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The rest of the school day went by terribly.
I ate lunch on the roof, which has become my new usual. I loved sitting up there. The air felt fresher, and I was alone. It gave me a quiet place to be alone and think. Today I packed my own lunch which contained a tuna sandwich and some blueberries. Not much, but enough to keep my hunger at bay. I stare out at the clear skies, thinking of Claire. As much as she hurt me by completely cutting me off, I still care for her nonetheless and prayed she was doing okay. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if no one associated with her because of me. What if she's completely alone? It'd be all my fault. That'd explain why she cut me off though.
I decided to do some research and pulled out my phone. I logged into my Instagram and searched up Claire's username. I quickly found her and what I saw shattered my heart. She deleted all the pictures of us. There wasn't a shred of me existing in her life. She recently posted a picture of her with some girls I vaguely recognized at some house party. They were all laughing and looking like they were having a good time. I sadly smiled and clicked out of the app and put my phone back in my bag. At least I knew she was okay.
I threw all my trash away and made my way downstairs back to the hallway. I kept my head high as per usual and started my way to 5th period. As I got closer to my class I noticed a big crowd had formed in the hallway. I shrugged off the tiny bit of curiosity I had and walked right past. I noticed most people avoided looking at me as though I was invisible. I was more than okay with that. I actually preferred that. I quickly entered my class and took a seat in the back.
I zoned out for most of the class time and doodled on my complete worksheet. In a perfect world I'd probably pursue my dead passion for art and music, but unfortunately I don't have time or energy to have an extra curricular. I don't see much of a chance of me having any kind of real future with the direction my life is going. I can't risk my name getting out or have time to settle. My heart ached as thoughts of my mom popped in my head.
She put her life on hold for me. She was on her way to getting her nurse degree when we decided to move. She's a bartender now so it's easy to find a job wherever we go. I was around 12 when we dropped our lives to go on the run.
The bell snapped me out of my trance and I quickly shoved everything in my bookbag. I sling it lazily over my shoulder and walk to the teachers desk and put my paper in the turn in tray, ignoring the teachers friendly smile.
I ignored the pang in my heart as I ignored the friendly gesture and made my way to sixth period.
It's crazy that it's only been a couple weeks and I feel like an entirely new person. A couple weeks ago I was talking more than two sentences a day, I was running the God damn school and I was laughing. To be quiet honest I don't think I've even laughed since I moved to Oregon. I felt another ache in my heart as Claire went through my head again. What did I expect.
I laughed humorlessly at my thoughts.
"What's the joke?" A beautiful girl with platinum dyed hair, that was suspiciously thick. She wore a little too much make up and her eyelashes looked natural, but extremely full and long as if she had extensions. She wore a nude bodysuit and high waisted jeans with an oversized jean jacket.
I stopped in my steps and glared at her. "Don't fucking worry about it." Does anyone know how to mind their own business?
She looked away with a slightly hurt expression which made my stomach flip. "You know I was just trying to be nice since it seems as though no one has befriended you yet." She admitted not making eye contact with me. I can't help, but feel slightly guilty. This is the way things have to be though.
"Who said I wanted friends. Just mind your own damn business." I quipped. I quickly walked away from her not giving her a second glance before I walk into my last period of the day.
I stuck my headphones in as I walked into my first period classroom for detention. I didn't bother to even look at the teacher before I took a seat in the back that was quickly becoming my usual seat.
"Victoria!" I heard a voice yell over my loud music. I hummed in irritation before taking my right ear bud out and looked up to the teacher that was now out of her desk. "Please leave your cellular device in your bag. There will be no need for technology for these next hours. If I see it again or your headphones they will be confiscated, am I clear?" Mrs. Jones warned giving me a stern look. I narrowed my eyes at her and took my headphones out. It seems easier to obey then start conflict.
In my last school no teacher would dare mess with me. I kind of miss that. A teeny tiny part of me hated having people fear me, even sometimes made me feel bad about myself, but it got easier has the years went by. Now starting over in a new school, and gaining the same reputation is going to put me through that guilt all over again. I am human after all, not that I'd let anyone know that my actions actually affected me. It was so much easier to be rude to douchebags like the stupid guy who I punched and the rude front desk lady. I looked out the window looking at the trees that were in transition. In a couple months all the forests and beautiful plants will become dormant and lifeless. I hated winter. I liked the warmth of summer, the life of spring and the beauty of autumn. Winter was wet and dry at the same time. It was cold and lifeless and at the same time had a sort of pureness to it.
The sound of boots clomping on the schools tile got my attention. My head turned to the one and only Drew Mays who strutted through the door frame. I quickly looked away not really caring to look at him longer than I had to. He was damn attractive though. I rested my chin on my hands getting lost in my thoughts once again.
I glanced back over towards Drew who seemed to also be lost in thought. His dark thick eyebrows were furrowed causing a sight wrinkle. He seemed to be concentrated and his jaw ticked occasionally. I wonder if he's mad about something. I noticed his lip was busted open a little. My lips parted in slight awe. He truly was a beautiful man. That when I noticed headphones dangling off his ears.
I scoffed and glared at the teacher. I'm not one to snitch, but that truly pissed me off how she made me put mine away and not his. I stretched my arms out and yawned. I reached into my bag pulling out paper and a pencil. I unconsciously began drawing a big oak tree.
45 minutes had passed as I was almost complete with my drawing of a giant oak tree with a small girl sitting on a big root. I looked up as the teachers chair scraping on the floor caught my attention. She grabbed her coffee mug and left the classroom. I put my pencil down and rubbed my face out of exhaustion. Is it even legal to keep me here for two hours?
I heard Drew clear his throat and I glanced over at him again. This time his headphones were gone and he was looking at me as well. I looked away from him too tired to pick an argument and rubbed my forehead again and put my head down on the desk.
"Tired?" I could actually hear the smirk in his question.
I ignored him and kept my eyes shut.
"Ignoring me huh?" I heard him comment, but this time he was a lot closer. I decided to lift my head and investigate. Only he was seated right next to me with a smirk on his face. He looked me up and down waiting for my reply.
"I don't have energy for this. Just go back to your seat and ignore me like you have been for the past hour." I huffed as I went back to my detailed sketch.
"Wow, you drew that just in this hour?" He asked genuinely interested. I glanced back at him to see his wide curious eyes examining my sketch.
"Ergh, yeah." I replied not in the mood to retort. I felt my heart expand a tad bit with pride. I haven't drawn in so long. I used to sketch all the time when I was a kid. I too began to exam my drawing. It was a young girl around 8 years old sitting on a root of a giant oak tree. Detailed grass surrounded her and a woodened fence was in the back, the sky was dark clouds and snow was falling around her despite the oak still full of leaves.
I looked back up at him only this time he was staring at me with curiosity in his intense gaze. Oh no, that look is never good. He's gonna try to figure me out . Good luck with that Drew Mays. I grabbed my sketch and crumbled it into a ball and got out of my seat before throwing it in the trash. I looked back at him and squinted my eyes into a glare. He raises an eyebrow slightly surprised. Not so easy to figure out now, huh Mr. Mays?
I sat back down in my seat and lied my head on my desk facing away from him and watching the sky through the window. I heard him walk away, I'm assuming back to his own desk. I let out a sigh of relief.
"Where the hell did you come from Tori," I heard him huff under his breath. I pretended as though I didn't hear him and continued to gaze out the window. Why was he so fascinated by me? Why couldn't he catch the hint that I wanted nothing to do with him?
My head perked up when I heard Ms. Jones heels click on the tile as she came back in the room and cleared her throat. "Okay, I actually want to go home now." She announced as she glanced down at the fitbit on her wrist. "Since it's been an hour you can make up for the second hour tomorrow after school." She smiled. It wasn't the sweet type of smile. It was a demonic smile of an evil witch. I glared at her and grabbed my stuff before I zoomed out of the classroom as fast as I could without running.
As soon as I make it out of the schools doors I inhale the fresh Oregon air and a smile spreads over my face when my eyes land on my baby. The parking lot was really empty since it was almost 5 and mostly everyone has gone home. I quickly hop onto my bike, forgetting my helmet in my locker, but I don't really care, I'd rather go home with a higher risk of dying than go back into that school. I miss Bear.
"You're really going to go home without a helmet?"
I rolled my eyes as I looked over to Drew who was walking towards his own bike, but a helmet in his hands. He looked kind of pissed off. His other hand forming a fist and his eyebrows furrowed again.
I shrugged him off and turned my bike on. I heard him huff under his breath and he walked away from me. His walk even looked pissed off. I rolled my eyes again as I backed out of my spot and zoomed extra fast just to piss him off even more.
I was honestly so excited to get home and see Bear, he was left home alone extra long today. I quickly, but safely drive home, getting there in 15 minutes.
I run up the steps to my front door, and pull the great mahogany door open to see my cute little puppy running to me the best he could with his big green cast holding him back. I drop to my knees and let him run in between them, and soon enough I'm getting attacked by his tongue.
"Eww, Bear!" I laughed out and gently pushed him off me laughing. I smiled down on my cute dog. "You're such a little weirdo!" I exclaimed patting his head. He yipped in excitement and started dancing around me. It looked extra weird because of his cast. I shook my head at him laughing him off. I get off my knees and walk towards his food dish and fill it up to the top, and change out his water.
Once he's done lapping at the water, I pick him up and bring him downstairs. I opened the glass screen door to the backyard and let him do his business. As soon as he's finished he prances back up to me wagging his tail. For a puppy with baggage he sure is a happy boy. I pat his head in praise. I exam the room eyeing the piano a little.
I was already feeling a little nostalgic with all the doodling I did today, playing the piano a little won't kill anyone. Besides, it's only Bear and I.
I hesitatingly approach the piano and sit on the dusty bench. I run my fingers lightly over the keys taking a deep breathe. Playing the piano was like riding a bike to me. Once I learned I never forgot. I began playing a song I once taught myself. I begin humming with the tune.
"But I'm tired of justifying," I sing just above a whisper as I get into the chorus of the song. "So I say to you, come home, come home" My voice gets louder as I get more into the music, my fingers working effortlessly on the keys. "Cause I been waiting for you, for so long, for so long." I close my eyes feeling my passion come back to life within me. "And right now there's a war between the vanities, but all I see is you and me, the fight for you is all I've ever known," I open my eyes feeling the tears burning them.
I abruptly stop as I see my mom standing at the foot of the stairs, tears running down her face. I stand from the bench not knowing what to do. I stopped playing the piano at 14. My mom ran up to me and quickly grabbed me into her warm embrace. Swallowing began to be more difficult as a rock formed. The burning came back in my eyes and I blinked back my tears.
"My baby girl is still alive somewhere in there," She chuckled as she released me from her hold. She stared at me with nostalgia. It broke my heart to know my mom had lost hope for me a while back. She knew I did what I had to do to protect her and myself.
I smiled sadly at my mom. "You and I both know that girl died six years ago." Her smiled mirrored mine, as her frown matched her faint stress induced wrinkles.
Putting up a mask every single day in front of everyone was tiring. This was just a short moment of weakness. I reached down to pick Bear up, and left my mom to go upstairs and fix up a snack. Tomorrows a new day, no more messing around.