On my lunch break, I decide to leave the office. I need fresh air. I need to breathe and to think.
I'd done pretty well in isolating the situation from the forefront of my mind- managing to focus on almost nothing but the ten patients I'd seen this morning, navigating my way through the usual routine of avoiding antibiotics, and referrals to dermatology and physiotherapy for follow-ups.
Ironically, my third patient was a woman in her late thirties, who had apparently been trying for almost two years to get pregnant and was now wondering if IVF was the only viable option. It had made me feel ungrateful and selfish given the direction of my current thoughts.
Perhaps since his sperm seems to be some sort of fertility miracle, Jake could help them out. I mean how fertile was he? Once? On the first go? Seriously?
Coming from a doctor I know how ridiculous that is. Once was all it took. Maybe not for Louise Waters and her husband, but for Jake, once was all it took.
The appointment with Louise hadn't been the first time my thoughts had wandered. The contents of the top drawer of my desk had slipped through the cracks of my concentration when I wasn't working hard enough to prevent them doing so. The moments of quiet felt weighty now with the magnitude of what it meant for us. No more eerie calm in my head. It was loud and getting louder.
Grabbing my jacket from the hook behind my office door, I rush past reception and out into the bright summer day. I stop for a takeout coffee from the deli Jake had asked me out in that day, sipping it as I walk along to Torrance park - a small but always busy park, a short walk from the surgery.
Because it's a warm pleasant day, the park is busier than usual and lots of women with buggies and small children seem to be trying to send me some kind of blatant screaming message - the birds singing and the sun shining down on their picture perfect motherly forms. Soon, the women with pushchairs and small children start to hold a new sort of enticement for me and I stare at them wondering about the moment they first found out they were pregnant. Did any of them have to deal with the kind of life altering situation Jake and I do?
Pregnancy was life-altering enough on its own, it changed your life and your body forever. This situation of ours was beyond the realms of what new parents normally have to deal with. Jake would now have someone else to worry about and yet another burden to consider. How could I have been so careless? How am I supposed to tell him this now that we had so much else to worry about?
I find a spot on a bench near the middle of the park by the small bowling lawn and sit down, my take out coffee cooling in my lap but warming my fingers. Yes, the calm waters of my mind are definitely more lively now, a gentle swaying that's picking up speed and motion. I feel sick again.
Okay, I need to think about this sensibly. The first thing I need to do is book an appointment with my doctor. I need a qualified professional who isn't myself to tell me that I am indeed 100% pregnant, and if so, clarify how pregnant I actually am.
I feel slightly hysterical. I never thought that when I became pregnant I'd feel hysterical about it. I always thought I'd feel excitement and joy and I actually resent the fact that its not what I feel. I want to feel the rush of excitement and anticipation and I want Jake to feel the same. Instead I feel nervous and afraid and worried about everything. The timing was truly awful.
I give him a key to my house and then I tell him I'm pregnant. I mean am I the biggest man trapper there's ever been? God where's Rob when I need her? I contemplate calling Tash but I don't know if involving my family right now is the best idea either. As soon as I do, it becomes real. As soon as I tell my sister I'm pregnant she becomes an aunt. That makes her involved in a way I don't want her, or anyone to be quite yet. Maybe because I'm not quite ready to acknowledge this as a real thing yet.
I'll sit on it for a few more days until I see the doctor and until Rob gets back and I can talk to someone. It will give the idea time to settle.
When I pull out my phone to make the call to the doctor there's a text from him from earlier.
//By the way when is your birthday? I'm thinking I should probably know this shit? Jx//
I smile at his tone. He makes everything seem manageable and workable. Even the seemingly unmanageable. The one person I want and need to talk about this with is him and I can't. Not yet. Also, I just miss him. It's been four and a half hours since I saw him and I miss him.
God, how am I supposed to keep this from him? How do I look into his eyes and tell him I love him, how do I have him inside me whilst holding this massive life changing revelation? Maybe I should keep my distance until I figure out what to do. My stomach clenches tightly. No. that's not going to happen - when have I ever been able to stay away from him? It certainly isn't about to happen now.
Instead of texting back, I decide to call him - aside from anything else I really need to hear his voice right now.
Dutifully, he picks up on the third ring.
"Alright you? What's happening?" He sounds cheery.
"Hey, I'm just on lunch. How are you? Where are you?"
"You checking up on me? Fucking hell - so possessive, so controlling." He sighs loudly. It's playful though.
"You love it," I smile.
"Nah. I love you." He replies.
"Well that's good because I love you back. So where are you? And Since my birthday is six months away I really hope you're not gift shopping for me."
"Six months away? So.... February? Gonna need a date here baby."
"14th." I sigh.
"Wait, isn't that..."
"Valentines day, I know, I'm sorry." I reply, guiltily. Another thing with terrible timing - my birthday.
He laughs. "Fuck. I really better get my thinking cap on then. The pressure's smothering me already..."
"So since you're not birthday present purchasing already - though maybe you should be - what are you up to exactly?"
"Well baby, since you're not psychic or following me you do not know that I'm not birthday present shopping already..." He points out.
"Hmmm. Smart arse."
"Do you remember what happened last time you called me that...?"
I flush, a hot delicious warmth moving over me. The memory of his tongue and his teeth licking and scraping their way across my skin, between my thighs, sliding inside. "Yes, I do remember. It was quite... pleasurable.."
"Quite pleasurable?" he asks, his voice a little rough.
"Okay, very pleasurable," I look around to make sure I'm still on the bench alone.
"Better. I can still taste you, you know." he says quietly. Clench. I moan softly.
"Jake...." I manage. My voice is soft and breathless and my body feels warm and liquid. I lift the paper cup to my mouth to sip at the cooling latte.
"Yeah I know. Wrong time wrong place for this," his voice is still quiet. "And... I'm with Cale," he says louder now. "He's helping me with something very important - aren't you buddy?" I get an image of him holding Caleb's hand. Then I see him wink down at him in that adorable way he does and my hand moves across my belly and stays there.
"Sounds mysterious," I say. "So I assume your location is top secret then?"
"Yup. It's a top secret mission. Isn't it?" He asks his son, a smile in his voice. I hear a child's voice shout yes very loudly in the background. "Ssssshh. It's a secret. Secrets are quiet," Jake says.
"You have him all night?" I ask. "I mean because I could come to yours. Maybe I could meet him? You know if it's not too soon. If you think that it would be ok, that he would be ok." I mutter. I sound clumsy. I hate when I sound clumsy.
"Nah, I only have him a few hours today - taking him back to his mum in a bit. But I think he's coming to stay with me this weekend. Lets make a plan? He wants to go play football in the park - you can come too?" His voice filled with love and hope and honestly it makes me want to just curl myself up in his arms and go to sleep.
"Sounds perfect," I smile, nodding. Then I remember something. "Actually - I just remembered - I'm going to go see Rob for a bit on Saturday, she gets back on Friday night, but that shouldn't take too long I don't think." Once I tell her pregnant I'm sure the conversation will dry right up. "I'll come meet you guys after that?"
"yeah, sounds fine. We can sort it out later." He says.
"Ok," I nod. "Then I should probably get back to work and let you two get back to your top secret mission."
"Yeah. So you'll be home after six? Just so I know when to have your dinner on the table..."
"Ah my very own sexy househusband..."
"Husband? Bit soon for all that don't you think?" He chuckles. A shiver rolls through me. Yes, it was too soon. Too soon to be pregnant too. Surely if I am pregnant - which I am - and I love him - which I do - then surely marriage is sensible too?
"Completely hot sexual deviant house slave then?" I suggest.
"Yeah. Sounds about right - you forgot cover hogging but I'll let it slide. So, do my duties include bedroom activities?" His voice is a low whisper now, obviously because his 3 year old son is by his side.
"Of course they do - that's kind of a core requirement." I say. "So, I'll be wanting you naked and eager and my dinner on the table when I get home. If not there will be trouble." I use my most professional tone. My work voice as he calls it.
He makes a low noise in the back of his throat. "Yes, Doctor." he practically growls.
"Good, now I have to dash - enjoy the rest of your day. See you later, bye," I say and hang up.
When I look down at the small antique face of my watch, I realise that I really do have to dash. I have about seven minutes to get back to the surgery before my next appointment. While I dash down the tidy suburban streets of Streatham I call to make my appointment with the doctor; which they can fit in for a week today. Not bad comparatively. Waiting times for appointments for ours were about ten days at the moment.
Then I begin to ponder the idea of Jake as my husband. It causes a warm filling rumble to move through my body.
Marriage to Jake is sensible wasn't it? Marriage to the police informing, ex drug dealing, potential for violence and possibly murderous man I'm in love with is sensible.
I don't want to be just another mother of another child of his. I always wanted to be married to the father of my children. Yet, at the same time I never wanted to force the father of my child into marrying me purely because of that. What if Jake didn't even want to get married? What if marriage was never on his list of things to do? He loves me and needs me, I know that much, but I don't want to force him to get married if it's not something he wants.
Christ this is also something I need to talk to him about, because I most certainly do want to get married. I'd shirked away from marriage to Ben, I'd avoided it and evaded it and ran from it but that was because I never wanted it with him. Marrying Jake was different. I was completely and ridiculously in love with Jake. I want to spend the rest of my life with Jake. If we decide we're having this baby then we should at least discuss the M word.
Christ did I just think that? Had I been thinking that?
If. If we decide. If I decide. The word was out of my subconscious and into my frontal lobe before I even gave it a second thought. So there's a part of me that's considering not having this baby.
Well, that was good to know.
I hurry up the steps to the surgery and inside I find Mr Winston announcing himself at the reception desk. I stop and put my hand on his shoulder and assure him I'll be out to get him in just a moment. He smiles warmly at me and nods before hobbling off to take a seat.
In my office, I hang up my jacket and slide my phone into my drawer then move to call up Mr Winston's file on my computer. His haemorrhoids are back I bet. It's been six months since his last flare up. Lovely. I push my baby brain to one side and focus instead on Mr Winston's anal canal. Should be easy enough.
***
Just after 6pm I leave the office, exhausted but with a surge of appetite I haven't felt for days. So much so that I really do hope he has my dinner on the table when I get home. It takes me just under thirty minutes to drive home, the traffic abnormally quiet because the schools are still on holiday.
Jakes car is parked in my driveway, and like always, seeing it there settles and relaxes something in me. Coming home to him is satisfying and makes a feeling of contentment fill out my bones.
Except now there's something new there. It creeps up just when I think I'm perfectly happy and content. It's an anxiousness. What if he figures it out before I'm ready to tell him? What if the revelation is now clear on my face or on my body?
My hand moves across my tummy as I try and feel for anything new or altered which may catch his attention. Unlikely. Nothing is noticeable this early. The changes are all inside. Not just my body but my brain too.
As soon as I step inside the house something feels off. It's eerily silent - no movement from the kitchen or downstairs at all. Cold fear blows over me, sudden and unwelcome.
"Jake? Are you here?" I venture, frozen to the spot at the foot of the stairs. Where is he? I feel sick. Upstairs, I hear a creak of movement and my head snaps up towards the sound.
"Baby, I'm up here," his voice calls down to me.
Oh thank god. My body softens with relief and my heart rate slows as I drop my keys and bag by the door and move toward the kitchen.
"Okay, I'm just going to feed Fred," I call up to him.
"Already did it. Get your arse up here!" He shouts back.
"Um okay..." I turn back and climb the stairs hesitantly. "What's going on? Am I in trouble?" I ask when I reach the top of the stairs. I peer down the corridor towards my bedroom - the door is slightly ajar and I can hear soft movement from inside. I push the door open slowly, and my hand comes up to my mouth to cover my gasp.
What on earth?
The room is filled with red and white roses. Everywhere. On every surface - the tall boy, the bedside tables, the window ledges, my dressing table, the floor. Two dozen bouquets, maybe more. Jake is naked. Wearing nothing but the sexiest most adorable grin on his face.
He's holding his hands behind his back and I cant decide whether to look at the flowers or him. His body looks lean and powerful in all its glorious nakedness. I can't believe he did this. The flowers. so many flowers. I feel almost breathless.
My hand is still up at my mouth so I lower it, the smile spreading wide over my face. My cheeks hot and my heart beating fast.
"What did you do?" I whisper finally. I shake my head as I bite the grin back from my lips with my teeth.
He gives me a look of uncertainty and nods. "It's too much, trust me I know that, took me fucking ages to get them all upstairs," He looks around.
"Did you steal these from Ed and Betty's Garden?" I ask.
He smiles. "Most of them, yeah. Fuck were they pissed off," he runs a hand over his mouth and nods. "Ed seemed like a nice guy the other day but you should see him when someone goes near his rose bush - guy is fucking mental. You might have to move, sorry." He gives me an apologetic tilt of his head.
"I can't believe you did this?" I shake my head.
Each bouquet is hand-tied, encased in brown paper and one of those little self containing vases made of cellophane. Where the hell did he get them all? He went into a shop and ordered twenty four bouquets of roses? He actually did that? As I bring my eyes back to him he stands a little taller, pulling his shoulders back and then he walks toward me, stopping a few feet in front.
"I just realised today that I hadn't done anything romantic for you since we met," he says, reaching out to take hold of my hands. "Not a single fucking thing. Then I remembered that I sent you flowers, twice. It worked too because the first time I did it, it got you to go out with me - even if you did stand me up in the end - but I don't like to focus on the dark shit as you know..." he winks. "But... I thought they were a pretty good jumping off point." He moves closer and drops his hands from mine, sliding them around my waist instead.
When he pulls me into him the scent of his body floods my nose, overpowering the scent of roses in the room. The smell of his warm male skin is more powerful because he's naked, and he cocoons me in his arms which feel strong and comforting wrapped around me.
When he brings his lips to mine he kisses me softly, teasing open my mouth with his tongue. As he moans quietly I move my hands around him, drawing them up over his back and scratching at the warm skin of his shoulders as I nibble on his plump bottom lip. When he withdraws from my mouth he licks his tongue lazily across his mouth, tasting me on his lips.
"You didn't have to do this Jake... you don't have to do romantic things for me." I tell him. He's more than enough on his own. He's changing his whole life for me. Not being romantic enough is not something I want him to even think about.
"Yeah I know I didn't. But I wanted to," He shrugs. He brings his hand up and skims the back of it down my cheek as his eyes drop to my mouth. He licks his lips again as he continues to drag his thumb down my cheek to my neck, then he wraps his hand around the back of it. He lets out a low sigh and moves his mouth toward mine again, tilting my head back as he presses his mouth to my throat. My eyes close in bliss as he licks his way up from the base of my throat to my lips, where he kisses me again harder this time.
He's panting now and I feel heat and moisture spread outwards from the knot in my belly down to the space between my legs. As he lifts his head to meet my eyes again the hunger in them is so utterly breathtaking that I have to remember to breathe.
He's the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on. His eyes are bright and alight with desire, and his bare strong shoulders look good enough to eat. His face is a complete a mask of need and love and it's almost enough to make me forget about the huge life-changing thing that could spoil everything we were just about managing to keep together.
"I missed you today," he says softly, a warm smile tickling the side of his perfect mouth.
"I missed you too." I reply. Then something more playful comes over his eyes.
"Good. So if I want to do romantic things for my woman coming home from work, then I will yeah?" He grins.
I smile. "Well," I cast a look down over his strong edible-looking tattooed chest. "...then your woman is very grateful. This is just what she needed."
"Hard day?" he frowns slightly, bringing his hand up to stroke my cheek again.
"Kind of... It'll be okay though. Nothing I can't deal with." I tell him, careful not to hold his eyes too long. I glance behind him and then around the room again. "Thank you for this. They're beautiful, thank you. You're beautiful. And naked. Which incidentally, is also what I needed." I lean up to kiss him again and he brings his hands down and begins to slowly unbutton my blouse.
"Well, you told me to be naked for you coming home. I'm only doing what I'm told." He smiles against my mouth.
He works his way down the buttons and pulls the material up and out of my skirt. Slipping the fabric off my shoulders, he dips his head to kiss the top of my breast, licking my nipple through the lace of my bra. I tug at his hair and drop my head back onto him, enjoying the hot wet feel of his mouth and tongue as he flicks it over my hardening nipple.
His hands move to my waist and he spins me around, pulling me tight against his chest as he begins to unzip my skirt before. He tugs it down over my hips and thighs and it drops the rest of the way, pooling at my feet.
As I step out of it I feel his mouth kiss its way across my shoulder, biting the skin softly before he reaches the crook of my neck. In his trademark way, he then licks upwards to the sensitive spot behind my ear.
"Take them off Alex," He growls quietly, tugging on the waistband of my knickers.
I obey, sliding them down my thighs while he undoes my bra, peeling it off my shoulders. I'm now standing completely naked with my back still to him, his breath hot and short on the back of my neck. My breathing is fast and short too as his hands begin to move across my skin, his fingers teasing my breasts, stroking and scraping touches up and down my arms, soft hot kisses at my neck.
I drop my head back onto him again and close my eyes, and he moves his thumbs over the nipples softly, too softly, before squeezing them gently.
I need him to be rougher. I always need him to be rougher. I know that if I asked him to be rough he would be. I moan and push back against his body desperately, delighting at the feel of his erection expanding and hardening against my behind.
In that moment it occurs to me that if this is what coming home to him is like then perhaps I should have asked him to move in with me.
He drops one hand from my breast and slides it between my legs, which I part automatically to give him better access. He begins to stroke his finger against me, gentle slow circular strokes that make my tummy tighten and my legs feel a little weaker.
"I'm going to make you come, then I'm going to fuck you, then your going to get into the bath whilst I make dinner." He says roughly as he kisses my shoulder.
"That... sounds perfect," I pant and he begins to nudge me toward the bed. With his hand on my lower back he pushes me down onto it on my stomach, spreading my legs open with his knee. He sits down next to me on the bed and skims the palm of his hand down my spine and across my bum before moving it down between my legs again.
He circles his finger over my clitoris while spreading me open at the same time, his other finger dancing close to the edge of my opening, pressing the edge deliciously, maddeningly. As I moan out loud, I turn my head to look up at him and find him staring down at me, the intent and mischief in his eyes making them a deep dark green.
When he dips his finger into me I moan louder, my body arching up off the bed, my legs spreading wider. He's so good. His hands and his mouth and his body are just so so good to me. He shifts then and moves off the bed and stands up behind me before lowering himself onto his knees. It occurs to me then that he's never made love to me like this before - from behind. We've always been face to face whenever we've made love. How interesting. He wants it like this now though?
His finger leaves my body, his touch disappearing, but then I feel him press his mouth to my right bum cheek which he bites softly, before moving to my left where he repeats the same. He grabs my hips and pulls me down to the edge of the bed so that my legs hang over the side, and then with his hands on my bum he spreads me open and he takes me in his mouth.
"Oh my god..." I moan, gasping as his tongue slips inside me. The angle is a little strange but its intense and deep and he growls quietly as he moves his mouth deeper. I muffle my next moan into the duvet by biting down on it.
"You have the most amazing fucking arse, has anyone ever told you that?" He says as he lifts his head. Before I have a chance to respond I feel him slap me playfully on it. I lift my head and twist around to give him a look of incredulity.
"No, they haven't. I've also never had it spanked before either." I tell him open-mouthed.
He smirks. "Ruining you again am I? You deserve that for calling me a smart arse earlier - and yours is definitely the smartest arse I've ever seen." He winks with a lick of his lips.
"I honestly had no idea you were so touchy..." I smile sweetly.
He makes a playful growling noise and lowers his head again, and then I feel his tongue back between my legs. When his tongue tickles against my other opening, my body tightens and tries to close on him. Oh my god. It feels wrong. Good because it's him but wrong all the same.
"Jake... what are you doing." I gasp. I try to shift away from him but he holds me firm, pressing his hand down on the small of my back as he licks at it again. Christ it's sinful. Soft, wet, hot licks on the most deviant place on my body. As he pushes his tongue in slightly, to my complete and utter surprise, I feel my breath quicken and the goosebumps spread out across my whole body.
The warm, soft tightening between my thighs tells me something too.
When I lift my head to gaze over my shoulder at him, he lifts his eyes to meet mine before pressing his tongue against it again. He flicks it over the opening, his breath soft and hot. Oh.
"I want to be inside you here," He says, his eyes on mine.
I swallow in terror, but my heartbeat quickens further. I'm excited. Never in my life would I have thought I'd be excited by that. Never in my life would I have thought I'd even want to do that. But I do. Because it's him. Because I want him inside every single part of me. Because I want him to have every single part of me.
"I've never... done that.." I tell him. The blush creeps up my neck and cheeks. It makes me want to bury my face back in the duvet.
He sits back on his knees and nods. "And I'd never force you to," his eyes are serious. He skims his hand up the back of my thigh gently. "It's not a deal breaker or anything." he smiles. "I just know that I want it with you."
"So," I hesitate. I'm not even sure why I'm asking because I know the answer before Ive even asked the question. "I take it you have then? Done that before?"
He takes his time before answering. It makes me wonder if maybe he's remembering the time he did it and the woman he did it with. For a small fraction of an instant I hate every single other woman he's ever been with in any capacity. Not only that, but I hate every woman that he's ever looked at with desire. I loathe them all. It's pathetic. It's jealousy and pathetic and I fully admit it.
Finally Jake nods his head, his eyes intense but also a little regretful.
"Yeah. I've done it before." He says quietly. His tone is unbridled but emotionless. I wonder briefly if there's anything he hasn't done. A question for another time.
I nod slowly. "Ok. We can try it. I'll try it... with you." I tell him.
He looks a little surprised I think, but then another look comes over his face, one that I know very well, one fuelled by heat and need - desire.
"Only if you want to baby..."
"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't want to Jake."
He says nothing for a few moments as he stares up at me. Then he raises himself up and swiftly crawls onto the bed and settles next to me. He slides his arm around my waist and pulls me into his chest, my behind pressed snuggly to his erection, tempting me, taunting me.
God, he wants to try it now? Am I ready now? Why did I say yes? Because you want to. Because you wouldn't have said yes if you didn't want to. I wonder if saying yes was me trying to look brave in front of him again.
He moves his hand down my body between my legs again, his fingers stroking at the point of my need for him. He moves his mouth close to my ear, his breathing soft and shallow and hot. When he speaks again, the distinct male scent of him, and the delicate sweet scent of roses float up my nose. I close my eyes and sigh softly in pleasure.
"Knowing that I'm the only one who'll ever be inside you like that sort of makes it feel like you belong to me." His voice is rough and low, and like always when he's turned on, the east end accent peppers some of the syllables.
"I do belong to you." I whisper.
"Do you?" he asks. He sounds surprised. Why does he sound surprised? "So that's why you'll let me fuck you like that? Because you belong to me?" He pushes a finger into me and I moan out loud, pushing back against him. He licks at my ear, before kissing my neck again.
"Yes," I manage. Jake groans, biting softly at the skin of my neck as he moves another finger inside me. "...and because I love you." I tell him.
Christ I'm going to come. He always makes me come like this. With precise movements of his fingers and his thumb he begins to tease my orgasm from me. Precise. Neat. Breaths. Soft. Wet. Licks. Gentle. Bites. Moans.
I feel his other arm snake under my head and around my neck and then he pushes his fingers into my mouth. They taste of salt and skin and as I bite down on them it takes every bit of my control not to bite too hard. I want to bite hard. He speeds up the movement of his fingers below as they slip inside me, fucking me. On each thrust of his fingers, he grunts deliciously against my ear.
"So tight.. So soft..." He moans.
Oh my god.
"Jake... please. I need you... Now." I plead, twisting my head to kiss him.
He kisses me back hard before I feel his fingers leave my body. Gaping. Throbbing. Unfurling his limbs from me he sits up, reaching across to the bedside to the lift the dark foil packet.
That's when I remember.
That's when I remember the thing that I'd almost managed to forget about since I opened the door and found him here like this waiting for me. Why am I calling it a thing? Oh that makes me feel strange. Guilty even. That's not what it was. It was a baby. Our baby.
Jake's baby.
God. I'm having Jake's baby.
He positions himself behind me again and raises my leg and slowly enters me from behind. He's deep like this. So deep that all other thoughts drop out of my head and I groan in pleasure at the sensation of him filling me. The position is new for me - so deep and so intimate, so insanely erotic.
One of his arms is supporting my head, the other wrapped tightly around my waist to pull me close to him as he thrusts deep and slow. When he pulls back out, his fingers dip between my legs again and he strokes me once more while pushing his cock back inside me.
"So good... oh my god..." I pant, pushing back to take him deeper still. He groans low in his throat, moving his mouth back to my ear.
"Mmmm... I told you you should never have given me that fucking key baby," He chuckles at his own joke.
The skin of my neck prickles but I'm not sure if it's the rough length of his beard or the rough tone from his throat that's brushing against it.
"It might be the best thing I ever did." I manage as he thrusts in deep again.
Thrust. Stroke. Kiss. Lick. God.
He repeats this for what seems like hours. This perfect slow delicious torture of his. Edging me. Dragging me to the point of orgasm before slowing down, circling his hips and building up speed again. All the while he growls deeply against my ear. He fingers me softly, his fingers moving up over my stomach and my breasts, which he massages gently, before they crawl back down again between my legs.
The feeling of his hand moving over my stomach draws my attention back and forth from there to him and back again.
Soon the overload of sensation from his hands and mouth and fingers gets too much. I come, hard, almost violently, my body shuddering around him as his tongue laps at my neck and his teeth continue to bite at my damp hot skin.
Then finally I feel his own climax move through him. As usual it comes with erotic curses that heat my blood and extend my pleasure further. He's the only man I know that can make swearing sound like the sweetest words of passion.
"Fuck baby..." He moans, the long slow powerful thrusts coursing through his body against mine. "You feel so good... so fucking good." The sounds which come from his throat as he pours himself into me are hypnotic and lulling and I feel boneless and liquid as I melt into him. "I love you baby..." he moans, pressing his mouth to my neck again, entwining our fingers as he continues to rock into me. "I love you so much..."
When our bodies and our breathing slow, I blink open my eyes again and gaze around us. All I can see as he strokes his fingers lazily back and forth across my stomach are the red and white roses scattered around my bedroom.
He needs to know he doesn't need romantic gestures. He needs to know that he is more than enough. I don't need romantic gestures from him. I only need him.
I need to tell him that. I need to find the words and the moment to tell him that. Then I need to find the words and the moment to tell him that he's going to be a father again. Because as he bites softly into my shoulder and whispers that he loves me again I know without a shadow of a doubt that I'm keeping Jakes child.