I woke up to Ryan shifting in the bed.
I groaned and slung my right arm lazily over his waist.
"Good morning beautiful," he said brushing the hair out of my face.
"Good morning," I smiled, staring into his eyes.
"Come on, let's get you to physio," he said picking me up. "Your sleeping attire is..."
"Skimpy? I know but I was too lazy to put on pajamas," I finished for him.
He put me down in front of my closet and I grabbed my Under Armour clothes and slipped them on.
I grabbed my elastic bands and started loosening up my shoulder. It hurt so much. I couldn't wait until the pain was gone.
I brushed through my hair and asked Ryan if he would french braid it. It wasn't fair that he was a better braider than me.
I grabbed and apple on the way out the door.
My physio therapist worked me hard today. She said my shoulder had progressed a lot faster than expected. Maybe only another month or so of therapy and I'd be back at it.
But then my doctor came and told me something no athlete ever wants to hear.
No matter what we did to my shoulder, I would never be able to swing a bat ever again.
I was crushed.
I left therapy in tears and climbed into Ryan's car and told him to drive.
"What's wrong?" He asked clearly worried.
"Just drive," I said putting my face in my hands.
"Do you want to go to the field?" He asked driving.
"Is Russell there?" I asked trying to catch my breath.
"Yeah everyone is."
'Then take me there."
The ride was silent except for the sobs that wracked my frame.
Once he stopped the car I flew out of it and ran down to the clubhouse. I flung open the door and ran over to Russell and cried into his shoulder.
"Luce? What's wrong?" He asked. The Ryan appeared in the doorway with my bag. "What did you do to my sister?" He said growing angry.
"I didn't do anything, she came out of physio in a fit of tears and ordered me to bring her to you," he said to my furious brother.
"What's wrong Lucy. You need to spill now," he said as everyone looked at him.
"Can I tell you in private?"
"Yeah come on," he said taking me to the dugout.
"My doctor told me today that I will never be able to swing a bat again," I said sobbing into his shoulder.
"Oh my god. How can they tell?"
"I don't know. The doctor just told me today that I will never be able to play baseball again. I don't know what I'm going to do Russ," I sobbed.
"Well right now you have to tell Ryan. He deserves to know Luce. The guy's crazy about you. And I know that you're crazy about him too."
"Yeah I'm going to tell him right now. And I have to get changed," I said letting go of my brother.
"Yeah, but I just want you to know I'm here for you," he added.
"I know Russ," I said.
I walked into the clubhouse and sat beside Ryan.
"My doctor told me that I can never play baseball again," I said leaning my head on his shoulder.
"What! No way. They can't tell you that," he said shocked.
"Well they can and they did," I told him feeling my eyes water up again.
"Oh my god. I'm so sorry Luce," he said pulling me into a hug.
"I don't know what I'm going to do," I wailed.
"Shh, it's okay Luce. I'm here for you. We're going to find a doctor who will help you. I will move heaven and hell to get your shoulder healthy again. I promise," he told me wiping the tears from my eyes.
"Thank you Ryan," I said hugging him again. "I'm glad that's just your practice jersey," I told him pointing out my tear stains on his chest.
"They'll dry don't worry about it, go get changed before you're late to the dugout," he said noting that everyone was starting to leave for BP.
"Yeah I'll get changed, you go ahead before you're late too," I said getting up.
"Alright, I love you Luce," he said kissing the top of my head.
"And I love you," I said back.
I quickly got changed but before I did, I stood in front of the mirror looking at my shoulder.
Yeah it looked kind of fucked up, but the doctor was supposed to fix it for me. And he didn't. He made my shoulder look fucked. It didn't even really look like a normal shoulder.
There was the scar, but that didn't bother me. It was the bumps and ripples where my muscles were supposedly fused back together that bothered me.
What did they do to my shoulder? I put my shirt on then my jersey and ball cap then ties my cleats then made my way out to the dugout.
I stepped into the dugout and took a deep breath. I loved this place.
JD came up beside me.
"How you doin?" He asked.
"I'm okay," I told him.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah," I said staring off at the field.
"Whatever's bugging you, don't let it get to you too much. Keep your chin up, it gets better I promise," he said giving me a side hug.
"The doctor told me that I can never play baseball ever again. And I think he fucked up my shoulder. I'm going to see every doctor that I can to see if it can be fixed. But I don't know. I'm completely crushed Josh. I don't know what to do, what to think. It's really overwhelming," I told him not crying this time.
"Oh my god. Lucy. I don't know what to say because I don't know how it feels. To be told you can never swing a bat again ever? I'd probably die," he said bringing me into another hug.
"I know I feel like dieing. But you should see my shoulder. It doesn't look right. I think they fucked it for real," I told him taking my jersey off.
You could see the bumps through my shirt. He pulled my shirt off of my shoulder and winced.
"I know eh? She looks pretty bad."
"Uhm yeah, if I was you I'd get one of our team doctors to look at that. That definitely doesn't look right," he said studying my shoulder.
"I will after the game don't you worry," I told him slipping my jersey back on. "Go do BP or I'm benching you," I threatened.
He ran out of the dugout and over to the cages and then Ryan came in.
"Can I look?" He said.
"Yeah but let's go to the bathroom, I'm not all about showcasing my shoulder to everyone."
We walked to the bathroom and he undid my jersey, slipping it off of my shoulders. Then he pulled my shirt off and he too winced at the sight of my shoulder.
"Luce, it didn't look like this this morning," he said.
"I know, the doctor totally fucked up my shoulder," I said my lip starting to tremble.
"Don't cry," he said tracing patterns on my arm.
"The only way to make my lip not tremble is f you make it stop," I told him seductively.
He leaned in and kissed me. Hard and passionate.
I worked to unbutton his jersey and I moved it off his shoulders. I took off his Under Armour shirt feeling his hard core.
He started kissing my neck as I worked his belt buckle. He quickly stopped.
"We probably shouldn't do this here," he breathed.
"You're probably right," I said leaning my head on his chest.
"I promise we'll celebrate when we find a doctor okay?" He told me.
"Okay," I said grabbing my shirts and ball cap which were now on the floor.
I put them back on and buttoned and tucked in my jersey to make it look like nothing happened.
I helped Ryan out too because I wanted to button his jersey.
"You're such a turn on Lucy," he said as I buttoned the last button.
"Says Mr. Six Pack," I told him quirking my eyebrow.
"That's your trademark isn't it," he said.
"What's my trademark?"
"Quirking your eyebrow," he laughed opening the door.
I walked to the dugout and people started bombarding me with questions.
Damn media.
"Miss Martin, how is your shoulder?" One reporter asked.
"I don't have to wear a sling anymore but my doctor told me I'll never be able to play again. I also think that said doctor messed up my shoulder," I told the media.
"How do you know that the doctor messed up your shoulder?"
"Well this morning when I woke up, there was just a scar. And now there are bumps where my muscles were supposed to be fused together. I don't think that's normal," I explained.
"Thank you Miss Martin," the reporter said before leaving.
"Now the media knows," I said to Ryan.
"You should tell the guys before the media tells them," he told me.
I nodded then called the guys to the clubhouse.
I then told them about my shoulder and how I would never be able to play baseball ever again. And how I thought the doctor did something wrong in my shoulder.
The team doctors offered to look at my shoulder and help me in any way. The guys all told me how bad they felt for me.
Gibbs came over and gave me a hug.
"Sorry to hear about that kiddo," he said to me.
"Yeah it's kind of hard to believe. I don't know how to feel about it," I told him.
"It's alright kiddo, our team will help you. They're professionals in sports injuries. We'll get you playing again I promise," he said before leaving only Ryan and I in the clubhouse.
"I told you they'd help you," he said coming and sitting next to me.
"I know you did," I groaned leaning my head on his shoulder.
"Come on, I've got a baseball game to play, and you've got a baseball team to manage," he said standing up and grabbing my hand.
I smiled as he lead me to the dugout. I took my seat with him in the dugout because he was on the DL with tightness in his arm from pitching on Friday.
Gibby and I decided that we would stick to the rotation, sending J.A. to the mound.
The guys played extremely well, winning seventeen to two. Proud manager moment.
"Great job guys," I said as we walked down the line high fiving each other.
I went and changed, but stayed in my sports bra so I could show one of the team doctors my shoulder.
At one glance they knew something was wrong. They did an x-ray and seen that the doctor had used some object to keep my muscles together.
"We'll have to operate again, they didn't do this right. Once we fix you up we'll see about playing again, they may have permanently damaged your muscles," they explained.
"What exactly did they use to bind my muscles together?"
"Something metallic. And it popped out because they've been working your shoulder too quickly, you shouldn't have started physio for another month to let your muscles heal. Because they went to quick it might be permanent damage. Sorry to tell you this Miss Martin."
"That's okay, I still stand a chance," I told them getting off the table. "Thank you for looking at it."
I walked into the clubhouse and changed. The guys hit the showers so I could change in peace.
Once I was dressed I waited for Ryan. I waited for a while and then I fell asleep.
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Men in white lab coats stood over me with masks on their faces.
One of the men held a scalpel in their hands and brought it down to my skin, grazing my shoulder making me bleed.
"What are you doing?" I asked becoming frantic.
"Making sure you never play baseball again. What we set out to do from the beginning," the man said taking off his mask.
It was Josh.
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I woke with a start. I was crying. I stood up grabbed my things and left.