After putting my bags in my truck, I start the engine up, hoping it'll warm the vehicle up even though it is the middle of summer. I slam the door shut and head back inside to tell Anna goodbye. There's still not a bone in my body that wants to go on this trip, but if me leaving the country is what saves Anna then I'll gladly do it.
"Well, I guess this is goodbye for now." I say, watching as Anna walks over to me and embraces my body. I pull her close to my own and hug her tight, never wanting to let go. It seems like hours before I finally have to pull back, I can't miss my flight out of here. I have to do this for Anna.
"Promise me you'll call when you land." She makes me pinky promise, laughing as we make our little deal.
"I promise you I will call." I tell her, placing my hand on her right cheek. God, I'm going to miss her, I can't help but think. What will I do without her? This will be the first time in a long time I will have to live without Anna for some amount of time.
"You need to go." She tells me after we stand staring at one another. It's so hard for me to walk out that door because I fear I may never see her again after this goodbye. I need to stop thinking so negatively and think on the positive side. I will see her again, she will be here when I return. Everything will work out.
I walk back over to her, grabbing her face and placing my lips on hers, cherishing every moment I have left with her. I pull back and whisper, "I love you, Anna Sexton." I want to say more, but I can't bring myself to. Within seconds she confesses the same thing. I practically force myself to leave, dreading walking out that door, but I know I have to do this.
Before exiting, I turn around to the sound of her voice, "Thank you for showing me how to live again, Harry." I smile and nod my head slowly as I'm shutting the door and leaving the home. I hurry and get in my truck before rethinking my trip. I pull out of the driveway and speed down the road.
It feels like hours before I make it to the airport and get settled into my seat. I try to get comfortable since this will be a pretty long flight. I can't keep myself from thinking about a certain raven haired girl with sparkly blue eyes. I remember a few days ago we went back out to the place in the woods. We had our feet dangling in the water, enjoying the nice weather and each others company. It was so peaceful and quiet, there wasn't a care in the world in that moment with Anna's head resting in my lap as she hummed a soft melody.
I am still surprised she opened up to me about Max and how Charlie was the father of her son, Daniel. It's still hard to believe she was a mother at such a young age and the terrible death of her son. I am so glad I haven't seen that Max guy again, if I did I would personally beat him into the afterlife. I can't help but wonder why him and Charlie haven't been able to crossover. I know Anna said she thought it had something to do with Daniel and it may very well be that.
I decide I might as well take a nap since this flight won't be exactly short. I shift in my seat, attempting to get comfortable. I close my eyes and imagine myself with Anna wrapped in my arms, everything is fine.
I call a taxi and direct the man towards the hospital that my father is at. I still can't believe I'm back in Holmes Chapel to see my poor excuse of a father. He better feel lucky I came back here to see his ass because if it weren't for Anna there's no way I would be wasting my time on him. My mother can do as she pleases even though I find her crazy for being here for him after all the harm he has done to us, but I guess that's her business and not mine.
I focus my eyes out the window and imagine myself somewhere far away from here. It seems like hours before the taxi finally stops. I grab my bag from the trunk and pay the man. I head towards the entrance, pulling my suitcase along with me. I walk up to the desk and ask the lady behind it where I can find my father. She directs me to the 4th floor and 23rd room. I walk into the elevator and push the number '4' circle. A few seconds later the door opens and I feel my heart start to beat quicker, my palms start to sweat and I feel the need to turn around and get back into the elevator. This will be the first time I have seen my father is so long and I'm not entirely for sure if I'm ready to.
I take a deep breath and prepare myself for the worse. I slowly start to make my way down the hallway that seems never ending, but I know it must end somewhere. I begin to count the rooms as they pass, it seems my steps get smaller with each passing door, but I convince myself I have nothing to worry about and I won't have to stay long, just long enough to satisfy Anna.
I begin to hum a tune to calm my nerves and it seems to help until I am standing in front of room 23. I wait a minute hoping my nerves will cease, but when they don't falter I decide it's best to just go ahead and go in since I'll have to sometime or another. I push the door open, keeping my eyes on the ground until I hear my mother speak.
"Harry, why didn't you call?" I had totally forgot to tell my mother I would come after she had told me my father was dying. I guess I wasn't worried about that. I turn my eyes toward the bed to find it empty and I can only assume the bastard had killed over.
"They're running some more tests on him, he should be back soon." My mother comments after seeing my almost concerned expression. I nod and take a seat beside her in a chair. Within seconds she has opened her mouth and started explaining why she is here and how she is forgiving him. I can't help but ignore her, but she doesn't seem to catch on that I could care less about her excuse for forgiving him.
"It's just the right thing to do, Harry. I hope you can find it in you to forgive him as well because one day you might regret not getting to." I snap my head in my mother's direction with a raised eyebrow.
"You might be able to forgive his ass, but I can't and I won't." I refrain from stomping out of the room since I don't want to make a scene. My mother can do as she pleases, but she needs to get it through her thick head that just because she is in a forgiving mood doesn't mean I am.
"Well you should at least consider it." I roll my eyes at her and shift in my chair. I bounce my foot up in down, wanting his tests to be over with so I can see him then leave and be done with this part of the trip. If it wasn't for Anna, I wouldn't even care about seeing him, but I told her I would see my father.
"Since you obviously don't want to talk about your father won't you tell me about the house and if you got rid of the rats upstairs?" For a split second I look at her with a confused look, questioning why she would think I have rats, then I recall the time she was down and I told her Anna's room was infested with rats so she wouldn't go up there.
"The rodents are gone and the house is unpacked so everything is fine." I quickly tell her, wanting to avoid the subject of what I have been doing since I've only been with Anna and working very little. My mother nods her head and opens her mouth, but before she speaks the door to the room opens and a hospital bed is rolled in. I seem to have trouble tearing my eyes from the tile floor, but soon after I hear his ever so haunting voice, I cringe and remind myself that the part of my life with him is over with and this is only temporary.
"I guess you aren't even going to say 'Hi'." I clench my fist, prying my eyes from the floor and to meet his dark ones. I stand up, towering over his body and I can't help but feel like the dominant one for once and it makes a smile creep onto my features.
"Harry, be nice. He's sick remember that." My mother reminds me, from her seat only mere feet behind us. I turn my head and grin in her direction before bringing my eyes back to face him. His lack of hair and dark circles under his eyes have aged him years beyond his current age, but I guess that is what cancer does to someone, it drains the life out of their bodies and the chemo seems to do more harm than good most of the time.
"Well, are you just going to stare at me? I know I'm beautiful and all, but come on, Harry." I halfway cringe when my name comes out of his mouth and I have to stop myself from doing something I know I'll regret later. I have so much I want to tell him, yell at him, but for some reason I am silent and can't figure out where to start with my rant on how terrible of a person he was to my mother and I.
"Harry, at least say 'Hello'." My mother nags from behind us. I don't think she fully understands how difficult this is for me and I've been trying to play it cool, but in reality I just want to throw myself out this window.
"Why were you such a terrible father? What did mom ever do? What did we ever do to deserve the treatment you gave us?!" That wasn't what I wanted to say, yet the words came flooding through my lips and with every word I moved closer to him until I was yelling in his face. I wanted to rip the cords from his body and strangle him with them, but I managed to convince myself that wasn't a very smart idea.
"Harold!" My mother shouts, getting up from her seat and grabbing my forearm. I pull back and continue spitting out jumbled up sentences in his direction until I have nothing left to say. I watch his features change from surprised to amused and that only infuriates me further. I storm out of the room afraid I might end up killing the bastard and spending the rest of my life in jail.
I stomp down the hallways of the hospital, watching as the nurses only gave me dirty looks, but I just continue my rampage to the stairs instead of the elevator. I march down them quickly and run to the entrance, pushing the doors open and inhaling a large amount of air before taking a seat on a stone wall near the patch of flowers. I place my head in my hands, pulling at my long, wavy curls. I take out my phone, remembering that I was supposed to call Anna when I landed.
I dial her number, listening as the line rings several times before I hear her voice mumbling cuss words under her breath about pushing the wrong button.
"Harry? Is this you?" She speaks softly. I tell her it's me and she begins asking how my flight went. I can't help, but zone out of our conversation after lashing out on my father like that. I don't know what came over me, yes I knew I wanted to say all of those things, but as a child I suffered from not being able to stand up for myself, so even though I shouldn't have started our first conversation with me yelling into his face, I can't help but feel somewhat accomplished. I knew one day I would remind him all of those terrible things he done to my mother and I, I just never expected to release them so soon.
"So, have you seen your father yet, Harry?" Her question snaps me out of the trance I was just in and I want to lie to her and say I didn't because I just know she will want to know how it went and I honestly would rather have her never know of my little outburst.
"I, uh... Yeah. I did, Anna." I decide to tell the truth, but only half to save myself from some embarrassment. I can practically see how proud she is of me right through this phone by just the tone of her voice. I leave out the details of our visit and just focus on how terrible he looked since she seemed halfway interested in how sick he really is.
"I am so proud of you. I know you didn't want to go on this trip to see your father and this was really to keep me safe and I can't thank you enough for doing this for me." She is right, I had no desire to come see my dad, but if it meant possibly saving Anna then it's well worth it. We continue to talk for a bit about everything and I finally get around to asking her how she feels.
"I think it's too soon to tell, but I'm hoping within a few days to a week it'll be obvious." It saddens me that I have to spend so long without her, but I know it's for the better. As we are in the middle of discussing our plans for when we get back I notice my mother exiting the front entrance. I quickly tell Anna I have to go and she bids me goodbye. I hang up and stand from my sitting position, already regretting my earlier actions from the look on my mother's face.
"I hope you know what you did in there was unnecessary and plain childish." I take in a deep breath, trying to keep myself from lashing out at my other parent.
"I know he hurt both of us, but that was years ago, another time and another man. There's a woman inside of me that wants to march up there and beat the shit out of him just like you probably felt like doing, but I've learned over the years to forgive. Forgetting may never happen, but you must forgive him or you'll never fully move on." I know she is right and I do need to forgive him, it's just so hard to let something that big go.
"I love you, Harry, and I want you to be happy. I don't want you to have to suffer and carry all this built up anger around, you deserve to be happy." I was happy with Anna, before I came here and maybe I'll take something from this, learn something to make this trip worth it.
"I can't promise you that I will forgive him, but I will try my best to be happy and let go of these memories." I tell her as I wrap my arms around my mother. I haven't given her a real hug in so long and I feel guilty for being such a terrible son. The whole reason I moved down to Kentucky was because I wanted to get away from her constant nagging and overprotectiveness. I know she means well, but I needed to breath and learn to defend myself.
"I love you, Harry." I quickly tell her the same thing, letting go and deciding I'll try to talk with my father again, but I make sure to mention I can't make any promises about not harming him physically or emotionally. She just shakes her head and leads us back into the hospital and into his room. I feel as if I'm taking the walk of shame when I enter his room and I begin to regret ever saying I would come back up, but I decide I'll be the bigger person and actually apologize to him since he never did when I was younger.
"Well, well, well... Look who came back. I see you inherited my temper, I guess we're not so different after all." It takes a lot in me to not lose my cool and paint these white walls with his blood, but again, I calm myself and simply say,
"You might be my father, but I am NOTHING like you." I keep my response short and sweet, trying not to waste my breath on him. He just laughs and shakes his head saying,
"Harry, we are a lot more alike than you think." It's my turn to shake my head and chuckle at his reply.
"I am sorry for what I said earlier... I am nothing like you." With that said I take a seat, kick back and attempt to fall asleep to get away from his ever so shocked expression that doesn't falter.
* * *
It's been four days since I have arrived in Holmes Chapel. I have spent my time at the hospital trying to find it in myself to forgive my poor excuse of a father for all the harm he has caused in mine and my mother's life. It hasn't been easy sitting here, listening to him constantly ask when I plan to leave. I feel like staying longer just so I can get on his nerves, but then I too would have to suffer and I think I have done enough of that.
I have found myself calling Anna several times a day to see how she is doing. Thankfully she seems to be doing better and I'm more than happy to know I am actually here for a reason and it's finally paying off. In a few days I will leave to go home, I am not entirely for sure how I will handle the situation with Anna, but we'll figure it out, we have to.
My mother's words from a few days ago replay in my head, how I should forgive my father if I ever want to move on from that dark part of my life. Forgiving takes time and forgetting may never fully happen, but I feel like I should at least try to leave on a good note with him since he never could accomplish such a thing.
I already have my ticket bought for the trip home and can't lie and say I'm not excited since I have missed Anna so much I can't even describe it. I've been thinking about all the places I want us to go and see together. If I could show that girl the world I would, she deserves to experience every bit of it.
"Are you listening to me?" I hear my father ask, obviously annoyed from me not paying enough attention to him. He should appreciate I am even still here, I could have left after my little rant of terrible father of the year award. I direct my eyes to meet his, looking away from the large window.
"Sorry, I had better things to be thinking." I grin, loving the fact that I get on his nerves. These last few days haven't been as bad as I expected them to be. I had figured I would be suffering constantly if I were to stay longer than a few hours, but since I have practically been here all week I can finally say that it's not as bad as I predicted.
"Well, I was asking you if you had a girlfriend." My throat seems to tighten up and my palms start to sweat. What am I going to tell him? I could easily lie and say I don't, but then he would just come back with some stupid remark on how I can't get a woman.
"I-I do." I stutter, but quickly recover and say, "Her name is Anna." I have no idea what clinked inside of me to tell this man about her, but something did.
"Wow. I'm impressed, she must be ugly." I can tell he is kidding after I send him a glare that could burn holes through him when he suddenly asks, "What is she like?" I don't want to share Anna with him because he doesn't deserve her, but I want him to know what it's like to treat a woman right and have a relationship that's worth flaunting.
"Jet black hair, fair skin, ocean blue eyes that sparkle when the sunlight hits them just right, petite frame and she has a heart of gold. She's everything a man could ever wish for." I can't help but smile just thinking about her.
"She sounds amazing." My father genuinely says, shifting in his hospital bed. I watch as he slowly starts to fall to sleep and I find that as my cue to leave. I get up from my chair and sneak out of his room, heading for the elevator. I push the button for the first floor and wait for the lift to reopen its doors. I wrap my coat around my body tightly since it's rather chilly out. I call for the cab and direct the man to my hotel that I have been staying at these last few days.
"Thanks, man." I hand him the correct amount due and jump out of the taxi and shuffle towards the front entrance. Once in the lobby, I groggily walk towards the lift. I hadn't realized how tired I really am until I started to think about how good my bed would feel right about now.
Before the lift closes I see my mother walking towards me. I hold the door and wait for her to enter before releasing it. "You been at the hospital?" She asks, turning to face me. I nod my head and say,
"Where else would I be?" I have barely left the place since I arrived and it honestly shocks me. I never would have thought I'd end up staying with him for so long, but I guess I didn't really have anything else to do.
"I'm proud of you, Harry." She embraces me and I start to hear her cry softly onto my shoulder. I'm not really for sure what to do so I just begin to gently pat her back. My mother has never been the type to cry, I can't recall many times in my childhood of her crying even though she had every right to, but I guess she was being strong for me.
"I never thought you would forgive him, I was so afraid you wouldn't." She looks me in the eyes, tears streaming down her face. She starts to wipe away the tears, but still stays close to me. I also never thought I would forgive him and I am not really for sure if I do yet or not, I think it might take some more time.
I tell my mother goodnight when the lift doors open and head for my hotel room. I stick the card key in the slot and wait for it to light up green. Within seconds I am in. I plop down on my bed and kick off my shoes, waiting for sleep to overcome me.
I toss and turn in bed, hearing my phone ringing on my nightstand beside me. I roll over and grab the device, cursing at it for being so annoying. I answer and hear my mother speaking lowly through the phone.
"Harry, I need you to meet me at the hospital. It's your father, the doctor called me in about twenty minutes ago." It takes a moment before I fully register exactly what she is saying. I hop out of bed, slipping on my shoes and grabbing my key card off the desk. I tell her I'll be there in a few. I sprint down the hallway, shuffling down the stairs. I know when I first heard that he was dying I was happy in a way, as terrible as that sounds, but it's true. He had ruined my earlier life and I had no intent to forgive him ever and I still hadn't until a couple of days ago.
I try to catch a cab, but that seems almost impossible. It takes severely minutes before one finally stops and lets me in. I tell him to speed to the hospital and he gladly does. He can't really be dying? He was just fine earlier, I was just talking with him a few hours ago. I convince myself that he really isn't in bad shape.
I pay the man and thank him for driving above the speed limit. I hurry into the building, partially because it's freezing outside and the other for the obvious reason. I wait in the elevator, wondering why it's taking so long. Maybe I can't accept he's dying because I still haven't received that 'I'm sorry' from him and I probably never will even if he does live.
I leave the lift, jogging down the hallway to his room. I stop in front of the one labeled '23' and enter. I see my mother and one of the doctors talking, I hear him tell her, "I'm sorry for your lose ma'am." I am confused with what I should be feeling. This is a good thing, right? The man that haunted your dreams is finally dead, exactly how you wanted him to be, yet it doesn't feel right.
My mother notices me and I can tell she is sad. I walk in the rest of the way, looking to where the bed was at, I guess they already took him. How long had it been? Did it really take me that long to get here? The doctor soon leaves and I'm left standing in the room with just my mother.
"He wanted me to give you this." My mother outstretches her arm to hand me an envelop. I take it and read my name written sloppily on the back of it. I want to open it now and see what his final words to me are, but I can't bring myself to.
"I don't know how to feel." I admit to my mother, looking up at her. "I know I shouldn't be sad after everything he's done to us, but it doesn't really feel right to be happy either." After confessing to my mother about how I felt the rest is really just a big blur. I've been sitting on this plane for a few hours now, we should be landing in about an hour.
I didn't stay for the funeral. I didn't want that to be my last memory of him. It was kind of hard to explain to my mother since she expected me to stay, I know she needed the support because deep down she didn't really want to be there either, but sooner or later she finally agreed to let me leave. I've been staring at this envelop for hours now, wondering what it says yet not really wanting to find out. Knowing my father it's probably something stupid or this is his way of getting the last word in, either way it can't be good.
I stretch back in my seat, attempting to get comfy. I try to focus on Anna. I didn't tell her I was coming back because I wanted to surprise her. I can't wait to hold her in my arms again and this time she won't look three times my age.
After my flight landed I hurried to get my luggage and belongings. I had left my truck at the airport so it was waiting for me where I left it. I unlock the door, starting the engine up, heading home to see my Anna.
I start down Maple Grove and my excitement is bubbling over at the thought that I'll be seeing Anna in mere minutes, but my elation soon falters after I notice the flashing lights coming from the direction of my house. I slowly pull into the driveway, watching as police officers shuffle around my front yard.
| Authors Note |
Just wanted to let everybody know this chapter was 4,860 words long. That's a record for me.
MAKE SURE TO LEAVE YOUR THOUGHTS BELOW BECAUSE I SLAVED OVER THIS CHAPTER. Thanks (:
if you haven't already go read my new story titled "Having Faith" it's Derek Hale (Teen Wolf) and I know it's not Harry Styles, but I really want you guys to read it because I'm really excited about it.
Chapter dedicated to: @fangirl99999 for best comment!
WHOVER LEAVES ME THE NICEST, LONGEST COMMENT GETS A DEDICATION.