Author's Note: Dream sequence is in Italics. Also keep in mind when reading this that people aren't magically cured from traumatic events when they happen. It takes time and there are setbacks but trust her....and me.
Elliot puts the final touches on the spaghetti sauce, closing the lid to the pot to let it finish cooking. The garlic bread is on the counter waiting to go into the oven and he's already finished preparing the salad. Liz suggested they all gather at his place for dinner and he was excited to be entertaining all of his children at once. Rarely did this occur between the older kids' busy schedules and his custody arrangement with Kathy in regards to Eli.
"Dad what do you want me to help with?" an eager Eli asks with a determined look on his face. HIs days of sitting in front of the TV distracted by cartoons were behind him and he was beginning to take on more "grown up" tasks as he referred to them. He was also becoming more aware of everything that happened around him, an observation not lost on his father and he made sure to watch everything he said and did around him.
"I don't know buddy maybe you can put some butter on the garlic bread for me?"
"Got it," he agrees, opening the fridge to pull out the butter. Eli grabs the knife and is about to grab a piece of the bread.
"Hey Hey. Hands," Elliot corrects him in a half playful half serious tone.
Eli walks to the sink and his dad slaps him on the back with a dishtowel. "Ow! My hands are clean."
"Yeah I bet. Rule number 1. Always wash your hands when you are joining Chef Stabler in the kitchen or anyone for that matter."
"Yeah yeah. You sound like mom now." Squeezing twice on the soap bottle, he washes his hands and holds them up to Elliot for inspection.
"Alright looks good to me."
While they prepare the rest of the food, Elliot's mind wanders to Olivia which is commonplace these days. He was scared after his confession to her about what happened nine years ago. The night the little boy now standing next to him was conceived. He didn't know what kind of reaction he would get from her. Her tears and anger he expected but got something completely different. Her understanding. Their journey was a long and complicated one to say the least. In the past everything between them seemed like an insurmountable hill too steep and full of obstacles that neither could climb. Now everything seemed different. Easier.
To no one's surprise, her schedule had kept them apart for the last few days because she had caught a break in her case. Something he knew about all too well. The lunch with her and the girls had gone well and he was thankful for that. Kathy asked him about Olivia and he kept his answers pretty vague so far but he was concerned the kids would fill her in sooner rather than later. It was important to him that he and his ex continue to get along for the kids sake so he knew once everything was more serious with Olivia he would tell her himself. He wanted to give Olivia time to handle her main priorities which was getting herself together and focusing on balancing work and motherhood. Going to the next level was important to him but he waited all this time, he could wait as long as she needed to.
"Daddy what's this? Denver Airport on July-" Eli asks, the butter on his hands greasing the edges of the post it note.
"That," he takes the paper from him. "Is something for work. Hands off."
"You goin' to Denver?"
Elliot takes in his son's inquisitive expression and looks into his blue eyes, the one physical trait that is so undeniably a copy of him.
"No I don't think so," he pats his shoulder. "Not this time."
Eli's smile is instant. "Ok good."
"Now finish up with the bread. How much longer is it going to take hunh?"
Forty five minutes later he is at the dinner table listening intently while his kids minus Maureen bicker back and forth and talk over one another.
"You are such a moron sometimes," Liz teases Dick and he kicks her under the table.
"Ok ok enough," Elliot chides and they keep going as if they didn't hear him.
Kathleen rolls her eyes and leans toward him. "Sometimes I wonder why you and mom didn't use birth control."
"I heard that," Dick remarks and Eli giggles at all of them while twirling pasta on to his fork.
Elliot chuckles while looking at his watch. They are almost halfway through dinner. "It's getting a little late where's your sister?"
"She's picking up Olivia's dress. She should be here soon," Kathleen answers nonchalantly and continues eating.
"What dress?"
As she begins to answer, he hears a knock on the door. "Come in."
Maureen stumbles in with a few shopping bags and her purse hanging off her shoulder. "So sorry I'm late."
"Why didn't you use your key?"
His eldest daughter gives him a knowing glance that causes his lips to press in a thin line while Kathleen giggles into her glass of Diet Coke.
"Well come have a seat there is plenty left."
Settling into her chair, she begins to reach around the table putting a little of everything onto her plate while everyone continues to talk.
Elliot let's her get settled and take a few bites of food before he starts asking questions. They had gone to lunch and he heard the girls saying something about going shopping but he also knew how busy Olivia had been the past few days. He was surprised she had found the time to go.
"So shopping go ok?" He asks trying to not sound so eager for information.
"Yeah I just dropped the dress off to her at the station that's what took me so long," Maureen answers shoving a piece of garlic bread in her mouth.
"Dropped it off?"
"Yeah she's been busy and didn't have time to go with me. But I sent her pictures of a couple and we decided on this one together."
"We hunh? You probably picked the one you wanted," Kathleen clarifies.
"I did not," she lied. "Ok maybe I did but it's perfect. It's red and silver so we need to make sure your handkerchief in your suit pocket is silver so the two of you will match."
What? What formal event was she going to?
"Yeah we can make sure," he responds faintly and decides not to ask any more questions while all of the kids were there.
Later, Maureen is in the kitchen washing dishes while the twins offer to take Eli home. A few hugs and goodbyes later he's left in the apartment with his two oldest daughters.
"I'm going to get ready to head out too I guess." Kathleen kisses him on the cheek and heads out the door avoiding Maureen's glares for not helping her clean up.
"I swear between you and Liv you guys are keeping me busy." She rinses the last plate and sets it in on the dishtowel on the counter.
"Why didn't you tell me about this party you two were going to Saturday? You know you can't be trusted to dress yourself especially at some fancy shindig with all these cops, lawyers and firefighters."
Cops, lawyers and firefighters. His mind begins to wander thinking about what he has to do this weekend. She never mentioned anything and he was hoping to take her out for a date. "Oh shit," he mumbles aloud.
"Yeah dad you better be lucky that I didn't tell Kathleen and Liz the details. All those eligible hunks in there they probably would've wanted to go too," Maureen continues completely oblivious to his increasing panic.
Elliot pulls out his phone and begins to scroll through the text messages from Pippa over the past week. The communication had been spotty at best. Yes, it was a formal event but when they talked about it originally she mentioned it being a lawyer's party and he thought it was on Friday. Or was he the one that said that. He goes through the messages and confirms that the event they discussed was Saturday. It has to be the same one.
"Shit," he curses again scratching his forehead. Everything had been going so fast lately he hadn't even had a chance to mention to Olivia that he was still on the hook for taking Pippa to this party. It was only a couple of days away and it would be shitty to cancel but then again he wasn't going to risk doing anything that would put his relationship with Olivia in jeopardy or cause any kind of strife.
"Dad?" Maureen moves closer to him when she sees him frantically scrolling through his phone. "What's wrong?"
This isn't a big deal, he tells himself. It's a little mixup. It should be easy to fix. No use in getting worked up over nothing.
"Everything's fine sweetheart." Elliot kisses her forehead, patting her arm reassuringly. "Thanks for cleaning up after dinner."
"No problem."
She heads for the door still eyeing him curiously. "Have fun dad and don't forget to let me know if you need help with your suit or anything."
Elliot gives her a tight lipped smile and waves goodbye. If things don't go as planned, he will be needing help with much more.
"There you go. Time to wake up Sergeant. Oh yeah I forgot it's Lieutenant now."
Olivia looks around disoriented. No, no, no this couldn't be happening. Not again. She knows this voice. It's him. No he's dead it can't be him.
Blood is dripping from her lip, her head pounds in pain. There's no duck tape over her mouth this time but she can't seem to find her voice. Everything hurts.
"Come on get up. I miss looking in those gorgeous brown eyes. Plus me and you are going to have some fun."
The strong smell of something burning fills the air. When she hears muffled cries she gasps in panic.
Noah.
"Don't worry don't worry. I have someone back there taking care of the little tot. He's pretty cute."
"No, God no," she finally croaks out. Her throat is dry and her lungs burn with the effort to speak. Not Noah.
"Don't worry," he taunts her again. His voice is closer and she can see the outline of his tall frame but his face doesn't appear. "I have my good friend Mr. Utley in there taking care of him. He better shut up all that crying though or..."
Closing her eyes, she tries to catch her breath. "Please just-" She wants to offer herself up. He could kill her, rape her anything he wants to do as long as he doesn't hurt Noah.
"Just what?" His silhouette is right in front of her, the stench of vodka from his breath permeating the air she is breathing. But still she can't see the details of his face. Those brown irises she looked into on more than one occasion when she begged for her life.
"I'll do anything," she pleads, repeating the same words from when he held her captive the first time. But this time there is much more at stake. Her son. She's all he has in the world. Without her he goes back into foster care and she promised she would always be there for him. She can't let him down.
"Please," she chokes through tears. Her vision blurry from the onslaught of liquid pooling. She's got to do something. "Do whatever you want to do to me just don't-"
"Oh I plan to. But there's just one problem." Lewis pauses and she hears some stifled movement on the other side of the living room near the door. "What are we going to do with him?"
The remaining tears fall from her eyes dripping onto the blood stained carpet. Struggling to focus on the figure in the distance she sees there is someone else there. The figure is stiff. Unmoving.
Lewis gives him one swift kick and immediately his eyes jolt open. That familiar shade of blue that she's seen so many times before.
"Elliot! Don't please," she screams. Instantly she hears her son's wails from the other room.
A click of a gun and her heart begins to pound in her chest. "Say goodbye to your boyfriend," he taunts her, the gun aiming right at Elliot's head.
"Joe bring that brat in here," Lewis yells. "I want him to watch this."
Olivia fights against her restraints as the unmistakable sound of Noah's cries get closer.
"Don't please," she begs, her face pointed towards the ground. The restraints have no give and she feels them digging into her skin and the blood trickling down but she doesn't care. She's got to do something. Anything.
They don't deserve to pay the price for Lewis' sick vendetta towards her.
"Hey look this way," he jeers. Instead of looking at him, her eyes lock with Elliot's. He has a black eye and blood running down his face where he was struck with the gun. "Sayonara." His fingers squeeze the trigger clicks and Elliot's eyes go wide.
A phone rings in the distance.
"Nooooooooooooooooo!" she screams.
Olivia jolts up from the bed. Sweat lines her forehead, her chest heaving struggling to catch her breath. Looking around, she tries to figure out where she is. Bunk beds, brick wall. The cribs. It was a dream. She must've fallen asleep. He's not here. Confused, she massages her forehead willing the images and sounds of a crying Noah and wounded Elliot to disappear from her head. Beside her the phone continues to ring displaying Elliot's name. Clutching the phone to her chest, she continues to gaze around the room.
Work. She's at work. It's okay. Everything's okay.
She begins to try and piece together the last thing she remembers. It was talking to the two suspects in the Sandoval murder. Her and Fin had gone at them for hours. The first one was timid but kept his lie straight at first claiming he was babysitting his son and his girlfriend could vouch for him. It took awhile but his story began to crack.
The other one practically laughed in her face. He had an answer for everything and taunted her while she used every interrogation technique she knew. She had been mentally drained and just when she thought there was nothing left to give, he laughed when she showed him pictures of Pilar's battered body.
No remorse. No emotion. A twisted monster.
Just like William Lewis.
The phone begins to ring again and without looking at it, she knows it's Elliot again. Swinging her legs off the bed, she places her feet on the floor. She needs to be on solid. Placing her head in her hands, she tries to regulate her breathing. She can't talk to him like this. Not while she's still so wound up. A second later she hears the voicemail notification.
Olivia stands up, stretches and her eyes lock on to the garment hanging from the door. The dress Maureen dropped off earlier. She had been hesitant about having her pick out a dress for her that she hadn't seen but she just didn't have the time to do it herself. Maureen was young and stylish so she had no choice but to trust her instincts especially since she had a suspect sitting on ice waiting for her in interrogation.
She takes a few steps over to the water fountain and splashes a little on her face while pressing the button to listen to Elliot's message. The second she hears the low timbre of his voice, her eyes screw shut and she feels more serene.
Hey Liv just checkin on you and wanted to ask you a question. Give me a call when you get a chance....I miss you.
The words wash over her and causes her heart to ache just a little. The thought of anything happening to Noah or to him is too much to even fathom.
Taking a deep breath, Olivia presses the button to call him back.
"Hey," Elliot answers on the first ring. His voice is like immediate zen. Settling her down and bringing her more into the present.
"Hey," she replies exhaling into the phone.
"Everything ok?"
"Yeah I fell asleep at the station but I'm about to head home." Olivia pulls the dress from the door and her bag. Grabbing her keys, she begins to make her way down the tiny hall leading away from the cribs. "The interrogation went long but we finally got one of the guys to crack and roll over on the other."
Elliot lets out a sigh of relief. "Thank goodness. I know you've been working on that case for awhile."
"Yeah."
Olivia waves goodbye to Dodds who always manages to stay late and gets into the elevator. Watching the lights steady descend towards the second floor where she's parked, she notices he's still quiet on the other end. "El?"
"Yeah. Sorry. Umm Maureen mentioned you have a thing this Saturday that she got the dress for."
Dammit.
Her eyes slam shut, hands gripping the phone. It didn't even dawn on her to mention the party to Elliot. Moreso, she didn't mention that she originally planned to go with Ed. Dammit, she didn't want to deal with this right now. Not tonight. The timing couldn't be worse. The dream is still in the back of her mind, her heart rate just returning to normal.
"I have this retirement party for Dodds on Saturday. I committed to going awhile ago and with everything I just forgot to tell you."
"Oh."
Exhausted, she turns the key into the car door, opens it and throws her bag and purse on to the seat. Instead of starting the car immediately, she leans against the headrest massaging her temples.
"I'm sorry I should've said something."
"S'ok but uhh I actually made plans to go too," he admits uncomfortably.
Olivia jerks her head up, her hand falling away and landing at her side. This wasn't going to end well. She didn't want to go with him and have to answer a ton of questions. But if she was being honest with herself she didn't feel like going with Ed either. At least with him there was no pressure. They were now colleagues and nothing more. The prospect of going alone was feeling more and more enticing. "Elliot that's a nice offer but I think it's a little soon for us to go together don't you think."
Elliot sighs and she prepares for his anger and disappointment. "Not with you. I mean I would like to go with you but I understand that it's too soon but-shit," he huffs in frustration.
"El?"
"I told Pippa I would take her."
Olivia swallows harshly trying to reconcile his words. Initially and purely irrationally she can feel the anger bubbling up inside of her. He and Pippa were supposed to be over. How could he bring her to her work function? How often were they still talking? And why hadn't Pippa mentioned anything when they were in her office talking? Dodds mentioned the party then and she didn't say a word about taking Elliot. So much for her being mature about the situation. Vaguely she hears Elliot attempting to explain over her own unreasonable thoughts. She was going to go with Ed so she didn't have a right to be mad. But she was.
"Olivia?"
The trepidation in his voice brings her back to Earth. To reality. God help her she wants to throw some sort of stupid tantrum and yell out that he's hers but she promised that she would give herself some time. Give them time.
"It's fine Elliot," she says dismissively and starts the car engine. She needs to get home and she needs to relax. It's really a glass of wine she wants and maybe she will indulge in just one glass.
"Really?" He asks surprised.
"Yeah I can't say I'm super happy about it but Pippa has been pretty civil about everything so..."
At least she hopes so. It still doesn't sit well that Pippa didn't bring it up when she had a chance to but she's hoping it's not worse than it seems.
"We can all go together if you want."
"Yeah because that's not awkward at all," she rolls her eyes. "Besides like I said I had already made plans to go so I have-"
"You've got to be fuckin kiddin me," he snarls. "You're going with Tucker?"
Olivia closes her eyes for a quick second remembering to keep her eyes on the road and focus.
"You're going with Pippa."
"So this is tit for tat?"
"No. No it's not I-". Once again she's at a loss for words and can't concentrate. Rolling down the window, she tries to let a little air in to help her breathe.
Don't worry. I have someone back there taking care of the tot.
"Look El I can't argue with you about this tonight ok?"
The raging headache is back. The words in her head. She just needs to go home or somewhere.
"Not tonight so then when?" Before she can answer he's talking again. "Look I'm asking you not to go with him. Don't do this. Go with anyone but him you know what that fucker put me through I can't stand to watch you with him all night."
I'll do anything. Please don't.
She jerks at the memory of the sound of a gunshot echoing in her brain.
"Elliot! I have to go." The call is ended before he has a chance for rebuttal. She pulls the car to a stop at the corner. With the window down the unmistakable stench of trash on the street mixed with old beer bottles and Chinese food filters into the car. Olivia turns off the ignition and scrubs her hand down her face giving herself a chance to settle down. It's been years. She just wants to be over it. Over it all. Despite lecturing victims through the years about the time it takes for recovery, she's still frustrated with herself.
A car horn breaks her from her thoughts. Her gaze shifts to the broken neon sign that hangs off the brick wall. "Maloneys". A bar she knows well.
The patrons wander in and out. Their loud belligerent laughter echoing in the almost empty streets. It's getting late. She should get home and put Noah to bed. But the thought of those eyes she looked into tonight during interrogation, a couple of months ago at the Townhouse and a couple of years ago when she was held captive are etched into her memory. Tonight not even the sight of her son is enough to chase away the images. Images of those and many more that victimize people for any reason or just no reason at all.
It's that fact that causes her to unlock the door, grab her purse and walk in.