(For LouiseLarcher5) #25 with Swazz
25. "Why won't you let me love you?"
"I can't do this," I whispered to myself. I couldn't keep doing this. I had known John Swift for awhile. When we first met Swazz always would flirt with me. I really do care for him but I don't know. I let myself get insecure and afraid, then I walk away.
I was going to do it again. It was like a security blanket, just so I wouldn't get hurt. I stayed over at Swazz's place because it was late. He told me how he felt and that it wasn't a game to him. Then we fell asleep on his bed, his chest against my back. I woke up and he was in the bathroom. I quickly found my shoes and cell phone. With my messed up hair and rumpled clothes, I slipped outside. I knew it probably looked like I was doing the walk of shame to the neighbors if anyone saw. But it wasn't like that. We didn't even kiss.
I was walking down the steps when I heard the front door slam behind me. I turned around and saw a shirtless Swazz staring at me. He knew what I was doing. I was slipping away again. Swazz licked his lips and looked out into the streets, like he couldn't even look at me.
"You know, I don't understand you," he finally said.
"John," I used his first name so he knew I was serious. "I can't-"
"Can't what? Seriously, because I would really like to know. What?" Swazz looked mad. I never wanted to hurt him.
"Why won't you let me love you?" Swazz asked.
"I don't know, I just, I've never done this before," I started.
"You think I have? You think I'm some kind of expert of love? I care about you, is that not enough?" Swazz continued. I shrugged and Swazz walked forward.
"Just let me love you," he said quietly. I could feel his breath on my lips. I looked him in the eyes and kissed him. He wound his arms around my waist and I decided that yes, I would let him love me.