Marshall dropped Deshaun off yesterday and everything was back to normal, he didn't talk to me, he wouldn't even look at me so I'm back at square one. I just don't understand why he would return my kiss if he apparently hates me so much. I don't wanna use my energy on thinking about that because it's so typical Marshall to act like this.
I come home from work and I see Deshaun and the nanny Caroline playing on the floor. Caroline is seriously the best nanny and she's been my rock since I've become a single mom. Caroline is 24 years old and comes from Sweden so she's here as an au pair but she lives in her own apartment and not with me. I pay her apartment and she gets a good salary.
"Hi guys." I say and Deshaun looks at me with a big smile on his face.
"Hi Christina." Caroline says and get up. I can see that Deshaun's wants me so I walk over there and lift him up from the floor and carry him in my arms.
"Hi baby." I say and kiss him. "Have you been good with Caroline today?" Even though I know that Deshaun hasn't developed a language yet and he can't speak then I'm always talking with him.
"He's just so easy." Caroline says. She's told me it a lot of times before but I never get tired of hearing it. I'm so glad that I've got an easy child.
"Have you had a good day?" I ask her.
"Yes, we've just been playing and he slept for 2 whole hours this afternoon." She says.
"I guess he needed it then." I say smiling as I run my fingers through Deshaun's hair.
"Yes." She says smiling. "Do you need my help for anything before I leave?"
"No, thank you." I say and give her a hug. "I hope you know how much I appreciate you."
"I do." She says.
"Good." I say.
After Caroline leaves, me and Deshaun drive out to Kim. I need to see some people today and I really miss the girls.
We arrive at Kim's house and I sit down and talk with the girls for bit before me and Kim head out to the kitchen for some grown up talk.
"Have you talked with Marshall about last weekend?" I ask Kim. I know that Kim and Marshall talk a lot about a lot of things so I'm curious to know if he's told her about the kiss.
"Yes. He told me that Deshaun had a bad stomach and something about you seeing a new guy." She tells me.
"So he didn't tell you about the kiss?" I ask her and judging from Kim face expression, I already know the answer.
"You guys kissed?" She asks.
"Yes but I'm very confused why it happened, Marshall just said that I shouldn't lay anything into it because he just had a weak moment." I explain her what Marshall has told me.
"So you're not seeing a new guy?" Kim asks.
"I met a guy last Friday at some club and Denaun and Nickle saw me with him there so they told Marshall how Kevin held my around the waist. He's a nice guy and Saturday night we were eating Chinese food and drinking wine, luckily I got him out before Marshall and Deshaun came, but Marshall saw the Chinese food and the two wine glasses so he put two and two together. But like I told Marshall then there's nothing going on with me and Kevin, we haven't even kissed, we just like to hang out and talk." I explain.
"You know that Marshall will never approve a new man in your and Deshaun's life, right?" She asks.
"I don't understand it. He doesn't want me but he won't approve me dating another guy?" I ask.
"He won't approve you being happy because you hurt him." She explains. I'm sorry about what I did, I'm ashamed about my cheating and Marshall didn't deserve it but does that mean that I don't deserve to be happy? Besides, Kevin is just a friend and I don't have any intention to date anyone right now.
"But Kevin is just a friend." I say.
"To Marshall he isn't just a friend when he holds you around the waist at a club." Kim explains.
"Nickle said that he still loves me and with the kiss and all then I'm just really confused." I sigh.
"I underhand you." She says smiling lightly as she tries to ease my pain a little bit. We now both hear the front door open and someone walks in. "Who is it?"
"It's me." I hear Marshall's voice and I get so nervous now. I hear the girls saying hi to Marshall and they talk shortly before Marshall walks into the kitchen and I can see that he's surprised to see me here. "Hi buddy." He says to Deshaun and take him out of my arms. Marshall totally ignores me like usual and it now becomes very awkward. Marshall just stands there talking to Deshaun as me and Kim don't say anything. Marshall suddenly notice the silence as well and looks at Kim. "Did interrupt anything?"
"You kinda did." Kim says. Marshall doesn't say anything but he just walks into the living room where the girls are at and brings Deshaun with him.
"It breaks me that he's like that." I whisper.
"I feel you. I've been there myself." Kim whispers as well. I guess we're both scared that Marshall is gonna hear us.
"When we kissed Saturday night, he asked if I had kissed Kevin, he cared if I had kissed Kevin. I don't understand why he cared if it was clearly a mistake to him." I continue our conversation from before.
"Because he loves you but he doesn't wanna go back there." She says. Marshall also told me that he doesn't wanna go back there but it's like it hurts in another way when Kim says it. Marshall always speaks from his anger but Kim speaks the realness.
"I know." I say and look down to the floor.
"Don't let him bring you down like that Christina, don't let him make you believe that you don't deserve happiness because you hurt him because you do. You do deserve happiness." Kim whispers trying to comfort me.
"I don't feel like I do." I whisper. I don't feel like I deserve to be happy after what I did to Marshall.
"But you do Christina." Kim tries to convince me. "He hurt you too, remember? He was fucking other girls and he was having a relationship with Sasha during your pregnancy."
"But we weren't together." I say. No matter how much it felt like he cheated on me then we weren't together and it wasn't cheating. I cheated. He was the one getting the worse.
"But you were caring his child." She says.
"But we were passed that shit when I cheated."
"And he should be passed your cheating now when you're not together. There's no need for him to make your life miserable."
"It's his way of punishing me."
"And he shouldn't. It was punishment enough that he threw you out." Kim says and I know she's right but I will just let Marshall do this, because I think I deserve it after what I did to him.
Marshall now walks out to the kitchen and both me and Kim become silent. Marshall walks over to the fridge and opens it, he looks into it for a while before he closes it without taking anything and then he turns around and look at us.
"What the fuck is going on?" He asks us.
"What do you mean?" Kim asks as I don't dare to answer.
"Both of you become really quiet as soon as I walk out here." He remarks.
"Wonder why Marshall." Kim gives him an attitude.
"Don't give me a fucking attitude Kim." He says.
"Don't come here and create bad vibes." Kim says. Marshall looks at me with a disgusted look.
"Then don't let whores into your house." Marshall says. He's so mean.
"That is not okay Marshall." Kim says.
"I'm just gonna leave." I say as I take my bag over my shoulder.
"No you.." Kim tries to speak.
"No it's fine." I cut her off. "Me and Deshaun will come by another time."
"Deshaun stays here. I'll drop him off later." Marshall says.
"Okay." I just say and I walk into the living room and say my goodbyes before I leave.
When I get home I feel empty because of the treatment from Marshall. He's so cruel but I don't feel like I'm in the position to fight back when I caused this myself. I now get a text and I'm actually a little afraid to look at it as I suspect that it could be Marshall, but I'm happy to find out that it's Kevin.
From; Kevin
When can I see you again?
To; Kevin
When I don't have Deshaun
From; Kevin
When is that?
To; Kevin
I'll talk to Marshall later, okay?
From; Kevin
Alright :)
Two hours later the doorbell rings, I open and there stands Marshall and Deshaun. Marshall hands Deshaun to me and he's just about to leave but I open my mouth.
"Are you gonna pick him up someday in next week?" I ask him.
"Why?" He asks. I never ask him that because I never have plans that doesn't involve that I can't bring Deshaun with me.
"It's nice to know." I just say.
"So you can have Kevin over?" He asks in a cocky tone.
"For example." I say and Marshall doesn't say anything, he just looks at me. "So?"
"I'll text you." He just says and leaves.