Within Wall Rose, Survey Corps Headquarters
As we near the conference room in which today's meeting will be held, I suck in my stomach, take a swift step over the threshold, and release a hefty sigh.
The central table is large, rectangular, and fairly long. Several chairs are positioned around it on all sides, ensuring that all members have a proper view of the people who will gather here eventually.
One can obviously identify that the chair with the highest head is the one in which Erwin will be seated. It stands proudly among the line of seats that stretches along the side of the table.
The team leaders have already settled down and are conversing casually with one another. Squad Leader Hanji and Mike sit together at the very end.
Hanji's high ponytail and bangs have an appreciable amount of knots in them, giving her hair the odd ability to float about her face. Mike---as always---has his eyes covered by a curtain of ashy blond hair. Perhaps to hide his drowsy eyes.
When she catches sight of me, she immediately waves her arm exaggeratingly. Mike's body twitches in response to the unanticipated boom in her voice. "Leviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii~ Renataaaaaaaaa~ Over here~" she beckons to us desperately.
I smile and slowly wave back.
Once she receives my lesser rambunctious gesture, her flailing arms relax and return to her side.
"I see that you've returned to being your cheerful self, Hanji," I remark as I draw closer to her. "I understand that you've been preoccupied with some of your studies lately."
"Oh yeah," she laughs as she starts to balance her chair on its rear legs, "After reviewing some of my past experiments, I discovered something that I hadn't noticed at the time."
I carefully watch her swaying chair in fear of it tipping over.
She gently knocks on her head with her knuckles and adds, "Silly me!"
To my relief, she brings the front of her chair back down to the leveled floor and explains, "So yeah...I've been putting all my energy and focus on that."
I place my hands on the head of the second chair to her left, leaving the seat between us empty. "I would love to hear about it sometime. Maybe we could-"
Levi grabs the chair that I had chosen-the one that I technically already had my claim on- and gloomily takes his seat.
I stare at him for a while, puzzled at his intention for doing so, then decide to sit in the chair right next to Hanji.
She brings her one leg over the other and pats my back. With force.
"Hey, I'm sorry if I've been a bit cold to you, Renata," she says, "I sometimes tend to give people the cold shoulder when I'm extremely busy." She shrugs her shoulders. "Either that or I just wreak havoc on everyone I see."
"You also reek of horse shit when you're busy," Levi adds without hesitation.
As per usual, we ignore his impulsive commentary regarding her hygienic habits.
"You don't need to apologize," I start, "I shouldn't have bothered you with my project anyways."
She shakes her head. "No, no, no. I welcome challenges as they come. And yours was a formidable one indeed."
As Hanji ends our conversation to tell Mike something that had come to mind at the spur of the moment, I notice more officials filing into the room.
Erwin subsequently makes an entrance and closes the door behind him. He scans the room for any absentees and makes his way to his side of the table. His perfectly groomed hair is as lustrous as it always is.
However, there is something in his eyes that is making me rather uneasy: a cold bitterness tucked in the blue of his irises.
I decide that it is just my imagination.
"I must say," Hanji chimes rather loudly over the subdued chatter, "You dealt with the challenge pretty well..."
She inches closer to my face and whispers eerily into my ear.
"...Mama Renata."
While Hanji becomes completely immersed in a spell of her own deafening, hysterical laughter, I wilt back into my chair, using every muscle in my face to stop my cheeks from flushing red.
"Hanji," Erwin calls as he arrives at his rightful spot.
She continues to laugh while clenching her stomach.
"Oi, Four-eyes."
Erwin gets terrifyingly impatient. "Hanji."
She removes her glasses and wipes her tears with a single finger. "Okay, okay. I'll stop."
"Let us begin right away," Erwin proclaims.
I place my notes flat on the table surface.
"This will be a brief meeting in reflection of our recent expedition."
The fear and anticipation that had been expressed from the faces of the people situated at this table are gradually relieved, as they now acknowledge the minimal amount of work required for this gathering.
"Due to unfortunate circumstances," he begins, "we had failed to execute our objective on that day."
"That is why I would like to propose that, from now on, we will do everything in our ability to make the progress that we seek during these dire times."
The fear returns to their faces.
I pull at the button of my shirt nervously.
Hanji raises her hand. "Commander Erwin, I have a proposal."
He pauses respectfully, thus allowing her to speak.
"To my current knowledge, the route that we had taken at that time had not been utilized before. It was our first time taking it."
Erwin nods. "Correct."
"Then it's simple: let's not take that route next time."
He closes his eyes for a few short seconds, then opens them again: a subtle gesture to tell her that this is not the appropriate time to interrupt with such an obvious statement. "We have already concurred on that fact," he explains.
"I just wanted to make that clear for everyone."
Levi sneers, "Would you shut up?"
Hanji folds her arms and finally chooses to listen.
"We will map out the route for our next expedition at another time."
"Today," he says with greater emphasis, in order to pull everyone's attention away from the person sitting next to me, "I wish to declare that our efforts for reconnaissance are to be reformed, for they are currently lacking."
"From now on, we will embark on an expedition every month."
"If," he adds, "our supplies are sufficient for our needs."
I twist the button on my shirt.
A team leader whom I have yet to identify questions, "But what will that achieve, Commander?"
Erwin answers without delay, "Frequent expeditions will allow us to establish a greater amount of supply bases in a given period of time."
The bitter frigidity that I had caught in his eyes is as clear as day.
Presently, his eyes hold no sincerity as they look forward.
Maybe it is just the angle from which I am observing him, but it appears to me that he is merely staring at the opposite wall as he makes no eye contact with his men whatsoever.
He continues with confidence, "Retrain your squadrons accordingly if you have taken note of their flaws. Reshape them, re-fortify them, and make them perfectly fit for the conditions outside the walls. If these headquarters are to resemble the training grounds of the Training Regiment, then let it be so. I have no objections to that."
I scratch the nail of my thumb against my shirt.
"Your reports will not be submitted weekly. I ask that you turn them in daily. Report on your daily activities, as I will be monitoring your own efforts."
My stomach churns.
"As for these meetings, they will be held in this same room twice a week."
I can almost sense the anxiety piling up on the table in front of me.
"On a final note, I shall explain to you all that I do not mean to cause you any stress with these tasks. By all means, that is not my intention."
"However, the Survey Corps has always been hanging by a mere thread. Our recent retreat has been seen as cowardly. Our reputation has thinned."
"Therefore, we must work diligently and efficiently to perpetuate our fight for freedom, which the general public and government are trying to suppress. And to do so, we must work at the very core of our army, improve and reinforce it, in order to eventuate our success."
His body is stiff and unwavering. His eyes are cold and discomforting.
"That is all," he says at last.
At the end of his speech, there is a small buffer of silence between the minute Erwin gets up from his chair and the second he leaves the room to tend to his other duties.
After he disappears, the room makes a subtle eruption in the form of sighs and disgruntled mumbling. Some heads fall down into a grim bow while others' hands pull at their own hair in irritation of the mountain of work Erwin had placed before them.
I understand their distress. I understand how overwhelmed they feel.
However, it takes me a while to understand that---strangely---I do not feel the same way.
The stress was building.
But something happened to it and I can't find a sliver of it in me now.
As I turn to my right, I realize that Hanji and Mike had already taken their leave.
And as soon as I turn the other way, Levi rises from his chair.
"Let's go," he says as he starts for the door.
While I glance back at the distraught group of officials, I stand and follow him out the room.
●●●
"You spelled 'maintenance' wrong."
"I know."
"You also forgot a period there."
"I'll fix it."
"Renata, your spelling is shit today, you're---"
"Levi, please let me concentrate for crying out loud!"
I look up from my paper and to the chair next to me. Levi stares lifelessly at me.
I realize that I had never yelled at him so harshly before."I-I'm sorry," I tell him softly now, out of guilt.
"I'm surprised," he remarks while maintaining eye contact with me, "This is probably the most you've been pissed at me and it's over your damn spelling."
I laugh. "Just give me a minute," I say as I scratch my pen against the paper, "I'm almost done with the report."
I never thought finishing my work in Levi's office would be so difficult. The place is typically very quiet and undisturbed; a person with the most severe distractibility would be able to finish a day's work in an hour in this room.
At least that's what I initially thought.
I have to remind myself of Levi's need to critique everything he deems imperfect. His commentary can develop a noise that can be very annoying to a person who is trying to focus.
I sign my name at the bottom in a messy rush and pay no mind to Levi's look of disapproval beaming down at me.
"Finished..." I announce as I fall back on my chair.
"Good. Took you ages."
"I work at my own pace."
I watch the glow of the candles grow and shrink in size on the ceiling. The rustling of trees outside accompany the movement of candlelight as if they are synchronized at the same tempo. It is a very calming sight and sound to watch and listen to.
"It's strange," I say aloud.
"What? Your pace?"
"No," I respond promptly, "I should feel more overwhelmed than I already am considering how much work I have to do now that Erwin has suddenly become more ambitious. But I'm not and it's been bothering me."
The reflection of the candles' glow has dimmed. The room is darker.
"I don't know..." I continue, "Maybe it's because..." I ball my hand up into a loose fist.
"W-Would it be too much to say that I feel like I'm...capable?"
As if my words had triggered an invisible breeze to enter the room, the light fades away, bringing in the night's darkness from the outside.
I start to get up from my chair to light the candles again, but Levi places his hand on mine to signal me to let him do the task. I comply to his non-verbal orders and sit back down as I listen to the subdued noises that he makes while he works.
"Where was this tiny bit of confidence when you really needed it?" he asks solemnly from the end of the room. "Even though it was very modestly put, I guess it's still something. Considering the fact that it came from you."
The warm light returns and shoos the shadows back outside where they meet with the night. With the job done, Levi slowly makes his way back to his seat.
"It's been in me for a long time, I guess," I reply, "But certain circumstances have pushed it out of sight."
While keeping my hands together on my lap, I lower my gaze to observe them. Red marks and bruises flash in sight as a reminder of what I had experienced in that prison of house, but disappear fleetingly. "Certain people have pushed it farther away."
Levi remains silent.
"But someone had pulled it out of its shell."
I smile. "I won't say who it is...but I'm very grateful to that person."
I watch Levi's eyes grow soft and tender. Solemness takes over him as he eases his body into his chair.
He understands who that person is.
I'm sure of it.
I make a slow and groggy stand. "I better go," I tell him, "Good night, Levi."
As soon as I pass his chair from behind, Levi takes hold of my forearm. "Wait."
I turn to face him, a bit afraid of what he wants from me---as that can never be predicted with accuracy---but I am slightly relieved when he holds out a wrinkled envelope. "From your father. Got it when I visited the new headquarters."
I take the letter and finally wish him a good night's rest.
●●●
Levi never knew what he had given me.
He never knew.
It is more than likely that he thought of it as a simple message from a father to his beloved daughter.
But he never knew how drastic of a change that letter would make.
No one ever knew.
Except my father.
And me.
-----
Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thank you again for all the support. I appreciate it so much!
Also, on another note...I know that some characters (especially characters in a lot of video games like Final Fantasy, etc...) have a special theme song composed for them and I thought it would be cool for Renata to have one! And I found the perfect one! It is composed by the talented Hiroyuki Sawano himself (composer for Attack on Titan)!
I'm not sure about you, but I think it really fits her character. Let me know what you think!
That's all! Thank you so much for sticking with this story! ♡
Sincerely,
Kamisama961
---------------
Okay, so I had this chapter in my drafts for a LONG time and I deeply apologize. I waited on publishing it because I felt that it wasn't my best work and kept on editing it. Also, school was hard and it was testing season and ugggghhh I don't even want to think about it.
I'm on summer vacation now, so I actually had time to finalize it. Yay!!!!
I hope you can forgive me.
Here, I shall give you this as an apology. *flails arms and dumps Renavi art all over you*
Here's tough girl Renata :P
Here's Modern AU Renavi for you as well...(with matching rose tattoos included hehehe)
These two are a little old.
Here's a recent one:
I imagine Eren sending this snap to someone :D
Okay. Now onto business. Some announcements/requests:
1) I've been running my art blog on Tumblr for a while now and it just occurred to me that my Wattpad homies might also want to see my art but don't have a Tumblr. I'm willing to take a vote and see if you guys are interested in me publishing an art book. All the stuff that I post on my blog will be in the book. Let me know what you guys think!
2) At the moment, I've lost some inspiration for Perennial Strawberry content (I haven't given it up entirely! Don't worry). But I'm now going to open the mailbox for questions/messages for Renata and will publish her responses there. Be sure to PM me or write a comment on Perennial Strawberry if you want to ask her/tell her something!
That's all!
I hope you liked the chapter!