3 am. The usual. I am already up. It will start any moment now and my brain knows it. It woke me up before you did. Before your laboured breathing and your burning chest against my spine could. It starts and I watch your face as they slowly take over you, tell you that you're not safe and your eyebrows and lips twist almost as if you're in physical pain.
I can't take it anymore and wake you up. You're up with a jolt. Disoriented, wide eyed, you look at me and I know it takes you a second to realize it was a dream. Even though they visit you every night, you still think they're real.
And then, then I will not hold your hand.
Because your shaking hands in mine make me weak.
And I need to be strong, at least in that moment, I need to be strong.
So instead, I make sure that no piece of you is lonely--
One hand in your tangled hair, One hand on your drumming heart,
My lips on your sweating skin,
My voice in your ears,
My words in your head.
And I will not leave them alone till the drumming under my hand slows down,
Till the sweat evaporates,
Till my whispers and kisses on every inch of your feverish skin take the message through your nerves to your subconscious that 'this man is not alone. Whatever you do to him, I will undo it.'
And I will not rest till you're not afraid of closing your eyes again,
Till you realize that the monsters are not with you anymore; I am,
Till you smile that faint smile to let me know you're okay.
And then I will sleep.
But I will not rest till the monsters leave you alone for good,
Till they give up,
Till you sleep through one night- one whole night.
And then, then I will rest.
✩★✩★