"I can't believe I did that. I mean I've been drunk before and did some embarrassing things, but that?" I shook my head in amusement. "That's horrible."
"You sound like you don't really care." Steve kicked at the dirt.
I furrowed my eyebrows as I got myself into batting position. Steve and I decided to spend our Saturday evening at an empty softball field to channel some lost skills from high school. I forgot how much of a stress reliever softball was.
"What do you mean?" I asked. Steve threw a curve ball, making me twist my hips a little harder than I planned to as I swung. A loud crack exploded from the bat and Steve jumped to catch the ball.
"Jeez Savannah, we're not in the state championships. You can relax." He said with a grin.
I shrugged sheepishly as I adjusted my large knit sweater over my shoulders. "I couldn't help it. What were you saying though?"
"I feel like you don't really care. Not in a bad way, but I feel like you would've handled the situation a lot worse. I feel like it doesn't bother you as much as I thought it would, I should say." Steve tossed the softball up in the air and caught it with a reach. A bit of his stomach was revealed in the process.
I sighed. "I don't know. I really don't know how to feel anymore, you know?"
Steve shuffled over to me. "Savannah, you know you know no one better than him, and he knows no one better than you. Can you really see yourself with someone else? Someone who's not Tyler?"
I looked into Steve's eyes. He was serious. "I-I don't think so."
Steve rolled his eyes. "Like it's so hard to say no, Savannah." He glanced over my face for a couple of extra seconds before wiping at my cheek with his thumb. "You had dirt on your face."
My heart skipped a beat and I looked away. "Thanks." I mumbled.
It was dusk before we knew it, and the familiar Dallas spring breeze ripped through the the city. The chill was a bit more noticeable despite it being mid May. Shades of blue transitioned into one another throughout the endless horizon. Chills shot down my spine as I marveled in the beauty of the night.
"3 weeks." I sighed. "How crazy."
"Until the wedding?" Steve questioned. He looked down at me as we walked through the neighborhood.
I nodded, crossing my arms in an attempt to regain some warmth. "Crazy how fast time flies."
Steve's large frame moved closer towards me as we turned onto a wide street. "Is the love of your life still going?" He chided.
I grinned as I looked at him. "You never told me you were going."
Steve rolled his eyes with a cheeky grin. "I did tell you that my name was Steve and not Tyler."
"Not everything has to be about him, you know." Our steps began to slow down as we reveled in the spring night. "He seems to be doing fine. I always see him on Instagram liking other girl's photos, and occasionally getting tagged in pictures with girls I've never seen or heard before." I shook my head. "He was always a faster person than me you know? More social and open. It intimidates me."
"How do you know all of that if you have him blocked?" Steve asked.
"I have my ways." I said quietly.
Steve shook his head and laughed. "You're funny Savannah. Girls are crazy."
"Why don't you get in a relationship?" I asked, looking at him.
He shrugged. "Good question, I don't really know myself. I get laid pretty often, but I never want to do anything afterwards. It's funny though, after meeting you, you make me wanna hop into a relationship and take care of someone cute. Hook me up with someone, Savannah."
I laughed. "Well, there's always me as long as Tyler doesn't make a move."
"What's with you and these passes tonight? Are you horny or something?" Steve began to rummage through his bag, looking for a cigarette.
"No!" I scoffed as I hit him. "You're so annoying."
He raised his eyebrows cynically. "Right." He whipped out a pack of Swisher Sweets, and pulled out what looked like a blunt.
"Is that what I think it is?" I asked in a quiet voice.
Steve smiled as he held the blunt between his teeth and lit it. He hit it hard and inhaled for a while, before sending the smoke out of his nose and mouth. "Yeah."
I shook my head. Within seconds, the pungent smell of marijuana was between the both of us. "I thought you only smoked cigarettes." I continued in my quiet voice.
"I'm trying to stop smoking cigarettes. So I moved onto this shit. It's better and healthier, I'll tell you that." Steve took another hit as he threw his bag back on. Smoke covered his head as he released it. "You want some?"
I shook my head. "Not really."
"You sure?" Steve had the blunt lodged between his index in middle fingers as we walked. "What's wrong? You okay?"
I looked at him; he had a Charles River windbreaker on with nothing underneath (I knew because I watched him throw it on over his torso), and ripped black jeans with a pair of vans. His hair was thrown into a bun with a plastic headband. He looked cute, and for some reason I wanted him for that moment. Under the moving sky, in the city with so many unknown stories, I wanted Steve.
"You look so cool right now, I could kiss you." I said quietly. My face burned slightly; I was beginning to get flustered.
"Then do it." He chuckled as he took another hit.
I stopped to look at him. Steve paused in his steps and exhaled smoke from his nose. "Can I really?" I asked.
Steve shrugged, making his windbreaker wrinkle with noise. "Go ahead."
There was something in the breeze that night that oddly made me comfortable, but anxious as well. As I shuffled up to Steve and leaned in, I knew I would set myself back even further than I was at that moment. Things would either remain the same, or create an entirely different landscape for us to run through; but in that moment, as the pungent stench of marijuana swallowed me whole, I forgot about the consequences. As Steve's arm wrapped around my lower back as I squeezed him tighter, I'd knew I sleep until noon to push off those possible regrets.