I found myself at the local town bar, a half-empty bottle of vodka in my hand. Drinking away my problems, drinking away the pain. I let myself get way too emotional today. I allowed myself to be weak.
I promised him that I wouldn't cry. And I broke that promise. I let Nathan bring back parts of myself that I thought, I had lost. Parts of myself that I was content in losing. I didn't want to be the girl that cried, the girl that let others hurt her. I didn't want to be the old Sasha night.
But what I wanted, never mattered.
I brought the bottle back out to my mouth, the cold rim of the clear bottle pressed to my lips as the burning liquid ran down my throat. I felt myself slightly relax as the alcohol finally started doing its job.
Someone cleared their throat behind me, I turned towards the stranger. A boy, probably around my age, he resembled something of Alex pettier. Normally I wouldn't go for a guy like him, meaning a guy that hangs around a bar looking for drunk girls. But in my current intoxicated state, I couldn't think of anything better. I was intoxicated, in pain and needing a distraction.
I reached out and ran my hand down his chest, causing him to stiffen. I looked into his gray eyes while I used my spare hand to bring the bottle of vodka back up to my mouth. This guy. Something about him reminded me of my past in this town. I just couldn't put a name to his face. I never was good with memory. Hense my old nickname Dory that he once called me. I quickly retracted my hand from the guy's chest, causing the guy to frown and step towards me. He called my Dory.
Him. Ryder. Not this guy in front of me.
I felt my heart beat faster. Ryder.
NO stop! I don't want to think of him. Not now. I chucked my money on the counter, grabbed my bottle and guided the boy to the dance floor. The bodies grinded and shoved against each other, as I held the boy's wrist tight until I found an empty place on the dance floor. He came behind me placing his hands on my waist and we found ourselves falling in rhythm with the base. I chucked the now empty bottle of vodka on the ground and it got kicked around by the other dancers, I raised my hands above my head and moved my body in the sink with the guy, moving my hips, twisting my body and closing my eyes.
I did what I had to do, in order to forget.
Facing the memories of what happened to Ryder were worse than any other.
He was gone because of me.
No. Please no I begged myself. I shoved myself closer towards the guy. Basically begging him to make me forget the darkest memories that were begging to get into my head.
Normally I could control myself, if I wasn't intoxicated I could distract myself easily. But now; when I was here, in Rockside, when I was in this bar when I saw the old house we used to hang out in.
I couldn't forget Ryder.
He was in my head, like a virus I couldn't cure. Like a nightmare that I couldn't escape from. What happened to him was my biggest regret, he was gone because of me. He was gone because he chooses to protect me. I wasn't worth it. He shouldn't have come after me.
To much pain. Too many memories. I can't think about that, not Ryder. I could handle Nathan and Luke. But when I thought about Ryder and that time of my life. All I wanted to do was cry. To break down.
I roughly pressed my lips to the guy I was dancing with, in a desperate attempt to interrupt the memories threatening to arise. The guy froze, due to my sudden show of affection. I continued slowly moving my lips against his until he came to his senses and kissed me back. The stranger cupped my face with his soft hands, pulling me closer to him. Mirroring the desperation that I felt. But he kissed mine for different reasons. I kissed him to forget, he kissed me because of the same attraction that every other guy feels for me.
We stopped moving with the beat when the song ended, changing to a slower one. Although continued kissing each other, my tongue licked his bottom lip asking for entrance which he gladly excepted. We stood in the middle of the dance floor kissing for everyone in the bar to see.
What if Ryder was here, what would he think of me?
This wasn't working. The alcohol, the boy. It wasn't getting mind off my past. I pulled away from the boy and looked at the floor.
What is happening to me? Normally a small swing of alcohol will help me forget.
The guy reached out and tilted my head up towards him again. My breath caught in my throat and I stumbled backward out of his hold and into the couple dancing behind me.
No, that's not possible.
The boy's green eyes were replaced with big almond shaped brown ones. His pale skin tone was replaced with a tan. His soft facial structure was replaced with well-shaped cheekbones and a sharp jaw line.
He was replaced with Ryder.
But that's not possible Ryder is dead.
I know, because I killed him.
I blinked, the green eyes were back and the guy was looking at me like I was insane. I don't blame him. I'm convinced I am.
two years earlier...
They chucked me into the van, I fell onto my stomach causing my head to slam into the floor of the van, cracking my smooth skin open.
I screamed for Nathan to help me, he just stood there with a pained look on his face. Why on earth wasn't he calling the cops? Why wasn't dad with us, he was standing right there ten seconds ago? What is happening?
My mother was being continuously thrown to the ground by two men wearing black cotton masks, she screamed for help and for then to give her baby girl back. They wrapped an old rag around her mouth shutting her up, her eyes drowning in her ears.
Tears streamed down my 16-year-old face. As I watched the scene unfold.
I was losing everything.
The men slammed the van's doors shut and quickly jumped into the front, turning the engine on, they began driving me away from my family in a rush. My scared body was shaking uncontrollably, the large gash on my forehead leaked a dangerous amount of blood.
Was this it? Am I going to die?
The blood trailed down my face, not stopping. It should hurt but I can't feel anything. I just want to sleep, I'm so tired. Maybe I can just have a quick nap?
Yeah, sleep sounds good....
I passed out on the floor of the van, in a pool of my own blood.
--------
I was scared, so scared. I didn't understand what my father and my brother had done. I was naive. Weak. I was only 16.
--------
I peeked my eyes open and looked around. Where am I? I tried to move but the metal cuffs around my wrists and ankles stopped me. I felt the crusty substance of dry blood on my head. At least my head had stopped bleeding down my face. That didn't help me find out where the hell I was, though. I looked around, I was in some kind of an underground cell.
Moss covered each black brick wall of the square shaped 'room'. The only light was supplied through the small crack in the roof because a brick had moved slightly out of place. The small light shone onto my dangling body. The chains that came from the roof, clapped around my wrists holding me up.
"Hello?" My fragile voice called out into the empty dark cell. I was craving human contact. I felt alone and weak, for the first time in my life.
I waited for a few minutes, my ears searching for the smallest sound of movement. There was no reply. No sound other than the small droplets of sweat falling from my body.
I struggled, trying to free myself.
"Momma?" I called to my mom, Susan. Nothing.
"Daddy?" I called my big strong dad, he was always there for me. I waited. Nothing.
At this point, I didn't even bother trying to call Nathan. Something in the way he looked at me as they chucked me in the van, told me not to get my hopes up.
I dropped my gaze to my feet, losing all hope that I had left.
My white dress was covered in thick fresh red blood, that almost looked black because of the dark room. It was still wet, meaning that I may have only just arrived here or that my cuts were still bleeding a deadly amount of blood.
Who would hand another person up, like a butcher hangs the pig before they chop them to small pieces? I shivered at the thought of someone doing that to me.
I suddenly felt dizzy and passed out again.
+++
Something gently traced my face, on my cheek bones and stopped on my burst lip. I was too tired to open my eyes, my head was throbbing from the massive cut on my pale forehead.
"My beautiful princess," A manly voice spoke quietly in front of me while I dangled from the chains, not moving. I was too tired.
"I finally have you all to myself," The thing tracing my face stopped. And I finally had enough courage and energy to open my foggy eyes.
"Chase?" I whispered when my eyes locked on his almost black ones. He brought his hand back to cupping my face. What is he doing here? He was my brothers best friend since pre-school. Why is he here? Maybe he's here to help me.
"Yes princess," He dropped his hand from my face again, and I almost cried with hope. I was going to see my family again.
"Quick, please get me out of here. Before the people who took me come back." I whispered urgently to him, he looked at me confused, before reaching up then unlocking the cuffs and signing when I collapsed onto the floor, helplessly.
"You see my princess," He sighed and walked circles around my body, as I sat down and held my legs to my chest. He crouched down next to me quickly, I took in a breath of air as if it would be my last.
"My friends are the ones who took you," He grabbed my chin forcefully and made my look into his dark eyes again. "Because I wanted you, and I made a deal with Luke. You're all mine baby girl." He then forcefully pressed his lips to mine, and tears ran down my face again.
No.No no no no no. NO
I shuffled away from him. This doesn't make sense. Daddy wouldn't give me up. His child, his daughter.
"You're Lying to me!" I screamed at him and crawled into one corner of the room.
"No princess, I'm not," He was losing his patience with me, "And that fire and anger you have in you will come in handy soon. Keep it." I stared at him through my dark lashes, confusion, pain, betrayal... everything in me hurt. This makes no sense. Why? Why would dad give me up? Why does Nathan's best friend say these things to me? Why?
Why? WHY? What did I do to deserve this hell? I have a feeling this is just the beginning. I'm scared.
"Chase," I whispered to him, even if he is the enemy, I need him to help me understand.
"Yes, princess?"
"What deal did you make with Luke?" The words rolled off my tongue, I spoke like a zombie. Void of emotion, "Well, your 'daddy dearest," He put his hands up to make air quotation marks around the mention of my father, " He is a dumb, dumb, dumb man. Thinking he could place a bet against me." He chuckled darkly as if remembering the best day of his life.
"My dear Sasha, he placed a bet on Nathan's car at the street races, he bet that Nathan could beat me, the champion." He paused and I looked at the ground, Nathan street raced? "Your father wanted to bet some of his delicious money, I wanted something else, more valuable."
He looked down at me and I looked up at the disgusting monster. I was his prize. My father fucking bet me, like I was nothing. My whole life, a lie. Fake. Luke never loved me. But what about Nathan? Did he know? So many questions, I need the answers.
"Did Nathan know?" I asked before I could stop myself, my chest throbbed, my hands shook. I was scared that I already knew the answer.
"Yes," I held my breath, "He helped your father take you into the alley so we could take you away and bring you here," He gestured around the cell, " Your new home. They don't love you like I do."
My heart shattered, no Nathan. How could he? My best friend. My brother. "Sasha, they never loved you." Chase took quick strides towards me and cornered me, he grabbed my chin, so that I looked into his dark soulless eyes, "But I do Sasha, and I will never give you up."
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