Simone's POV
I managed to make it all the way home and into my hot shower before I burst into tears.
"What have I done?" I said aloud as I slumped against the wall, sliding to the floor.
Had I really just had sex with Blake Griffin? One minute everything had been fine and the next...I was just totally overwhelmed with how incredible he was. Watching him help Marieka give birth, he just seemed more than human to me; and then he ripped off his shirt.
I'd been completed mesmerized. And then it was over before it even started. Not that I was complaining. It might've been fast, but it was good. I blushed remembering the sounds I'd made in his arms and the way I'd devoured his mouth like a woman starving.
I had been starving. That was the whole point. I hadn't been romantically involved with anyone for three years, not since Christian. I cheated on Christian. Fresh sobs wracked my body.
"I'm so sorry Christian," I said, and it echoed off the shower walls. I'd promised myself that he was it for me, that I'd never move on with anyone else.
It was working just fine, too, until this farce of a date tonight. "Oh who are you kidding?" I kept talking to myself like I was a nut job. "You've practically been salivating over him from the first time he stepped into the office."
What was I doing? No man in existence had ever made me burn as hot as I had been back there.
I cried louder. That only made it worse. I liked it. In only a few moments, Blake had completely obliterated all my previous sexual experiences. It wasn't fair. He hadn't even been trying. Neither of us had been prepared for it. He hadn't even used a condom.
Immediately I stiffened, counting off days in my head, relieved when I realized it wasn't time for me to ovulate. I hadn't been on birth control since Christian died.
What a mess. I was going to need to report myself, or leave my job, or something. I just had sex with a patient, a firm line I'd never come close to crossing, despite the men who'd flirted with me in the past.
Blake was different, I realized. I'd never really considered him my patient. I'd been attracted to him from the start, we both understood what the other was going through. His easygoing nature was so much like Christian's. It allowed me to start falling for him without even fully admitting it to myself.
Eventually, I got back to my feet and finished my shower. I slipped into a pair of sweats, and a tank top. Going to the foot of my bed, I reached down and grabbed my phone. Seeing I had a missed call, and there was a message.
I listened to Blake's voice, hearing it just filled me with longing and regret.
Had it only been an hour since I was wrapped up in his arms? I'd been in such a hurry to leave that his words hadn't fully registered to me.
"Stay the night, don't go."
Remembering those words actually forced a laugh out of me. If I had stayed, we'd be going at it on that squeaky bed of his right now. Just the thought of the sounds it would make beneath us made me blush.
"Mom?" Russell asked, knocking on my door.
"Come in, Russ." I called out.
"I heard you crying. Are you okay?" He questioned getting into bed beside me.
I'd woken him up. "I'm fine, thank you for coming in here to check on me."
He laid his head on my chest, and I wrapped an arm around his shoulders.
"I miss him." He said quietly.
"I miss him too, Russ. Me too," I replied, kissing his forehead, and then we both drifted off to sleep.
~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~
The intercom buzzed on my desk.
"Yes, Crystal?" I answered.
"Mr. Griffin is here to see you."
Panic welled inside me. He was here. I didn't think he'd come to my office, not after everything that happened. What was I going to do? Glancing around, I suddenly wished I had some issue that needed my attention immediately, so I could avoid this confrontation; but my workday was through.
"Dr. Graham?" Crystal's voice came through the speaker again, reminding me that I hadn't replied.
"Uh, send him in, I guess." I wondered if she heard the tremor in voice. The door opened and Blake stepped inside. It didn't escape my notice that he locked the door behind him.
I stood. "I can't be locked in here with a patient." I protested weakly, grasping at straws.
"I'm not your patient anymore, remember?" His gaze traveled up and down my body before settling on my face. Strolling slowly through the space as if he owned it, he plopped down in one of the leather chairs and gestured to the one across from him.
"Have a seat, Simone. Let's chat."
"I can't do this with you, Blake. It's unethical for you to be here." I didn't move.
"The only reason I'm here is because I need you to sign this release form, and you've been ignoring me for three days. You haven't returned any of my calls or texts. You've completely shut me out. I've given you plenty of time. You were the one who said we'd talk things out later. Well, I'm tired of waiting, so I came to the one place I knew you'd be. So sit down and let's talk."
I could hear the frustration laced in his voice and I figured I deserved it. I'd been acting like a total coward with this whole situation. Hoping that if I ignored it, it would go away. Blake, however, seemed to have a different opinion.
Sighing, I made my way over to the chair and sat down in front of him. "Let's talk."
"Well, first, I'd like to know if you're okay?" He sounded exasperated. "Regardless of what conclusions you've come to about me, I am actually a decent guy. I understand what happened between us wasn't planned, but I wasn't just out for a good fuck and have that be the end of it."
Glancing down, my hands were trembling. "I'm sorry if I handled things wrong. I just decided a clean break would be the easiest for us both."
"You decided. So I don't get any say in this?"
"I...I...what is there for you to say?" I hated feeling so emotional over this. "That you're sorry? That you know we made a mistake and it can't happen again? I know all that already."
"Now you're putting words in my mouth, Simone." Groaning in frustration, he ran a hand through his hair. "Look. I don't have much time before I leave for my plane ride to Miami with my team." He grabbed my hand. "I want you to know the only thing I'm sorry about is that this seemed to hurt you so badly. I, personally, can't stop thinking about it and how much I'd like to have a repeat performance." Heat filled his eyes as he stared at me.
"And then what?" I asked. "We become hook-up buddies? I don't do that kind of stuff, Blake. I can't."
"I'm not asking you to," he replied defensively.
"Then what are you asking?"
"I'm asking to date you! Am I that bad at showing my intentions, Simone? You're right. You can't be my therapist, but why does that mean you have to leave my life completely?"
My jaw gaped open and I realized he was sincere. I allowed a second of joy to kick through my heart before I pushed it down. "I did something terrible with you. Don't you understand? I broke trust with you. I was your therapist, a person you should be able to trust completely, and I crossed that line. A line that should never, ever be crossed."
"Since we are obviously back to the client thing, Doc wants you sign this." He handed over a paper. "It says that I've completed my sessions, and I can play."
I turned grabbing a pen off my desk and signed it.
"Do you like me?" He asked point blank.
"What do you mean?"
"Do. You. Like. Me?" He carefully enunciated every word. "It's not a difficult question, Simone. Yes or no, it's as simple as that."
But it wasn't as simple as that for me. Saying yes to him would be like saying no to Christian. Tears welled in my eyes and I rapidly blinked them away.
Blake's gaze never left me. "You still love him, don't you?"
I hated hurting him, shooting him down. "I am," I whispered. "I know he's gone, but it's so hard to let go."
Sliding from the chair, he knelt beside me, slipping one of his large hands over mine. "Liking me doesn't mean you have to love him any less. You realize that, don't you? It just means you like me."
A laugh escaped my lips. "You make things sound so simple."
He smiled softly. "That's because they are simple. You're the one making them difficult."
"I don't know if I'll ever be ready for another relationship."
"And how will you know unless you try?" His words hung in the air between us and he glanced at his watch. "Damn it. I wish I could stay longer, but I have to go." Leaning forward, he placed a tender kiss near my hairline and then he stood, striding toward the door.
I watched him, wishing I had the words to call him back, but I couldn't. He stopped when he reached the door and glanced back at me.
"See you around, Simone." He flashed that grin of his and left.
I sat silently, wondering if I'd made the wrong choice; but my biggest worry was that this would be the last time I ever saw him.