Gerald hugged Sarah from her back after their lovemaking. Both were wide awake.
Sa pag-aakalang natutulog si Sarah, bumulong ang binata dito ng, “I love you Sarah. Hindi ko na kayang ipilit sa sarili ko na mahalin ng lubos si Carlie. Ikaw… ikaw pa rin ang nasa puso at isip ko. Ikaw pa rin ang gusto kong makasama habangbuhay.”
Parang dinudurog ang puso ng dalaga nang marinig n’ya ang sinabing iyon ng dating kasintahan. Gusto n’yang sumagot but she wasn’t sure where to begin… what to say exactly. She felt all his love with what just happened between them. Ang totoo ay parang namiss n’ya ang binata. She missed how he showed her how much he loves her, all their intelligent conversations and the not-so serious talks at night before they went to bed, the way he made sure that she was always remembered and taken cared of even when they are not physically together. Now she just couldn’t help but compare Andrew to Gerald. But there is still a bigger part of her which says that what they did is wrong… na napakalaki ng kasalanan n’ya dahil nagpadala s’ya sa kanyang emosyon. Pumikit na lamang s’ya at sinubukang makatulog.
Samantala si Gerald naman ay iniisip kung paano kakausapin si Carlie... kung paano ipagtatapat sa kanya ang tunay na relasyon n’ya kay Sarah at kung paano sasabihin sa kanya ang nararamdaman.
********
“Hi Sis! Tuloy tayo sa dinner mamaya?” Trina said to Carlie when she called her the following morning. “I really want to try out that restaurant that you told me about.”
“Oo naman. Kaya lang baka tayong dalawa na lang ha. Busy kasi si Gerald eh.”
“Bakit asan s’ya?”
“Nand’yan lang naman sa tabi-tabi, probably in his dealership.”
“Probably?”
“Hindi pa kasi s’ya tumatawag since last night eh. The last time we talked, sabi n’ya papunta nga s’ya sa Andreas kasi mag-uusap sila ni Andrew. He texted saying that he was there already but after that wala na. Hindi pa rin s’ya nagtetext sa akin this morning.”
“Bakit hindi mo tawagan para malaman mo kung nasaan s’ya?”
“’Wag na. Magtetext naman ‘yun ‘pag pwede.”
“Sis, gan’yan ba talaga kayo?”
“What do you mean?”
“’Yung gan’yan, ‘yung okay lang kung hindi magtext ‘yung isa ng whereabouts n’ya?”
“Actually ako naman ang may gusto nu’n eh. Dati kasi napag-awayan namin ‘yan. Eh kasi di ba dati may time na panay ang labas natin? Maraming beses na hindi ako nakakapagtext sa kanya kung nasaan na ako kasi hindi naman ako sanay. S’ya naman gusto n’ya palaging nakareport sa kanya. So during that time that we fought about it, we decided not to be strict about it. Pero s’ya palagi naman s’yang nagsasabi kung nasaan s’ya, ako lang naman talaga ang nakakalimot.”
“Palagi s’yang nagsasabi? Ngayon lang ba s’ya nakalimot?”
“Well, lately hindi na s’ya masyadong nagsasabi kung nasaan s’ya pero I always assumed na nasa dealership lang s’ya or nasa bahay n’ya.”
“Lately? Since when?”
“I can’t really remember pero lately lang.”
“Since naging maging magkaibigan kayo ni Sarah?”
“Yeah around that time? Teka Sis, what are you trying to say?”
“I promised Fred that I won’t tell you pero kung ganito ang nangyayari, I think you should know.”
“Ano ‘yun?”
“Sarah is Gerald’s ex-girlfriend.”
“Ano? Ha? Pa… paano…”
“When you introduced Sarah to me last Saturday I knew she looked familiar. Hindi ko pa sinabi sa ‘yo then kasi nga hindi ko maisip kung saan ko s’ya nakilala. Then Fred went to our house and that’s when I remembered. I’ve only met her once or twice kaya siguro hindi n’ya rin ako naalala.”
“Ex ni Gerald?” tila tulalang nasabi ni Carlie.
“Sis, Sarah is the girl he had a hard time getting over.”
“Si Sarah ‘yun?” Hindi pa rin makapaniwala ang dalaga.
“Sis, I am not saying na may kinalaman si Sarah sa pagiging absent n’yang boyfriend mo ha. Anyway, sabi mo hindi naman s’ya nagbago sa ‘yo eh so baka there’s really no relation. But it wouldn’t hurt to ask him.” Hindi na ulit nakapagsalita si Carlie. “Huy Sis! And’yan ka pa ba?”
“Ah, oo sis. Sige magkita na lang tayo mamaya.”
“Okay ka lang ba?”
“Oo naman. Thank you for telling me ha.”
“You know I will always look after you.”
“Sis, I have to go na. Dumadating na ang mga students ko.”
“Okay. Bye. See you later.”
Right after their conversation, Carlie sent Sarah a message: Hi! It’s been a while. Wanna get-together for coffee?
********
Sarah carefully removed the arm that was draped over her. For some strange reason, she just suddenly woke up and had this urge to meet with Carlie. When she was able to get out of bed, she went straight to the bathroom and showered. She tried not to make too much sound so as not wake him. After her shower, she tiptoed downstairs and removed her “forgotten” laundry in the machine. She dressed up right there, not caring even if he would see her. She made coffee soon after that.
Nagising naman si Gerald nang maramdamang wala na s’yang katabi sa kama. He stood up, got dressed and looked around. Nakita n’ya ang shoulder bag ni Sarah sa sahig, exactly where she left it last night, kaya naisip n’yang nasa loob pa rin ito ng bahay. Pinakinggan n’ya ang loob ng banyo. Nang wala s’yang marinig na kahit anong tunog mula dito ay nagpasya na s’yang bumaba para doon hanapin ang dalaga.
Nakita n’yang may hawak na tasa si Sarah habang nakatingin sa kawalan. “Good morning,” he greeted.
Napatingin sa kanya ang dalaga at ngumiti ng bahagya. “I made coffee. Magkape ka muna.”
He sat down right in front of her at the small kitchen island as she placed a cup of coffee. Before she could even remove her hand, he captured it with his. Tinignan lang ni Sarah si Gerald at unti-unting tinanggal ang kamay.
“Babe, about last night….”
“Ge let’s not talk about last night… ever again.”
“Ha?”
“Hayaan na natin na nangyari ang isang napakalaking pagkakamali. I’m going to ask you to bring me back to my apartment and after that, we’ll go our separate ways.”
“Are you kidding me?” ang halos pasigaw na tanong ni Gerald.
Seryoso ang mukha ni Sarah sa pagsagot ng, “Mukha ba akong nagloloko?”
“But what about what happened last night? Hindi mo maikakaila sa akin na may nararamdaman ka pa para sa akin.”
“Again, what happened last night was a big mistake. At hindi na importante kung anong naramdaman natin. Kailangan ko nang harapin si Andrew at ikaw naman, kailangan mo nang bumalik kay Carlie.”
“Paano kung ayaw ko nang bumalik kay Carlie? Paano kung ikaw ang gusto kong balikan? Paano kung sabihin kong this time ipaglalaban na kita?”
“’Wag na Ge at baka mapagod ka lang kasi hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin kita ipaglalaban… hindi pa rin kita kayang ipaglaban. Isa pa, nakakasakit na tayo ng ibang tao. Carlie is great girl. She doesn’t deserve any bullshit from us.”
Parang biglang nanlumo si Gerald sa narinig mula kay Sarah. Ang buong akala n’ya ay malaki ang pag-asang magkabalikan sila pagkatapos ng mga nangyari kagabi dahil ramdam na ramdam n’yang may pagmamahal pa rin para sa kanya ang dating kasintahan. What he felt last night wasn’t just because of lust. The way they made love the night before was exactly how it felt when they were still together – so full of love.
“Kung kailangan kong magmakaawa sa ‘yo gagawin ko but please let’s just leave these all behind. Let’s move on. Balikan mo si Carlie at kalimutan mo na ako.”
Biglang tumayo si Gerald at sinabing, “You cannot teach my heart what to feel. Magpapalit lang ako ng damit tapos ihahatid na kita pauwi.”
A few minutes later, they were on the road en route to Sarah’s place. At dahil hindi sila nag-uusap, Sarah busied herself with checking all her unread messages. Most of them where from Andrew, which she didn’t even bother to read. She just deleted them all. Then she got to the message from Carlie. She replied with: Sure. Just say when. She also sent a message to the principal of the pre-school she was working at saying that she wasn’t feeling well and then apologized for calling in sick really late.
Nang makarating na sila sa harap ng kanyang apartment ay wala pa ring nagsasalita sa kanilang dalawa. Mahinang nagpasalamat si Sarah at bumaba na ng sasakyan. Right after she closed her gate, she heard his car drive away. And again, just like all those other times, her tears fell when he left.