P h o t o #50 - Baby Steps
~Kayla's POV~
I stared down at my midnight stiletto Jimmy Chu's, my face most likely as red as a tomato as I overheard Emma's conversation with Zach, not used to hearing two people talk so highly of my erratic self. I would have gone out and joined them had I not wanted to listen in, so I quickly slid over and stayed against the wall next to the open sliding door, cooling off as the frosty breeze rushed into the house.
My pink lips couldn't help but rise into a smile. I never would've guessed that the two knew each other, nor would I have known that the strange yet endearing girl Zach spoke of at his workplace would be my best friend all along.
"Small world," I murmured to myself, watching from the sidelines as the four boys were bombarded by a group of girls even older than me, their questions flying and hands frantic as if they were meeting a bunch of celebrities on their daily stroll.
'I wonder how they would react if they found out that Cooper couldn't even do his hair by himself for tonight, nor could Jonas even properly tie his tie.'
Once again my light eyes landed on Jonas' brooding figure, his face stoic yet polite as he addressed the girls. Even if I could tell he wasn't too interested in the conversation he wouldn't dare decline their offers for a nice chit-chat.
'Now where's that chivalry when I'm around?' I silently questioned, eyeing his direction suspiciously.
Suddenly, as if he could feel my eyes alone on him even though practically every girl in the room was gawking his way, his head turned in my direction, his icy blue eyes connecting with mine. Our heavy gazes caused an explosion of emotions to erupt within my chest. I watched those same pale eyes for as long as I could hold them, until I was the first to break the contact.
I snapped myself out of it. Even if he was the most insufferable, irritating boy I had ever met, for some reason, every time I looked into those unearthly eyes of his, I couldn't help but remember the way they used to sparkle when he'd genuinely laugh during the days of our youth. It was a memory that always found a way to ring it's ugly head, and to send a painful ache through my heart along with its presence.
A slow puff of air escaped my mouth as I crossed my arms, consciously adjusting the thick straps of my dress before doing so. I definitely could still feel the heavy looks I was getting from a few girls here and there. Even if I was well known around campus as the hair guru, especially after I did Zach a great favor and gave him a much needed cut, that never stopped the glares I acquired from a select few of girls adamant on disliking me.
I ignored said looks of death and tuned back into what Emma and Zach were talking about, noticing the slight shift in conversation behind me. I knew I was eavesdropping, but I just couldn't help my curiosity, especially after finding out how well the two knew each other. I also felt the wish to look out for my friend at this party; I knew the crazy and petty things that went down over the years and I truly didn't want her to be swept up in someone's one night drama session.
'Although the chocolate incident wasn't a good start to her night.' I thought despondently, feeling like I should've figured that they would've spiked anything they could. Like Zach mentioned, it was a college party after all. They're willing to do anything to get they're kicks.
Finally my ears registered just what the two I was listening in on we're talking about, my brain gathering enough words to now follow the conversation. I couldn't believe my sense of hearing when I realized the topic of conversation was Elliot.
'No,' I thought again, 'That's not right.'
I knew that lately, one way or another, Elliot would always be a subject discussed when Emma was around. I slowly noticed it more and more for the past couple weeks. What drove me up a wall with interest was what the deal between the two was.
It didn't take a rocket scientist to observe how strange Elliot was acting whenever Emma was in the premises, it also intrigued me when I noticed how bothered Emma seemed to be due to Elliot's constant shunning. I mean we all knew he had mood swings every once in awhile, but this one just took the cake and ran with it.
What was strange to me was seeing Emma seem so outwardly upset by it all. She may be sensitive to a lot of things, but when it pertained to us she always was able to voice her concerns even if it took her some time to warm up to the idea. I almost felt bad for her when I watched her deflate after failing at holding a small conversation with Elliot these past two weeks, and it almost had me wishing I could knock a thing or two into that boy's head for making her feel that way.
Another thing that had my emotions all tossed up came into view, causing my eyes to scan over my ever chirpy little brother as he spoke with a pair of bubbly twins a year older than me. I had almost forgotten that Cooper had his own set of unspoken feelings for Emma, and the remembrance hit me like a ton of bricks.
Again a pain shot through my chest, and I felt awful for doubting my lovable brother, but I knew exactly what caused the sudden shift in my mind.
Like I said, I was no rocket scientist, but I knew when two people had an undeniable attraction towards each other better than the next college-aged girl, and the mere thought of Cooper heart broken at the hands of my best friend sent a whole new wave of feelings over me.
I'd never be mad at Emma for her decision, it was her life, and if she didn't feel 100% the same towards my brother then I wouldn't want her committing to him. I knew she wouldn't do that either; Emma wasn't that kind of person. I knew I would be saddened at seeing Cooper's first love fall through either way, even if all of my worrying would trouble him.
I ran a hand down my bare arm, only now shuddering as the breeze continued to flow into the raving home. I was at a party, a place to have a good time and forget about the woes of everyday life, and yet I was still allowing all of this to get to me at such an unwarranted time.
'I need something to warm me up.' I looked to the crowd again, trying to put my tangled thoughts behind me as I searched for an opening in the crowd as the slower song playing ceased and a new, faster song took its place inside the many booming speakers. The crowd dancing in the oversized living room specially cleared of furniture for the purpose of the fancy floor cheered, they're fist pumping as if they were attending a concert. I watched as more people flooded the area, grabbing friends and giggling as some girls even kicked off their shoes in order to dance. Even if this party required minor formalities due to Tanner's secret love of girls in cocktail dresses, that didn't stop the fun and silliness of a normal party one bit.
Finally, an opening appeared before me, right next to Cooper and the boys as the girls they conversed with before clearly tried talking them into a dance. I would've laughed at the troubled looks on their faces due to the fact that none of them were really that big with dancing with girls they barely knew if I hadn't been so put off by my brooding emotions at the time.
Immediately I made my way past them, barely even registering the side glance I got from a certain set of blue irises that somehow managed to glow under the constantly changing colored lights above. I made my way to the kitchen like my life depended on it, my ears drowning in the deafening music as I pushed past to rowdy frat boys that didn't mind making comments about my bottom as I walked by.
I didn't need two greasy, hormonal guys telling me I looked "smoking" in my dress to make me feel validated. I already knew I did.
As soon as the many blue coolers lining a wall in the vast kitchen came into sight, I popped the lid open on one and pulled out the first beer I saw, not even caring to check the label. Snatching one of the many tab openers off the table next to me, I opened the fizzing drink and took a swig. The burn as it ran down my throat woke me up a bit, my alertness returning to me after those sluggish few minutes before.
In all honesty, I wasn't one who couldn't hold their alcohol. It wasn't a fact I was exactly proud of, but I had been taking shots since I was 16 due to a few incidents involving peers pressure and another few involving dares I couldn't go back on. It didn't take me long, especially after I began attending these annual holiday parties, that I had already built up my tolerance. The liqueur-laced chocolate before had barely even touched me, and at the moment I was looking for a slight buzz to take the edge off my mind.
Although I was never the fanatic for drinking, I didn't mind quenching my tightened nerves with some much needed stress relief ever now and then. Even if I was technically still underage, I knew my limits and how to be responsible.
My body began feeling the effects after downing almost the entire bottle in a couple more drawn out drinks, and again I had to ignore a few comments as more partygoers already loitering took notice of my chugging in front of the coolers. They hollered and called out, but the foggy haze forming in my head almost tuned them out entirely.
'Okay, maybe that chocolate did do something.' I thought as I staggered back just a bit, the chanting ceasing as people commented and laughed at my suddenly swaying self. Usually a single beer wouldn't leave me this light on my feet.
I gripped the edge of the table holding the bottle openers and spread of chips and dip, my fingers splayed against the dark colored table cloth.
I chucked my bottle into the recycle bin under said table, leaning down just a bit as I lifted the cloth and through the glass with the rest. 'No more for me tonight, that's for sure.' I promised myself, wondering where I could find a bottle of water.
Just as I began straightening myself back up, listening as shoes scuffled past me, the fun of watching me wobble over for the little crowd that had formed, my vision briskly swirled, the booming music and changing colors around me getting to my muddled brain.
As soon as my body began crumpling downwards, the hard wood floor quickly coming closer, my face fell straight into a strong chest, large hands taking holding of my upper arms. I inhaled in spite of myself, the familiarity of the fresh smell a welcoming scent amongst the stale air that reeked of alcohol around the two of us.
"Jesus Christ, Kayla." A concerned voice spoke in my ear, sending shivers down my spine, "Watch what you're drinking."
My head shot up, only to slump down again as a spike of pain bloomed behind my eyes, sending the kitchen spinning once more. My hand clamped down on the shoulders of my savior as I pulled myself back up.
Eyes the color of a clear sky bored into me, "Jonas?" I spoke barely above a whisper, surprised to see him.
He ran his fingers through his slicked blonde hair, quickly averting those heavenly irises of his, "What now?" He sighed, waiting for me to explode at him like I always did.
Somehow him expecting me to do so made my mood drop, then it caused me to realize that if my mood were to drop then that would mean it had risen when Jonas arrived at the scene. I didn't want to pry into it, so I just allowed my hand to softly squeeze the shoulder I still held onto, "Thanks."
His eyes widened down at me, finally letting his hands slip from me once I found myself steady again, "Yeah..." He looked away, one of those hands I mentioned before sliding into one of mine, "Right. Let's move to a place where you can sober up a bit."
My pulse gradually quickened as our feet clamored across the hardwood flooring, the music still causing the group to vibrate under the soles of our shoes as they clicked across the house. My wavering gaze never left our clasped hands, 'What the hell is going on all of sudden?' I questioned myself silently, 'Did what I mention about chivalry earlier somehow telepathically reach him or something?!'
Narrowing my eyes at the back of his blonde locks, I moved a little closer so he could hear me, trying to break free of his grasp, "Jonas, really, I'm okay-"
My voice hitched in my throat once his hand squeezed around my tighter, stopping suddenly, causing me to almost run straight into his back. He turned to face me, "The last time I saw you down a beer in one sitting like that was when your parents went back to the Caribbean after promising to stay for your birthday for once." He moved closer, the thunderous music no match for his fixating voice, "Something is definitely bothering you."
I stared up at him in disbelief over the mere fact that he even noticed such fine details, our close proximities giving me shivers up and down my spine, "It's...Its none of your business, anyways." I finally responded, my comment coming off as brash as I tried slipping from his grip again, unsure of how I should reply to his concern.
Yet again his hand wouldn't let me go, "That's why I'm not asking." He simply stated, then turned back around and started pulling me with me down the hall, "I'm just helping you take your mind off it."
My blood pressure spiked once those words left his lips, my mind racing in wonder as to just what that sentenced entailed. I was so stunned I didn't even have the sense to muster up enough courage to yank away from him and bicker like we always did, so I silently followed and prayed he wasn't thinking of anything stupid.
We rounded a couple corners until we finally came to the sunroom at the back of the house. I sighed with relief, remembering how Tanner always made sure that this part of the house was off limits due to the expensive sets of China his parents kept on shelves in there. I honestly didn't feel like confronting anyone at the moment, yet the thought of me being alone with Jonas sent a rush of adrenaline through me.
As soon as we turned and walked into the practically glass room due to all of its windows, I instantly wished we could turn back and run.
"Hey!" David, a rude, blunt guy in my English class called out and waved as if he were happy to see me, "Look at you two lovebirds!" My hand immediately fell from Jonas' at his comment.
He motioned towards the other girls and guys sitting around with him in a circle, all of them clearly in many different phases of under the influence, "Care to join us in a secret game of spin the bottle?" He shook an empty wine bottle my way, his dark eyes glowing.
"Spin the bottle? What are we, middle schoolers?" I retorted, crossing my arms over my chest as Jonas stood silently at my side, "And I'm not too sure Tanner would take a liking to you all being in here." My eyes glanced over towards the glass case holding glistening played on stands.
"Aw, come on, we're just trying to take a walk down memory lane," Mary, a girl with dyed red hair that graduated with me spoke at David's side, "Tanner won't care as long as we don't break anything." Then she turned her attention to Jonas, batting her eyelashes, "Won't you join us, please?"
The rest of the girls purred with whiny "please"s as well, giggling and drunk as they cleared a spot between them for him. Jonas didn't respond, his hands dug deep int his pockets as he stood before them. As their insipid pleading continued, I finally grabbed him arm with a low growl and directed both of us into the room, surprised by how easily he went along with my whim, "If it'll keep you all from furthering my headache, then fine." I said thought gritted teeth.
Everyone expressed their pleasure as we walked over, Jonas going towards the spot the girls continued to eagerly pay like their life depended on it as I plopped down in the only spot left: next to David. Lucky me.
'Just a few rounds,' I promised myself, 'Just to make them shut up. I'd never hear the end of it at school if I turned them down. These girls don't like me either.' I searched around the circle of people, watching the girls send me jealous looks in between swooning over Jonas' presence. I shook my head at how obvious they were.
David went on to explain the rules of the game, saying that whoever spun it last would be the next person to determine who was going to do what next. I watched as they all began, the rounds passing by in a flash as people kissed one another regardless of the person's gender, as another guy I didn't know was dared to strip down to his underwear, and while the smallest girl of the bunch proceeded to flawlessly burp the ABC's as dared. I was almost blown away by the fact that I was slightly entertained by all of this madness, possibly because I was somewhat still recovering from my binge drinking before.
I was so immersed in guffawing along with a ginger kid I didn't even know the name of, both of us slap happy after watching the blushing girl who just finished her burp serenade, I didn't even realize that someone's spin had finally landed on me for the first time since the game commenced.
I looked up, searching for who had had a hand in spinning it, only to come face to face with a wide eyed Jonas as he stared down at the bottle himself, 'Fuck.'
The petite girl who was once bashful now turned to me with a sickening smirk, our fates lying in her hands since she was the last to go, obviously catching the brief look of horror that crossed my face before speaking, "Both of you," Her voice was high and devilish as she readied herself to get back at me for poking fun at her belching skills, "It's seven minutes in heaven time."
'I really shouldn't have laughed at her...' I thought in shock as the rest of the girls in the room groaned and sighed in agony, probably wishing to take my place. I looked to their disappointed faces, 'No, really, please you guys can take my place.' I willed one of them to protest but done did so.
I huffed and pulled myself up, smoothing out my dress as I walked over to a bewildered Jonas. I pulled him up by the arm and everyone began wolf whistling in our direction as we walked over towards the broom closet tucked into the back corner of the room, the little door almost unnoticeable due to how closely it was wedged next to yet another cabinet full of polished plates. Without so much as turning back to glare at them as we became the center of their fits of laughter, I pushed both of our bodies into the stuffy closet and slammed the door hard enough to startle them.
I folded my arms again, my back already against the wall of the closet. It didn't seemed to be used much, its contents only amounting to a few warn coats and some old cleaning products, so it had a vague lemony scent to it. I inched farther away from Jonas, who stood opposite to me in the excruciatingly small space.
I glowered at the boy in front of me, my guard up on all fronts, 'It's not like they're going to come in and check on us.' I decided, ruling out that we wouldn't actually have to do anything during these seven minutes, just stare at each other in the dim lighting, 'Really, aren't I just full of good ideas tonight. First the drinking on top of that chocolate, now this.'
My thoughts were abruptly interrupted once I realized that Jonas was beginning to come closure to me, the minute space separating us dwindling quickly. I rose both of my arms, my body in defense mode, my eyes smoldering, "Don't you even dare. Even if I promised Emma I'd get along with you tonight, that doesn't mean I'm not willing to punch you in the nose."
He halted, the blank look he used to approach me vanished and turned into one of astonishment, then formed into something he hadn't shown me in a long, long time. His lips twitched upwards until he could no longer hold back the large smile forcing itself onto his face, hearty chuckles filling the closed off space around us. A hand flew up to his face, trying to hinder his laughter from taking over, but to no avail, "Please, like I would. You're too tense." He spoke through his chortles, laughing harder.
Heat flushed my face as I watched him in awe, completely forgetting that he was practically making fun of me and my defense techniques to my face. His happy grin was somehow contagious, and I found myself smiling up at him. It was another thing that hadn't happened between us in a long time, and for some reason I was pleased.
Once Jonas finally calmed down, he noticed my continuous gaze, "Wh-What?" He stuttered, then seemed surprised that he did so. I giggled at that.
"Nothing, I just..." I was instantly hit with the memories of our past, knowing all too well that the bad always tailed after the good. My smile dropped, as did my eyes, "I remembered when we used to tease each other like this all the time."
An awkward silence draped over us as we recalled the day our friendship was reduced to ashes. I winced as I relived the tears, the embarrassment, the anguish all over again in just a few quiet seconds. Just as I was about to lose sight of myself in anger like I alway did when these memories resurfaced, a voice resonated in my head.
"He does care, Kayla. I know he does."
Emma's words from the night I told her what had happened between us interrupted my roaring temper, and my eyes finally looked up again.
"He sounds almost pained whenever he has to talk with you that way."
It almost felt as if my heart stopped when the sadness, regret on his face was evident in the low light of the closet. A shaky breath escaped between my lips.
I flinched back the moment he lifted his head, a new look atop his countenance, "Look, Kayla," His deep voice, laced with a determination that had me more astonished than confused by the turn of events, spoke up, "I...I, uh," He shook his head, "Jesus Christ, I'm acting like a bumbling ass, this is long overdue but-" He paused one more time before making direct eye contact with me, "I'm sorry. I'm so unbelievably sorry."
As stunned as I was then, I couldn't help but try to speak up. Jonas stopped me right before I had the chance, "No, I know you're probably really pissed, I get that. Just hear me out, you deserve to know all of this."
My mouth immediately clamped shut, my attention caught as my always present curiosity got the best of me. Even if I tried paying no mind to this boy all these years, that never stopped me from wondering about what kickstarted his shift in, well, everything.
"Uh, right, okay." Jonas babbled, "Well, you know how I kind of, um, told you off in front of everyone in sixth grade?"
I deadpanned as I remembered the horrid day, "Ah, yes, the day you humiliated me in front of our entire grade all while breaking my heart? I believe I do remember something along those lines." My fists clenched as my arms fell to my sides, my mind still proving to be sore from the past incident even though it had occurred so long ago.
Instead of getting the usual frigid glare and snarky remark, I was greeted with a grimace and a hurt look. I gulped involuntarily, not too sure I should've said what I did.
"Yeah, that," He began again, his voice remorseful, "I know it's really no excuse for what I did, but that was actually the day I found out that my parents were getting a divorce because my mom had been cheating on my dad for awhile. A long while. I was upset, and felt betrayed because I had been siding with my mom throughout the divorce after she put on a whole show about being sad over it when in reality she was just upset she'd have to start working again to support the both of us." He paused to breathe, then continued, "I guess it just hit me then. All this time I had no idea my parents were fighting behind my back, putting on airs as if they loved each other for years. It almost had me believing that there really was no such thing as actually, genuinely loving someone, and when you told me you liked me that day, it just kind of pushed me over the edge, I guess. I just lost it."
He stopped, his eyes searching my face. I knew he wanted to look away, but wouldn't dare. He wouldn't allow me to think he wasn't being sincere. My arms began to tremble even though the heat from our bodies warmed the closed in space.
I didn't know what to think, I didn't know what to say, but luckily I didn't have to since Jonas decided to go on, "My mom won custody over me, saying my dad was negligent to our family due to how much he worked. He worked for us. So we could live comfortably. She kicked him out of his own house not too long after, and I haven't seen much of him these past two years since I'm legally an adult and don't have to attend visitations anymore. My mom's still a bitch too, so at least that hasn't changed." He swallowed, his gaze still taking in the look on my face. I wasn't too sure what facial expression he was seeing, "I think after that I just sort of lost myself for a bit. I missed school because I refused to go, didn't do my homework because my mom didn't give two shits about what I did. I just wish I found the time to sit down and explain what happened to you, but we were just kids then, and I didn't think I could put it into words. I was fucking embarrassed, and by the time I finally got the balls to tell you, we had already grown up and past it."
Silence swept over our close bodies once more and Jonas began fidgeting under its strength, "Sorry for the information dump," He stammered out, his hands twitching at his sides, "You deserved to know."
My long, polished nails dug into the soft flesh of my palms, my balled fists still pulsing at my hips as his story circled in the stale air. After what felt like an eternity, probably for the both of us but for different reasons, my boiling emotions finally spilled over the small pot that contained them.
My fist raised and smacked into his chest, straight into the forest green tie I picked out for him. Hard.
He sputtered in surprise as air rushed from his lungs, "Kay-" He voice hitched in his throat as he watched me pull my arm back.
My lips quivered as I worked out a chopped sentence, hitting him with every word I spoke, only softer this time around, "Why. Didn't. You. Tell. Me."
He caught my fist in his hand before I could get another hit in, looking as if he wanted to respond, but waited for me to speak, knowing he's said enough.
I wanted to punch myself for sounding as hurt as I felt. I was always able to keep my emotions under control, but for some reason, whenever they pertained to Jonas, they ran ramped, "You know I would've been there for you." I began choking up, knowing I had all the ugly words in the world to spew at him for what he did, and yet what hurt me the most was that he didn't trust me enough as a friend then to tell me all of this, "I would have helped you through it. I know I wouldn't have given a single fuck about anything other than the fact that you were upset by all of it. God dammit, Jonas!" I shoved him in the midst of my tantrum, throwing all of the awful feelings I've felt for him all these years right back at him in one single push.
Both of his hands clasped down on my wrists after he stumbled a bit due to my meek push, and pulled me into him without a sound. I struggled against his strong grip, but I couldn't deny the immense weight that had suddenly lifted from my shoulders after what just transpired between us, as if the binds that confined me to my hatred of this simple boy in front of me loosened enough for him to pull me free.
I was sick of fighting, sick of hating, and sick of allowing it to consume me for most of my better years.
His left arm wrapped around my lower back while just right held the back of my head. I stopped squirming in his grasp, startled that I was even in it in the first place. I was so used to getting so riled up when I was with him that the remind ta of irritation began building up in my gut, but as I played over his sincere, real apology in my head over again, it dissipated.
I wiggled in his arms just one last time before getting my own free and enveloping them around him as well.
He stiffened as we embraced each other for the first time in many years, "I'm...sorry that happened to you." I whispered into the dark fabric of his suit jacket, my lashes fanning my face as I blinked away tears.
His grip only tightened around me, "I'm sorry for what I did to you," He shook his head, the movement swaying our intertwined bodies, "If sorry can even begin to cut it."
I pulled away, and this time he let me. My hands still upon his tense shoulders, our eyes finally meeting again, "Well, it's a start."
Suddenly the door to the closet was abruptly opened, revealing every single excited player of our already long forgotten spin the bottle game, their faces ecstatic to see if they could catch us in the middle of something.
'Nice try, clowns, we didn't do any-'
Mocked swoons and whistles rang out around us, cringeworthy comments thrown into the noisy mix. My confusion didn't last last before I realized that we were both technically still in each other's arms.
Jonas and I both pushed our way past them, ignoring their jeers and jabs as our shoes clicked against the wood flooring. Despite the begs being flown at our back, we wouldn't definitely not being joining them for another round.
After making our way back down the hallway, the music and festivities coming back into earshot, I overheard Jonas mutter, "That's one way to get interrupted." The agitation in his voice startled my legs wobbly, but I laughed off the reaction.
"Baby steps, Jonas," I spoke, my voice airy and free as we breathlessly made our way back into the main attraction of the night, "Baby steps."
***
It's about time these two put aside their differences, don't you agree? (Although I feel it's a bit rushed, I thought you all deserved a new chapter stat!)
Also, you couldn't even BELIEVE the look on my face when I saw the view count on my book! 103,000?! To think we broke the big 100k right under my nose!
As always, thank you all for your support on my story! I'd also like to take this time to announce that I'm planning on entering Being Shot into The Wattys 2016!
Happy reading!