Dans POV
It was the first cigarette I had since I met Phil. Phil the name that I used mostly in love, in lust, only once had I used it in disgust, this makes the second time. Calum, the name I only thought of in disgust, today I loathed it. Today I have been abandoned by my own sprit, by my own trust. Today I've been betrayed. Phil said he was going out with Carrie for coffee. I was busy so I couldn't go. I finished up smoothly, quickly, loathing the period of fun I was missing with the two. I walked down the cold streets of London into the coffe shop, the warmness of the place engulfed me in happiness until it was a whole different feeling. A feeling of something being, wrong. I looked around the tables and saw Phil, I expected to see Carrie beside him but it wasn't. It was the person I so loathed, the only person who could break the engagement, I saw Calum. Vomit rushed up my throat but I swallowed it tasting the vile liquid would just make this situation worse. I marched my way through people, until I reached the table. They were too caught up in what they were doing, kissing, to notice poor old me. I felt broken.
"P-Phil?" I said coldly, my voice clearly shaky, showing I was near tears. He turned toward me and glared.
"I'd say I'm sorry but I'm not. I'm quite the opposite actually, I almost laughed out Loud when you thought my 'I love yous' meant something. You think I could ever love someone so unpure unclean unnecessary?"
"N-no, this, you're vile."
"Sadly that's the way the world works. Can I have your ring?" I slipped the piece of metal of my finger and threw it on the table. He turned to the boy toy and slid it on his finger. Everyone clapped, cheered. I screamed, a vile, ear piercing scream.
-
I woke to my own scream and Phil trying to wake me. I was covered in blood sweat and tears. My clothing stuck to my body like glue. I looked at my hands which were mostly covered in blood. I heard the ringing in the back of my head. "unpure unclean unnecessary." The voice says. I look beside me to the love of my life. He cups my face and lays a gentle kiss on my forehead.
"I'm unpure I'm unclean I'm unnecessary." I say smiling.
"No baby you're pure, you're clean, you're necessary." Phil says lifting me up. My knees wobble, I can barely stand. We slowly walk to a bathroom with Phil whispering, 'It's all alright, I love you.' He knows why I have these dreams, I know he feels guilty, I know he loves me, I know he didn't mean anything to Phil. I know these things. But my mind is gone it's just a wandering nightmare. It's a title wave up there, of anti-depressants and encouragement. I always get my mind back though. When I take my pills. I don't have to take them as often you know? Only every 3 days. My condition has gotten much better Phil always says. I used to have a nightmare every single night but now it's only about once every two months. Still dangerous. Still frightening. It scares Phil too, he thinks one day I'll claw right through my skull. How silly. I'm now In warm water. It feels nice. I dunk my head under and pull it back up. I look down and giggle at the blood. The blood from my skull. Phils sitting by the bath smiling at me, he's crying. Crying because my head has a few cuts or maybe it's because I'm laughing at it, I'm laughing at the blood. That must be where it all came from. All the blood is skull blood, creepy. Why am I laughing? Hell I wish I knew, my minds gone, nothing in the puzzle quite fits, a 2 year old is slowly feeding all the pieces to the garbage. I'm gonna die from this, I know I won't live long. The doctors said I'm fine, but the only thing that knows the truth is my body, and my body tells me that I will never get better. I will always be the broken boy that hears things. And that's when my mind comes back, it always does.
-----
I woke up the next morning with a pounding headache and damp hair. I was in our bed. I tried to move but the grip on waist just got tighter. I laughed and out of nowhere I was flipped tossed and thrown until a black haired boy was on top of me. He kissed me passionately, not with lust, but with happiness and love. I laughed and he smiled at my own,
"Your smile is perfect."
"Thank you."
"Not he right time I know but I need to tell you something."
"You're gay?"
"Well yea bu-"
"Oh honey how could you?! You know how I feel about gays!"
"You love them?" I giggled at him.
"Well yea. Anyway what did you want to say?"
"It happened again last night Dan."
"It's been 4 months, I thought in was over with."
"You passed out in the bath last night." He said rolling off me,
"Why was I in the bath?"
"To clean off the blood. You ripped through your scalp last night, only a little so you'll be fine. Your head leaked so it got on your hands, your clothes, it got everywhere. You woke up screaming and I cleaned off the blood the sweat and the tears." I pulled my left hand up to my face.
"Hey Phil?"
"Yah?"
"Why do you even love someone as broken as I am? Someone so fucked up and useless. How do you love me? I don't understand, I hate me."
"I love everything about you, your hair your eyes, that beautiful smile, your music, your posture, your walk, your legs, your thighs, your stomach, I love your everything Dan. Even though I wish they weren't there, I love your insecurities. I love your over protectiveness, I love your happiness. Your joy, brings me joy. Because I love you. And I know that you love me, without all our love there would be nothing. But with all of our love, with all of the passion, we have created an amazing relationship, we've created a home within our love. Some say home is where the heart Is, i think, home is wherever you are." I was shocked with his response and I stood there speechless. I repeat he said all those nice things about me and I was too shocked to even say thank you. So I showed my gratitude differently. As Barney Stinson would say, 'Sex is Fun.'
-----
I'm at the mall with Tyler, he just picked out this top that looks like the heavens sent it down. I couldn't pull it off, but he can.
"Opinion?"
"Downright amAZING."
"That's some pretty hardcore liking. On a scale of 1-100?"
"92."
"Damn. I thought I looked like a 65. Out of curiosity what would you rate your boy toy?"
"10000000000!"
"Ten whole billion. Hardcore." We kept walking around shops until we arrived in a tuxedo shop, I tried on one that I thought might work for the rehearsal dinner. I did up the bow tie and looked in the mirror. I almost didn't recognize myself, I looked amazing. I walked out and Tyler gasped. He snapped a photo of me,
"I'm sending this to your boy toy." He messaged it to Phil and I turned back to the mirror. Phil tells me I'm better then good enough but I know I'm not. I started thinking back to when he found someone better. That's the last thing I remember from that day.
-----
I woke up and turned to see my surroundings. Phil, flowers, cards, and a hospital bed. I'm in a hospital. Phil seemed to be crying. I sat up. Pushing my body, my body that was almost on the verge of refusing to move. He looked up at me with tears streaming Down his face. He quickly wiped them away and kissed me on the cheek.
"Good morning Prince Charming." I said my voice harsh.
"Good morning sleeping beauty."
"What the hell happened?"
"Tyler said you started talking like you were crazy, like when you wake up from your nightmare. You passed out after a while of calling yourself horrid names and talking about how You would never compare to Calum. That's not true. I hope you know that's not true. Dan I love you for you and I will never love anyone but you. You are more then good enough. I worship the ground you walk on because I love you. I love you."
"I love you too but Phil am I gonna be alright? Am I going to die?"
"Dan you'll be fine. Sadly you're going to have to take your pills everyday like you used to but it won't be so bad I promise, I'm here for you."
"I don't deserve you. You're so perfect, you are always so sweet to me and nice and I just love you so much but for some reason the crazy part of me thinks that you hate me, you'd rather die then be with me. The Sane part of me knows that's not true I just wish the crazy part did too." I knew i was crying. I knew Phil was crying. I knew what I needed to do. "I love you more then you will ever know Phil. I've never been more happy in my life then when I'm with you. And I'm sorry I got you so dragged into this, my life. And I need to tell you something."
"What bear?"
"I used to smoke. I quit when I met you because I didn't want you to resent me for my bad habit."
"Isn't that one of the hardest things to do like ever without getting so pissed of you punch holes in walls?"
"Yeah but even though you weren't directly encouraging me, just being around you made me happy, being you made me never want to hurt you. I never want to hurt you."
"Shut up and kiss me already." He leaned in and kissed me. "I missed you, awake."
"How long have I been in here?"
"You're not going to like the answer."
"Lion, please?"
"3 weeks."
"What! How does a person even sleep that long? That means schools over who was taking my last courses? Did you pick up the report cards? What about work they must be pissed if I haven't been in for two weeks."
"Dan, it's alright, you would wake up for about five minutes every 8 hours to pee or eat or drink a glass of water. I just took your last courses, I picked up the report cards, and Dan we both work for my dad he's still paying you even though you aren't there."
"Oh. Well I hope the furniture doesn't miss me." Phils dad hired us both to be furniture sales men. Wow what a job right? Someday I want to get into film making. So does Phil for that matter. Maybe I could direct something. Wouldn't that be cool?
"Dan, we can leave right now just after the nurse comes in."
"Alright. Is Tyler in the waiting room perchance?"
"Yea he comes by everyday. He arrived about 5 minutes ago. Before you woke up."
"Why isn't he in here?"
"He's grabbing food downstairs." All of a sudden there was a knock on the door. "Speak of the devil." Tyler walked in holding mc Donald's.
"Saviour." I said smiling.
"You're awake! Phil told me to buy you this because he told me that when you did eat you kept saying that the hospital food is crap."Phil looked down at his lap blushing.
"I- I just thought that maybe," I grabbed his collar and kissed him.
"God why are you so perfect?" I wished we hadn't had company. He stood up and started walking toward the door. "Where are you going?"
"I have to go to work, Tyler will drive you home and I'll meet you home. I love you."
"I love you too!" He walked out of the room and ate lunch with Tyler until I got dressed and he took me for milkshakes. I sipped my vanilla milkshake and Tyler could see that even my fake smile wasnt fake enough,
"Missing Phil?"
"Missing sex."
"How longs it been?"
"3 weeks." He sucked in breath through his teeth.
"Sorry."
"I'd doing anything right now to see him naked."
-----
That's exactly what I got when I got home. Tyler dropped me off at the building it was about 8 pm and I invited him in but he rejected me. I walked in and the entire house was just lit with candles. He was waiting at the door in a tux.
"Phil, this is so sweet but it's been 3 weeks."
"Right to the bedroom?"
"Now you know what you're taking about." We started running up the stairs until we made it to the bedroom. We immediately started making out, me removing his tux. He pushed me onto our bed and that's when his phone on the end table rang. I grabbed his collar and breathed
"Ignore it." Hotly against his lips,
"My pleasure." And the ringing wouldn't stop. They kept calling back every time me making myself the more appealing so he wouldn't even slightly be tempted to answer it. Until the fourth time when he sat on hips and answered the call angrily.
"What?" He hissed. "Fuck. You. Delete this number." He hung up and leant back down to kiss me. When I put my hand on his chest.
"Who was that?"
"A drunk Troye Sivan and Trevor Mouran." He leaned back down but I just pushed again"
"And they said?"
"They wanted me to go and have a threesome now can we please fuck?"
"Yes My Lord." I grabbed his shoulders and pulled him back down.
-----Phils POV-----
"Phil?" I blinked vigorously at the light and looked down at my boyfriend who was kissing my cheek repeatedly.
"Yeah?"
"I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, Philip Michel Lester, I love you."
"Why?"
"Check your messages."
"Again why?"
"Tyler texted, read it." I grabbed my cell phone and saw my recent text.
'Phil omg what you said to Troye and Trevor slayed them. Me and Troye were in a relationship until last night, thank you for telling me bye bye boyfriend lmao. thanks to you I don't have to deal with anymore of that shit. How's Dan doing?'
'It's np glad I could help, also he's doing... Soar probably things got rougher then expected if you know what I mean ;)'
'Gross:/' lmfao'
'Right well I must make haste maybe you could come by sometime soon.'
'K bye gurl.' And thanks to me that's a relationship that I ended. I don't know why but I feel guilty, but if I hadn't told Tyler what would've happened?
"You're a good person, I'm glad you told him."
"And you snoop?"
"Well see I was awake a bit before you so I thought if make sure they didn't text you. And you shouldn't have anything to hide yes?"
"You're insane." He pulled himself up and kissed me.
"But you love me."
"Eh sure."