The sun was dipping down below the horizon later that evening, dark blue shadows casting across the sky. Lola dragged Harry down to the beach, her fingers wound between his. He followed along lazily and reluctantly as she marched down the crunchy sand. She spotted Lucas and a few people hanging around on deck chairs with a small bonfire burning in the middle.
“I like that blouse” Harry said, stroking her back as she came to a stop. Lola smiled at him, her face glowing as she appreciated his compliment. “Any particular reason I never saw you wear it before?”
Lucas quickly spotted Lola too and waved her over, a pleased smile on his face. Lola bound over, Harry dragging his white converse against the sand and covering them in golden grains as he followed.
“Lola! So glad you could make it” Lucas gleamed at her, glancing quickly down at her skin tight navy jeans, sheer white blouse and her slightly worn nude pumps which she’d worn everyday since they’d left home. She didn’t pack that many clothes, but she hadn’t underpacked incase things went well. She was a girl after all.
He briefly acknowledged Harry with the mention of his name. “Take a seat, there’s two spare. Harry there’s one there next to my friend Alice”
Harry creased his brow over Lucas immediatley pointing Harry to sit beside a random girl, instead of Lola. Lola smiled and shrugged at Harry carelessly, strolling to sit in in the little khaki tent chair beside Lucas. He threw a log on the bonfire, a small disposal barbequeue burning in front of his feet with several pieces of meat cooking on it.
“I’m Alice, You have great hair oh my god” the girl beside Harry beamed. She gave him a friendly smile, dressed in a floaty summer dress and a flip flops.
“Nice to meet you i’m Harry, and uh thanks” he smiled at her, coughing into his fist.
“So how do you know Lucas?”
“Oh I don’t, really. We met like, today and he just asked us to come down here tonight”
“He’s pretty easy to get on with like that”
“Er yeah”
“He’s one of my longest friends. So you from around here then?”
“No no, wer’e just…visiting, sort of” he laughed “Looks like a nice place to live though”
“How old are you Harry?” she twirled her hair in her finger, giving him a bold and bright stare.
“Seventeen, you?”
“Oh wow, me too. You look older. I’m always told I look young, like fourteen”
“Ah no i’d put you at seventeen” he laughed, his eyes shifting momentarily over to Lola and Lucas sitting talking on the opposite side of the bonfire. He didn’t want to seem rude, but he wasn’t really interested in talking to this girl. He was just being nice engaging in conversation with her. She seemed nice, but her voice and restless energy was a little irritating.
“It’s probably because i’m pale and ugly” she whined, clearly seeking attention and compliments as she leaned closer to Harry, dramatically sighing. Harry struggled not to smirk as he sensed what she was doing, biting the insides of his cheeks.
“No no, don’t be silly. You’re very..attractive” he improvised, almost regretting it straight away as he saw the grin spread across her face. She bounced in her chair, stroking his arm and grinning
“Oh thanks Harry you’re so lovely”
He could of cringed but just gave her a warm smile instead, his focus glancing back to Lola and Lucas. He saw Lucas sitting very closely to Lola, staring into her eyes as she giggled and tucked her blonde locks behind her ear. A nervous habit when she was embarassed. He had one hand on her back and was talking closely to her.
“Oh they look cute right?” Alice smiled, cocking her head to the side. Harry frowned and shrugged, biting onto the skin on his inner lip.
When the burgers had been eaten, one of Lucas’s female friends produced a bag of marshmellows and skewers. She passed them around and told everyone to toast them over the fire. Everyone shuffled themselves further towards the warmth in the centre, holding the sugary white marshmellows over the flame.
“I’m cold Harry” Alice said. Harry would usually offer the girl his jumper but since he evidently wasn’t wearing one today, he expected she wanted a cuddle. And he wasn’t really up for giving her one.
“Why don’t you move closer to the fire?” he suggested. She dropped her facial features a little in dissappointment before shuffling forward reluctantly, rubbing her arms. Harry met Lola’s eye contact between the flames, the air becoming wobbly from the heat. She gave him a weak encouraging smile, trying to provoke that signature smile out of him. Which she didn’t get.
“I wanna take a walk, Lola come with?” Lucas said, holding his hand out to Lola. She hesitated slightly
“I’m a little cold, I kinda wanna stay near the fire” she said, giving him an apologetic smile. Harry instantly went to unzip his hoodie when he realised he wasn’t wearing one, and instead bought his hand up to scratch his neck to avoid an awkward arm motion.
Alice kept talking on down his ear for a while, Harry starting to not bother pretending to listen anymore. He pulled his phone out and send a text to Lola, hoping she’d feel her phone in her pocket.
‘When is your little boyfriend gonna realise he looks like he’s holding marbles in his cheekbones’
To Harrys amusement, Lola felt the vibration in her pocket and read the text. She scrunched her face a little and looked up at Harry, throwing him a look of disapproval. She knew he didn’t like Lucas but he was behaving quite immature in her opinion. Lucas hadn’t done anything wrong. And she was infact quite enjoying the attention he was giving her.
“Are you alright Harry?” Alice asked, leaning onto him slightly. He shifted uncomfortably and she noticed his face was set like stone, no attempt to smile it off.
“I think i’m gonna go soon” he said bluntly, in a low deep voice. He shook his hand through his unruly waves, wetting his pink lips slightly, his brows almost touching as he looked down at the sand. He felt his pulse race a little faster as he sensed Lucas moving closer to Lola out the corner of his eye, leaning in close. Lucas smiled smugly, feeling Harrys eyed locked on them.
“Why? It’s still early”
Harry tried not to but couldn’t help looking over to them again, his jaw clenched as he saw Lucas whispering in Lola’s ear, drifting down to press his pouty lips onto the skin beneath. Lola turned her head an inch, his mouth so close to her jawline.
Harry felt sick looking at it, he didn’t need to sit and watch this anymore.
He abruptly got up, not bothering to say bye to Alice. He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked off, feeling pairs of eyes burning into his back questioningly. He heard mentions of his name and Lola call after him as the group became confused by his sudden exit. He suddenly starting to regret it, as his heart pumped hard and fast against his chest, wondering if he over-reacted
He headed back towards the house, not planning on going in. He wanted to be alone now, not watching reluctantly as Lucas and Lola grew closer as the night drew in. Having to watch them laughing and kissing, when he really didn’t want to be there anyway. He didn’t know what was making him so annoyed and why he hated seeing it so much, but he hated Lucas for touching her. Thinking it was acceptable to be so forward and lay his hands on her like his prey. She wasn’t his to handle.
Then Harry remembered that she wasn’t his either..
As he traipsed up the steps from the beach towards the stone path, he heard footsteps patting along the ground behind him. He knew it was Lola just by the sound of her breaths and light feet planting in a rhythm against the sand.
“Harry!” she called, but got no response “Harry?!” she reached out and managed to touch him, tugging on his shoulder. He turned around and she felt the lack of interest in his face, like he really didn’t want to talk to her. And it upset Lola a lot to see it
“What the hell is up with you?” she panted, shocked at how rudely he walked off. “Problem?” she tried to regain her breath after running after him. She ran her hand through her long blonde hair, feeling flustered and irritated.
“Erm, I wasn’t really up for watching you and that guy all over each other while some girl is babbling on down my ear at the same time. I’m tired”
“What exactly is the problem? I’m not mad at you for talking to girls, there’s no reason to be” she glared at him questioningly, trying to figure him out. Harrys jaw was clenched, his eyes burning green fire as he glanced back to the group of people still sitting around the bonfire. Seeing Lucas looking after Lola, and could have sworn there was a smug grin on his face “Unless you’re jealous”
“Jealous? Of him?”
“Yeah, why else are you being so moody?” she demanded.
“Because….” Harry lifted his hands and paused, not knowing what to say. “We’re...” he stuttered, dropping his palms back down to his sides with a shrug ”..you know”
“We’re what Harry? Because I sure as hell don’t know”
“Me and you…we’re….just…” he shrugged, not knowing how to finish the sentence. He shut his eyes with a sigh, swallowing hard. Lola waited for him to finish the sentence, needing to know what he was thinking.
He didn’t answer, simply sucking breath in through his lips as he shifted his gaze away from her.
“Exactly” Lola said “You don’t know what we are either”
Harry felt his chest ache as Lola turned on her heel as headed back to the beach. He really thought once she’d come after him that she’d stay with him. But instead, she went back to the people she barely knew. The guy she barely knew that only wanted to get her alone.
Harry headed off in the opposite direction, kicking pebbles hard with his converse and watching them smack into walls. It was getting really dark now, the sun dissappeared completely for the day, the night sky turning deep blue. It was getting chillier and he didn’t really know where he was going, he felt lonely in a foreign environment all alone.
He wanted someone to talk to, someone to express how he felt and make him feel better. Truthfully, he wanted Lola and he wanted to be back home, in his own bed with warmth, food, family and someone to wrap his arms around. He shook the thought from his head and went back to what she said before.
Jealous? Really?
Sure he didn’t like Lucas, and he didn’t like watching him and Lola flirt. But he wasn’t jealous. He didn’t get jealous. He found a small patch of grass towards the end of the beach, stepping up onto a boulder and laying back on the flat surface, crossing his ankles and putting his arms behind his head.
The stars aligned the sky. Thousands twinkled across the dark canvas, a gentle breeze blowing. Harry gulped as he reminisced of Carbis Bay, memories of coming here with his loving family, his doting stepdad. Now at this moment, he was all alone.
He wasn’t much of a believer in life after death before Andy passed away, but now he found comfort in the thought of him watching over him. It was cliche to believe he was in the sky, one of the many stars but it was almost nostalgic to believe it, reminding him of nighttime fairytales told by his Mother to him.
He watched an isolated grey cloud drift away, dissolving into the sky and revealing all the beautiful silver planets behind. The view was breathtaking with the soft crashing sound of the ocean. The way it miraculously vanished represented in his head, how his life should be changing. He wanted to clear away to gloomy past, and have a brighter future, but there was always reminders of the past that would haunt him. The scars, the vulnerability of Lola and how she never seemed to fully trust him.
Harry knew he could never hurt Lola now, he cared about her too much and it hurt him to think about what he’d done to her. It was something that never fully left his mind. It often drove him crazy knowing he could never change what happened between them, and caused him to hate himself for it.
He thought about how much his feelings had changed. There was a time when he couldn’t care less about Lola’s welfare but now it like she was the only one who could ever really satisfy and comfort him. The relief he felt when she hugged him, her scent filling his senses, when her soft skin brushed his cheek, the warmth bleeding from her body as he held her close to him. It was frustating how badly he wanted that right now, the feel of her curled under his arm, protected and safe from the world. From everything that had hurt her, ironically so close yet so far from the previous source of pain in her life.
He thought about how many emotions and sensations he felt when they were intimate, the intensity of the first time they had sex was like no other girl he’d ever been involved with. He thought about how hard his pulse throbs when he’s coming down from his orgasm, heated skin rubbing against her fragile body, every inch fitting perfectly with his like a jigsaw. He always had the urge to hold her afterwards, and not let her go like he usually would with anyone else.
He thought about how much he hated her being with Zayn, and how he felt like he had ownership in a way. Not the kind of dominant ownership he felt when he bullied her, like she wasn’t allowed to stray. It was more that he felt like despite all of that, she was always ‘his’. She belonged to him. And he still felt like that now. It didn’t feel right for someone else to have her.
Harry looked up at the stars again, wishing he could say some of what was on his mind and hear Andy talk back, just to give him some worthy advice. Then he remembered something he actual Dad John said to him once. Words that had stuck with him throughout the past few years.
“If you are willing to go to the ends of the earth to protect someone, and can’t stand the thought of ever losing them, you will know, Harry. There is a fine line between love and being in love, like the way you love your Mum, and Gemma. That’s love. But when you’re in love, you’ll know son”
Harry concluded that that ‘moment’ when you know how you feel about someone hadn’t hit him yet, so how could he……love Lola? He couldn’t.
‘I can’t’
******
Lola could hear the laughs and flowing conversation of the people around her, the flames flickering infront of her eyes as she lost concentration. She could feel Lucas’ close presence beside her but all she could think of was Harry and the argument they’d had. She hated the feeling of him being mad at her, and started to regret walking away from him and back to these people she hardly knew.
She was drawn to him like a moth to a flame and felt a loss without the option of seeking him out for a comforting hug. Lola squeezed her eyes shut to try and get the image of Harrys head out of her mind but it just wouldn’t shift
“Are you alright Lola?” Lucas’ posh accent interuppted her thoughts. She felt his hand on her back, rubbing it gently, an action that usually soothed her. No, it didn’t feel right. Not when he did it.
She wanted Harry
“N-no, er I just…” she stuttered standing up, her hand feeling the burn on her cheek as she got flustered “I have to go”
“But-“
“S-sorry” she stuttered, awkwardly stepping away from the chair and walking off in the direction she came from. She heard Lucas cursing and scrambling up from his seat so she walked faster, not wanting him to catch up with her. She didn’t want this guy, she didn’t even know him. Her eyes began to well up as she walked briskly, not knowing where on earth Harry would have gone to.
She headed back towards her Dads house, feeling lonely as the night had come and the ocean began to look black, empty and spooky. She hurried up the steps towards the path to get away from it, dimly lit by the streetlamps infront of the beach side houses. Dark wasn’t really something she was comfortable alone in.
She felt goosbumps arise on her skin as the breeze blew, a lump forming in her throat. She felt so alone being without Harry for the first time since leaving home. She’d adjusted to being around him all the time. Just as she turned into the drive of her Dad’s house, she felt a shadow in the dark nearby that made her heart pound in her chest.
Lola froze as she watched Harry emerge from the darkness, looking glum. She felt relief wash over her that it wasn’t a rapist or murderer, and exhaled deeply. They stood opposite each other, not knowing what to do.
Harry glanced up her body to her face, the tip of his tongue pressing against the back of his teeth.
“I’m sorry” he spoke
Lola felt her stomach relax from the nerves as she took in his apology “Me too”
Such a simple two words from each of them, yet the thoughts going through their heads were the contrast. There were so many things that they needed to say to each other, whirling around in their heads and laying on the edge of their tongues. But they wouldn’t come out, neither of them knew where to start.
So they kept their thoughts to themselves. Locked away inside.
They both turned in towards the house, Lola unlocking the door and stepping quietly to avoid disturbing her Dad. She felt Harrys warm presence close behind her, his frame towering over her as she led him towards the stairs.
They reached the top silently, entering the spare bedroom and Lola switched the light on. The air was still as they both stood awkwardly, wondering if the other was going to say something.
“Let’s just…go to sleep yeah” Harry said, his voice low and husky. His emerald eyes looked tired and his chesnut curls was messy from the coastal wind getting caught in it.
Lola nodded feebly and Harry strip down to his t-shirt and boxers. Neither of them spoke as they rolled onto the bed, laying flat on their backs. It had become natural for them to fit together, her head slotting into the warm crook of Harrys neck, his leg tangled between hers to keep her close. But tonight it was different.
After around ten minutes, Lola’s eyes were still wide awake, as were Harrys. They both knew the other was awake, mind racing. But remained silent.
Until Lola spoke a few honest words that broke the thick silence.
Her voice was a small croak as she finally let some true thoughts escape her mouth, giving Harry a taste of what she felt.
And it made his stomach drop.
.
“I think I love you”
.
Harry wondered if she could hear the hard pounding of his heart, and gulped. He couldn’t speak, his throat restricting any words from forming. He couldn’t say it back to her. And it was causing an ache in both their chests. Lola felt hurt as she gained nothing but slow breaths from Harry, but she knew he’d heard her.
In some ways being at war and hating each other was less painful than being like they were now; helplessly attached to one another.
PLEASE READ Please vote on these chapters and this story so I can show the origional writer. She would be so happy and I want to get at least 200 votes on the whole story before I start uploading the sequel that is currently in progress. Once again... THIS IS NOT MY STORY. All credit goes to xxfan1direction.tumblr.com go follow and check her out. She has an amazing blog and is a beautiful writer.