Ilhaam kept looking at the massive watch above the entranceway. Shaheen was supposed to drop Imaad back home at 8 and no matter how hard she tried to keep up the pretences, she couldn't do it. She couldn't pretend that she hadn't worn the dress he loved the most by chance nor could she pretend that she didn't spend just a little extra time in front of the mirror that evening as she carefully applied her lipstick and mascara.
It was useless though. He didn't even find her attractive anymore but she tried anyway. She felt so desperate and pathetic but Dammit! She was so madly in love with her husband that she'd give up every last shred of herself to have him look at her as he did before. She hardly even heard the chatter going on around her as they got together for their rare family meals. Whenever their mother assumed they needed to get together for the sake of looking like a normal family, she'd phone and demand her sons' presence and they grudgingly complied- as usual.
Why couldn't she just stop? Why couldn't their mother just stop pretending? Ilhaam couldn't even pretend that she wasn't waiting for a glimpse of her husband yet her mother had pretended as if they were living a life no one else but her saw. She didn't know how she did it. It was draining all of them and every family meal seemed to just suck the life out of all of them. Mikaeel looked as if he was bored out of his mind as he zoned out of the conversation entirely. Hoori seemed to focus just a little too intently on the plate before her and Nooreen and Imtiyaaz were in a world of their own muttering nauseating bullshit in each other's ears. Imtiyaaz annoyed the shit out of her and she never understood how it was that they were siblings in the first place.
"What?" Mikaeel was dragged out of his daydream as his mother addressed him.
"I asked if Is'haaq is back." She repeated.
"I don't know." He replied shortly before he crunched noisily on a carrot off his plate.
"Oh why..." Her question was cut off as the doorbell chimed and Ilhaam was sent into a tizzy as she practically jumped off her chair to answer the door. The lounge fell silent as Saadiya tried to eavesdrop on their conversation.
Ilhaam sounded unusually quiet as she asked Shaheen if Imaad ate his supper and if Zahra and Burhaan were doing okay with their homework and whether or not he had food himself. She asked if he was okay with clearing up and if the school rounds were too taxing on him. She asked if had phoned the plumber to fix the tap in Zahra's bathroom and if he had gotten the heater in Burhaan's room exchanged because the one he had wasn't working too well.
She asked if he was okay and if he had worked out the accounts for their new client. She made sure never to bump into him when they were at work because it was too painful to look at him and to remember that the only way they were even together was because he started out as an intern in their family's company.
And as Imaad stormed into the lounge to hug his grandfather, they heard the door close softly along with Ilhaam's quiet sniffles as she tried to compose herself before walking back into the lounge.
"... And daddy taught me how to finish that level on Cars that I couldn't finish and then he took me and Burhaan and Zahra out for supper. And then we only came back now."
"That sounds like a very fun day." Nazeer ruffled his hair as Imaad sat happily on his lap.
"Uh huh. But when I asked daddy to stay he said no. How come he said no?"
Ilhaam walked in as soon as Imaad asked his grandfather that question, oblivious to the pained look on his mother's face as she overheard him. "Because he has to take Zahra and Burhaan to school tomorrow." She replied, smiling brightly at him.
"Oh. Good thing I don't go to school mummy. They were looking very sad when I got out of the car." He said, climbing into his mother's lap as soon as she sat down.
"And did you have a good time today boy?" She asked, running her hands through his curly brown hair.
"Ya. It was okay. I missed you." He said, snuggling into her warmth.
"I missed you too." She gripped him just a little tighter in her arms, tickling his stomach in the process.
"Hi Uncle Mickey." He waved happily to his uncle across the table.
"Hi Imaad." He answered, pulling out his phone from his pocket when it began to ring. Mikaeel excused himself before walking out the door. They carried on eating, ignoring the younger children's mindless chatter before Mikaeel's loud voice shocked them all into silence once again.
"For fuck sakes, Faarah, I don't know where he is. Leave me the fuck alone."
"He said a bad word!" Imaad yelled, shocked to hear such profanities escape his uncle's mouth. His shock was mirrored by Imtiyaaz's kids as they watched Mikaeel stalk back into the lounge ignoring them all.
"Why must you involve yourself with them Mikaeel?" Saadiya asked as soon as he sat down.
"Mum, I'm not in the mood. Just don't." He sounded almost bitter as he replied to her. He had a shitty week. Is'haaq had disappeared to God knows where since he found Faarah in bed with Ihsaan and she had been hounding him every single day begging to know if he knew where her husband was.
"Excuse me?" She asked, setting her glass back onto the table. "You're not in the mood? When did I raise such a disrespectful son?"
There she fucking went...
"I don't know... must have been sometime in the last 25 years."
"It's those shit friends of yours."
"Will you-" He paused, breathing heavily before he opened his mouth once again. "Ya fine. It's them."
"I just wish you made better choices. Your life would have been so much better if you just chose different things. If you chose a better career and better friends, you wouldn't have been stuck in a little 1-bedroom townhouse worrying about where your drunk, junkie friends are every night."
"Okay..." He said quietly, grinding his jaws against each other so painfully he could feel his teeth begin to hurt.
"I mean God, when are you going to open your eyes Mikaeel. They're just not good enough. You could do so much better."
"Fine." Ilhaam looked at her brother oddly from across the table. How was he not exploding at his mother's words? She was acting like a vapid cat, spiting him and goading him and she knew Mikaeel well enough to know that he wasn't shy to give as good as he got.
"God, this family. What the hell?" Saadiya shook her head. "Mikaeel is a lost cause, but you Ilhaam."
"What?" She looked over Imaad's curls, waiting for her mother's scathing response.
"You know you want to go back. Why are being so proud? It's ridiculous for you to come back here acting all sad and depressed when you can fix it if only you got over this ridiculous arrogance of yours."
"Arrogance?" She intoned. Her mother was lecturing her about arrogance?
"Yes. You don't need to," Her words were interrupted once again as Imaad dropped the spoon he had been playing with causing it to crash noisily to the floor. "You can just get over yourself and go home."
She was seething. Her mother still didn't get it...
She could feel her hands shaking as her mother went on and on and on as if Ilhaam was 17 again and she was caught with a cigarette in her hands She just wouldn't stop. She kept on grinding her and going at her in front of her family barely caring that she embarrassing her. Ilhaam tried so badly to keep her mouth shut as comment after comment shot out of her mother's mouth. She was sure Imaad could feel her rage as he settled back against her, cuddling against her warm jersey. Everyone looked awkwardly at their plates or at each other but neither had said a word.
But she still wouldn't stop.
She was so close to exploding. She could feel her face flush with rage as her mother kept insinuating that Ilhaam was just being petty and ridiculous.
"Mum!" She yelled loud enough that Imaad even jumped as he heard his mother's ire seep out of her voice. "What is wrong with you? Why won't you just..."
She felt Imaad grip onto her hand tightly, squeezing her fingers in his tiny grip. She looked down at him, confused at his actions but as he squeezed her hand and tickled her palms, she felt her annoyance start to slip away as if he were gifting her with every ounce of his childish happiness and wonderment that she had forgotten to see.
"Why don't I just what?"
Imaad kept playing with her fingers, seemingly lost in his own world as he shifted to lie back against her again. "Nothing, Mum."
"Is everyone done?" Saadiya said, looking at all the empty plates before her. "I think we can clear up." She scraped her chair back, walking to the kitchen to call for her domestics.
"Are you feeling better mummy?" Imaad whispered in her ear.
"I am. Thank you." She whispered back, dropping a kiss to the middle of his head.
"When I dropped my spoon, I saw Aunty Hooriya holding Uncle Mickey's hand under the table." He whispered, softly enough for her to hear. "And he was also cross like you were."
She could have cried at his innocent understanding of what had just transpired. He didn't understand why she was upset or why his uncle was upset or why their mother had been going at them. He was too small to understand the ugly bits of life. But what he did know was that his mother was sad and she was angry and he wanted to make her feel better again.
And he did.
In the most perfect of ways, he had erased all that had happened with a simple touch of his small hand against hers.
...
Imaad kept up a steady stream of conversation as Mikaeel responded with noncommittal replies once every few minutes. Ilhaam thought he needed a break and had practically begged Mikaeel to take him home for the night. "...and then Zahra said that she had to study for her test tomorrow so she couldn't play with me and Burhaan was just fighting with me so only daddy played with me the whole day. I don't like them. They so mean." He huffed angrily.
"Uh huh."
"So what did you play Imaad?" Hoori cut in.
"We played xbox- You have an xbox ne Uncle Mickey? I brought my game."
"Ya."
"Okay, good. What are we doing tomorrow Aunty Hooriya? Mummy said I'm going to be with you the whole day."
"What do you want to do?" She asked.
He thought about it carefully. "I want to watch movies and eat marshmallows."
"Only marshmallows?" She teased.
"Ya."
"You'll look like a marshmallow then." She smiled, turning in her seat to look at him.
"I think marshmallows look kind of nice." He mused, happily.
"I guess they do..." Hooriya said softly, listening mindlessly to Imaad talking in circles about everything that popped up in his head...
...
"You're cheating Aunty Hooriya!" Imaad cried out angrily.
"How could I possibly cheat?" She asked.
"I don't know but how come you're winning?" He jammed his thumbs angrily down onto the buttons of his control, moving his whole body with his car.
"I don't know because you have Lightning McQueen and I'm driving Mater."
"I'll do it... just wait..." He dived to the front of their bed, resting on his stomach as he tried to beat Hooriya, never realising that she really was cheating in the first place. "What!" He looked at the screen shocked to see Hoori had won once again. "But how..." He looked at his uncle for help though Mikaeel was oblivious to everything as he looked down at his laptop.
"Want to play again?" Hoori asked Imaad gently, scrolling through the options.
"Ya okay." Imaad rested his chin on his hands as he waited for their race to load. Hoori looked at Mikaeel as the screen loaded, "What are you doing?"
"Hmm?" He looked up as he heard her voice.
"What are you doing?"
"Work."
"Oh..." she was distracted by the music on the screen as their cars revved at the starting line. "Imaad?" She looked at him when she heard nothing but silence from the end of the bed. "Imaad?" She moved closer to him, shaking her head when she saw his back rise with his deep breaths. She settled back against her pillows as she watched her beat-up, old, sad looking truck race against no one.
"Didn't want to lose to a 5 year old?" Mikaeel's voice caused her to lose focus as she saw herself crashing into a wall.
"I have no idea what you're talking about." She said, driving aimlessly across paths way off the race track.
"No?" He closed his laptop, setting it on the floor besides him. "So who kept poking him in the side to distract him?"
"Shut up..." she laughed softly at herself as she turned to look at him. He was smiling at her response. She had seen him smile when he had kissed her or when he touched her in a specific spot and he felt her curl in towards herself or shiver against him but to see him smiling at her.
"You're very handsome when you smile." She said softly, cupping his cheek in her hand as she stroked her thumb across his jaw.
He said nothing, just watched her as she turned back to the screen moving her fingers slowly over the buttons. He grabbed her control, pausing her game before reaching over to the draw beside his side of the bed. "If we're playing something, we're definitely not playing Cars."
He stood up and walked over to the console before switching the game. "And what are we playing?" She looked at the screen waiting for the bright blue background to fade into the black.
"Mortal Kombat." He took the second controller from Imaad before he settled back onto the back.
"You'll have an unfair advantage." She said, watching as he scrolled through the language options.
'How so?"
"My fingers aren't as fast as yours anymore."
He considered her statement carefully. "Fine, you get to choose first."
"Perfect." She smiled, shifting around to get comfortable, choosing Sub-Zero as soon as her eyes landed on him.
It was odd. In all the time they had been together- this was the first time they had truly been able to just relax and unwind as they watched their characters slaughter each other and for some reason...
Nothing had ever felt as perfect as that moment just then.
...
The quarter pint had to fall asleep in the back seat of his car. He did it every single time he went anywhere with Mikaeel forcing him to carry the kid out the car. And he was like his mother- Not even a bloody tsunami could wake them up once they slept. He shifted Imaad in his hands as he twisted the knob to open the door causing Imaad to wrap his hand a little tighter around Mikaeel's neck.
"Mickey Mouse." Ilhaam shouted from her room. "Is that you?" He heard the light clicks of her shoes as she walked down the stairs towards the front door smiling at the sight of Imaad refusing to let his uncle go.
"Take your child before he kills me." Mikaeel said, handing Imaad back to Ilhaam.
"Was he okay?"
"Ya. Hoori sent over some marshmallows for him. Remind me to give them to you when I leave."
"Dad bought a whole box for him."
"They made these." Mikaeel pointed out. "It made me naar watching him clean out the bowl."
"Oh... okay." She shifted Imaad in her hands before she looked back up at her brother. "Thanks Mickey." She smiled, thanking him sincerely. She knew Imaad needed it. It was bad enough that he was away from his father but he didn't even have Mikaeel this time to make it better.
"No problem." He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "Why is Imtiyaaz's car outside?"
"He came to fetch their passports. Mum kept it for him when they renovated." Ilhaam explained.
"Where's he going?"
"Didn't Imti tell you?" Ilhaam looked at him strangely. "They're going to Bora Bora."
"They're going fucking where?" Mikaeel's gaze intimidated her as his eyes bore into her. He was seething and it seemed as if he was about ready to punch through a wall.
"They're going to Bora Bora for 10 days."
"Motherfucker!" Mikaeel spat out. That fucker was draining him for money and he goes to fucking Bora Bora! What the fuck! "Where is he?"
"Uhm..." Ilhaam had the feeling that she was missing some very, very crucial information. "He should be down soon. See you Mikaeel." She turned around and walked away. She had enough going on for her to have to be involved in their shit.
He was so pissed he was sure his blood was fucking boiling as he waited for his shit brother to walk down the stairs. Twenty fucking grand went from his account every month to pay for Imtiyaaz's kids' school fees because that piece of shit couldn't afford it and he was going for a fucking vacation to Bora Bora?
"Hey?" Imtiyaaz walked cautiously into the room. He had no intention of ever telling Mikaeel that he was going up until he was actually gone and by the looks of it- his brother knew exactly what was happening.
"How much are you spending?" Mikaeel asked him, his voice sounded uneven to his ears.
"For?" Imtiyaaz's breath deepened as he took in the look on Mikaeel's face.
"How much are you spending?"
Imtiyaaz's neck began to turn a light shade of red as he began scratching the back of his neck uneasily. "Two hundred grand."
"With what fucking money?"
"Returns from one of my investments."
"You're fucking broke with debts as big as your wife's balls and you're spending two hundred grand to go on a holiday?"
"Nooreen can't know that we're bankrupt. She'll take the kids and go."
"Are you listening to yourself? You're fucking pathetic." Mikaeel shook his head at him, too pissed to deal with him. His brother was making him feel sick and he couldn't stand in that room for a second longer.
"You like it, don't you?" Imtiyaaz's voice stopped him as soon as he walked to the door.
"Like what?" Mikaeel asked, not even bothering to turn around.
"You like seeing me crawl on my fucking knees begging you for money."
"Ya I do." Why bother denying it? It fucking thrilled him to see his big-shot brother come to him for money.
"It makes you feel big for once in your life ne?"
"Fuck you Imtiyaaz." Mikaeel couldn't listen to his shit.
"You'll always be a pathetic little shit. This doesn't change anything."
"Whatever." Why was he still listening to this shit?
"You never wondered why Mum still can't stand you?" Imtiyaaz asked crossing every line imaginable.
Mikaeel didn't reply but he didn't move away either.
"You always were a failure. You could never beat us in school, you could never beat us in sports, you could never be better than us no matter how much you tried and you never wondered why?"
"Why?"
"You were born a fucking failure Mika. You think Mum actually wanted a kid when she got pregnant with you?" Mikaeel breath became laboured as more and more of his brother's filth filled his ears. "She tried to trick dad into staying with her so she lied and said she was on the pill. When he came back from his management course and he saw she was pregnant he left her for 5months."
Mikaeel swore he stopped breathing when he heard those words leave his brother's mouth.
"And when you were born, she lost her fucking mind because he still didn't come back and her plan failed again."
"It wasn't my fucking fault."
"Yeah, fine. Granted, you didn't ask to be born but you still failed her. And when dad did come back, he didn't come back for her but he came back for you. He didn't want another kid after Ilhaam but you surprised him. He loved you more than he loved her and she couldn't handle it and then five years later he left her again... See, you still weren't good enough."
Every muscle in his body had tensed as he felt pure, unadulterated rage course through his veins. "Fuck you." He said it so silently he was sure Imtiyaaz didn't even hear him.
"Shame. Sucks to be you bro." He didn't feel it until his ass collided with the floor and his nose began to squirt blood over his shirt. He heard the crunch of knuckle against bone and he felt the crack as his nose was punched out of place. "You broke my fucking nose." He wiped the blood away with his hand, glaring up at his brother.
"Shame." Mikaeel looked down at him. "Sucks to be you bro."
"What in the hell is happening over here?" His mother's loud voice echoed throughout the room. MIkaeel couldn't stand looking her in the face just yet.
"Nothing." he muttered, trying to bypass her.
"Don't you dare walk away from me Mikaeel." She caught him by his forearm, holding him in place.
"Or else?" He jerked his hand free and tried to walk past again.
"You've gotten so far out of hand Mikaeel that I don't even know what to do with you anymore."
He hadn't looked at her, not once since she walked into the room.
She breathed out a humourless laugh. "I thought you grew up by now Mikaeel."
"I did Mum."
"Doesn't look like it."
"You just don't see it." He said softly.
"I know exactly what I'm seeing Mikaeel."
"No mum. You don't." He said, finally walking past her toward the front door, closing it softly behind him. The wind was cold as it brushed past him but he barely even felt the goosebumps that erupted over his bare arms. He needed to forget all of it. It was all bullshit and he needed to forget it.
He heard his phone ringing loudly from his backpocket...
Hello?
What Ihsaan?
Fine... On my way...
A/N Woah... shew... let's take a breath guys.