I stay in the garden for only a few moments, struggling to catch my breath before I stand as if nothing happened and begin making my way to the courtyard. At first I think that I won't meet Celeste in case Alec is there too, but in the end I decide to risk it and go anyway. If he's there, I can always leave.
I stop several servants on the way to ask how I might reach my destination. The palace is huge and the hallways go in every direction, each one seeming to end in yet another garden. It takes an embarrassingly large amount of time to navigate my way to the courtyard, which turns out to not be so far away at all. By the time I am outside, I'm nearly laughing at myself, but my mood sobers when I spot Celeste sitting on a stone wall surrounding a small pond. As I approach, I notice there are fish of every color swimming in the water. Celeste is watching them too.
"I was beginning to think you'd never come," she admits when she notices me walking towards her. She rises to meet me, but takes a seat on the wall again when I do. Her eyes search mine; I don't even have to say anything. "What is the matter, Edlyn?"
I lay my head on her shoulder as the tears start to really come, and she thankfully falls silent and allows me to weep. Thank the gods I did not do this in front of Alec.
"Alec was so cruel to me," I sniffle once I feel like I've emptied myself of tears. Celeste puts an arm around my shoulder as I wipe my cheeks dry. I frown when I notice dark stains on the front of my dress, an observation that turns out to be the straw that breaks the donkey's back. I start to cry again. "Oh, the dress..."
"My family won't mind," she tells me. "And it's just water, after all. In a few hours you won't even notice them. That is, if you stop crying!" She puts her hand against my cheek and makes me look at her. "Tell me, what happened? What did he do?"
"He's—he's—" He's what? He agreed to marry someone else years before he met me to save a friend from a terribly unhappy life, then told me the truth about someone who had been lying to me since I met him? How can I be angry at him for that? "He's engaged."
Celeste bites her lip and grimaces slightly before releasing my face. She knots her hands tightly in her lap. "I didn't know that would affect you so much."
I bark a humorless laugh. "A lot has changed since we last saw you."
"I can tell," she says softly. She hesitates and I can see her jaw moving, chewing on the inside of her cheek. "The way you look at each other is different."
I sniff once more and straighten up to look her in the eyes, trying my best to smile. "I suppose that it doesn't matter much now, does it?" I take a shaky breath, fearful of how strongly my heart aches. So this is what it feels like. Suddenly I regret laughing at the silly girls back in Achalia who cried over boys.
"Oh, Edlyn, I'm so sorry," Celeste cries and wraps me in a tight, much-needed hug. "You don't deserve any of this."
Are you sure about that?
I pull free of the hug, keeping one hand rested on her forearm. "There's one more thing."
She scrunches her nose. "Don't tell me. The world is ending? There's no more pie?"
I laugh again, more sincere this time. "No, thank goodness. In addition to informing me that he is to be married, Alec told me me that Peter is my twin brother."
Celeste's mouth falls open. "How on earth does he know that?"
"Alec was about to kill him so he got a little talkative," I mumble. The pain is still so fresh, as if I just found out all over again.
"Okay, you need to tell me exactly what happened since we were separated," she says firmly. I take a deep breath and then I do. I tell her everything that's happened from the moment Alec and I left Trävore, leaving nothing out. I even tell her about how I feel for Alec and that Peter led two fatoris straight to me, once she swears not to tell a soul. When I finish, she stares into the pond water in silence. I follow her gaze and become mesmerized by an energetic fish, glad to focus on anything else than what is happening. "It sounds like you've had a difficult past few weeks."
"You can say that again," I agree wholeheartedly. I almost laugh again, but I can't quite make myself do it.
She squeezes my shoulder affectionately. "Peter loves you. I'm sure that there was something else at play here that gave him no choice."
I fold and unfold a bit of frill on the front of my dress and shrug. "I don't know. I don't think I'll ever see him again."
"Well, I hope that you do. I want you to work things out. As for Alec, I can't exactly speak for him, but I think that he cares about you too," she says. I can tell that she is being sincere and believes every word, but I can't manage to do the same. "He's had a hard life, Edlyn. I don't expect you to forgive what he said to you because of that, but I just want you to know. He's hurting."
"What happened?" I ask, raising my head to look at her. I'm suddenly angry. Angry enough that I could scream so loud that Anabella would hear me from where she probably sits in a comfortable chair laughing and eating grapes. "What happened that was so awful that he thinks he can treat me this way?"
She purses her lips. "I don't think that it's my place to tell you."
Another bitter laugh passes through my lips. "Then I suppose I'll never know. He's had almost two months to tell me, and now I don't want to speak to him. Ever."
"Edlyn—" she begins, sounding a bit guilty, but then she sighs and drops her gaze from mine. "He's going to be furious I told you this. He hates pity."
"Then you have nothing to worry about, because I will give him none."
She smiles sadly. "When I was six, Anabella led an attack on my home," she says. I notice water pooling in her eyes as she takes a steadying breath. "Just like the one that Syfi was killed during. The casualties were unbelievable and the amount of blood was... Anyway, many people lost family members and loved ones that day. But Alec—he lost everyone. Both of his parents and his older brother were murdered. He was nine years old."
"I–I didn't know," I whisper. My throat tightens painfully. It feels raw from holding back all of my anger and frustration. He was nine years old. Could I have lived through losing even only my grandpa, especially when I was so young? I can't imagine losing my entire family in a single instant.
"Just think about it, alright? I know this doesn't make what he did okay, but at least now you know why he does what he does," she says. She looks to the sky and sighs heavily, her shoulders tense. "He can be difficult sometimes. I know that. But go easy on him. He'll get better."
"'Difficult' is an understatement," I say with a bit of an edge, although the sharp blade of anger I felt previously has softened. I'm still beyond upset at him, but finally knowing what's made him so bitter and angry makes me wish I could hug him so he could forget that pain forever.
Celeste laughs cheerfully and tilts her face upward to enjoy the feeling of a strong wind blowing past us and the warm sun on her skin. Her laugh brightens my mood a bit and I smile up at the clear blue sky. "There's a feast tonight in your honor, you know. Thank you for existing; the food is by far the best at pulchra feasts."
I groan instead of rejoicing with her. The last thing I want to do is spend a night in a big room full of nonstop meaningless chatter from people stuffed with bread and wine. She elbows me in my side and rolls her eyes.
"It'll be fun," she insists. "Your mind will be off everything, at least for a little while."
Now it's my turn to roll my eyes. "I don't know about that."
*****
For the second time today, I am forced to wear something that I don't particularly want to wear. When I return to my room after speaking with Celeste, I am bombarded by my three new friends. I must start preparing for the feast, they say, and a dress is shoved in my face. To my disappointment, this one is much more complex and reflects more wealth than the lovely blue and white one I had quickly come to appreciate. There is no corset, at least, but I find that to be the only aspect of the dress that I enjoy.
The fabric is shiny and soft, probably silk, and is impossibly tight around my breasts and my stomach. But I'll admit, the colors are nice too. At my shoulders, the dress is a dark green and blue, and as the dress lowers to the ground, the color fades to yellow and orange and then to red and purple. There is a thick strand of fabric of matching colors and material tied around my waist that drops to the floor. When I ask its purpose, Drina tells me that it is to make my figure more pronounced. "Not that you need it, of course," she adds with a smile. The sleeves, thankfully, along with the skirt, are not nearly as tight as the middle and both trail on the ground as I walk. Mariena decides that the shoes I am already wearing with the blue dress will suffice for this one as well, and the most they do to my hair is redo the braid. I insist on keeping the simple flame necklace rather than the crystal or pearl ones that Estelle holds up for me to critique.
Once I'm dressed and my hair is done to their satisfaction, a coat of dark red pigment is applied to my lips and the girls direct me to the floor mirror leaning against the wall and crowd around me with proud smiles.
"You look wonderful. You'll catch everyone's eye at the party!" Mariena exclaims with a clap of her hands. I feel my cheeks redden and I smile as I turn from side to side to admire different angles of my dress. I suddenly feel silly being dressed up and catered to like a spoiled princess, but what harm can it do just for one night?
*****
Celeste was correct; the feast is fun. Just not for me.
There are hundreds in attendance, mostly nobles wearing ridiculous clothes, makeup, and jewels. All of them seem to need to speak to me about one thing or another: my clothes, how I plan to save the world, my hair, have I managed to control my powers yet? I'm asked hundreds of question during the course of the night, yet I only learn one thing: that gossip travels very far and very quickly.
An extensive amount of food is served early on in the evening. The meal contains everything from roasted duck to dates, of which I eat the most out of anyone else. I stay away from the duck and the rest of the meats, throwing occasional sad glances toward the corpses that no longer resemble the animals they once were.
As a guest of honor, I have the extremely envied spot of sitting at the right hand of King Cassius. Lucky me.
"Are you enjoying yourself?" he asks just as the servants emerge from the kitchens to serve us dessert. "You've barely eaten a thing."
I glance down at my plate, loaded up by strangers without my request. There is even a slice of turkey on it, and the sight of it makes me gag again. I smile faintly at Cassius. "It's difficult to eat and make conversation at the same time." In truth, I'm not hungry.
He laughs merrily and takes another big swig of wine from a golden cup decorated with rubies. "You'll learn, you'll learn! It's an art that takes time to master."
I nod and turn from him, sweeping my eyes across the massive groups of people crowding around a single dining table. Though it must be able to sit at least one hundred, there are nowhere near enough seats. Many are standing around the room with their plates in hand, moving from person to person as they so desire. I spotted Celeste and Estelle speaking together a bit earlier, but I haven't seen them since. I expect that Drina and Mariena are here somewhere too, though I haven't noticed them. I have yet to see Alec, but something tells me he declined his invitation to attend.
As I watch the king's guests interact, a bad taste forms in my mouth. Everyone seems so insincere, like they are only here to please so they might move up in rank. They throw money and jewels around like they are nothing when there are people starving elsewhere. Do they know of other's hardships, or are they completely ignorant of them?
"Excuse me, miss?" I turn in my chair to my left, where a thin, sharply-dressed man has replaced an obnoxiously drunk woman. Hopefully, she retired for the night.
The man smiles at me and I try my best to smile back.
"Yes?"
"It's such an honor to meet you. My name is Geoffrey. Geoffrey Hamilton," he tells me. His voice is nasally and his greasy black mustache twitches when he speaks. To my disdain, he holds his hand out for me to shake. I do, but when he isn't looking I wipe his sweat off on the plush cushion of my chair. "May I call you Edlyn?"
I nod. "Yes, that's fine."
He smiles again, moving uncomfortably close to be. "You don't look well, Edlyn."
"I think I ate too much," I say, and punctuate my lie with a laugh and an exaggerated stomach rub. "I filled another plate thinking I could eat more, silly me, but I've already had two."
"You do look a little green," he tells me. He really does look concerned, but I have to try not to throw up when he touches my face. Although that would make my story more believable.
"I think I should probably retire to my room for the night," I say, and stand abruptly. My movement forces his hand to drop from my cheek. "My apologies, Mr. Hamilton, but I must go. Goodnight." I curtsy to him and turn to go. I feel a slimy hand on mine and groan internally. This man is much too old for me; doesn't he know that?
I turn back to face him.
"I was thinking of leaving soon as well," he says. "May I escort you to your room?"
"That will not be necessary, but thank you for your offer," I say with another polite curtsy. It gives me an excuse to pull my hand out of his. "I wouldn't want to disgrace myself by puking in front of a gentleman—"
"Nonsense!" he cries with a throaty laugh. "I see ladies throw up all the time." He leans closer. "I own a very popular pub, you know."
"Thank you, really, but I think I'd like to be alone. Goodnight." I make sure to leave the polite tone out of my farewell this time and he finally lets me go. I look toward Cassius to tell him goodnight as well, but he's deep in conversation with Queen Nessi. He whispers something in her ear with a huge grin on his face and she raises her hand to cover her mouth as she laughs.
I smile as I finally make my getaway, glad to be free of the suffocating life at pulchra court for a little while.
*****
I don't go straight to my chambers. Instead, I decide to take this opportunity to explore the castle a bit while every servant and power-hungry nobleman are too busy to bother me. I wander down the corridors, enjoying the feel of the smooth sandstone of the walls underneath my fingers. I stop once to admire a brilliantly painted mural of several angels watching over a group of humans from the clouds above. Or could the angels be air fairies?
Before I move on, I bend to take my shoes off and carry them loosely in my hand as I walk. They had become too tight and stiff since I first put them on, and now my feet can enjoy the feel of the sandstone too.
As I pass by the courtyard, I pause yet again to lean out a window and admire a garden far below. My eyes sweep across the grounds and across granite pillars and statues and beautiful plants until a dimly glowing mass of green and brown catches my eye. A figure sits atop a mini house in the center of the dark garden, one leg dangling over the edge and the other pulled to their chest. They rest their head against the raised knee, shoulders slumped in defeat.
I turn my eyes away from the figure, the muscles in my throat tightening again. I take several steps farther down the corridor, slowly at first and then I quicken my pace until I'm running. I run until I find a staircase, and then I run down another corridor until I find a door that leads into the garden. I slow to a walk once I'm outside, approaching the tiny square building from the left. The little house is made from unevenly stacked sandstone bricks and is dotted with randomly placed flower boxes underneath slanting windows. It's not the sort of style I would expect in a place like this, but it's beautiful nonetheless. Perhaps the gardener lives here.
I come to a stop a foot away from the building, but Alec doesn't notice my presence. I open my mouth to greet him, but I don't know what to say. My cheeks burn and I shuffle my feet, stepping intentionally in some dried leaves. Alec raises his head at the sound of the crunch, his eyes curious. When he sees that it's me, however, his eyes dim once again and his shoulders slump forward. I expect his features to conform to seem uncaring and harsh as always, but instead, he openly watches me with shades of guilt and even pain. The circles underneath his eyes are darker and more pronounced. Although I'm still furious with him, my chest tightens painfully at the sight before me.
I try a smile. "May I join you?"
He doesn't reply and only continues to stare. I shuffle my feet again, stepping a bit closer to the building, and glance around at the deserted garden.
"It's much quieter out here than at that ridiculous party. I thought you might like some company," I offer. Still no answer, and I'm beginning to squirm underneath his heavy gaze. I move my own eyes from him to the house, searching for a way I might get to the roof without the use of wings. I see no ladder or stairs.
I look back to Alec, who is still watching me. "I'd like to come sit with you, but it could be a bit difficult, considering I don't have any wings."
For just a split second, his eyes shift, and I think he might actually help me. I imagine him jumping to the ground and wrapping his arms around me and using his wings to carry us both to the rooftop together. But then his eyes become hard again and I know that he won't.
I roll my eyes. "Fine. I can do it myself anyway."
And I hitch my skirt up and begin to climb. I raise my leg to the lowest brick that is jutted out the farthest, which is only about an inch. I get a secure grip on some bricks above me before pulling myself up and then raise another leg to the next brick. This one is much farther inward and harder to balance on, but I manage. My dress falls down around my ankles again, making it more difficult to climb.
I can feel Alec's eyes watching my every move. I set my jaw and tell myself that I can do this.
The next step I know will be impossible. The only option is barely even jutting out of the wall at all, but I can't stop now. I raise my leg and place my bare foot firmly on the rock, setting my eyes on the next step so I can move to it quickly. But when I shift my weight, my foot slips from the brick and leaves me dangling by my fingers. I look upward, my mouth open to call for Alec, but he's already there. Silently and with a stony expression, he reaches toward me and takes one of my hands in his. Warmth explodes across my skin and rushes to my cheeks as he lifts me onto the roof beside him.
His face ends up inches from mine for a fleeting moment, so close that I can feel his breath on my nose.
He moves quickly back to where he had been sitting before I interrupted him, his back turned toward me. I scowl at the back of his head before taking a seat beside him. I dangle my legs off the edge next to his, smoothing the fabric of the dress over my knees. I glance sideways at him and I catch him watching me from the corner of his eye. He directs his gaze forward when he sees me looking at him and I smile faintly.
"What was his name?" I ask quietly. He looks toward the sky and takes a deep breath, as if he is annoyed by my very voice.
"Who?" he snaps.
"Your brother."
His head whips around to face me, his lips curled in a snarl and his eyes full of storms. "If you came here to use my family against me as revenge for—"
"No," I whisper, and I place my hand on his arm. He pulls away from my touch. "I would never do that to you."
"But I did it to you."
I shrug. "I can be angry with you without seeking to hurt you in return, can't I?"
His anger evaporates into frustration and a bit of surprise as he turns away from me to look at the sky again. "His name was Benjamin," he whispers, quieter than the wind itself. His hands grip the edge of the building tightly. My hand moves from my lap towards his, but I hold myself back. Should I?
Yes, I should.
I place my hand over his, curling my fingers over his warm skin. My heart had been beating out of my chest at the thought of touching his hand and feeling him pull away again, but it settles when he doesn't reject me. Then, when his hand moves and his fingers curl around mine, my heart begins to feel as if I'd been running for hours.
After a long silence, Alec starts to move his thumb in small circles across the palm of my hand. "Edlyn, I'm sorry. I—" His voice cracks. "I'm so sorry. I should never have said any of what I did, especially about Peter—"
"I forgive you."
He finally meets my eyes and warmth shoots across my skin again. I smile a little, hoping to cheer him a bit, and squeeze his hand affectionately. He looks down at our intertwined hands and the broken expression on his face melts into something else.
"My family should be here. My brother should be alive. But here I am instead." His voice cracks, but after a shaky breath, he continues. "I don't deserve to be alive. I definitely don't deserve this." His grip on me tightens and he raises my hand to his cheek and then to his lips. His hands tremble as he brushes his lips against my skin.
"No, you're wrong. What you don't deserve is to have lost your family and to be forced into a marriage with someone that you do not love." My cheeks burn hotter with every word, but I feel such an intense need to console him that I ignore my own discomfort. "You're a good person, Alec. I mean it. You deserve happiness."
He lowers my hand from his lips but keeps his fingers intertwined with mine. I immediately miss the feel of his warm breath on my skin.
"I am happy." His dark eyes meet mine once again and my breath catches in my throat. His eyes shine with a fire I've never seen. "Right now, in this moment, I am."
A painful lump forms in my throat, but I leave it be, focusing on it to ease the pain I feel in my chest. "You deserve all the happiness in the world," I tell him earnestly, my voice nothing but a whisper. I observe that his lips are a mere inch from mine and quickly wish that I hadn't. "Not just a fleeting moment on a roof."
He smiles sadly, the fire in his eyes joined, but not dimmed, by sorrow. "This is the most I can ask for."
He leans closer, his breath brushing against my chin and my lips. The sensation sends warm tingles down my neck, and as he leans closer, my heart beats erratically. His free hand moves from his side to trace my lips and my jawline before resting on my cheek. The feel of his skin against mine sends fire through my veins. I catch a delicious whiff of pine leaves and cinnamon, and it draws me in even more. My heartbeat echoes in my ears as I move closer, closing the distance between us until it's almost nonexistent. I want to kiss him—no, I need to. Every fiber of my being burns with a passionate need to feel his lips against mine, his hands tangled in my hair—
Alec quickly reins in my thoughts, which have run out of control. First, he closes the final distance between us, teasing me with a kiss so soft that it nearly isn't there. I move closer, seeking to deepen it, and he leans away. Our lips part, heavy breath mixing between us.
"Alec," I manage, and he grins before touching his lips to mine again. This time he does not tease me. His hand slips out of mine to cup my other cheek and draw me closer while I wind my fingers through his hair. His scent overwhelms me and deepens my desire to be closer, his soft lips moving against mine in a way that sends my heart racing. We crash together again and again, until we're both gasping for breath.
When we pull apart, he doesn't let me go. He keeps me close, holding my face lovingly in his hands. His eyes flicker from my eyes to my mouth and he moves one finger across my lower lip. He leans forward again, lightly brushing his lips against mine for one more sweet second.
He sighs, running a thumb across my lip again. "As I feared, the most I can ask for," he says, "isn't enough."
A/N: wow I'm actually updating on a Friday!! Go me!!! I'm dead inside!!!! I wrote this while watching Sherlock and I'm dying!!!!!!! Pls send help!!!
Annnnnyway, I hope that you guys like this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it, please leave a vote and a comment if you did. Means a lot! :)
Honestly, this is my favorite chapter and it's not even because of the kissing scene (well that's part of it) but I really love the dialogue and blahhhh. Also. I reached 1.2K AND 100 votes today!!! It's all thanks to you wonderful people who read this for some reason! <3