It was finally the weekend and that meant I only had to take my finals next week for the end of the semester and then it would be winter break.
It was also the day that I promised myself I would go to Declan's house and tell him my decision.
"So I think I'm going to get Grant a Rolex watch, what are you getting for Ray, Bailey?" Bridget's voice broke me from my thoughts. Bailey shrugged and looked away in shyness.
"You haven't gotten him anything yet?!" Bridget asked. Bailey shook her head and then slowly looked at us again.
"Well, let's all go out together tomorrow and help you find something for him!" Bridget said excitedly.
"That sounds fun." I commented and Bailey nodded.
"What about you, Crystal? Are you getting anything for Declan?" Bridget turned her attention to me.
"No, I'm going over there today to officially end things with us." I told her, trying to play it off like it wasn't a big deal. But the truth was, the thought of telling him that I was done with him scared the hell out of me.
"Are you sure that's what you want?" She asked cautiously.
"Yes...atleast, that's what I need. I just can't be with him after what happened."
"So you think it was his fault for what Nikki did?"
"No, but it is his fault that he didn't pull away." I stated coldly.
"Well, if that's how you feel, I can't change your mind."
"No, you can't. But let's for sure go shopping tomorrow. Does ten o'clock work for you guys?" I asked, trying to change the subject.
"Yup." Bridget answered and Bailey nodded.
"Alright, I better get to work. See you guys tomorrow!" I said and then head out of their dorm room.
"Bye!" Bridget called and Bailey waved. I looked back once more, smiling and giving a small wave, before walking out of the room. Once I got outside, I took in a big breath of the cold fresh air. Snow was coming down in sheets of white bliss. I smiled as I watched it come down from the sky and coat the ground.
It's all going to be ok, one way or another.
I stretched and then went to my car and started it up. As I drove to work, I thought about Declan.
His match was yesterday. I wonder how it went...
When I got to the restaurant, I went to the back and saw Cindy talking with a young girl who looked like she was about fourteen.
"Crystal, this is Ruby. I need you to train her today." Cindy explained. I smiled and shook Ruby's hand.
"Nice to meet you." She and I nodded.
"You too. I will go show you where the time clock is first." I said. The rest of the afternoon went smoothly with the new girl until we took our mandatory 10-minute-break.
"So what's wrong with you anyways?" She asked. I looked over at her and rose an eyebrow.
"What are you talking about?"
"You keep getting lost in thought and when no one is watching, you look like a sad lost puppy." She commented and took a bite of her sandwich. I furrowed my eyebrows at her and frowned.
"Well, aren't you blunt." I mumbled.
"Unless you're always like this, anyone would deduce that you're having problems in your personal life." She commented and then took another bite.
"Not that it's any of your business, but after work, I have to go break up with my boyfriend." I explained a little too harshly.
"Oh yeah? Why?"
"Blunt and nosy. What a nice combo. He kinda sorta cheated." She looked up at me, seeming confused.
"Kinda sorta?"
"Well, a girl kissed him and he didn't pull away." I felt stupid explaining it out loud to someone who didn't know the whole situation.
"Did he kiss her back?" She asked and I looked down at my own sandwich.
I haven't really thought about that.
"No, I guess not."
"So, he didn't really do anything wrong." I looked up at her with wide eyes.
"Um, I don't really think that's for you to say. It's a little more complicated than that."
"How?" She was looking at me curiously and a blush creeped onto my cheeks. I looked back down at my sandwich, deep in thought.
How, indeed.
"I just...I don't think I could possibly stay with him, now. Every time I look at him, all I can see is them kissing."
"And you don't think that will ever go away?" She leaned her elbow on the table and cupped her face in her hand while still staring at me. I didn't know how to answer her question so I looked at my phone for the time.
"Our break is over, we better get back out there." I said and then stood up. I tossed my sandwich in the trash and walked out of the beak room and into the kitchen.
We worked the rest of our shift without mentioning our earlier conversation. When we were clocking out, she brought it up again though.
"So you're heading to his house now?" I took off my apron and hung it up before turning to her.
"Yup, are you working Monday?"
"I think so." She said, staring at me like she was trying to put a puzzle together.
"Cool, I'll see you then." I said and then waved goodbye. I drove to Declan's house as the sun was setting. When I parked in his driveway and got out, I looked up at the sky to see the moon and stars shining brightly down on me.
I don't have a choice. I have to do this. I have to do what is best for me and I already decided that what is best for me is to break up with him.
I balled my hands into fists with a new determination and walked up to his door. I knocked but it took a while before it opened. Declan stood in front of me looking like he had been hit by a semi truck. My eyes widened and suddenly, I was at a loss for words.
"You made a decision?" He asked and after a moment, I nodded slowly. He let me in and we walked into the kitchen.
"What happened to you?" I asked after we sat down. His face was stoic like when we had first met and I didn't like it. I wanted to see him smile or even smirk, but his face remained detached.
"I lost." He said coolly. I couldn't help but let my shocked feelings come across my face.
Did he lose because of me?
No, the world doesn't revolve around you, Crystal.
"Oh."
"So what's your decision?" He asked but I had a feeling he already knew. I could sense it in the way he was looking at me.
"I...I can't be with you." I whispered and looked down at my hands.
"Ok." His voice cracked and I looked up to see the slightest hint of anguish in his eyes. I stood up and started walking out before turning around one last time.
"I love you, Declan. I always will." I said, feeling my own heart break at my words.
"I love you, too, Crystal." I cringed at my name but then nodded.
"Goodbye." I whispered.
"Goodbye." He said and our eyes locked once more before I broke our gaze and walked out of his house. I drove to the dorms, fighting back tears the whole way. After I parked and got out, I walked up to the tree that stood in front of the dorm building. I leaned my back against it and sighed.
"Tally?" I froze for a moment at the voice before turning slowly to see Nikki standing there. Her eyes that mirrored my own stared at me with unsaid emotions. Her cheeks were sunken in slightly and her normally beautiful brunette hair was now a dull tawny color. I took in her appearance before realizing that she had taken a few steps closer.
"Why?" I choked out.
"Because you had everything that I wanted." Her voice was venomous and it immediately put me on edge.
"What are you talking about?"
"You got the looks, the brains, and the confidence. What did I get? Nothing! I got nothing! And then you go off and start throwing yourself at some kick-boxer wannabe! As if you didn't already have enough in your life, you had to get the guy, too?!" She was now inches away from my face and her eyes were seething with rage. I took a step back, scared that she might turn this fight into a physical one.
"I had no idea you felt that way..." I whispered.
"Of course you didn't! All you have ever cared about is yourself!" That part made me angry, bringing back the old Crystal.
"What the hell are you talking about?! I practically raised you! Mom was too depressed to take care of us so I stepped up and did what she couldn't!" Nikki flinched at first but then her confidence came back.
"All you did was rub your confidence in my face! You were always the 'strong' one! Everyone just flocked to you like you were a golden statue or something!" Her face turned to anguish before she spoke again. "No one ever paid attention to me. I was always Crystal's little sister, not Nikki."
"You were always Nikki to me." I answered soothingly.
"No. I wasn't. You just saw me as a helpless little girl who needed to be coddled. You never thought of me as a woman." Her anger was back. "If you had just called mom, maybe I would still have someone in my life who cared about me!" She cried out and then burst into tears.
"I did call her Nikki. I promise you, I did. But she wouldn't listen to me. She told me she was fine." I tried to reach out and touch her arm but she swatted it away.
"You could have done more! But you were so caught up in your new fling that you didn't have the time! That's why-!" She stopped for a moment and looked up at me, her angry eyes locking on mine. "That's why I had to get rid of him! I had to get him to betray you! I owed it to mom!" I cringed away from her, feeling everything fall into place.
She wanted to take Declan away from me as her revenge for me taking away mom from her.
"Nikki, you need help." I tried reasoning with her.
"No! I am just finally standing up for myself! You're the one who needs help, not me! You're the one who killed our mom!" She screamed at me and then crumpled to the ground sobbing. I kneeled down in front of her, feeling like we had gone back in time.
"Don't cry, Nikki. I'm here, now. I'm sorry you've been in so much pain because of me. I love you. You're my sister and that will never change." I whispered, trying to comfort her. She suddenly reached out and clung to me tightly, crying into my chest. I pulled her close to me with my arms, holding her like I had the night our father left us.
"I'm so sorry, Crystal. I knew I shouldn't have done it. But I wanted to hurt you as much as you hurt me." She explained in agony. I held her a little tighter and nuzzled my face into her damaged hair.
"It's ok, Nikki. It's all going to be ok." I said softly.