Ellie’s hand was inside Mia’s shorts, was slithering down Mia’s tummy, and Ellie still couldn’t quite believe it was.
She was proud of herself. She was feeling brave. She was excited enough that her hand was trembling a little, although Mia didn’t seem to have noticed.
Ellie was actually going to do this. She was going to do to Mia what Mia had already done to her.
She felt completely ready.
She was about to start, and then her hand got tangled.
It got tangled in exactly the way Ellie had expected it to, when she and Mia had talked about this at the market together. Ellie had been right. Sliding her hand into Mia’s clothes wasn’t the same as into her own, because her hand was back to front for what she was used to.
It did need to be the other way around, and her wrist didn’t bend the way it needed, and she sat there, helpless, completely unsure what to do next.
Ellie almost felt silly. She would have, if she hadn’t been busy feeling smug because she was right.
Ellie glanced up, and saw Mia looking at her, and tried very hard not to make herself say anything. It wasn’t the time, and Mia probably wouldn’t know what she meant anyway, and it was just a bad idea to say.
But Mia was looking at her, and in the end she couldn’t help it.
“I told you,” Ellie said.
Mia looked confused. Mia was probably a little distracted.
“At the market,” Ellie said. “I said it was different this way around.”
Mia nodded. “I remember.”
“It is. See?”
“Ellie…” Mia said. “Maybe not now?”
“Oh yeah,” Ellie said. “Sorry. Should I…?”
“You could, yeah.”
Ellie moved in her seat a little, trying to reach, but couldn’t. She undid her seatbelt, and sat up. She leaned over, leaned further, in the end shifted her whole arm to a different angle and finally managed and put her hand back in Mia’s shorts.
She stopped, and tired to work out what to do.
She knew what to do, of course she knew. She just wasn’t sure exactly how to do it. She was nervous about being too rough, about scratching or scraping with her nails, or jabbing Mia with a finger and hurting her.
Ellie was suddenly over-thinking something that really shouldn’t be that difficult. She tried to make herself to stop.
When Mia had fingered Ellie the first time, she’d just pushed Ellie against a wall and done it, Ellie thought. But now it was Ellie’s turn, she was sitting there, hesitating, thinking about everything that could go wrong.
Mia sat there waiting. Ellie looked at her. Mia was hoping, Ellie thought. Mia was turned on. Mia was into this, and didn’t seem nervous at all.
Ellie thought about that for a moment.
If Mia wasn’t worried by what Ellie might do to her, then probably Ellie shouldn’t worry either. And Mia was nice. She liked Ellie. They were friends, as well as all this. If Ellie did something wrong, Ellie thought, Mia would probably just show her a better way. And if Ellie did it right, Mia would be happy.
Ellie liked Mia, and wanted her to be happy.
Ellie decided she had to stop worrying and just get on with it. She decided she was just going to. Because none of this was nearly as complicated as it was starting to seem in her head.
“You really don’t need to,” Mia said, after a moment. “Not if you don’t want to.”
“Yeah I do,” Ellie said.
“You don’t. I promise. We can just…”
“Shut up,” Ellie said.
Mia looked surprised.
“I mean it,” Ellie said. “Just shut up and let me.”
Mia grinned, and shrugged, and said, “Okay.”
Ellie was going to. She knew she was going to.
She was starting to feel sure of herself in a way she hardly ever had before with Mia, and she couldn’t work out why.
The difference seemed to be having her hand in Mia’s shorts.
“I’ve never done this before,” Ellie said. “That’s all.”
“I know.”
“No,” Ellie said, “Not like, oh my god, I’m shit and don’t know what to do. Like, be turned on. I’ve never done this before, and I’m about to with you.”
Mia nodded slowly.
“I’ve never done this with anyone before,” Ellie said. “I’ve never touched another woman. Like this. And I’m about to with you.”
“Yeah.”
“Because I want to. With you. That much.”
“Yeah,” Mia whispered, and sat up, and kissed Ellie.
Kissed her, while Ellie rested her hand on the bottom of Mia’s tummy. On the part of Mia that her shorts would have covered, if they’d been done up. On the part of her that was right above her underwear, without quite touching it.
Ellie rather liked that thought. It was intriguing enough that she almost didn’t notice the kissing at first. Not for a moment, at least. Then she did, and got distracted, and kissed Mia’s open mouth. And because she was distracted, her hand slipped a little, and Mia made a little sigh.
And then Ellie was aware of her hand again.
Ellie opened her eyes.
Mia looked lost. Mia looked as lost as Ellie usually felt when Mia touched her. Mia was gripping Ellie’s wrist, as if afraid to let go in case Ellie disappeared. Mia was desperate. She clearly, obviously wanted Ellie’s touch, just like Ellie wanted hers, and had been wanting it all afternoon.
Ellie liked that. She really liked that.
Because knowing Mia wanted her that badly changed everything.
This wasn’t Mia chasing Ellie after all.
That was what Ellie had thought this was, but it just wasn’t true. It wasn’t Mia chasing Ellie, it was them both chasing each other, and Ellie had never quite realized that until now.
Mia wanted Ellie as much as Ellie wanted Mia, and Mia reacted to Ellie’s kisses and touches just like Ellie did to hers.
It was equal. It was fair.
Ellie could do things to Mia like Mia could do to her, and that made everything seem better.
Ellie was terribly relieved to have finally realized that.