rattle on. My apologizes!" she speaks as her hand flies to her chest in regret.
I smile. "It's okay!" I assure her. It was a mistake...an awkwardly painful one, but a mistake nonetheless.
"Name?" she asks as she flips through an appointment book.
"It should be under Kennings, Grayson Kennings," I tell the lady.
Her eyes light up immediately. "Oh, we have you all set up Ms. Kennings!" She waves at us to follow her towards the dressing rooms. "The bride has picked out about ten dresses or so for you to try on. All ranging in colors, but if you want a dress in another ones color, no problem. We can do anything you would like here today!" The lady says this all as she has us follow her to a large dressing room filled with dresses, shoes, and even some under garments.
"By the way my name is Helen and if you all need anything please let me know!" Helen gushes as she goes back up to the front desk.
My hands play with the hem of my top nervously. "So um...just wait out here I guess and which ever one you like or you think my sister would like we can get," I say turning to walk into the dressing room.
"Or which ever one you like," he offers. His words stopping my steps.
I swallow the lump in my throat and turn to face Cale. "This isn't my wedding. Doesn't matter what I like," I state before sliding the curtain close.
I take a deep breath trying to calm my nerves. I am alone with Cale and it is weird. I know nothing will happen, neither of us will ever let that happen. Plus he doesn't even want me anymore. It's just odd after all these years to be alone with him again.
I look at all the dresses. They're all flowy and short, perfect for an end of summer wedding. The colors are all pale pinks and nudes and tans. The dresses are all delicate and very feminine. My sister may be slightly annoying, but she always has had great fashion sense. Even in high school I would steal her clothes because she always had the best of the best.
I slip on the first one, which reaches the tops of my knees. It's strapless with a lot of ruching on the top. It has a deep V in the back, which makes it easy to zip up by myself. The nude almost pink color of the dress brings out the natural blush in my cheeks that I like. It's a tad too tight in the bust area, but other than that it isn't a bad start. The dress pulls my waist in making me look tinier than I actually am.
The thought of my tattoo crosses my mind. But I brought heavy-duty concealer to cover it up just in case. Glad it's coming in handy.
I swipe the curtain open and walk out a few feet for Cale to see the dress. He's looking at his phone when he finally looks up. The look on his face makes my heart pound so hard I think it may actually leave my chest.
His eyes are glued to every part of my body with this wide-eyed dark glare. He looks at me as if he wants to worship me and eat me up all at the same time. The look in his eyes bringing me straight back to four years ago, and I hate how one look from him and I am coming undone. I hate how in this moment I want him all over again. His Adam's apple bobs slightly up and down as his eyes finally lift to meet mine.
Memories of us together begin to assault me.
His tongue licking the inside of my thigh.
"Wow Grayson," his raspy voice rolls over my skin in the most delicious way. He opens his mouth again as he tries to find words.
My nails digging into his back as he enters me for the first time.
I shift uncomfortably under his strong gaze. "Please don't Cale."
The way the vein in his throat sticks out when he groans my name.
He clears his throat, his deep gaze still trapped over my skin making me flush. "Don't what?"
His teeth nipping at my breasts.
I look down still feeling his hot eyes all over me. "Look at me like that."
My teeth pulling at his bottom lip.
He stands up and takes a step closer. "How am I looking at you?" His voice is deep and thick as it hits me. I hate how he's getting to me.
His mouth moaning naughty words into my ear.
I lick my lips to look up and see him only a few feet away from me. "Like you want to do things to me." Dirty things to me, I want to add.
The moment between seems to last forever until it's broken by the clapping of dear old Helen. We both take a single step back from each other, back from the moment and back into real life.
"You look amazing Ms. Kennings! Wow you are just one beautiful young lady," she smiles at me as tears litter her eyes. She sets two water bottles down on the table next to where Cale had been sitting. "I brought you two waters." Cale thanks her as he grabs the water and takes a big gulp.
"Thanks Helen," I smile.
She shakes her head as a small smile lifts her thin lips. "How come you aren't marrying this one mister?" she says playfully as she jabs Cale in the arm. "She is as pretty as an angel." I blush at her words.
I have never been one for compliments.
Cale catches my eyes as he says, "She is beautiful."
I hate that my heart beats faster for the man who stole so many pieces of it. The man who is now giving his heart and last name to my sister.
I am supposed to be the strong one. I've been home for two days and I've never felt so weak. He makes me weak.
I refuse to be weak anymore.
* * * * *
I pull into the driveway of the beach house and neither Cale nor I make any movement to leave the car. Silence falls over both of us.
We ended up picking out a dress for the wedding and Helen took my measurements for the dress to be adjusted. Cale was adamant on the first dress after I tried on ten more after. I wanted to disagree and pick a different one. But the way he looked at me in that dress had me sold.
I sigh. "These moments that keep happening...they can't Cale. You can't look at me like that anymore." And it's the truth. If I ever want to move on from Cale Hasting every time we are alone he can't look at me like he wants to eat me.
"I know," he agrees. His eyes are locked straight ahead.
He's biting at his lip and twirling his thumbs. "I know we have a past, but it is just that. The past," I tell him. Saying those words aloud hurt more then they should. Cale is the past...even though I once thought he was my future.
He turns his head to the left, his eyes holding mine. "The past is the past. And I am marrying your sister so..." he trails, and I close my eyes for the briefest second at his words. I would've never guessed him saying he was marrying Bailey would hurt so badly.
I nod. "So we both understand."
He nods in return. But the burning question that has been with me since I saw my sister and him is burning to bright to bear anymore. I have to ask. But do I want to know the answer? I know the answer could dig me deeper in my pit of Cale-loathing. I have to know though.
Cale reaches for the passenger's side door when my words stop him. "Did you know?" Is all I ask hoping he can guess what I'm getting at.
He shifts in his seat uncomfortably and then looks down. "No," he says the one word so quietly I almost miss it.
A small pain lifts from my chest at his answer. "So you didn't..." I can't even finish the sentence.
His eyes suddenly shift to mine and hold them intensely. "I didn't know she was your sister until a few weeks in. I would have never intentionally—"
I cut him off. "Doesn't matter anyways," I mumble as I start to get out of the car.
But Cale's hand jumps out and stops me by grabbing my upper arm. Not hard, but a solid enough grip to catch my attention and make me face him. Make me face his words.
"It does matter Grayson," his words coming out slow and deliberate as if he's trying to get me to read into them.
Tears sting the back of my eyes and I clench my jaw. I will read nothing into his words. Cale and I are no more. So what does any of this matter? I shouldn't have even asked, it was stupid to.
I break away from his grip and gaze stepping out of the car and slamming the car door shut, but not before saying, "No it doesn't."
I walk into the house.
Cale doesn't follow me.