Previously:
I wonder how my life would have turned out if I would still be part of the big four and I wasn't anorexic and the worst of all I didn't cut. My life would suck if I didn't cut because is life. I usually don't use the word anorexic I use starving but I think it's good to be anorexic I mean why eating? If I eat I have to buy food for myself every week that costs really much instead I can just buy banana every week that doesn't cost much it's better to do that.
Present:
Elsa P.O.V
I walked out of the park after watching the big four for a moment, I don't know if Jack saw me and I don't really care. He is happy with his gang that I use to be part of but they threw me out and replaced me without saying anything to me well they said it but in a ignoring way.
I began to think so much about this, I began to cry and run home. No one was home so I can cry peacefully without anyone to disturbing me and I really like it. But I wonder how it is to cry in someone's shoulder, I have see people do it but never tried it on my own and probably never will.
I walked into the bathroom to clean away all my tears but when I looked into the mirror I saw the ugliest person who has ever lived and that is me. I'm so ugly and fat and worthless, I deserve to die. Everyone will be happy if my life would just end here and now. And that is what I am going to do. I have decided that I am going to kill myself and I don't expect someone to find my body anytime soon.
I began to sing about this:
Take a look at my body,
Look at my hands.
There is so much here,
That I don't understand.
Your face say,
These promises.
Whispered like prayers,
I don't need them.
Because I've been treated so wrong,
I've been treated so long.
As if I'm becoming untouchable,
Well content loves the silence.
It thrives in the dark,
With fine winding tendrils.
That strangle the heart,
They say that promises sweeten the blow.
But I don't need them,
No I don't need them.
I've been treated so wrong,
I've been treated so long.
As if I'm becoming untouchable,
I'm a slow dying flower.
Frost killing hour,
The sweet turning sour.
And untouchable,
Oh I need the darkness, the sweetness,
The sadness, the weakness,
I need this.
I need a lullaby,
A kiss goodbye.
Angel sweet love of my life,
Oh I need this.
I'm slow dying flower,
Frost killing hour.
The sweet turning sour,
And untouchable.
Do you remember,
The way.
That you touched,
Me before.
All the trembling,
Sweetness.
I loved,
And adored?
Your face saving promises,
Whispered like prayers.
I don't need them,
I need the darkness, the sweetness.
The sadness, the weakness,
I need this.
I need a lullaby,
A kiss goodbye.
Angel sweet love of my life,
Oh I need this.
Is it dark enough?
Can you see me?
Do you want me?
Can you reach me?
Or I'm leaving,
You better shut your mouth.
Hold your breath,
Kiss me now.
You'll catch my death,
Oh I mean it.
Oh I mean it.
I don't know how many songs I make but the are all about how I feel except let it go. I feel so free when I sing somehow, even tho I have a really terrible voice. Anna is the only singer in our family not me and her just her.
How am I going to kill myself? I could hand myself but that is to easy, I want to have painful death. I can't kill myself with a knife because I'm use to bleed. Wait I can jump of a bride where no one can find my body or I can take a lot of pills but that isn't painful death, then how should I do it.
I went to bed thinking about how I am going to kill myself but the darkness won over me and I fell into it, I had fallen asleep.
Soon I opened my eyes and it was still dark outside. I looked at my alarm and I slept for two hours, it seemed like forever. I got out of bed and walked to my bathroom to take a shower. I don't care if it's the middle of the night, I just want to go on a walk outside.
I walked into the park where I always is, well I feel nice in it but not nice enough to take away all my problems. No one was here but somehow I felt like I wasn't alone in this park. Something was telling me to go home but I don't care what or who is here I just want to spend some peace and quiet here outside where no one is but if someone is here then it's ok with me.
Soon the feeling stopped that someone was here with meI watched the night sky turn into a sunrise that is very beautiful. When people started coming inside the park I walked home, I don't feel very well when there are people around me. I know that happens all the time in school but that are kids on my age but these people are old and young that are not in the school except for the teacher but that is different, ok you get my point I hope.
I began to clean the house but I started thinking that I haven't cut today, after I'm done cleaning I have to start cutting. I don't know what I will do if I hadn't start cutting....
Flashback
It is Christmas and no one came to me, I Invited the gang and my family but no one came. It's only six presents under the tree and that is the gifts I was going to give to my family and friend but nothing I'm all alone. I walked to Anna's room and I was about to knock when I saw my family opening gifts and having fun together without me. I began to cry from what I saw but the thing that is stabbing my heart is this:
"The whole family together without the maid" dad said, they still think of me as a ,aid instead of their daughter. I ran out of the house and to the gang but when I got there I didn't feel better I just felt worse. I saw all of them laughing and smiling together without me, every has someone except me. I have no one.
I saw the stars in the nigh pt sky, I wish I could have a perfect Christmas.
Starlight light, star bright.
First star I see tonight.
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have this wish I wish tonight.
When I wish on a star,
Gaze upon it form a far,
I believe what's troubling me,
Can melt away like snow.
This isn't where we want to be,
There is so much more we want to see.
Sparkling lights, city sites,
Busy streets below.
I will keep doing all I can do.
I will keep wishing,
Cause wishes come true.
I'm dreaming our Christmas will turn out right.
That's the wish I wish,
Tonight.
When I wish my heart is full,
Everything is possible.
I can see beyond the clouds,
Feel the stars as they all flow.
I will keep doing all I can do,
I will keep wishing cause wishes come true.
I'm dreaming our Christmas will turn out right,
That is the wish I wish,
Tonight.
I will keep doing all I can do.
I will keep wishing cause wishes come true,
I'm dreaming our Christmas will turn out right.
That's the wish I wish,
That's the wish I wish.
That's the wish I wish,
Tonight.
I sang a song to the stars hoping a wish star heard it and make my wish come true. I walked to my 'room' and cry myself to sleep. When I wake up I go and see the tree with the gifts I made for my friends and family but now they are just nothing just like me. I took on up but I accidentally cut myself from the paper its wrapped in.
The blood is leaking down my arm but somehow it doesn't hurt me instead it feel good. After letting the blood leak a little I cleaned it.
Flashback ends
After that I just started cutting to take away my pain. Since then I never celebrated Christmas or my birthday. Well that doesn't matter right now does it? I cut and I love it so much I think I love it more then anything in the world.
I began to clean while thinking how I'm going to kill myself. And I designed that I will take pills, let me bleed to nearly death and then jump from a bridge and into the ocean. That will be a good death for me and I can finally put an end to my misery.
Well now I'm done cleaning for today, I have only one day of head of me doing nothing. Well I can cut myself since I have nothing to do.
Soon I was done cutting twenty-four times but this time I didn't clean the blood of my arms. I just let it leak down my palms and arms.
I'm thinking of buying a new book to keep me busy. I walked to the book store. There are so many books here, I have no idea what book I can pick. After looking for awhile I found a book that I hope I like and that book is the Hunger Games.
I paid for the book and then walked out of the store. While I was walking home I saw Jack, great he is here.
I started walking faster but he catched me, I mean he is the best boy runner in the school. I didn't stop walking to talk to him but I don't want him to know where I love even if he knows what I live, so I walked the other way from my home.
"Hey wait up" Jack said but I ignored him completely. I don't need him in my life again I don't need him and I don't want him. He was calling metro stop but he was right beside me.
"I told you to wait and where are you going?" Jack asked me grabbing by wrist and pulling me to him. He was pressing on my scars and it really hurts, I had to bite my lip to not scream. I have to get rid of him.
"If you really want to know, I'm in a hurry and I'm going home so why don't you just hang out with little miss perfect your girlfriend" I snapped at him and he deserves it. I got free from his grip and walked away from him but he followed me again.
"Why are you acting like that?" Jack asked me while following m somewhere I have no where I am going. I have to get away from him as fast as possible. I just started walking somewhere randomly with Jack on my heels well technically not heels just following I don't even own heels,you get my point I hope.
"Acting like what? I'm just acting natural is that dangerous or something?" I asked getting mad by him. And by his face I think he is getting mad too but is calming down unlike me. I don't understand, why hasn't he forgot about me again?
"Your acting like you hate me for no reason" Jack said, yeah for no reason he really doesn't remember me does he? It's like I was never part of his life or anyone's actually. Even the new teachers have forgotten about me.
"I do hate you and I have many reason, they are so many I can't even count them and I would like to walk alone home without you following me so get lost" I snapped at him then ran away. It felt kinda good to use my anger on him and I want to keep doing that until he will leave me alone like I'm use to.
I had to run all the way home with by the way was very far because I had walked really far away from my house and that is what I want Jack to think that I live there instead where I really live. Jack is known for his good looks not for his 'genius brain' and and that was a sarcasm just to let you know. So if he is a genius he will leave me alone with he isn't so he is going to bother me but I have a plan, how I will get rid of him and get him out of my life. And that plan is called Suicide. And that plan will work because he will be out of my life forever because I will be dead.
I took my razor and began to cut while I was reading the book, I want to both these things and why not just mix it together but I just have to be careful not to get any blood on my book. I don't want my new book to be ruined because of my blood.
After cleaning my blood and reading for awhile the door bell rung. That's strange no one comes here except Anna's friends but they know that she is on a private island. I but on a long sleeve shirt and opened the door.
I just opened for Jack Frost the one and only. Yay he is now following me completely.
"Are you stalking me?" I asked him but he ignored me and asked me something that I wasn't expecting.
"Why are you in the Winters house?" Jack asked me and walked inside without me saying he can, how rude of him just come inside someone else's house uninvited. What can I say? I can't say I'm their older daughter and your old friend can I? No out of the question I will say that.
"I'm there maid, what are you doing here?" I asked but he keeps ignoring my questions by asking me questions that he wants answers from. This is getting annoying.
"Now you are going to tell me your name, and you will tell me or I will use the hard way and you don't want to know the hard way" Jack said, wow I'm so afraid of him and that was a sarcasm. What can he possibly do to me.
"I wont tell you and if you don't get out of here now I will call the police" I threatened him while grabbing the telephone, I'm not good with phone because I obviously don't have one but I have seen everyone use phone and besides I can figure this out by myself like I do with everything.
Jack suddenly took my phone out of my hands, smart really smart.
"Are you going to tell me or do I have to look at your wrist's" Jack said. Wait did he see me cut my wrist's, if he did why does he care?
"Fine my name is Elisabeth" I said. Well I didn't lie my name is Elsa Elisabeth Winters, so that does not count as lie I think. I just used my middle name.
"Well then Elisabeth can I call you Elisa or Elsie?" Jack asked. That only reminds me of when we were little. Jack use to call me Elsie, I always thought it was cute but now I kinda hate it.
"Elisabeth is fine thank you and now can you leave this house now" I dai trying to say it kindly and putting a fake smile to Make him leave.
"I won't leave until you tell me why you hate me" Jack said. If I would tell the truth then he will just question it more so I think I will lie a little and tell the truth a little. That is a good idea I think. I just hope he will believe it.
"Fine beacuse of you I lost my friends. End of story now go" I said. Well it was technically Rapunzel who took away my friends but I hope he will buy this. I can't lie like this anymore it's killing me.
"What friends?" Jack asked while walking to the door. I has never been like this before. It's like he wants to know everything about me but he will only know what I want him to know. I'm not an open book like him, I'm more like a shielded book with tons of locks on it and that book is burning in a fire not out of anger just out of pain something like that.
"I don't say names but I will make a nickname for all of them, the first one I will call summer, the next one is autumn, the third is spring and the fourth is winter. Happy now?" I asked him. I think you know who is each season but if you don't I will tell you. Summer: Rapunzel, spring: Hiccup, autumn: Merida and finally winter is of course: Jack.
"Thank you for telling me, now come on" Jack said. Where does he want me to go and there is no way I'm going with him somewhere that is out of the question.
"Where?" I asked. If he is taking me to his gang then I refuse to go with him in fact I don't even want to be near him or anyone in the big four.
A/N: Hello my snowflakes and snowballs.
End of chapter.
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