Previously:
By the time I finish the book it was already late in the night so I just went to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and took of my make up. I got dressed in my pajamas and laid down on my bed. Soon I met the darkness.
Present:
Elsa P.O.V
I'm sitting in a cold dark room, there are no colors, no sounds, no people just dark and nothing except me alone. I stood up walking somewhere but I can't find anything or anyone.
It's really hard to find my way around because I can't see anything, I can't even see my hands but I can feel them. Soon I saw the big four and that is when the lights appeared. I was in a red creepy room with the big four and they had a evil smile's/grins on there faces.
They started walked up to me but I backed until I was up to a wall in this red room, they came closer and closer until they were only 10 centimeters from me. They started surrounding me and I got only more frightened by the second.
"What do you want?" I asked them. I'm freaking out right now, the people I hate and don't want to know, are surrounding me with a evil smile's/grins. What should I do? I can't fight them they are four and I'm just alone with no one to help me.
"We hate you"
"Your ugly"
"Slut"
"Bitch"
"Fat bitch"
"Just kill yourself"
"We never wanted you"
Now my parents and Anna joined them and started calling me names and things like that.
"Your nothing"
"Just die"
"Everyone just uses you"
"Hang your self"
"You were just a mistake"
"You have never been out real daughter"
"No one cares for you"
"We don't want you anymore"
"We were never friends"
"Go to hell"
"Freak"
"Suicidal"
"Nerd"
"Whore"
"No one loves you"
"Depressed"
"Your no one"
"No one will be in your funeral when you die"
"Loser"
"We only used you for popularity"
"STOP" I screamed. I woke panting heavily. It was just a dream. It looked so real, I have never had a dream about the big four. Usually I get nightmares about how no one loves me but this tops everything. This is the worst dream I have ever had.
I stood up from my 'bed' and walked to the window that is technically not even a window I just call it a window. It was still dark outside but the sun is coming up so I guess the time is about 4 a.m. I looked at the clock and I was close the time is 04:54 a.m.
I took a cold shower but I didn't feel like cutting right now but I will cut at school in lunch period. I'm going to take a walk around the park because I have time and plus I have nothing to do.
No one was in the park at this time but I like it like that. The only sounds I could hear are the birds songs and I hear the leaves move in the wind. It's so quiet here. I watched the sunrise it was beautiful. I took my backpack with me so when I want I can go to school.
People started coming in the park to do their morning run or take there dog's for a walk. I started walking to school but this time it was sun, I'm not really a sun person I'm more like hiding in the shadows where no one can find me.
I am now in school on my way to P.E. I don't like P.E because I never get picked in the teams. But I love when we have to run, I love running because I can run really fast and much at the same time. I'm always the first one to finish running but Mr. Bunnymund Easter never sees me or notice me.
We are playing doucheball and I am in team #2. I don't usually get the ball but when I do I just throw it in a random direction but still I don't hit the people who are not in my team, I usually hit someone in my team but they never notice I hit them, it is pretty funny but I never laugh. I haven't laughed since well since I was with the big four and that was many years ago, ok it was four years ago.
Now that I think about it I have been cutting myself and do self harm in four years, and I haven't eaten properly in four, I haven't been noticed in four years, I have been invisible for four years, four years since my heart broke, it's been four years since I lost my smile, It's been four years since I have had a Christmas, four year since I have celebrated my birthday, four years since someone cared for me, four years since I was loved for real.
I was so deep In my thoughts that I didn't see that a ball was going my way. I got hit in the head hard and fell to the floor but no one did notice it happen not even the person that throw the ball my direction, I guess that he wasn't trying to hit me just shoot in a random direction. I fell to the floor unconscious with only a pain in my head and then the darkness met me.
When I woke up, the class was leaving the gymnastics hall. How long was I unconscious lying on the cold floor. I stood up and walked out of the gymnastics hall alone obviously.
My next period doesn't start until after one hour. I went to the old janitor closet to cut but guess what. The big four were walking the same direction as me, I just hope they won't notice me go into the janitor closet and I just hope they won't notice me at all. I don't need them to see right now, they haven't been wanting to see me for four years so why would this chance anything.
I walked into the old janitor closet and they didn't even look at me so I'm free from them for now. I took up my razor and started cutting in my wrist. After a while I was done cutting ten times, I cleaned the blood and walked out of the janitor closet and like always no one saw me.
Now it's only forty minutes until next class and I have no idea what I can do. I walk to my locker and slam my back in my locker, then I sit down still with my back on my locker.
I started to draw a picture of me and Anna as little kids building a snowman. That were happy times where nothing went wrong but now I'm nothing and Anna is so beautiful. Everyone says she is so beautiful but no one in my whole life has said that to me once and I can't blame them I'm ugly as hell.
"That is a cool drawing" Someone said. I didn't notice someone was here. I looked up and saw: Jackson Overland Frost the one and only. And clearly he doesn't remember me. Well I don't want to talk to him so I shouldn'ttell him my real name. You can't blame me for not wanting to know him or talk to him, I don't even want to know him.
"Thank you" I said fake smiling at him but I don't think he believed my fake smile. I heard him clearing his throat.
"I'm Jac- Jack said but I interrupted him. He doesn't have to say his name I already know it and besides he is the most popular boy in the school witch makes no sense why he is wasting his time here with me a loser.
"Jackson Overland Frost the player in this school I know who you are" I said. I stood up at the same time and walked away to class. I didn't want to be with him anymore. He is the reason why my heart is broken into fucking million pieces.
I walked to class and sat in the back of the class hoping Jack would never find me. Soon the big four walked into the class and luckily they didn't see me just like I want it to be.
Class ended and I walked to my locker to get a banana because now it is lunch period. Like yesterday I went to the old janitor closet and began to cut but this time I started cutting deeper and more. There is a reason for that, I promised myself if someone of the big four would talk to me and I would talk back then I would cut deeper and more. I didn't expect that to happen but now I hvar cut in my wrist forth time today already.
I cleaned the blood and while I was cleaning it I heard the bell ring. I ran to class and I was lucky that I was the first one to get to class. Thank got that only Merida is with me in this class, I don't want Jack or someone in the big four to find me again. It was hard to be with Jack without crack and just burst out by crying. You have no idea how it feels like that the person who broke your heart into so many pieces you can't find them all is finally talking to you after freaking four years of ignoring you.
This is history class and I listened very carefully because Mrs. Tooth does only say everything once and If you don't hear it then your grades will get lower. I love reading in history class because that is my only chance to read and I know what you are thinking that I should just go to the school library but I can't do that. If I want to get a book from the library I have to pay for it and I can't do that, I don't have much money and that money I have I use it to buy something I really need like clothes and shampoo but I am trying to save money to buy my own apartment to get out of here. I know mom and dad would never give me money to buy apartment so I have to save for it myself.
History class ended and I am on my way home. I am walking home from school when a family walked past me. In that family were two girls one with brown hair and brown eyes and the second with brown hair and green eyes. They were happy together and the parents were smiling at their daughter's. I wish my parents would be like that to me not only Anna just us both. I have no idea what i did to deserve this but whatever it is I guess it is begin born.
I began to think about that dream I had earlier this morning. I don't know if it was a vision or just a nightmare. It could be both or it could be nether of them. Maybe it was just a normal dream but about people that hurt me the most all of them. Even mom and dad the people who should care for you but my parents hate me they don't love me at all in fact no one loves me.
When I got home Anna was waiting for something by the door so I couldn't come in even when I tried. But she stepped aside and let me in. That is not what she does, I know she is up to something and wants something from me.
"Ugly your late, my room needs to be cleaned" Anna said. See I told you she wants something from me. She wants me to clean her room and let me guess she has made it extra messy for me to clean. I saw about to get my cleaning tools when Anna stopped me.
"And this is for begin late" Anna said as she kicked me in the stomach. I fell to the floor in pain but I didn't cry even if it did hurt really much but I'm not showing I'm weak. They will just use my weakness against me. I stood up from the floor and walked to my 'room' to get my cleaning tools.
After one hour and twenty minutes I was finally finished with Anna's room but something tells me I have to clean something more. I walked to my 'room' and on the door I saw a list?. I read the list and on it were chores for me to do before mom and dad come home. I think Anna enjoy's to give me chores and make my life a living hell but she usually ignores me like everyone else. When she need something from me she doesn't ingores me but she is cruel and rude to me.
My chores were like: Clean the windows, Swipe the floors then scrub them, Do everyone's laundry, Make Dinner for Everyone, clean every place in the house including the roof. When They say "Everyone" they mean everyone excep me of course.
Why can't I just die. It would be better than begin alive and fell endless pain besides no one would care if I would be gone forever, no one would care if I would die, no one would notice me died. What is the point of living? I feel like I am alive to feel pain and be depressed. I think they are right in my dream I am all of these things. So why can't my life just end here and now? Can't I just cut too deep and bleed to death?But God wants me to be alive to punish me for begin born.
I looked in my backpack for my razor but he was no where to be found. Where is my razor? Oh no I left it in the janitor closet by accident, I was hurrying to class I forgot to put it into my backpack. Then what should I cut with? I just have to find something sharp. The only Problem is that there is nothing in my 'room' sharp enough for me to cut and I can't skip cutting tonight, I have to cut every day.
I took my diary from my hiding spot. I took a pen and started to write:
Dear diary,
today I met Jack it was terrible to see him again he doesn't remember who I am or how I look like.
At least I began to cut deeper than before and it feels better to cut deep and let the blood leak down my wrist.
I can't cut tonight because I accidentally left my razor in the janitor closet, I just hope no one would find it there but I will cut extra tomorrow when I have my razor.
Anna kicked me in the stomach and now I have a bruise on my stomach that doesn't hurt that much only a little but I'm use to pain by now so I'm okey with it, to tell the truth it kinda felt nice to feel pain and not just pain from my cutting.
I hate my life and I really want it to end but something is keeping me from doing suicide.
Until next time,
~Elsa.
This is what I usually write in my diary. I never write anything good only the things that happen to me, witch are not happy times. I don't even use the word "happy" anymore.
I started remembering the times mom and dad use to love me and had friends but the memory I will never forget is the memory of me and Anna building a snowman together. That is why I draw it because I want to remember it and keep it in my memories forever or at least until I will do suicide witch I am going to do and nothing can stop me from doing it.
Flashback
Me and Anna went to bed after our mother read a story for us. But when mom and dad were asleep Anna always tried to get me to play with her in winter when it was snowing.
"Elsa wake up, wake up, wake up" Anna whispered in my ear. I just pretend to be asleep for fun. Anna started shaking me hoping to wake me up.
"Anna go back to sleep" I said to Anna as I pushed her out of my bed. I don't understand how a five years old can be awake at this hour. I am just eight years old and I think it's hard to be awake at this hour how can she is not tired?
Anna claimed back in my room. Now she has found a new idea to get me to play with her. I would like to know what she has in mind. She opened one of my eyes and said:
"Do you want to build a snowman?" Anna said excited. I began to smile because I love building a snowman, I mean who wouldn't?
We had a lot of fun, we skated and we went to a snow fight witch she won but only because I let her win, she is younger than me so why not letting her win and besides you don't have to win the point is to have fun. What could go wrong?
We build a snowman that we named Olaf. Olaf is the most cutest snowman that me and Anna have made together so far.
"I'm Olaf, and I like warm hugs" I said in a boy voice or I'm trying to at least. Anna ran and hugged Olaf and said:
"I love you Olaf" Anna said laughing witch made me laugh with her. Soon we went inside and back to sleep without our parents to know that we were outside playing in the snow.
Flashback ends
I loved this times when I had fun 24/7. I wish it could be like that again, but it can't I just have to face it, I will never be loved and have friends nor have fun ever again.
A/N: Hello my snowflakes and snowballs.
End of chapter.
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