"What?!" he exclaimed, "How did that even happen? I mean, don't get me wrong, I love the guy but that's pretty soon considering you weren't even dating. You're like the last person I expected to do something like that."
"I was drunk." The red shoes Blade brought back to me caught my attention, neatly stacked by my bedside. I wanted to throw them off my balcony. "I don't know what happened."
"Please tell me you remember," he groaned, falling onto his back, his head in my lap.
I shook my head.
"How'd you know? He told you?" he asked, chewing his lip rings, the clinking sound of teeth against metal the only other sound besides my voice.
"I woke up naked with him beside me," I squeezed my eyes, "I was sore. And he apologized."
"How does that work? 'Sorry for taking advantage of you when you were drunk can we still be together'?" Mick made a face.
I let out a quiet laugh at his bluntness. "I guess it was kind of like that."
"Then what happened?"
"I yelled at him and then I left." I pointed at the bathroom. "Half my morning was spent in there and the other half in bed."
"Vomiting?"
I nodded. "Not fun."
"Well you don't seem too wrecked about it...at the moment anyways," Mick said, studying me with renewed concern.
"You didn't see me this morning. It wasn't a pretty sight." I combed my fingers through my still damp hair, grimacing as I remembered the very painful vomiting and sobbing combination I had been doing. My throat still ached, as did my stomach, from all the heaving.
"I can vouch for that," Aidan teased. I smiled and hit his arm playfully.
"So you haven't talked to him at all since the blow out this morning?" Mick asked carefully.
"And I don't plan on talking to him ever again."
"Not to burst your bubble, but you live together."
He was right of course. We lived together. That meant no matter what I'd be constantly running into him unless I kept a constant alert. Even so, I knew Blade. After being ignored for a certain period of time he'd seek me out. And he was million times faster and stronger than I am.
But if I stayed at school again...he'd still have to come find me or else we'd both go crazy and probably die sooner.
"Trust me, Mick. Living here is better than living at school."
Aidan nodded his agreement, but Mick did not look at all convinced by this seemingly backward logic.
"Don't ask. It's not something you'd want to know the answer too," Aidan said grimly.
"Um...okay then," he said uncertainly. "So if Blade tries to talk to you what are you going to do?"
"Ignore him."
"You can't ignore him forever," Aidan said, "Eventually you'll have to face him."
"Eventually," I agreed, "But that doesn't mean it has to be soon."
"Cutie, you have some serious issues with relationships."
"No really? I hadn't noticed." I rolled my eyes. I regretted it when it made my brain hurt. "But you guys should probably leave. I'm kind of ruining your day."
"But I miss you! At school I can never get you alone and I don't have any classes with you either," Mick said with a pout.
"Sorry, Mick. But for the record I think I'll be spending more time at school from now on." Anything to stay away from Blade as much as I could.
"Oh, Katie will be ecstatic. She has no one to gush about her boyfriend to." Mick laughed. "Leah isn't too interested in discussing boys and well...Jill isn't exactly a go-to girl. And the rest of us are guys."
"I talk to you about boys," I reminded him.
"That's different. I'm closer to you than Katie. Plus I'm gay," he shrugged. "So boy talk doesn't bother me considering I can add to the conversation."
"Hey, Aidan, hear that? Soon you'll be part of the 'boy talk'."
Aidan flushed bright red and Mick rose from my lap to give him a hug. "That's right. So basically Aidan will talk about me to you and I'll be talking about Aidan to you," Mick laughed. "You'll have the full inside scoop."
"I rather hear about your relationship than my lack of one," I said, stretching out across the soft pillows and blankets. Even though I'd slept most of the afternoon away, I could definitely sleep more.
"Aw things will work out somehow," Mick assured me, "Even if it takes a while it'll happen."
I was not convinced. "Maybe."
"I'm not saying I want you to forgive the guy, put him through hell first at least. He deserves as much for what he did. Actually, he deserves worse. But if you still care about him, and he shows you that he cares and feels bad about what he did and can change, and you can somehow forgive or put it behind you, then maybe you can find a way to work it out. It's all up to you. He was the one who caused this, not you. This is his fault. You get to decide whether or not he stays in your life."
If only it were that simple. We were bonded and that meant we were stuck together, no matter how badly things went between us. If Blade were any other person, I would have walked away and never looked back hours ago, but I was stuck in his life and his house. To leave now would be a death sentence, either by our doing or whoever it was out there gunning for me.
Right now, it was tempting to leave and take my chances on my own.
"You know you guys don't have to stay here with me," is what I went with instead. I didn't want to talk about this anymore. "You can go on and do whatever you planned to do."
"But we like spending time with you," Aidan said, reaching over to boop my nose. Mick nodded enthusiastically.
"Seriously just go watch a movie or something. You're making me feel guilty for ruining your day," I said.
"Psh you aren't ruining it. You just added a healthy dose of drama to our lives," Mick said, rolling over onto his back to grin at me, upside down.
"Still. Go. I want to sleep more anyways," I said, forcing my face into a convincing smile so I didn't sound so rude. It wasn't that I didn't want to hang out with them, it was just that I didn't want to ruin their day and I kind of wanted to be alone to feel shitty without an audience.
"Okay, but if you need anything don't hesitate to come find us," Mick said before he gave me a big hug, his arms wrapping around me tightly. I squeezed him back just as hard before I let go, swallowing hard and blinking away more tears. The boys left, leaving me alone finally. I curled up under the sheets, cheek against my pillow. I stared at the balcony doors, the curtains drawn against them to keep out the light of day, thinking of how much had changed from yesterday morning. How happy--excited even--I'd been about the snow, about Blade, about my birthday. Everything had been so bright and full of potential and now I couldn't even look at snow or Blade, and my birthday turned out to be the worst one I'd had to date.
A tear slipped out and I let it. And I let the other ones too. It was too much to expect me to get up and be fine when it was all still so fresh, so today was my day to wallow in misery and self pity. I was allowed that much for everything I'd been through.
Tomorrow I'd start getting over it. No matter how hard it would be, today was going to be my first and only day to cry over this. Over Blade.
He really wasn't worth much more than that, was he?
********
Sunday was hard. It was basically just Aidan and I together all day with brief appearances made by Mona. Blade only left his room through the window to go hunting but other than that his room had seemed to have become the prison he sentenced himself to. Petty as it was, I loved that he was hiding away like a coward because it meant I didn't have to look at him and be reminded of how many stupid things I'd done since I'd met him.
I was still feeling hungover even after sleeping a ton, and even Aidan had suddenly taken a turn for the worst: his nose had begun to run and he started to cough, but he was sure it was just a fluke or something. Even then, he made sure I ate and drank enough even if I didn't really want to bother, and I had to grudgingly admit that him forcing me to eat actually did help me feel stronger and more awake.
The day was uneventful, but the stress of constantly expecting Blade to show up and demand to speak to me or something exhausted me to the point where I went to bed ridiculously early, dreading the next day and wishing sleep would last forever.
It felt like I'd been asleep five minutes when my alarm was buzzing me awake to face Monday morning and a school day at that. I'd have to spend all day pretending like my birthday weekend had been wonderful and not completely crushing, and I wasn't sure I had the energy to put up that kind of front.
But I still did it. I got up, got dressed, packed up my bag and went downstairs. Instead of going to the dining room I went directly to the kitchen for breakfast. Blade did not move from his room at all. Once I'd eaten, I hunted Aidan down. He was still in his room, weird for this hour, and when he let me in I saw nothing but darkness.
"Aidan?" I whispered.
"Sorry, Kiana," he croaked. "Just give me a minute to get ready." He coughed, and the sound rasped deep in his chest. Yesterday's symptoms had been nothing compared to how he sounded now.
"Aidan, no. It's alright. Just sleep, I'll bring up some medicine for you but you're not driving me to school today."
"But then how will you get to school?" he pointed out, his voice hoarse.
"Don't worry, I'll figure it out," I said, "I'll be right back." I closed the door and ran downstairs, collected medication and made sure to tell Jordan about Aidan being sick and Jordan promised to check on him throughout the day and make sure he was getting plenty of fluids. By the time I got back, Aidan was sitting on the edge of his bed, still in his pajamas, looked pale and half asleep.
"I just need a--" he broke off coughing and it wracked his whole frame "--minute."
"Aidan, you're sick and you're not leaving the house today. Just rest, okay?" I guided him back to bed and under the blankets, tucked the sheets around him, and in the dim light I could barely make him out, but I did my best by touch.
He stopped fighting against my hands. "Fine."
I fixed his sheets again and kissed his forehead. "I'll be back soon, okay? And when I'm back you better be better," I teased weakly.
"Got it," he mumbled, eyes closing. "Kiana?"
"Yeah?"
"You get better too," he said it so quietly I had to strain to hear. I touched his feverish forehead and kissed him again before I left. I wandered out into the hall, completely drained. Now what? How would I get to school? Aidan was sick and Blade...I winced.
And then just like that I felt it; Blade in front of me. He moved at such a speed as to catch me off guard and keep me from running, because of course he did. He stood in front of me, his face expressionless as he held a hand out, keys dangling from his fingertips.
"I'll drive you," he said quietly. He must have been waiting for the last possible minute to come swooping in, knowing he was my only option.
I froze, my whole mind completely rejecting the idea but I didn't really have a choice. I nodded slowly and followed him downstairs. I pulled on my coat, boots, scarf, gloves and hat before we went outside into the snow. Since it had snowed for most of the weekend all traces of us wrestling in the snow and making snow angels were gone. The only sign of us ever being here was the snowman.
It was a sad, broken sight. The top half had tumbled down in an ugly lump. The remainder looked like a tombstone. Or maybe it was just me. I shook myself off, keeping my eyes on the toes of my boots and the ice below so I wouldn't fall as I got into his car and we sped away from his house.
Blade POV
Mentally I was kicking my own fucking ass for even volunteering to drive her. Why couldn't I have called Lexi or Ace? They'd be fine to drive her. But no. I had to do it.
And I really shouldn't have. It was far too tempting to just pull over somewhere and force her to talk to me, to look at me again. I didn't miss the fact that when I told her I'd drive her, her eyes dipped to the floor, to the walls, to anywhere but me. I knew hated it, had probably considered skipping the whole day of school just to avoid me, but she had agreed. Maybe she was less upset with me now that a few days had passed and that's why she hadn't told me to fuck off and found her own way to school.
I drove slow. Well, slower than my usual crazy driving. I didn't feel like speeding but at the same time I did. I just wanted to stomp on the gas pedal and drive away, far and fast from Mona and everyone. But I couldn't. Not unless Kiana was with me. And while her body was here the rest of her was somewhere far and completely unreachable to me.
It felt like the constant snowfall had happened inside me and just numbed be inside out. I felt hollow. And it was my own damn fault.
I kept wanting to talk, I even looked at her to see if maybe she'd be looking back, but she didn't notice. And if she did, she didn't even flinch. She looked out the window, her long silky brown hair falling down her back and shoulder from under her grey knit hat. Words died on my tongue every time I looked at her so I settled for silence until I pulled up outside her school. I hadn't even stopped completely and she was already unlocking the door and reaching for the handle.
Seeing her trying to leave to quickly when I was so used to talking to her, holding her, kissing her before school broke me. My hand shot out, catching her wrist and keeping her from opening the door.
Her eyes shot to mine, wide and almost afraid. I saw the red rimmed around her eyes, how swollen they looked from crying. She hadn't looked at me like this since the night we met.
"Kiana," my voice cracked and I moved my hand down her wrist to take hers.
Her face crumpled and her eyes looked wet, but she didn't try and pull away from me.
My mouth opened as I racked my brain, struggling to find the words that'd bring her back to me, that would make her stop hating me. But I found there were none, because honestly who would forgive what I had done? I didn't deserve it. But she was waiting too, waiting for the same words I was. But at least if she was waiting that meant there was a slim chance left, a bit of hope to hold on to if she was wiling to listen while I floundered and struggled to find an explanation.
I let her go, pulling back as far as I could. I didn't need an excuse, an explanation for why I did what I did. That was a cop out. There was no way to justify it. And there were no words or actions good enough to ever make it up to her.
"Have a good day," I said roughly, not daring to look at her.
As opposed to her rush to escape, now she was frozen in her seat. And it was a long time before she finally managed to unfreeze and open the door and get out. She walked through the gates of her school at a hurried pace, shoulders hunched against the wind, end of her scarf billowing on the breeze.
Kiana POV
Why didn't he speak up? He had the chance to end this mess, to say something to fix this, to make me stop hurting. And nothing. I blinked rapidly, annoyed with myself. The day just started and I was already crying, over a guy who couldn't even say 'sorry' or say anything at all? I was pathetic.
I stalked into school, annoyed with everyone. With Blade, with Mona, with bartenders who don't card people even if they look old enough to drink, with stupid teachers and stupid school, with Aidan for being sick and making me endure that torturous car ride, with Landon and Jill for being right about Blade, with Aros for making me get bonded with him, with my mother for letting me go to this stupid boarding school near Blade, with the damn weather and stupid snow for making me excited for my birthday when I knew my birthdays always ended badly.
If it hadn't been apparent before then, at lunch everyone knew I was in a foul mood. Boy toy Brian caught wind that it had been my birthday and decided to pay me a visit, because apparently this weekend hadn't been bad enough.
He had balls, I give him that. He came up to my table with all my friends there, waltzing up with his annoying swag walk to talk and make my day even worse.
"Hey, Kiana. Happy birthday," he said, smirking down at me with one hand in his pocket.
I glared up at him. Today was so not the day to be bringing up my birthday. Add to the fact that it was creeper Brian who molested me in my room just gave the guy two strikes.
"So I hear you're single, right? How about this Saturday I take you out for birthday dinner? Maybe your place after...you live alone right?" He was clearly very confident in himself judging by the fact that he had decided to do this in front of me friends and had even brought along two of his friends who flanked him, mirroring his smug look as they watched the show.
Strike three. He's out.
"Shut up, Brian," Landon snapped out. I put my hand on his arm, pushing him back down when he'd started to get up from his seat to deal with Brian for me.
I stood up slowly, lips pressed together in a small smile as I chose my words carefully. There was a whole of rage and hurt swirling around inside of me and so far, I hadn't had anywhere to put it. Brian had unknowingly just volunteered for the position. I was almost grateful that he'd picked today to be an asshole.
"Brian, Brian, Brian. How can I put this so eloquently yet in a way that you can understand?" I laced my fingers together for a moment before I looked up at him, a smile overtaking my face that was almost manic. I felt unhinged, all my usual attempts at control and not causing a scene were gone. Why should I bother to be polite and quiet and take whatever shit guys had decided to throw my way for fun? "Let's see now. How about a 'no fucking way asshole'? Does that get the message across? Or do you need to be thrown into another desk to get it knocked into your skull?"
His face hardened, eyes darting around at the memory as if Blade were here to throw him across the room again, and his friends guffawed.
"I don't know what you're talking about," he said tightly. Blade hadn't thrown him that hard, at least not hard enough to cause any more brain damage than Brian had clearly been born with to make him this particular brand of disgusting.
"Oh I think you do. It was quite a while ago, when you and Jill were still dating. I went to my room, you were there, you ended up touching me even though I kept telling you to stop it. A guy saw you and he through you across the room like a sack of potatoes for sexually harassing me," I said in a pleasant tone, "So Brian, just how stupid are you? Did you lose what little common sense you had after hitting that desk to come crawling back here to bother me again? Because I'll be honest, I kind of do want to bring you home because then you'd get to meet my room mates. And they would be so pleased to meet you after I tell them what happened. In fact, they'd love to give you another lesson in leaving me alone, since clearly the first one didn't take very well. "
"Are you threatening me?" he demanded, snatching me by the arm to yank me into him.
Landon jumped to his feet, hands on the table, glowering at Brian. "Take your hands off of her."
"You're not her boyfriend anymore, man. Stop obsessing over her, it's pathetic," Brian said.
"Brian, I swear to God if you don't let her go..." Noah stood up to his towering height, well above six feet and pure muscle from football. Nate stood up and so did Mick and Katie and Jill and Leah. Brian was surrounded but he still hadn't let me go. Any other time, I would have been afraid, but I wasn't alone. And I was so sick and tired of being pushed around all the time, especially by someone as pathetic and disgusting as Brian.
"Do you really think you guys all scare me?" he laughed but the sound was almost hysterical. Half the cafeteria was watching our exchange and they were slowly quieting down the other remaining half that wasn't paying attention. Brian's friends had slowly drifted to edges, getting out of the way so they wouldn't be involved but stayed close enough to still enjoy the show.
"Oh, it's not them you should be scared of," I said, then stomped on his foot and jerked my knee up, slamming it right into his groin. With a pained howl, he let me go, clutching his crotch. "If you ever come near me again, you'll have worse things to be afraid of than me. Trust me."
His only answer was to hop on one foot, clutching his crotch for dear life. I took the opportunity and shoved Brian over, and he fell smack down on his ass, his two friends laughing their asses off instead of helping him up. Even the gathering crowd was laughing, jostling each other for a better look.
I snatched up my coat and bag, having no interest in sticking around any longer with everyone watching or just being near Brian for a minute longer.
"Kiana, where are you going?" Mick called after me.
I didn't answer, but kept walking until I heard rapid footsteps behind me. I whirled around, fully intended to tell whoever it was off to leave me alone, but it was Brian with Landon and Noah hot on his tail. He recovered faster than I thought, until I noticed his one hand still holding his crotch.
"Hey, I wasn't finished talking to you," he spat at me, hunched over in pain still.
My palm stung as I slapped him. The crack of my hand against his cheek was like a gunshot, the force of it whipping his head to the side.
Someone tapped him on the shoulder and he turned around, as if in a daze, to meet Jill's fist. This time, Brian toppled to the ground and he didn't look like he was going to be getting up any time soon. Noah and Landon were looking between Jill and I with equal expressions of awe and surprise.
"Dickhead," Jill muttered, nudging his side with the toe of her high heeled leather boot. "Karma's a bitch, but so am I."
If people were shocked before they were even more so now. I gaped at her. When she caught me looking she flicked her long hair over one shoulder.
"Who said you were the only one allowed to have fun?" she said, stepping daintily over Brian's groaning pained body, passing me with a nod I could only describe as solidarity.
Any other time I'd have laughed. But today I could only manage a small smile before I turned and strode off to the exit of the cafeteria for air, feeling everyone's eyes on me as they started whispering.
When I made it outside, I inhaled the cold air, deep and slow until I was somewhat calm, my breath making puffs of white clouds in the frozen air. Normally I'd feel empowered about telling Brian off and slapping him, but I still felt rotten inside. It hadn't gotten rid of even half of my anger, and now that I'd had a taste of what it was like to finally let it out, I wanted more of it. I wanted to scream and break things and throw things, I wanted the world to break like I'd been broken so it would know what it felt like, but I couldn't.
I had classes to get to and people to pretend to be fine in front of, and losing it now wouldn't help my case. It would only draw more attention that I didn't want.
Classes dragged and my mood didn't improve after the Brian debacle, even though the school was buzzing about the incident. None of my friends pressed me about it or anything else, although I did see them whispering when they thought I wasn't looking. It was funny how they split up in sub groups; Jill and Leah, Katie, Nate, Landon and Noah, and then there was Mick and I all day who everyone was watching, since he was the only one who had an idea of what was wrong.
Landon was the one doing most of the staring. I knew he knew something had happened, most probably with Blade was his guess, but he wasn't saying anything. And he probably knew Mick was in on the know too.
By the time it got to track after school I was so mad that if I were in a cartoon my face would be red, steam would be shooting out of my ears and you'd hear train noises in the background. We ran in the indoor track and I had been the first one here, not wasting time getting changed by chatting when I was in no mood. Running was physical and demanding, and I poured my energy into it the same way I had when I'd hit Brian; running hard and fast, my feet pounding against the track floor while my teeth were ground together so hard it was almost painful.
"Kiana! Slow down it's a warm-up!" Coach shouted as I blasted past. I slowed down a fraction, pissed that I couldn't even let out anger by running. The rest of the team slowly trickled in to join me in a warm up and Landon jogged beside me, keeping perfect pace with me in silence. Neither of us looked at each other or said a word.
By the time warm-up was finished I was glad no one could read my mind. If they could all they'd hear were profanities strung together in a never ending line with a few names tossed in between for the hell of it.
Coach finally let us run and I wasted no time in taking off, staying ahead of the pack. Landon altered his pace, his long legs easily keeping up with mine as we sped around the track. With every pounding beat that my feet hit the track I thought more about it. Thump. Blade. Thump. Mona. Thump. Me. Thump. Us.
A word, a face, an action went with each foot step and I was locked in a room of silence with the exception of the steady beat of my feet. It was all I could hear, but all I could think about was Blade.
I was more hurt than angry; really that's how it was. It was just so much easier to be angry, to get up and live my life, than it was to let myself be as upset as I was. If I let myself really feel it all, all that hurt would have weighed me down too heavily to get out of bed. Being angry meant I could keep Blade at a distance, build my walls back up, and keep myself safe from making that same mistake again.
But I wanted to let him in again, to let him explain, to work this out, kept hoping that there was some explanation that would take this all away and make this all better.
"Kiana?" Landon's voice brought me back to reality with a start and I stumbled, falling on my hands and knees before skidding several feet on the ground. "Kiana! Shit!" Landon cursed, sliding to a stop as he dropped next to me in a crouch. I sat back, folding my scraped bleeding knees and putting my stinging hands in my hair, curling up in a ball.
I didn't have a choice in the matter. Sooner or later Blade and I were going to have to makeup; either that or die. I didn't want Blade to die.
And I certainly didn't want to be the one to kill him.
But I hated that this choice was made for me. If he really wanted me he could fight for me because he wanted me, not because he had to. Not because of some stupid bond, but because he actually cared about me, because he actually felt guilty over what he had done and wanted to make it right because I mattered to him.
"Kiana." Landon tried to pry my fingers from my tangled hair but it was a struggle for him to do so. As soon as he did I threw my arms around him, buried my face in his neck and shut out the world. "Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, shifting me so I was in his lap and not sitting on my scraped knees.
"You were right." I was crying again. When had I started crying? "You were right. Completely right."
"I was right?" he echoed, sounding utterly confused. "What are you talking about?"
"About Blade. You were right about him. All he wanted was to sleep with me. He doesn't care." I was falling apart again. Why was it so hard for me to let this go? To let Blade go? He didn't deserve me holding onto him. "What? No 'I told you so'?" I asked bitterly, clinging to him even though I hated that he had been right all along.
"You're my friend, I wouldn't do that," he said softly, stroking my hair. "It's gonna be okay."
"Landon! Kiana! What's going on?" Coach called across the gym.
"Kiana fell, sir. Can I take her to the nurse? She hurt her knees and hands," Landon called back.
Coach didn't need to be told twice. Landon scooped me up easily and carried me to the locker room. I hobbled inside and got my coat on aching legs. I couldn't get dressed since my jeans would cover my bloody knees so Landon carried me through the snow in shorts and coat. By the time we got there I felt like I was made of ice.
"Honey, why are you always getting hurt?" the nurse asked when she looked up from my bloodied hands to my face and recognized me.
I wished I knew.
Once I'd been cleaned up and bandaged, I was able to get dressed, though sliding jeans on over the bandages and aching knees was more painful than I expected it to be. It took longer than usual to slip into the denim, but once I was dressed properly my pants applied a sort of even pressure across my knees. It hurt, but it stretched the pain out instead of isolating it to specific spots, so it helped.
Landon was waiting for me when I emerged from the bathroom, the nurse gone to take care of a guy who had passed out in science class. I wasted no time walking over to him and dropped my forehead against his chest. There was no energy left in me, all my anger and frustration had melted away and I was an exhausted shell.
"Everything's going to get better soon," he said, wrapping his arms carefully around me.
His words were familiar, ringing in my brain and taunting me as I tried to place them.
"I'm in love with him," I whispered. The confession did nothing to make me feel better. If anything it burdened me more.
His arms tightened around me. "I know. But no matter how much you love someone can you really forgive him every time he hurts you?"
"No, but people make mistakes. Accidents happen."
"Was it really an accident? This seems like something far too big to forgive and forget," he cupped my face in his hands, "I don't want you to get hurt by him."
"I know." I closed my eyes, didn't want to see the concern in his face. "But people fight all the time. You and I fought Friday, and we're still friends right?"
"I didn't sleep with you and throw you away."
I cringed, pulling away from him. He was right of course, but what could I do?
"Why don't you just move out? Come back to live at school?" he suggested after a moment of silence.
"Even if I moved out I'd have to see him. I don't have a choice. At least if I live with him I don't have to speak to him; he's there and that's all I need."
"Seriously? You don't need him to survive. Some distance might be what you need."
I whirled on him, temper flaring up. "Yes, Landon, I do. If I didn't need him then I'd have been living in the dorm building by now; that much I assure you. Hell! If I didn't need stupid Blade I wouldn't even be here! I'd be back at home in New York and I would never have met any of you. None of this would have happened. But that's not how this works, so I'm stuck here."
"Kiana, come on. You don't need that jerk, that's just being dramatic."
"I'm not fucking being dramatic," I snapped. "Do you really think I'm the type of girl to put myself in this position and pine over a guy unless I had good reason too? You know how much I loathed Blade from the start; why force myself to be with the guy if I had no choice? Huh? Explain that to me."
He pressed his lips together, fists clenching and unclenching rhythmically, "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why do you need him? What's so important that you need to be around him or whatever?" he folded his arms across his chest, "And don't say I can't tell you. I deserve an answer to this. What ever the reason is, it must be incredibly important for you to be acting like this."
"It is important, Landon. You have no idea how important," I blinked back tears that threatened at the thought of Blade dying. It was like a physical pain, felt in my heart and my arm where he had marked me as his. Even after what he did, even if I wished he would disappear I didn't want him dead. And if he were to die it wouldn't be by my hand, nor would it be slow and painful like this would be.
"Just how important? Life and death important?" He still sounded so patronizing.
"Yes."
He let out a slow breath, shaking his head. I had no idea if he believed me or not, it didn't really matter anyway. "How do you always manage to get into such deep shit all the time?"
"I've been asking myself that question since summer."
"How is it life and death then?"
"I can't explain it. I'm not allowed." I swallowed hard, twisting my fingers awkwardly, thinking of how I told Blade I'd protect him no matter what. Did that still apply? Even if I was possibly hurting him by refusing to have anything to do with him? I could hardly protect him from myself. Besides, I couldn't imagine telling Landon about vampires and not being seen as completely insane.
Landon's eyes narrowed to slits. "Is someone threatening you?"
"No!" Technically yes, but not about this. "That's not it! I promised. I can't...I wouldn't even if I hadn't promised. I can't take that chance that people find out. It's just not my secret to tell."
"Find out what? Kiana, if someone's threatening you or something—"
"No one is threatening me! No one is hurting me. This is just something really private that I can't talk about, okay? You have to trust me on this. And don't tell anyone about this."
"But—"
"Landon, please. Only you and Mick know. Please just don't tell anyone, I can't handle it," I pleaded.
He hated it, this whole situation and my half baked excuses and inability to answer his questions. But he softened, just a bit. "Fine. I'll shut up."
I heaved a sigh of relief, even though I hardly felt better.
"But...If anything else happens I want to know." He raised an eyebrow, challenging me to protest. "Deal?"
"Deal," I said quickly. That'd be an easy bargain since I didn't really plan to have much to do with Blade anymore anyway, and if I did it wasn't for a long time. As if I had accidentally summoned him, I felt Blade close by and swallowed hard. "We should check to see if he's here to pick me up."
"Are you sure you want to go home?" Landon asked as he got his jacket on and we left the nurse's office.
"Please don't ask me that," I joked feebly as we stepped outside. It was night and dark and freezing, with snow still falling. Landon wrapped an arm around me and walked me to the gate, making sure I didn't fall with all the snow and ice, supporting some of my weight since my aching knees were not having it.
Blade POV
I felt her before I saw her, which left me looking for her for several minutes before she was even close enough to see, craning my neck to find her in the dark but she was still too far away. When I did find her, she wasn't alone.
She was with Landon.
Jealousy ripped through me and I growled, fingers tightening around the steering wheel. What the fuck? Was she planning on hooking back up with him?
I watched them as they hugged and he said something to her and I looked away, fixing my gaze straight ahead before they caught me watching. She got into the car, put on her seat belt, and stared out the window, ignoring me once again. As the miles ticked past, I tried to rationalize it. They were friends and Kiana wasn't necessarily someone who would go back to an ex, especially one she had dumped and didn't have feelings for. Kiana was also a physical person, close to all her friends so it wasn't that out of the ordinary for her to hug them or anything.
I shouldn't be assuming things, even if she didn't know it, and especially as I had no fucking right to be mad if she were to get back with Landon. I relaxed my grip on the steering wheel, easing off the gas pedal until the needle lowered on the speedometer to something approaching normal.
"Kiana?" I asked quietly, taking a chance. She ignored me, but her body shifted just a tad in my direction even if she was still looking out the window. "I think we need to talk."
Again she ignored me. And I deserved it.
But just because I deserved it didn't mean I liked it.
"Come on, can't you just talk to me? How hard is that?" I asked, trying to squash my annoyance. She had no problem talking to Landon, or Aidan, or even Mick. "Oh right, you're stubborn. I forgot."
Her head whipped around and she glowered at me, seething. "Leave me the fuck alone," she hissed before going back to window watching.
It took her words a long moment to register because I was distracted by the scent of her blood, the shift in her position and the air blown by the heater blasting me full in the face. So distracted by her and Landon, I was appalled it took me that long to notice. "You're bleeding. What happened? Are you okay?"
She snorted. "Like you care."
"I do care. If I didn't we wouldn't be having this conversation."
Silence. I was petty enough to take her lack of response as a win.
"What happened?" I continued as gently as I could, trying to control myself as I shifted in my seat, staring out the windshield as black forests whipped past in dark blurs and the highway unfolded in curves like a snake.
More silence.
"Kiana, tell me what happened to you," I asked again. She whipped around.
"I tripped and fell on the track," she said abruptly before turning around again. I blinked. I wasn't really expecting her to give in so easily. And then I remembered; I gave her an order. However unintentional, I had wanted an answer so she'd given me one.
I pursed my lips. I didn't want to order her around. I wanted her to talk to me because she wanted too. I turned to look at her to apologize but she was looking down at her bandaged hands, her hair covering her face. Before all this, I could have kissed her hands better and made her smile and she would have told me all about her fall, a full detailed play by play.
I kept my mouth shut, afraid to make things worse even though I couldn't take her ignoring me anymore and it had only been three days.
The rest of the ride home was dead silent except for the sound of the heater blowing warm air at us. When I pulled up in the driveway Kiana hopped up and rushed indoors without waiting, and I noticed a slight change in her gait. Normally she walked fluidly with long, even strides that were slow but covered a lot of ground quickly and smoothly. Today she looked stiff, taking shorter, quicker steps, limping and trying her damned best to hide it from me.
It wasn't just her hands that were hurting.
It stung that I'd so thoroughly broken her trust and heart that she couldn't even tell me that she'd had an accident and wouldn't let me help her when she was in pain.
By the time I closed the front door behind us, she was out of sight of the main hall. She might have been in pain, but clearly she was willing to suffer through hurting her legs more just to get away from me as fast as possible.
"She'll come around," Leo said quietly where he'd been waiting for us to get back, following my gaze to where Kiana had disappeared.
"She shouldn't," I said, striding off to my room.
But I want her to.
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Hey sorry it took so long. I woke up feeling really dizzy and sick and spent the day on the couch. A lot of stuff has been going on at home so I haven't really felt like sitting down to edit or write or anything. I'm trying to be better about it though, because this is a good way to take a break and not think and keep busy. Drawing is better for me in that area though, which is why if you follow my art blogs/sites you'll notice I draw more than I update here. I try to vary it though, because I do need a lot of distracting activities nowadays. I just feel kind of weird. Idk. Things aren't great right now.
Anyways, I'll be back soon with another update. Promise.
Sending good vibes your way lovelies,
Lauraxx