Excited fans gathered along the edge of the small road that lead from the football team's training facility to Bryant-Denny Stadium. Children clung to the metal rails and waved red-and-white pompoms to the ire of the security guards trying to provide crowd control. One of the guards couldn't hide his frown when a little girl beside him began screaming at the top of her lungs.
Apart from the game itself, the walk was the event of the day, and the anticipation was like electricity in the air. The walk to the stadium was an opportunity for the fans to get to know the team better. A lady beside me sloshed some beer from her cup onto the pavement.
I stepped away from her and glanced at Madison. "I'm surprised you wanted to show up to the walk since it's an early game today."
Madison pulled her sunglasses down to the edge of her nose. "Well, I didn't stay out late last night. Besides, we missed the first one. We're students, so we should fully partake in all game-day activities." She gave me a sweet smile before taking a sip of her coffee.
"Hm. I guess you have a point." I tucked a few strands of loose hair behind my ears.
Madison pushed her sunglasses back onto her face. "I know I've told you this a million times, but your hair looks fantastic, Allyson. Kristi did a great job."
The corners of my mouth pulled into a smile as I ran my fingers through the ends of my dark hair. "I agree. I really love it."
As happy as I was with how my hair turned out, I knew my mother would give me an ear full. I'd avoided our usual Saturday morning phone call because I didn't feel like starting my day off with an argument. I was done letting her ruin my days.
"They're coming!" A loud voice exclaimed over the crowd.
Cheers and claps filled the air as fans pressed against the rail to see the team. Madison and I were packed so tight she had to clutch her coffee against her chest with both hands to avoid spilling it. The members of the team wore red jerseys with no pads and carried matching backpacks. Some of the guys blasted music from their headphones as they walked while a few of them walked along the rail to give the children high-fives. Loud cheers erupted as Coach Saban passed with his posse of security guards in tow. He carried himself off the field the exact same way he did on the field; with a purpose.
My eyes locked onto Daxson when he came into view. There was a confident swagger in his step and bright smile on his face as he chatted to a familiar teammate with stringy-hair. Daxson appeared to be telling a story which earned a laugh from Adam. The pair walked along the rail, signing autographs for fans and snapping selfies.
He and Daxson paused to take a picture with a group of girls on the opposite side of the street. I held my breath behind pursed lips. One blonde girl's face lit up brighter than a toothpaste commercial when Daxson signed the sleeve of her jersey. They exchanged words, forcing a chuckle from Daxson. It made me want to hurl.
Madison must have sensed my discomfort because she leaned against my shoulder. "You good?" Her eyes followed mine before I could look to the ground.
"Yeah, I'm fine." My hands grasped onto the rail.
"You worried about little Miss Blondie over there?" She asked as she took a sip of her coffee.
"No. Why would I be?"
Madison shrugged as her eyes scanned the street. "No reason, I guess."
I lifted my eyes to find Daxson again. He was like the sun. He had people orbiting around him; some were close enough to be warm while others were so far they were cold, wishing they could be closer. Fans reached out to him and begged for his attention.
My eyes dropped to the pavement again as the sick feeling resurfaced. Why did I want him to notice me? In his little solar system, I was nothing but a strange, little planet that no one wanted around the sun.
"You're here." His voice was low and soft but powerful enough to send chills through my body.
I looked up to Daxson's form towering over me from across the rail. He locked his golden gaze on me and shot me a smile. It'd been less than a week since I'd last seen him, but for some reason it felt like years. My parents always told me that absence made the heart grow fonder.
"Of course. What kind of fan and friend would I be if I didn't come out to support you on game-day?"
Daxson braced his hands against the rail with a laugh. "A bad one."
My eyes flickered between Madison and Daxson. "Daxson, this is Madison. She's a huge fan. Madison, this is Daxson."
Madison's body shook with excitement, but she tried to remain calm. "Oh. My. God. I've been waiting to meet you."
"You've been waiting?" Daxson laughed before a smirk twisted onto his lips. "Does Ally talk about me that much?"
Madison tapped her fingers along her cup. "You've been brought up a few times."
I shot her a look and hit her in the leg. "Don't listen to her. She likes to stir the pot."
Daxson's eyes moved back to mine. "Well, I'm just glad you're here."
The nausea in my stomach was replaced with a welcomed warmth. I tried to hide my blush with my hair. "Am I supposed to ask for your autograph or something?"
The crowd seemed to fade around us.
Daxson shook his head. "Nope. You get something better." He twisted his backpack around to unzip it.
I raised an eyebrow. "You got me something?"
"Don't act so surprised." He pulled a number eleven jersey from his bag and handed it to me with a smile. "I think you need to start dressing the part if you're going to support me on game-days."
I took the jersey from his hands and laughed. "Well, I'm honored."
"You should be. Not many people get a personalized jersey." He winked at me.
I smiled as I stretched out the jersey in my hands. There was a neatly written message across the right shoulder.
To my number one fan, Ally. Thanks for everything you do.
My urge to touch him mixed with the emotions the message brought on caused me to lunge forward. I crashed into his chest and wrapped my arms around his neck, ignoring the rail between us. "You're the one I should be thanking," I whispered in his ear.
Daxson's strong arms snaked around my waist as he gave me a light squeeze. He started to say something when a teammate called his name in the distance.
"Hey, I've got to go." He released me and stepped away from the rail. "If you don't have plans later, meet me by the tunnel door."
"It was a pleasure to meet you, Daxson." Madison wiggled her fingers at him.
He glanced at Madison with a smile. "The pleasure's mine. Take care of her for me." He tilted his head in my direction.
Madison nodded. "Always."
"You know, I can hear you." I rolled my eyes and folded the jersey across my arm.
Daxson turned to leave, but stopped to glance over his shoulder with a smile. "I'm digging the new hair, by the way."
My eyes focused on him. He'd noticed my hair? I watched as he jogged to catch up with the rest of the team.
Madison grabbed my elbow. "He is even better in person than in pictures. Yum. You sure you don't want a piece of that?" She grinned as she pulled me through the crowd.
"I mean, he's nice looking, but really, we're just friends."
She rolled her eyes as she pulled her phone from her pocket. We stood along the edge of the crowd. "Mmhm. Very friendly friends with a date planned after the game."
"It's not a date," I countered.
"Aye, someone's got a date?" Camila's voice interrupted our conversation. She stepped between us. "Sorry, it took me so long. I got caught up reading a new book last night. I hit snooze like four times this morning."
Madison typed away on her phone. "Allyson has a date."
I shook my head. "No, I don't."
Camila flipped her hair over her shoulder. "It's with Daxson, isn't it?" She eyed the jersey in my hands.
Madison responded, "Yup."
I stomped my foot. "No, it's not a date. Let it go, guys."
They whispered to each other as a tall, lanky guy with red hair approached us wearing an Alabama shirt and khaki shorts. He apprehensively raised his hand. "Um, hi, I'm sorry to interrupt." He glanced at Madison whose head snapped up.
"You made it!" She squealed, turning to throw her arms around his neck.
"Ladies, this is Keith." Madison nestled into his side with a big smile on her face.
Camila and I both acknowledged him, but he and Madison were deep in conversation. They had forgotten we were even standing with them.
Camila tilted her head toward the stadium. "I think Allyson and I are going to head in. We'll let you guys have some time." She rolled her eyes when Madison and Keith didn't respond and took off in the direction of the stadium.
I followed Camila across the street to the entrance of the stadium. "Madison seems really happy."
Camila nodded. "I agree. I think this will be a good guy for her."
We filed into the crowd of students waiting to enter the stadium. After a small wait in line, we were cleared and headed inside. Camila and I stopped by the bathroom so I could change into Daxson's jersey.
I didn't think Daxson would even notice me in the crowd, let alone give me a personalized gift. As excited as I was to watch the game, I was even more excited to see Daxson this afternoon. I didn't know what he had planned, but I'd enjoyed everything we'd done together so far.
Camila shoved my old jersey into her small bag before we headed to find our seats. The sun sat in the middle of the cloudless, blue sky and showered the stadium in light. It was sixty degrees with a cool breeze swirling through the stadium. It was a blessing to the mass of drunk college students.We settled into our seats as the teams warmed up on the field.
"That's the girl who Daxson Winters gave the jersey to," a voice behind me whispered.
I glanced over my shoulder to see a group of girls laughing.
A short brunette girl with a square nose continued to run her mouth. "She must love that black dick. She can't settle for a white guy. Go big or go home, am I right?"
The group of girls burst into laughter again. Flashbacks of the day with Lindsey filled mind. My palms were slick with sweat. What grade are we in again? Oh right, college.
Camila turned around and put her hands on her hips. "You got something to say to my friend, little bitch? Why don't you say it to her face?" She glared at them. "Don't talk shit if you can't back it up."
My heart raced as I grabbed Camila's arm. "Hey, it's fine. No big deal. They aren't worth the trouble."
Camila shook her head as she pulled her arm away from me. "They shouldn't be running their mouths."
Camila wasn't about to let anyone disrespect us. The girls stared at Camila with their noses in the air. In their minds, she was beneath them. Instead of responding to her, they rose from their seats and went towards the concession stand.
"That's what I thought. Bye," Camila snapped with extra emphasis on the word bye.
I sighed as they disappeared.
Camila turned to me. "Allyson, you can't let people walk all over you."
"I know."
I was used to being the perfect daughter. No confrontation. No arguing for my beliefs and my feelings.
"Know your worth. Stand up for yourself." Camila patted my leg with a soft smile.
The announcer's voice filled the stadium as he introduced the teams. We rose to our feet as the crowd erupted into the Roll Tide chant. Daxson and Xavier were team captains and made their way to the middle of the field for the coin toss. Daxson called heads and won the toss for the Tide, electing to take the ball in the second half. The crowd cheered for kickoff, and the game was on.
The game went like clockwork for Daxson and the team. They dominated the game in the first half, only giving up a field goal to the other team. Coach Saban paced the sideline and yanked his headset off when the other team scored the field goal. He expected a shut out every time.
At half time, we moved into seats closer to Madison and Keith, laughing and talking like there wasn't a care in the world. Keith explained the differences between the south and California, and how he loved the southern hospitality here. He seemed like a clean-cut, goody-two shoes, which was the opposite of Madison's previous boyfriends.
After the band finished their performance, the teams returned to the field. To decrease the chance of an injury, our first string never re-entered the game. The Tide was up 54-3, so the second half would be the time to improve the incoming freshman. The game came to an unexciting end and the football team made their way to the student section to sing the fight song with the band. When the celebration ended, we filed into a line to exit the stadium.
Madison and Keith held hands as they walked in front of Camila and I, whispering to each other. Man, it must be nice to be so absorbed in someone.
Madison turned to glance at me. "So, you going to meet Daxson?"
"Yeah, I was thinking about it. Y'all got a party to attend?"
Camila jumped up and down beside me. "Yes ma'am, I am. It's going to be lit!" She did a shoulder roll, earning laughs from Keith and Madison.
"Keith and I are going to grab some dinner at the square." Madison glanced up at Keith with a smile before turning her attention to me. "You should go see Daxson."
"Why is that?"
Madison shrugged. "Because I know you want to."
"It'll be good for you," Camila added as we all came to a stop outside the stadium.
I laughed and placed my hands on my hips. "Well, since you guys insist, I guess I'll go. I'll catch ya'll later?"
They all nodded before turning to cross the street with some other fans, leaving me standing alone. I started my journey to the back of the stadium with a smile on my face. It would take a lot to ruin my mood today.
As I came to the tunnel exit, the door swung open. Daxson and some other football players exited, howling with laughter.
"Please tell me you caught that shit on film, my man?" One of the guys questioned.
Daxson shook his head and smacked his hands together. "Nah, bro. I didn't have my phone. I was pissed."
"Shit. Maybe next time. Aye, there's party at Micah's house. You in?" Another guy asked before his eyes landed on me.
Daxson turned his head in the direction the guy was looking. He grinned when he saw me approaching. "Uh, no Ty. I have other plans tonight, but I'll catch you guys at film on Monday." He looked back to the guys.
Ty smirked as he studied me. "Oh a'ight, big dawg. You do you." His slid his hand into Daxson's and gave him a firm shake before turning to head off into the parking lot with the other guys.
"You didn't have to blow off your friends for me." I folded my arms across my chest and stopped beside him.
Daxson spun his keys around his finger. "I'm not much of a party guy. I'd rather spend time with you, anyway." He slung his arm around my shoulder.
"You? Not a party guy? For some reason, that surprises me. You're so social." I settled into his side as we walked.
"I'm only social because I have to be. It's part of being a star football player." His body posture oozed a surreal calmness today.
"So, you could say you're just playing the part?" I glanced at him.
He caught his keys in his hand. "Exactly. You know a little bit about that, don't you?"
I moved out from under his arm as we approached his truck in the parking lot. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Madison told me about your break down yesterday. I know about your relationship with your mother." He stopped to look at me.
My stomach swirled with emotions. I was angry with Madison for sharing something so personal with him. The things I told her weren't meant to be shared. Now, Daxson knew one of my secrets. Madison's 'I know you want to' excuse was bullshit.
"Why would she tell you that?" I raised my arms to rest them on top of my head.
"She thinks I can help you."
My jaw dropped a bit. I wanted to shout and throw a tantrum like Caleb did when he got frustrated, but I didn't want to say anything hurtful.
"I'm not a broken toy that needs fixed." I dropped my hands to my sides.
Daxson raised his hands. "I never said you were."
"Then, stop trying to help me. I don't need help," I snapped. "When did she even find the time to tell you all this?"
"She and her boyfriend caught me right at the end of the walk this morning." Daxson shrugged his shoulders like it wasn't a big deal. "Ally, I think it'd benefit you if you came with me to one of my therapy sessions."
He's unbelievable. Did he even listen to what I just said?
"No. I told you I don't need help."
Daxson sighed as he shoved his hands into his pockets. "You're so stubborn."
I rolled my eyes and turned my back on him to walk over to his truck.
"Don't get an attitude with me over this. You know I'm just trying to be here for you," he added from behind me.
I yanked the truck door open and crawled inside. After I settled into the seat, I took a deep breath to calm down. Even as Daxson got into the driver's seat, my eyes remained focused on the group of people walking in front of the truck. He remained silent beside me as he started the engine. I pulled my knees into the seat and turned my body away from him to stare out the window.
I was learning to deal with my problems on my own. Some stupid therapist wasn't going to make my mother proud of me or help my brother through his autism.
Daxson turned on the radio to break the silence between us. I watched as the college campus turned into the city of Tuscaloosa and then, the city of Tuscaloosa faded into the distance. On either side of the road, flooded fields of rice stretched to the horizon. The golden stalks whipped in the wind and met the blue sky, creating a perfect Kodak moment. My curiosity finally got the best of me.
"Where are we going?" I asked, glancing over at Daxson.
He rested his arm against the door, his right hand gripped the steering wheel tight enough to make the muscles in his arm flex. His tattoos stretched along the skin on his right forearm in a beautiful maze.
"Oh, so we're speaking again?" He asked with an arrogant tone in his voice.
I sighed. "I got irritated that Madison told you. My relationship with my mother is complicated. It's not something I just share with anyone."
"I can understand that." He tore his eyes from the road to look at me.
"You can?"
His eyes returned to the road as he nodded slowly. "I have things I don't share with just anyone either."
"Like why you're in therapy?" I asked, turning my body to face him.
His shoulders rose and fell as a sigh escaped his lips. "Exactly." His fingers shifted on the steering wheel so he could flip the turn signal on.
I looked out the window when we turned onto a red dirt road. The gravel crunched beneath the tires of his truck and we drove until we came to an opening in front of a tree line. He pulled the truck off the road into the grass and put it in park.
We were in the middle of nowhere. Memories of my father flashed through my mind. He would take me with him when we picked out places for new deer stands, and we'd always end up deep in the country.
"You still haven't told me where we are." I raised an eyebrow.
Daxson opened the door to the truck and jumped out before glancing back at me. "I'd rather show you." He closed the door.
I sighed as I climbed out of the truck and stepped through the tall grass to meet him at the tailgate. Daxson reached over the back of the truck and grabbed a backpack before motioning for me to follow him.
We trekked through the woods along a small rutted path. The earthy smells of soil after a rain and damp leaves overtook my senses. A distant snapping of twigs was followed by the hooting of owls. The leaves rustled in the breeze, creating a moving canopy overhead and cast dancing shadows along the forest floor. I focused on Daxson's back as he walked. His shoulders were tighter than normal, like he was holding some sort of unspoken stress. His feet stepped along the path in a careful manner to avoid tripping on tree roots that stuck up from the dirt. It seemed as though he had walked this path a few times.
His pace slowed as we came to the edge of the trees. The forest gave way to a large clearing filled with yellow daffodils. A small pond was hidden beneath the slope of the land, and it glistened in the sunlight. The water was still as dragonflies skidded across the surface. The bright oranges and yellows of the leaves danced along the tops of the trees that surrounded the small paradise. The sweet smell of camellia swept across the clearing with a cool breeze.
I stepped out into the clearing with my hands at my sides. It reminded me of the pond back home where Caleb and I would escape to when things got rough with my mother.
"It's beautiful."
Daxson chuckled as he stepped beside me and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I know."
"It reminds me of home." I wrapped my arms around myself.
We stood and admired the view for a few minutes in silence.
"Come on." Daxson walked closer to the pond with a smile on his face.
I followed him with a skip in my step. When he reached the top of the hill, he pulled his backpack off and set it at his feet. I watched as he pulled a quilt out and spread it across the ground.
As I sat down, I ran my fingers along the stitching in the quilt. "Who made this?"
Daxson smiled as he sat beside me, resting his elbows on his knees. "My grandmother stitched it together as a wedding present to my parents."
"Your family seems really close." I sat crisscrossed beside him.
"We used to be." His eyes focused on the water.
I tilted my head. "You aren't anymore?"
Daxson sighed as he brought his eyes back to me. "Not really. My mother, my siblings, and I are, but that's about it." He tapped his fingers along his wrist.
"Does it have something to do with the reason you're in therapy?" I questioned, tucking my hair behind my ear.
"Yeah." His expression was serious. "I think it's only fair that since I know one of your secrets that I tell you mine."
I ran my fingers along the quilt. The pain was etched into his features, and it broke my heart. I wanted nothing more than to take his pain away.
"Don't feel obligated to tell me, Daxson."
Daxson shook his head. "I want to tell you because I think you can help me finally move past it."
I leaned forward and pointed to my chest. "Why me? You already know how broken I am. I mean, I can't even accept help."
Daxson managed to let a chuckle escape his lips. "Ally, I don't care how broken you are. I'm broken too."
I guess sometimes, it takes a broken person to know how to fix another broken person.
"So, we can be broken together."
He nodded. "Exactly."
I scooted closer to him on the quilt and smiled. "Well, Mr. Winters, tell me all your deepest, darkest secrets."
Daxson sighed as he reached to take my hand. Mine was pale against his own caramel-colored skin. His golden eyes locked onto mine.
"You've been the first white girl I've been able to talk to since Jacie." He exhaled sharply. "I was in love with her."
There was something in his voice, an aching pain behind it. His front he put on for the world to cage the hurt came tumbling down. When he cried there was a rawness to it, like the pain was still an open wound.
I squeezed his hand tighter.
"But there was nothing I could do to save Jacie or my father."