"I'll take Domino for a walk. You should talk to her," Tyler said as his hand touched my arm gently. I thanked him softly before I went to the kitchen.
"Hey, can I help?" I asked timidly. Fehtra gave me a small smile before she nodded. I started on chopping vegetables as she watched and stirred what was on the stove. I sighed and glance behind me to her briefly. "I'm sorry... for snapping at you like that," I apologized after a moment. She only shrugged.
"It's okay, Dria. I know that you're going through a lot right now and the hormones probably don't help anything," she said jokingly . I offered a ghost of a smile.
"I mean it, though. You've done nothing but help, and I've been trying to push you out the whole time when the truth is: I need your help. I'm sorry, Fethra. I've been a bitch," I said. She turned and faced me fully as she shook her head.
"Mama and Buppie didn't really set you, or us rather, up to trust people easily. I don't blame you," she explained. I gave her a tight hug.
"Thank you, sis... for everything," I said gratefully before I let go of her. "I've just been so confused on everything. I don't even know if I can go to college and raise this baby at the same time. Plus, I have to factor in Zane and his future if he wants to be involved still... I don't know which way is up anymore," I said in a rush, suddenly getting a case of word vomit. Fehtra only chuckled and shook her head before she turned back to the pots and pans on the stove.
"If you think you're stressed now, just wait until the baby comes. On top of all this, you'll be sleep deprived and exhausted from trying to calm a crying baby. You know, Ben and I were actually thinking about adopting... and if you decide to go that route, you know where we are," Fehtra tried to say casually. It was like she placed a bomb in my lap and walked away whistling as the timer counted down.
"You want to adopt my baby?" I asked as I crossed my arms and leaned against the counter. Fehtra blushed as she set the stirring spoon down.
"I'm giving you an option. You're so young, Dria, and you have your entire life ahead of you. You haven't even graduated high school, for Christ's sake. Plus, this way, you can still see your baby whenever you want and still be able to live your life. Ben and I actually tried to get pregnant a while ago... I couldn't. I took the hormone shots, fertility pills, everything. Nothing worked. We decided last year that adoption was the only option we had left," she explained. I shook my head and sighed.
"You must hate me. Here you are, trying to get pregnant and your younger, unmarried sister gets pregnant by accident. I'm have no means to support a child right now. I'm the most self-centered. person in the world. I'm so sorry, Fehtra," I said before covering my face with my hands.
"Dria, it's okay. We didn't tell anyone," Fehtra tried to play it off. I heard barking and knew Tyler was back with Domino. Soon after, Tyler strolled into the kitchen.
"I swear, Domi is only calm when he's around you," Tyler joked as he hung the leash up next to the keys. I chuckled and pet Domino's head as he sat by my feet, wagging his tail.
"You know the rules, Domi. Get out of the kitchen," I said to him sternly. He stood and trotted away with his tongue hanging out of his mouth. I chucked before I turned to Tyler. "Are you staying for dinner?" I asked. Tyler nodded and washed his hands as a boyish smile covered his face.
"Any excuse to eat Fehtra's food. It's a mystery why Ben and Dria aren't the size of houses yet, Tyler said as he took over chopping the vegetables. I rubbed a hand over my stomach out of habit.
"I'll be there soon," I joked. Fehtra laughed but I could see the hint of longing and sadness behind her eyes. Just like that, I felt guilty again. Ben should be home soon, right?" I asked, trying to change the subject. Fehtra nodded.
"Yeah, he had some paperwork to catch up on, but he should be here for dinner," Fehtra answered. I turned on some music before I sat on a bar stool and watched Tyler and Fehtra cook. By the time Ben crawled in, dinner was ready and the house was in good spirits again. We sat at the table together and began eating.
"Do you guys have any plans for the holiday break?" Tyler asked.
"Well, every year, we have this traditional dinner at our parents'-" Fehtra started and stopped when she glanced at me. "Of course, plans can change," she backtracked quickly. I shook my head.
"No, it's okay. The dinner is a tradition, right? I'm sure things have... cooled down since I left," I said. Fehtra gave me a sympathetic smile.
"Only if you're going to be okay with it," she verified. I nodded.
"I don't want to cut off any more family. Maybe they've accepted it by now. Plus, I'm going to college soon and... you might be adopting a baby anyway," I said before I took another bite of my food nervously.
"What?!" Tyler and Ben said simultaneously.
"Fehtra, we talked about this. You asked her didn't you?" Ben said accusingly before he turned to me. "I'm sorry Dria. Don't feel pressured in any way to even answer that. We're going to use an agency like the rest of America," ben said sternly toward Fehtra. She pouted slightly.
"Chandria, when that baby comes, you're not going to want to hand him or her over to anyone. You already love your child and so does Zane and Presley and Aria and Cassie and Tyler and me... You have an army of support behind you. You can do this. You can raise this baby. I won't allow you to let us adopt your baby," Ben explained to me.
"Ben-" Fehtra protested. Ben cut her off with a glare. I averted my eyes to stare at my plate, The rest of the dinner was relatively quiet. After dinner, Ben and Fehtra went to their room and Tyler, Domino, and I went to mine. I picked up a book and sat back against my headboard as I opened the book to my marked page.
"You already know that we're talking about this," Tyler said as he sat on my bed in front of me. I sighed and set my book aside. I knew it was coming and I was dreading it.
"She really wants a baby, I had no idea she was struggling to... conceive before tonight. Fehtra and Ben are happily married with successful jobs. I'm a teenage girl in high scool. Plus, they're family. I could still see my baby," I rambled as I tried to reason with Tyler.
"If you go down that road, that baby will never call you mom," he countered. That shut me up really fast. My heart pounded for a moment, casuing me to wince. Watching my baby call someone else 'mom' was something I wasn't prepared for. I wouldn't be able to stomach it. "Plus, what about Zane?" Tyler added. I rolled my eyes and scoffed.
"What about him?" I asked sarcastically. Tyler only sighed.
"He loves that baby... and you," Tyler said. I shook my head as I rubbed my hand over my stomach.
"No... he's in love with the thought of a complete family. He won't follow through, I know it. He claims to love us but the second things went bad the other day, he flaked. He shut me out. He's not even talking to me right now. With a baby, things will only get harder. I can't trust that he won't leave the second things so wrong, so I can't trust him with our baby," tried to explain. Tyler nodded thoughtfully as he let my words sink in.
"I understand your concerns, but you're thinking about giving up your baby because you think Zane will be a deadbeat?" he questioned. I shook my head with a sigh.
"It's not just that. I want this baby to grow up with both a mother and father. I want him or her to be spoiled with things and I want them to be able to follow whatever dream they have no matter what. Me, as a young single mom? I won't be able to give this baby everything he or she deserves," I explained.
"You'll give that baby love and their biological mother," Tyler countered.
"And Fehtra can give this baby love, plus more," I snapped back. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes briefly. "I don't want to talk about this anymore. Please, Tyler,,," I said softly. Tyler touched my cheek gently.
"Don't sell yourself short, Dria," he sighed. I moved away from his hand and buried myself under the covers.
"I'm tired," I hinted. Tyler sighed and stood before he gave my hand a squeeze.
"Fine, Dria," he gave up. "But I'm picking you up for school tomorrow," he added.
"Tyler, you don't have to-"
"I know I don't have to... I'll see you in the morning, Dria," he said before he left.