Ben
February 14, 2005
*
Same day
*
She doesn't believe me.
Of course she doesn't. Why would she? She sees me as a womanizing man-whore, which isn't completely untrue. But she doesn't know the truth.
No one does.
I plan to keep it that way. It's not like the truth would make anything better.
Well, not until now. Not until her.
But this is a fake relationship, so there's no need to come clean.
She's not with me because she wants to be, she's with me because I'm an end to a means. Shit, that isn't right. I'm a means to an end. There we go.
Thank god I didn't say that out loud. She would have had my balls for that slip up.
I will have to make her see that I am not the guy she thinks I am. I can show her, just to prove a point, of course.
She obviously doesn't want to be with me for real. She's made it very clear that this is fake.
"Okay, we got off track a bit. Let's see, one was me not dating. Two was us not liking each other. And three was what again?" We blew through the first two pretty easily, I'm fairly confident the last one won't be that hard either.
"We have barely even looked at each other in the past month, so why would we suddenly start dating now?" Since I met her, I could barely stop myself from staring at her. Guess she wasn't looking at me, though.
"Okay, well... for starters, that's completely untrue." At least on my part. "Besides, plenty of people start dating while barely knowing each other."
"What's untrue, exactly?" All of your little reasons.
"I definitely looked at you." Every second I was near you.
"Okay, I didn't mean literally. I just mean, we haven't talked. We could barely stand to be in the same room together. So what changed?" She sounds annoyed. Shit.
"Well... You know... maybe the reason we couldn't stand to be in the same room together is because of our strong desire to be together, but we thought we couldn't be, so we avoided each other." Oh shoot. I didn't mean to be quite that honest.
"Okay, maybe for me, but no one is going to believe that for you." If only she knew...
"Sure they will. The guys teased me constantly for staring at you, so they will totally believe I was just pining after you." I immediately regret the words as soon as I say them. She's not going to believe me anyway and I sound like a total pussy.
I wait for her retort, but I hear nothing but a sharp intake of breath.
I feel her nose brush against mine. She must have leaned forward accidentally...
But then her lips meet mine.
The kiss is soft and delicate, just like her. It's sweet and completely her. It causes something to stir within my chest.
It makes me want more. And not just sex. I want more of everything.
Oh, so much more.
Too bad this isn't real. She doesn't really want to be with me.
Fuck, I can't want more.
She breaks off the kiss. "Oh god, that was dumb. I'm so sorry."
Why is she apologizing?
"That was a good practice kiss." I try to reassure her, even though it's we killing me that this isn't real.
She releases a breath. She must be embarrassed. Shit, she's probably over thinking again. I need to stop her before she dumps my fake ass.
As much as I hate pretending, not being around her would be so much worse. This past month has been hell. I tried to keep up appearances, flirting around, but my heart wasn't in it.
A part of me kinda hoped it would make her jealous. Yeah, like that would ever happen.
Just look at her. What does she have to be jealous of? She's fucking perfect.
Okay, time to distract her. "You know, we are going to have to be convincing, so we need to get used to doing coupley things."
"True..." She doesn't sound very convinced.
"Okay, I think I know what will help." I try to sound less exhausted than I am. She needs reassurance more than I need sleep. "Let's play a game. We need to get to know each other."
"It's easy, just tell me something about you and I will tell you something about me." I know it's lame, but I couldn't come up with anything better. My brain is turning to mush from the alcohol and lack of sleep.
"I think you misused the word 'game'." She giggles. Thank god, crisis averted.
"Maybe." I laugh with her. "Just tell me something about you."
"No way, your game. You go first." She slaps my arm with the hand I'm not holding. I don't even know why I grabbed it in the first place, it just felt natural, and now I don't want to let go.
"Okay, give me a second to think." I hope something comes to me because my mind is completely blank.
"While you think, can I have my hand back?" She tugs her hand, but mine doesn't budge.
"No way, this hand is mine now." I squeeze it tighter.
"I am actually going to need it though." I bring our clutched hands to my face to place a kiss on hers.
"Nope. It's mine. You can't have it." She pulls a little harder, but I'm much stronger than she is. She's not getting it back unless I let it go.
"Ow. You're hurting me." I immediately release her hand, just before she begins to laugh.
"You little liar!" I hop up on my knees, to pin her down with one arm as my other hand tickles her side.
She's squealing and begging me to stop. "Who knew you were so ticklish!" I move up to her armpit, continuing my assault.
"Stop! Stop! Okay, okay! Let's play your stupid game." Her breathing is heavy as she punches my chest with her little fists.
"Okay, Beautiful. Let's play, but..." I grab her hand again, locking our fingers together. "...this is still mine. I let it go under false pretenses."
She groans, but doesn't say anything. Oh right, I'm supposed to go first.
Dammit. I really didn't think this through.
"Uhmm... I think we should change the game slightly. Ask me any question and I will answer honestly. Then you have to answer it too. We can take turns coming up with questions." Oh god, what a huge mistake. What if she asks something I can't answer.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
"Okay... Let's start out easy. Tell me about your parents." This could be very bad. Why didn't I think of this?
"They are pretty typical, you know, just parents." I didn't think she would start off here.
"That's it? Seriously?" She sounds disappointed, but I can't get into the truth.
"There's really not much to say. My dad runs Alexander-Murphy Enterprises, so he works all the time. My mom is great, but she wants me to get married and it's all she talks about when I see her." There, maybe that will be enough to switch topics.
"No way! Your dad runs AME? So, you're what like, super rich?" I was used to people referring to it by its acronym, but I didn't expect Kat to be that familiar with the company.
"I guess. He owns it, well him and Uncle Declan." I've already said way too much, but for some reason I want to be honest with her.
"Wait... So is Joseph your brother? And Cole?" Shit. I was hoping she didn't know about my family.
"No." I blow out a breath. I really didn't want to get into this tonight. "I am Joseph Alexander."
"But you go by Ben?" I can't tell if she's more in shock or curious.
"Nate and I both decided to use our middle names so we wouldn't be as recognizable." I've always hated my first name anyway.
"Wait... So... Nate is Declan Murphy Jr.?" Shit, Nate is going to kill me. "You two are New York's most eligible bachelor's? Well, according to People magazine anyway."
"Yeah, but please don't say anything to anyone. The reporters will swarm this place if they find out." I can't believe I told her all this. This could really mess everything up.
"Ben, I would never. I just can't believe you're little Joey. Wow. You really grew up. You were just a little scrawny kid, what happened?" I feel a small victory since I worked so hard for this body, but the memory of the lying, backstabbing bitch is enough to put a pretty big damper on it.
"Samantha." I mutter, half to myself. Shit. It slipped out before I could think.
"Who's Samantha?" She sounds so curious, but I definitely didn't want to get into this tonight.
"No way. You've already asked your question. And you got a ton of information. It's my turn. Tell me about your parents." I just want to talk about something other than me.
"Well, they are pretty typical, you know, just parents." She throws my words back in my face.
"Ha ha ha." She's so fucking adorable.
"Okay, well my dad is a little different and my mom, well, she died last year. Brain tumor. My dad prayed and prayed, but it just wasn't enough." Woah. I can honestly say, I did not expect that.
"I'm so sorry, Kat. That has to be hard. As annoying as my mom can be, I can't imagine losing her." I hear her sniff and I know she is crying.
"You know, this game kinda sucks." I try to lighten the mood.
She let's out a little laugh. "Yeah, but it kinda worked. We know more about each other, right?"
"Yeah, I guess. Let's get some sleep. I'm afraid to know what time it is."
"Okay, I'll go. Thanks for doing this." She pushes up off the bed.
"No, stay. Please." I hang onto her hand for dear life.
"I really shouldn't." She can't leave. I need her.
"You're upset and I would feel better if I could just hold you for a bit. Please." I don't want her to be alone right now and if I'm being honest, I don't want to be alone either.
"If you insist." I really do.
She lays her head on my chest as I wrap her up in a hug.
Everything is right in the world.
Character Inspiration
Ben (in high school)