Question
Hi. There's this guy that I really really like. He says he likes me too and although i should be happy that he likes me, deep down I do not believe him. I've been questioning myself for a long time because although we do like each other, it's like neither of us want to make that first move or maybe deep down i don't even want to be his girlfriend. My question is, what can you do in this type of situations and how do you stop that little voice that always tells you stuff such as he doesn't like you or he likes your sister. Sorry if my question is not specific. Would like to get a reply. Thanks, Julie.
Answer
Hi julie,
Thankfully i'm not writing about some medical condition again, so don't worry i'm not going to "diagnose" you with some illness. I'm just going to talk about the issue.
I'm going to start with your insecurities about him liking you back. Now i'm wondering why you'll think he doesn't especially when he said he has.
The only reason you should suspect him of lying is if you have noticed him doing certain things such as:
1. He's always looking at other girls and is such a flirt around them.
2. He barely talks to you either face to face or via text/calls.
3. He's always looking for excuses and turns down the idea of seeing you or taking you out.
4. When you try to talk about your feelings, he is either not looking at you or looks disintrested.
5. Has been avoiding you in school and doesn't like hanging out with you anymore.
6. You both can't hold a conversation for 5 mins without either one leaving(which is not due to shyness).
7. He doesn't listen when you talk and doesn't remember the things you tell him.
8. He's been giving you all these signs hoping you would take a hint.
These are the basic signs that would tell if he does or doesn't like you.
Now to the second part of your question. You said "neither of us want to make the first move."
Sometimes....or maybe alot of times, guys would prefer to be totally guaranteed before they make the first move. A few times they'll even prefer you do it. If he's shy then it's most likely going to take him forever to do anything and this can be fustrating.
Then again maybe you are causing him to be second guessing. Like I said before guys like to be totally sure before doing something sensible. If you've been acting all emotionless or signless about you liking him then you can't really blame him. Try smiling and putting in efforts to letting him know that you love hanging out with him.
My best advice for that problem is that you just be straightfoward with him. During lunch or whenever you are free, tell him you need to talk and discuss what exactly your situations are. Don't force or pressure him to do anything he doesn't want. If he really does like you, he'll do it on his own accord and not because you want him to.
Then nextly you said "maybe I don't want to be his girlfriend."
To me, you even sound inconvinced about liking him or wanting to date him. I know it can get annoying sometimes but if you really really like him, like you said you did, then you should be willing to wait. Afterall love is patience.
If you have that attitude of "I no more give a damn," then it's going to reflect and put you 50 steps backward.
You want to know what you can do in this situation?
It's pretty simple. Follow all the advice i've given you. There are many people who have told me about this their similar problem and it turns out it was even their fault and not the guy that they liked.
Put in a little more effort. I'm not telling you to start wearing makeup or wear designer or revealing clothings. It's as simple as just telling him hi more often.
If he isn't inviting you for stuff or taking you out, then you ask him. Let him feel like you really would love to hang out with him.
If he's shy or you don't have the oppurtunity of seeing him often, then text him. Make your conversations intresting. Let him feel like "oh your so funny or nice to talk to."
And if you feel like you can do this then simply ask him out first. Although I usually don't advice girls to do it first or i'll never personally do it, it doesn't make it a crime. It's all up to your personality and how you feel about the idea.
As for that little voice
Always remember that you control your thoughts and actions. If that little voice is pestering you, then simply push it to the side.
The little voice only comes when you are insecure about a particular situation or even yourself. If you just clear up the problem, the voice goes too.
So if you really want to trash that little voice, go talk to your crush and be clear and straightfoward with him. I'm sure he doesn't bite.
A/n
Hey,
Hope this helped answers your questions and problem.
All advice are very accurate and if you have more comment it.
Check out my other book: Give Love A Shot.
Vote and comment.
Tea and bumble bee☆♡☆♡☆