✴ song of chapter: Sleepwalking by bring me the horizon ✴
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Dysania; the state of finding it extremely difficult to get out of bed in the morning. This explains me very well. I'm sure everyone who's human feels this way sometimes but its much more then that. Sleep keeps me sane, without sleep I'll probably be in rehab right now. When I go to sleep everything disappears, all the pain, all the emotions, everything I ever felt. Peace replaces all that pain when I sleep and so when its time to wake up, I don't want to.
My alarm went off twenty minutes ago and I'm still in bed of course. I always set my alarm clock twenty minutes before I'm supposed to so I have time to actually get of bed and not be late. Well this time I wasted those twenty minutes staring at the ceiling not wanting to get up for school.
My second alarm goes off, signifying I should be out of bed now. I lean over to my nightstand and turn off the alarm, silencing the annoying tune. I just lay there, ignoring the time. I can't seem to get up, I'm just too relaxed to even move. I lay there for about two more minutes before someone knocks on the door. My family knows I have difficulties getting out of bed but they just think I'm lazy as fuck.
I groan but don't get up to open it. The door opens and my kid brother walks in.
"Get the fuck out of bed, now." He says sternly. Who the fuck is he to tell me what to do? I sit up on the edge of my bed slowly and raise an eyebrow at him.
"What do you want?" I ask him. He looks at me like I'm stupid.
"Do you not see the time Isaiah, we have thirty minutes to get to school." He says worried. This is just like him, always stressed and worried about everything.
"Chill the fuck out, I'll be ready in five minutes." I say calmly while standing up and stretching. I flex my biceps and make my way to the bathroom. Michael follows me out the door and goes downstairs.
"I'll wait down here." He says. I nod then go into the bathroom.
I take a quick three minute shower then stand in front of the mirror with a towel wrapped around my waist. I grab a smaller towel and dry my crazed sandy brown hair. I grab a razor and shave the little hairs on my face. I stare at the razor and my hand begins to shake a little. I squeeze the razor tightly, tempted, but I put it back in the cabinet. Not today, I say to myself. I take my antidepressant and brush my teeth really quick then exit the bathroom.
I go into my room, dry myself off then put on my clothes. I try to control my hair by styling it like I always do. I put on some cologne grab my things then head downstairs.
I go into the kitchen and grab an apple. This is my usually meal for the whole day until dinner. My father and stepmother already left for work hours ago, as they always do. The house phone rings and I check the ID number, its my older sister Ivy.
"Hey, what's up?" She doesn't usually call this early in the mourning because she has classes at the university of Florida. Today's her first day of her second year in college.
"Just wanted to wish you good luck on your first day of senior year and to tell Michael good luck on his first day of freshman year." She says. I glance over at Michael and he looks impatient.
"Why would I need luck?" I ask her. I always do good in school even if I do have distractions.
"
I don't mean academically but good luck on finding yourself this year you know, what you want to do with your life and shit." She says. I tense at that, the only thing I plan on is death.
"Yea OK whatever, I gotta go, Michaels getting worried we might be late." I say to try and stop the conversation from continuing.
"Alright, I'll talk to you later." She says then hangs up. I hang up then grab
my keys off the key holder thing.
"Can we please go now?" Michael says annoyed. I turn the kitchen light off and head towards the door.
"Yea, lets get the fuck out of here." I say then open the door and lock it behind us.
***
I pull into the parking lot of Westchester High school and see my usually classmates. I park in my assigned lot then get out. Michael follows me to a group of guys I know. Their all smoking cigarettes and weed blunts, my kind of people. One of the guys out of the group is my best friend Shawn. As I get closer they see me and start greeting me.
"Hey!"
"What up man, good to see ya!"
"My boy Isaiah is back!" They say all at once. I give each of them a bro shake.
"Hey guys, its nice seeing you all and shit." I say smiling. Dylan says, while pointing to my brother,
"Who's the kid?" I almost forgot he was here.
"I'm not a kid." Mic says annoyed, like always. I chuckle at him.
"This is Michael, my little brother, its his first day of highschool." I say the last part with an evil smile.
Dylan and the rest of the guys give me evil smiles back. Michael looks at us uneasy.
"Why are you all smiling at me like that?" He asks worriedly. The boys put out their cigarettes and blunts and then start yelling,
"Fresh meat, fresh meat, fresh meat!" They pick up my brother by the arms and legs then carry him off into the school.
"Hey! Put me down! Isaiah!" He yells before he goes inside.
I laugh my ass off as I see the terrifying look on his face. I laugh so hard that I don't even realize Shawn is standing in front of me until he chuckles to himself.
"That never gets old." He says. I finally get a hold of myself and say,
"I love those guys." I've known them since freshman year and they been there for me ever since.
"But not as much as you love me." Shawn says excitedly. I chuckle and smile at him.
He's right, I've known him since first grade. He knows more things about me then the rest of the guys ever would. He understands my struggle with depression and is always there when I'm feeling down. One thing he doesn't know though is that I cut. The reason why I never told him is because I remember one time when he said he hates when people cut themselves, that he will never understand why people would hurt themselves on purpose.
I think I'm just sacred at what he might say if I told him.
"Nice outfit dude." He says while looking at me. I can't really tell if he's being serious or not. Until he burst out laughing.
"What!" I ask surprised. He keeps laughing while he talks,
"I'm laughing at your hair, it looks like a bush."
It probably does look bad though, I barely did it this mourning.
"Shut the fuck up." I say smiling. He's always making me laugh and cheering me up. He's not just a friend, he's a brother. A bell rings from inside, warning us to get to class.
"Come on, let's go fuck shit up." Shawn says while walking towards the door. I follow him inside, it looks different from the last time.
"I can't do the usual this year, my dad found out what we do every year and called the school, so their keeping an eye on us for the first week of school." I tell him.
"Damn Za, how he find out?" Shawn asks me with disappointment in his voice. I lean against a wall, ready to tell him.
"Well he kinda heard me talking to you about our plans for today on the phone." I say. Me and Shawn have this tradition that on the first day of school we skip all classes, except lunch, and break all the basic rules like running in the halls. For example, last year we took all the inspirational posters down and replaced them with sexy swimsuit models and when class ended people came out and saw them.
They never caught us because we made sure not to be seen by the cameras and because the staff puts no effort into the first day so they basically don't care what we do. We started it our second year and it was just a fun way to start off the new school year.
"Seriously, come on, its our last year." Shawn whines. I push off the wall, take a look at my schedule then head to the next hallway, Shawn follows me.
"Sorry Shawn, I can't take that risk, you know how my dad is." I say while looking for my homeroom.
"Ugh, whatever man, but you owe me." He says annoyed. The only reason why Shawn even comes to school on the first day is because of our tradition and us not doing it must disappoint him. I stop outside of my homeroom class and turn towards him. I look at him and say,
"I'll make it up to you, how about we do something on the last day instead?" He thinks for a moment.
"You mean like a senior prank?" He asks.
"Something like that, but just the two of us, we'll do something that's bigger and better then any senior prank you've ever seen." I say. He gives me a mysterious grin and says,
"Deal." I smirk back then head into class. When I come in every one turns their attention on me. Oh look at that, I'm late.
"Nice of you to join us, pick up the papers then have a seat." A women with way too much hairspray and makeup says. I look at her then do as I'm told. I pick a seat in the back, not wanting to be seen by anyone. There are some people I recognize in here but none I care about. When the teacher with stiff hair starts talking I zone out and put my head down, thinking, I need more sleep.
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