Gilbert rubbed his hands on his knees and clasped them nervously afterwards. He bit his lip and shrugged.
"I broke." He whispered. "They captured me and they wanted answers... And I broke."
~
Feliciano's face pulled into a small frown, slightly confused and suddenly a little panicked.
What did he go through?
Gilbert ran a hand through his hair and shook his head as he let out a shuddering breath.
"I know it seems like I should've been respected and not put under that kind of treatment because of my service to the Reich," He rubbed his palms together and paused. "But they found out."
"Found out..." Feliciano leaned forward, feeling his heart race slightly. "What? What did they find out?"
Gilbert let a single tear slip down his cheek and he let a small sob choke his breath. "I was in love. I left the front to work behind a desk, strategizing and leading from an office. I left everything for her."
Feliciano swallowed hard as an ache built up in his chest; partly sympathy for Gilbert, partly feeling the deep loss of his own.
"She was a spy." He laughed bitterly. "Working behind enemy lines. French-Canadian. Beautiful. Smart. She was everything. I saw her walking through the offices one night, one the third floor when she only came in as the electrician we had called in.
"I was supposed to report her, question her, capture her. But she looked at me and I-" Gilbert choked up and looked away. "It didn't matter that she was my enemy. It didn't matter that she was of German-Jewish descent. Nothing mattered except for her love.
"We got married and I applied to work at headquarters in Paris. It took a long time to be accepted. Finally, it happened. Not the job, not the transfer. But we had a son. He had her eyes."
Feliciano felt tears stinging his eyes and he reached out and placed his hand over Gilbert's. "You don't have to-"
The German just smiled sadly and shook his head, the need to let it out finally boiling over. "He was perfect to me but not to them. I tried to protect him. I hid him from their eyes and I let Evelyn stay home with him. I tried so hard.. But a colleague laid eyes on him in an ill-timed report of an attack.
"The next day, he had made a call. A call for my son to be disposed of because he was 'defective', 'impure'." Gilbert grit his teeth. "A Mongoloid."
"Born with down syndrome. And they said he needed to be disposed of." He spat harshly, tears streaming down his cheeks. "Like he was trash. I couldn't let them do it... Evelyn thought the camp was just a place where he would be with other children like him, she was never told... So I told her what they did to them. I couldn't let them gas him. He couldn't choke on the poison that I had once stood for as the helping hand of the future.
"So I did what I had to do." The German took a shaky breath and sobbed. "I helped him get to sleep with some powder in his milk. I kissed him goodnight, I let Evelyn kiss him too. She knew. She couldn't watch. I took a pillow and I-"
"Gilbert," Feliciano moved to sit next to the man who was now collapsed in on himself and pulled him into his arms. The Italian felt tears streaming steadily down his cheeks. He couldn't even imagine what it was like.
"They.. T-they found out he hadn't gotten.. On the bus to the c-camp." Gilbert choked out between sobs. "They came in... Raided my house. They found it.. A-all of Evelyn's old spy safehouses, networks, correspondants."
Feliciano held him tighter.
"They took her." He whispered as he leaned his head agains Feliciano's chest, his own hollow and streaked with pain. "They tortured her, enough to kill her before they got answers. So they arrested me instead. Beat me, whipped me, tried to scare me. But what did I have to lose? They were both gone. I killed my baby. I lost her, I couldn't protect my own wife.
"After months, I couldn't take it. I didn't have any reason to hide anything anymore. She was gone, it didn't matter that she had been a spy. So I told them, everything. I begged them to kill me, pleaded and screamed. But they thanked me. Thanked me. For the information. And let me go. Just to give me one last ounce of torture so I could live with feeling Juno's life drain from under my hands, live with having to see Evelyn's beaten body in the cell next to mine, live with the pain they couldn't inflict of me. Live with what I had done by betraying them."
"Juno." Feliciano whispered, wondering what Ludwig would think if he knew he had a nephew.
Gilbert weeped at the sound of his son's name and clung onto Feliciano. "I-I couldn't... Couldn't write to Ludwig. Not after.. what happened.. What would he th-think of me? I couldn't lose him too, i-if he knew my failure."
Feliciano kissed his forehead and let hot tears flow from his eyes. "Shhh... It's okay, Gilbert.. Shh.." He stroked his hair as the man sobbed against him, holding him close. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry about Evelyn a-and,"
"Please.. Don't say his name."
~
A/N: so lot's of dialogue in this chapter but I really just needed to explain Gilbert's back story. I'm sorry it's pretty short but don't worry, more is to come. This just needed to be written before any more action in the story. Sorry for the angst in this chappy :'(
~
To be continued...