"We need to be going, Braden. Don't take too long." Electra called to me then disappeared into the dark archway of the hall that led out of the club. I looked once more down at Madden's body that was bleeding out onto the cold floor.
You're not even human anymore.
~Braden~
I looked into the foggy mirror that lay on the wall of Electra's bathroom and wiped the thick condensation from its cool surface. I had spent two hours alone in Electra's room while she was off somewhere to give me privacy. When she stepped into the room I told her I was going to take a shower where I've currently been for the past two hours. I knew I was avoiding her just like she knew I was. She was being patient with me, but I knew that wouldn't last much longer.
With a heavy sigh, I ran a hand through my still damp hair then opened the bathroom door and stepped out. The sweatpants I wore hung low off my hips and the skin of my chest was still damp from the hot shower I had just taken. As expected, Electra was sitting on the bed with her back against the headboard.
"Are you alright?" Electra asked.
"Uh, yeah." I answered as I walked over to turn off the lights. I moved towards the bed and slipped underneath the sheets once the room was doused in pale darkness. I lay stiffly on my back and looked up at the ceiling. Electra still sat in bed with her back resting against the headboard, her eyes cutting into me through the dim room.
Look at what she did to you...
...you're just f.ucking following her around like some kind of damn dog...
Look at yourself...
Look at what she did to you...
I shot up from the bed when Madden's words continued to relentlessly hammer into my head. I ran a hand through my hair and stormed towards the balcony. I wretched open the door then stepped outside feeling the cool night air brush against my burning skin.
I walked over to the railing and gripped it tightly in my hands as I looked down at the dark ground below. What the f.uck have I done? Was he right? Was the P-87 the reason I had grown feelings for Electra? Was she just using me? Was I really crazy?
"Braden?" Electra's voice floated to my ears from behind me. My spine grew rigid and I refused to turn around knowing full well that if I did I would wrap my arms around her and hold her tightly to me. I couldn't think right with her around me. I couldn't think at all. My thoughts weren't my own. I don't even know who I f.ucking am anymore.
"Braden, say something?" Electra quietly pleaded.
"I can't do this, Electra." The words fell from my mouth like spoiled milk. "I thought I could, but I can't. I don't even know who or what I am anymore." Somewhere in the woods an owl called.
"What are you saying?" There was a tightness to her deathly quiet voice that led me to know she was holding back.
"I can't do this, Electra. I'm--I'm not like you. I can't stay, Electra." I did it. I f.ucking said it and didn't feel any better. A heavy, suffocating silence stretched on between us and I was just waiting for her to explode. I waited for her to kill me knowing that I deserved to die and more.
I cared for her, I f.ucking loved her. Well, at least I thought I did, but I didn't even know what I thought these days. I didn't even know if my thoughts were my own. I didn't know anything except that I needed to get away, that I needed to breath. I had just killed my best-friend to save a killer, that was a lot to take in.
"I warned you. I warned you, Braden. I told you not to get close to me, I told you to stay away. Promises should never be made if you can't keep them. You don't know what you've done." Electra's voice was low and quiet. Guilt panged in my chest. "Quinton, the butler, is downstairs. Tell him to give you the keys to my Range Rover. If you need anything else just ask him." My hands gripped the railing tightly to the point of pain.
I took a deep breath then turned around to finally face Electra only to find that she was gone. I walked into the room and through the dim light found that she was no longer in the room. I noticed the bedroom door was ajar and walked towards it to open it the rest of the way.
I looked both ways down the hall and saw no trace of which way she had went. She had slipped away undetected like a fox. A stabbing pain could be felt in my chest. I had hurt her, I had lied to her. I made a promise I couldn't keep. I was the one to push things with her only to turn away from her when things had already gotten too deep.
I moved away from the door and began gathering what few things I had before making my way downstairs to find the butler.
You don't know what you've done...
》》》》》》》》》》》》》》
~Electra~
Five hours, thirty-seven minutes, and twelve--no thirteen seconds have passed since Braden has left my estate. I suppose I should have expected this. Everyone either leaves me or dies, it was only natural that he was one to leave me. I was just a psychotic bitch to him anyways. I bet I was just an easy f.uck for him. Stupid. I was so damn stupid to think he meant what he said. Stupid to think he cared for me. He had no idea what he had done.
I let down my walls for him. I allowed myself to feel things for him. I fell for him. Now look at me. Sitting in a damn bathtub smoking Bliss like the good old days.
He had sounded so convincing. He sounded like he meant what he said, yet he lied. Still, I began to feel things that had didn't think was possible for me to feel. I had lost my edge, lost my hardness all because I let him in. He killed for me to save my life, yet he left. He showed that he cared, then just threw it away. I meant nothing to him and I needed to accept that and move on. He had made me grow weak and vulnerable and he had torn me down. Pathetic.
I blew another cloud of smoke into the air and watched as the small smoke particles dispersed into the air. Everything had slowed down and became much clearer when I was under. I had missed Bliss. Braden had kept my mind off of many things and had me thinking and feeling differently. He had been gone for only a few hours now and I was already feeling like shit. I missed him. Yes, Electra Volcov missed that giant ape. I suppose one doesn't realize how truly lonely they are until being alone is all they have.
I inhaled more of the sweet poison then let the smoke roll from my mouth. You don't realize how strong you can be until you're alone. You don't know how much pain and suffering you can take unless it's all you've ever felt. Just like you don't know how lonely you've been until someone shows you that they care...and then they leave. He left, but I suppose everyone leaves or dies at some point in their life. I suppose it was better now then later.
Placing the Bliss laced blunt in the ash tray beside the porcelain tub, I slowly sunk down into the water letting myself be submerged in its rose scented water. I wanted, needed, Braden to be washed away from my mind when I emerged from the water. However, as the oxygen in my lungs began to dwindle away I found Braden's face flashing through my mind. He had no idea of the damage he has done. He had no idea of the impact and mark he has made on me. I could never forget him, no matter how hard I tried.
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