To say I was nervous was an incredible understatement.
There was only an hour left until I was supposed to make my appearance with Matthew on the red carpet and my blood was already pumping. My hands were clammy, my bony fingers were trembling, and it seemed like I couldn't focus on anything. The people who were working to make me look decent for the cameras even commented on how nervous I looked.
"All you have to do is smile for the cameras, it's not a big deal." One of them, a middle aged woman with wispy purple hair, commented. She was the one who was preparing my hair and I kept checking my head in the mirror to make sure she hadn't dyed mine like hers, as well.
Rosita had said her goodbyes to me this morning at the house. Matthew had taken a day off of work and had been home, but Rosita and I found a quiet place to talk to each other. It was suddenly becoming more and more surreal that I might never have to sleep under that roof ever again. If my plan worked smoothly, perhaps I would be leaving the gala on an airplane with Harry, taking me far far away from this place.
"I want you to know," Rosita had said to me only hours before. "That I hope you find him and I hope everything goes right in the end."
"Thank you, Rose," I smiled. "That means a lot to me."
"Will I ever see you again?" She was clearly starting to become teary eyed as she looked straight into my eyes. The bond that we had created over the last several months was unbreakable and it was breaking my heart that I could possibly be leaving her behind in such an awful place. Seeing her starting to cry made my eyes start to water, too.
"Of course," I reassured her. "I'll make sure to stay in touch with you... Harry and I will find a way to get you a different job, and a better place for you and your kids to live. I promise you that."
Those were some of the last words that Rosita and I had spoken to her. And now, here I was, sitting in a trailer only a few blocks away from the gala, getting ready for what could possibly be the best or worst night of my life. The fact that it would easily go to either end of the spectrum was what made me so nervous. If I didn't find Harry tonight and give him the document, my fate would be sealed.
"Damn, look at you," Matthew's deep voice interrupted my thoughts.
I looked up at him as he entered the trailer, his blonde hair styled up with gel and his body adorned in a black tuxedo. He was so adamant on my dress matching his outfit when he was wearing the most plain and boring suit in the world. However, I couldn't deny the fact that he looked attractive. If only his heart was as attractive as his physical appearance, then maybe I would have been able to fall in love with him. That, and the fact that I was already in love with someone else.
"Thank you." I muttered quietly, looking back into the mirror. My face was covered in makeup; my skin perfectly blended and contoured, something that I had no clue how to do, my eyelashes longer than humanly possible with fake eyelashes, my cheeks rosy with blush. The stylists had made me wear a dark looking eye shadow that I would have never chosen in a million years. They had even gone so far with putting makeup on my shoulders, neck, and chest, so that it would match the skin tone of my face. It was ridiculous and so not me. I hoped Harry would recognize me.
As my hair was being prepared and put back into a low ponytail, Matthew began to tell me of all the things to remember on the red carpet. I nodded and pretended to be intently listening, but really all I could think about was the small piece of paper resting in the cup of the bra that was built into the dress.
"Stay by my side, only leave when speaking to press," Matthew droned on. "If they ask anything about Harry Styles, tell them you have no comment and move on. If they ask any questions about the business, play dumb like you don't understand what they're talking about. Keep the conversation light and quick, we don't have all day to talk to each person. Are you even listening to me?"
"Yes," I bit the inside of my cheek. I was becoming so easily distracted with the fact that I was about to see the love of my life that I forgot about my husband sitting right next to me. "I'm just a bit nervous." I swiftly lied.
"Well you know, we still have fifteen minutes before we need to get out there," Matthew smirked. "I could always find a way to ease your nerves." I immediately turned red at the fact that he was being so suggestive when we were in front of other people that we barely even knew.
"No thanks." I said quickly. Just with my two word response, I could tell that the mood of the entire room shifted. The stylists that were trying to get me ready eyed each other awkwardly as Matthew suddenly tensed up. Before I could even begin to feel afraid of what he was going to do to me, he stood up and grabbed my arm with such force that I cried out and my eyes began to water.
"Let go of me." I shook his hand off of my arm, standing up and backing away. The three people who were working to get me ready now stood with shocked expressions on their faces. I don't think any of them really knew what to say. I really didn't know what to say, either. Nobody before had ever witnessed the abuse that I had endured from one of Matthew's meltdowns.
"You won't hurt me." I spoke up. "Not in front of these people, Matthew, you won't hurt me."
"I-I don't know what came over me," Matthew blubbered, turning now to face the witnesses that were still frozen in their places. "I've never done anything like that before-"
"Bullshit." I seethed. "Don't try and talk yourself out of it because you finally got caught."
After suffering from Matthew's constant wrath, I think this was the first time that I had cracked. For months I had bottled up all my anger and frustration that I got from Matthew, and now I was finally letting it all go. In a way, speaking up for myself was a symbolic moment for me. It was finally time for me to break free of the chains that he had held me by and I owed it to myself to go out with a bang. After everything that he had put me through, I deserved to be able to stand up for myself at least once.
"I'll pay you," Matthew bribed the stylists. "I'll pay you anything, just keep quiet about this."
One thing that the past six months had taught me is that sometimes you have to save yourself. Not once had there been a single person who had swooped in and saved me from the mess that I had been living. It sucks. Learning that life isn't a fairytale and accepting the fact that the human race is full of selfish creatures who will stop at nothing to make you feel worthless and powerless is a sinking, awful feeling. But there is nothing more rewarding than standing in front of your biggest enemy and showing them that, no matter how hard they try, they will never stand above you. This was the feeling that I got in that very moment.
In the end, however, Matthew was able to negotiate a price for my stylists' to stay quiet. As much as it annoyed me, I didn't let it hurt me. In a few short hours, if everything went as smoothly as I had planned, I wouldn't be Mrs. Miles and Harry would finally see the truth of what was really happening.
The next fifteen minutes were spent in silence. My makeup and hair was perfected, and even the small purple bruise on my arm was covered with concealer. My husband and I were escorted into a sleek, black car, and we drove the short way to the gala. My head was spinning and I was worried that something could go wrong, but I put these thoughts in the back of my mind and focused on my anger and hatred for Matthew to distract me.
We stepped out onto the red carpet. Immediately, we were swarmed by flashing lights and people calling our names. After living for months in isolation, it was completely surreal to be mobbed by twenty people all at once. I was so used to living in quiet and having nobody to talk to that I forgot that Matthew and I literally were all the world could talk about. We were supposed to be America's "it" couple, but America didn't even know half of what really went on behind closed doors.
"Mia, turn this way!"
"Mia, look here!"
"Mia, smile over here!"
Combinations of these three phrases were shouted at me from every direction. As someone who wasn't used to the spotlight like this, at least not to these extremes, it was severely overwhelming. I tried my best to hold my composure and the fact that I could go into an anxiety attack at any second. I knew that I had to keep my eyes peeled for Harry or anyone who was associated with him.
Matthew's hand stayed on my side at all times. His grip on my waist was hard, but I faked a smile as cameras kept rolling. Our team of PR's escorted us from carpet to carpet, and finally after ten minutes of doing the same exact poses and smiles we were told to go over to another carpet to do interviews. This was one of things that I had been dreading the most, but it also gave me an opportunity to be away from Matthew and look for Harry again. As each minute passed, I began to feel like maybe I would never find him. The thought of not even catching a glimpse of him made my stomach drop in my chest.
"Mia, how are you?" An interviewer woman in a blue dress asked me.
"I'm well, thank you." I smiled.
"Tell me, how have things been with the new husband? Surely this must be, like, the most special time in your life." She gushed. If only you knew.
"Things have been good," I lied. "My father's company and the Miles family company have..."
As my words of fake interest began to pour out to this woman who I hardly cared about, I could just barely see one of Harry's bandmates standing in the distance. He was the blonde one, Niall, who I hadn't met yet, but I knew just enough about him and was familiar with his looks that I knew well enough who he was. And if he was standing relatively near me, then that must've meant Harry was close by as well. Everything around me began to sound muffled, the only thing I could focus on was the erratic thumping of my heartbeat and the sudden urge I had to run over to Harry, because I knew that he was right over there.
"I think I'm being called by my team to keep moving," I told the interviewer. "Apparently I move a bit too slow through the carpet. But thank you so much!" She shook my hand, continuing to smile at me, but I could tell she was disappointed by the fact that I cut our interview too short. The story of Matthew and I and the scandal with Harry was quite possibly one of the most talked about things of the year and I just gave the world's worst press interview.
"Matthew, I think Melissa from our team is going to escort me to the ladies room." I whispered to Matthew as he spoke to someone he was being interviewed by. He nodded and continued to talk with the interviewer and I let out a sigh of relief. I had been hoping that getting away from him would not be a challenge and I was right. I didn't even think there was a woman from our PR team named Melissa.
It was all in perfect timing. I could see Niall Horan walking toward the entrance of the event at the end of the carpet. Doing my best not to get caught by anyone from my team or any reporter, I slipped behind the wall of the red carpet and ran as fast as my heels could carry me through the dark space between the red carpet wall and the building behind it. I reached into my dress and pulled out the document that I had been concealing all this time, my heart hammering in my chest and every single crevice of my body in a panicked sweat.
Finally, I had made it to the end of the carpet. There was a short hallway that was dimly lit that only a few people were in. It was still pretty early to be entering the venue, but this is where everyone would eventually walk through. I was only fifty feet from Niall Horan, who stood out because of the bright blue suit that he was wearing, and my eyes anxiously searched around him for Harry. All I needed to do was find Harry.
And suddenly, I found him. My tense shoulders dropped and my mouth stood agape. Standing before me, only a mere twenty feet away, was the man that I had fallen madly in love with. Memories of sleeping next to him and Cat filled my mind. All of the things that we had experienced together that I had purposefully blocked in my mind came rushing back to me like a tsunami. Climbing the Statue of Liberty, watching him beat someone up at a party, adopting Cat, visiting Disney world, making Harry hold a snake, going to a club with his friends, watching the meteor shower, trying his kale shakes, staying in the penthouse suite of a hotel, protesting at Seaworld, getting arrested, going on the yacht... all of the memories hit me like a bus. And there he was, like a stranger that I had never met before, in front of me.
"Harry!" I shouted.
He quickly turned his head away from the person he was speaking to and looked right at me. His green eyes were not like the friendly ones I had remembered. They had grown cold, in a way. The green eyes that I had admired the day we spent together on the beach, the ones that sparkled and danced as he talked about the things he loved, they were not there anymore. Instead, they were replaced with a pair of bored and unimpressed eyes. Eyes that looked like they had been missing joy for a long, long time.
I ran to him. I ran to him until I was standing right in front of him. We did not touch, we did not kiss. We stood there, in front of each other, both at loss for words. His empty eyes looked like they were searching mine for something and I wiped away at the tears that were now relentlessly pouring down my cheeks.
"Your hair," I shook my head. "You cut your hair."
"I'm in a movie now." He said firmly. Hearing his voice was like music to my ears, but it was not the voice that I was used to. This was not the Harry that I had grown to know.
"I missed you," I cried. "You have no idea how much I missed you."
"You need to leave." He said. My shoulders dropped in disappointment and I shook my head.
"No.." I kept shaking my head. "Harry, you need to listen to me. This is important."
"You need to get out of here, Mia." Harry said, more firm this time. "Go back to your husband."
It was like my heart completely stopped beating. I had fantasized how this moment would go in my head over a million times and this was not how I had expected it. I expected him to at least get a clue of what was going on by now. I had expected so much more from this moment.
And just like it had began, it was gone. He turned his back to me and kept walking as I stood there stupidly in front of the crowd that was now beginning to pour into the venue. Standing near me was his bandmate, Niall Horan, who was giving me a very sympathetic look. I locked eyes with him briefly before remembering what I had come to this gala to do in the first place. If Harry wouldn't listen to me, I would have to get someone else to listen to me.
"Please," I approached Niall. "I know you don't know me, but Harry knows me." I extended my hand out to him, giving him the document that contained all of the information of the forced marriage. "I need you to give this to him. I need him to see the truth, please." At this point, I was begging.
Niall nodded.
"I will." He said.
I sighed with relief. Although the entire situation did not end up the way I wanted it to go, I was so glad that Harry would still be getting the document. Once he read it and once he saw what was really going on, then he would understand. Then he would come back to me. Niall took the piece of paper and safely secured it in one of the inside pockets of his suit.
"Tell him I love him, okay? He just needs to hear it." My broken voice said.
"I'll tell him." Niall said.
And with that, they were both gone. In a crowded place, I couldn't have felt more alone.
a/n:
i cried while writing this haha i suck
also life has been so busy lately, and i'm trying to update. it's summer now so expect more updates from me :-) also i'm starting to imagine Matthew as Chad from The Bachelorette hahahah
- delilah