A/N: Happy Memorial Day, everyone!
::
After I got off work and made it back to the dorms, Declan called.
"Hey." I answered quietly as I slipped into the bathroom so that I wouldn't wake Isabel up.
"Hey, I'm sorry I didn't answer before." He sounded tired from the way he talked.
"It's alright. Did you get my message?" I asked and sat down on the edge of the bathtub.
"Yeah, I don't have any plans yet. Do you want to spend winter break together?" I couldn't help but let a smile slip onto my lips.
"I would love that." I said softly.
"What would you like to do?"
"Maybe we could go to a cabin and spend it by ourselves?" I suggested awkwardly. I couldn't believe I was actually taking Bridget's advice.
"That sounds fun." He said with a yawn at the end.
"So, um, when are you free to hang out next?" I felt my face heat up from asking that. I didn't want to come across as being too clingy.
"Do you want to come over tomorrow morning and workout?" I smiled, feeling relief wash over me.
"Yeah, I will be there at 8."
"Alright, see you then. I love you, Goldi."
"I love you, too." I hung up and quickly went back to my bed and snuggled in for the night. I was so happy in that moment.
To love and be loved.
I didn't realize how wonderful that feeling was until I experienced it myself. And it was even more amazing because I never thought I would have it. I didn't even think this feeling was real before I met Declan. I was so thankful to have him and to be loved by him.
He really was the best thing to ever happen to me.
-the next morning-
Declan handed me a towel after we finished our workout. I noticed he was quieter than usual and seemed like his mind was elsewhere.
"Are you alright?" I asked and he looked at me like he had just realized I was there.
"Oh, yeah. I'm just tired. I didn't sleep very well last night." He said, then turned around and started walking. I followed him and when we reached his room I pulled on the bottom of his shirt to make him stop.
"Do you want me to stay here tonight?" I asked and he turned around to face me.
"Yeah." He said and then pulled me into a hug. The way he was holding me, like if he let go I would disappear, made me feel uneasy.
"Declan, what's wrong?" I asked into his chest.
"I just missed you a lot."
"It was only two days." I said softly and he nuzzled his face into my neck.
"I know." I felt something damp touch my skin and I realized they were tears.
He was crying.
"Declan..." I whispered and I held onto his torso a little tighter.
"Just let me stay like this for a little while longer." He said quietly. My heart was stinging with pain for him. I wanted to know what was wrong so I could fix it. But I could tell no matter how much I asked, he wasn't going to tell me. And that hurt even more.
After a while, I pulled away slightly to look at him. His eyes were red from crying but he gave me a small smile.
"I have to go." I said softly and his eyes squinted like he was looking into the sun.
"Do you have to?" He choked out.
"I'll be back around seven. Ok?"
"Ok." He whispered. I picked up my bag from the floor and walked out, taking one last glance at him before I left.
Once I got out to my car, I took a deep breath. I had this horrible gut feeling that something really bad was happening with Declan but I didn't know what to do about it. I felt like I was sitting in front a bunch of wood and had been told to make a birdhouse. I had no tools and no information to go on.
I drove to school and sat through my class without really paying attention. All I could think about was Declan. At lunchtime, I made my way to the cafeteria but I still felt preoccupied. I just couldn't get my mind off of that hug. The way he held me and the way he looked when I left, it all just felt so wrong.
"Crystal, what's wrong? It's like you're not even here." Bridget commented. I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts.
"Sorry, I'm just a little distracted." I answered.
"A little? More like a lot. What's going on?"
"It's Declan. I spent some time with him this morning and...something just wasn't right. I could tell something was bothering him but he wouldn't tell me what it was." I explained and a thought popped back into my head suddenly.
What if he really was cheating?
"Maybe it's just work or family stuff?" Bridget offered but I couldn't help the gross feeling that had come over me. My mind was now swirling with accusations of him cheating and I couldn't push them away.
"I gotta go." I said quickly, stood up and ran out of the cafeteria. I ran all the way to my car and drove straight to Declan's house.
I had to see him. I had to figure out what was going on. I couldn't keep letting these thoughts consume me like this.
As soon as his house came into view, I noticed another vehicle in the driveway.
No...
I pulled in beside it and realized it was my sister's car.
Why would Nikki be there?
As I walked up the steps, I hesitantly put my hand on the doorknob. I wasn't going to ring the doorbell. I had to know what was really going on, even if that meant seeing them together. I felt my heart clench and I held back the tears that were threatening to make their appearance. I shakily turned the doorknob and opened the door. I heard their voices coming from the kitchen but I couldn't make out what they were saying. I took a couple more steps towards the room until I could see them sitting at the table.
Nikki's brown hair covered the side of her face and I noticed how frail her body looked. Declan's back was to me, but I could see his body looked tired like it had this morning.
Suddenly, Nikki leaned over the table and pressed her lips against Declan's.
My heart caught in my throat as I gasped and my hands shot up to my mouth. My heart felt like it was being ripped from my chest and crushed right in front of my eyes.
This couldn't be happening.
Declan was supposed to be everything my father wasn't.
Why would he do this to me?
Why would SHE do this to me?
Nikki was my sister. I knew we weren't on good terms at the moment but this was just evil.
Declan stood up and whipped around to look at me. His eyes were wide in shock and I felt the tears start rolling down my cheeks. Nikki stood up beside him but didn't seem upset in any way. If anything, she seemed...happy. My stomach turned when I saw the smallest hint of a smirk on her lips.
"Goldi." Declan's voice was shaky and confused.
"Don't ever call me that again!" I screamed, suddenly finding my voice.
"It's not what it looks like, I-"
"No! It's exactly what it looks like!" I yelled, then turned around and ran as fast as I could out the door. I got in my car and started driving. I didn't know where I was going but I had to get as far away from him as possible. I sobbed harder than I ever had before as I drove.
I knew it was dangerous.
I knew I should have pulled over.
But I just couldn't stop and pretty soon, I realized where I was going.
The fields from where we had our first date. I brought the car to a stop and looked out over the meadow where the picnic had been set up all those weeks ago. My crying had stopped, leaving trails of tears glisten on my cheeks. I felt my heart skip a beat as I opened my door and stepped out of the car.
Why did I drive here of all places?
I walked out into the middle of the meadow, closed my eyes and held out my arms, letting the wind blow and whip my hair around my face. I took a deep breath and then laid down in the grass, staring up at the clear blue sky. I was almost disappointed that there weren't gloomy gray clouds that would match my mood. Instead the bright sun shone its beauty throughout the cloudless abyss.
It felt like a thousand needles were pricking my skin as the memory of Nikki kissing Declan imprinted into my brain. Tears stung my eyes as they slid down my skin and into my hair that was sprawled out in the grass. I put my hand up into the air, letting the rays of sunshine filter through my fingers.
The ringtone from my phone came resonating in my ears and I grabbed it out of my pocket. I looked to see that it read Declan so I pressed Ignore.
How dare he even try to call me after what he did.
My phone rang again and I looked down to see it was Bridget this time so I answered it.
"Crystal! Where are you?!" Her voice was urgent and filled with worry.
"Why?" I asked coldly.
"Declan called." She answered awkwardly.
"Did he tell you what he did?"
"Yes, but Crys-"
"Don't make excuses for him!" I yelled, feeling the tears overflow once more.
"I'm not...but don't you think you should hear him out?"
"No. I don't owe him anything. I was right all along. No man is worth wasting my time on." I choked out. The edge in my voice was only cutting my own heart to pieces.
I thought that Declan was different.
I thought that he would be the one to protect me and keep my safe.
I thought he was...the one...
"Crystal..." A lump rose in my throat and I swallowed it back down.
"He's just like my dad but worse because he pretended to be better and he made me believe that he was different!" I let out angrily.
"Do you really believe that?"
"What other choice do I have, Bridget?! I saw him them! Nikki kissed him! And he let her!" I screamed out in agony.
"Are you sure that's exactly what happened?"
"What are you talking about?" My emotions were swirling in my gut like sour milk.
"I'm just saying, what you saw isn't the whole story."
"Then what is?" I asked, starting to feel the tiniest bit of hope beam inside me. I didn't want to believe that he would do this to me. He had been everything I needed in the past. I couldn't believe, after everything we've been through, he would do this.
"I don't think I should be the one to tell you...call him, Crystal."
"I can't, not after what I saw. I don't think I can ever talk to him again, Bridge." I said.
"You owe it to yourself to hear the truth. The whole truth."
"I don't know if I can handle it." I squeaked.
"Bailey and I are here for you. No matter what. Don't let fear dictate how you handle this."
"Ok."
"Call him."
"Later...I need to get myself together first."
"Alright."
"Thanks, Bridge."
"Anytime, Hun." I ended the call and then put my phone back into my pocket. I closed my heavy eyelids and let the sweet scent of the trees and flowers lull me into a deep sleep.