Lola sat with her legs folded underneath her as she stared aimlessly out the window of the living room. It was 5pm, and she was watching boring daytime TV shows with a minature pot of Ben & Jerrys she found lying in the freezer.
The sound of the TV couldn’t quite grasp her full attention as her mind continuously drifted back to last night. Every time she looked at the screen, she’d spot a boy with wild hair, or a bed in the background of Come Dine With Me. Every little thing had some relevence to remind her of Harry, plus the slightly sore feeling in between her legs this subsequent day.
Every few minutes she gulped as she remembered another move he’d made, another inch of her body he’d kissed or stroked. Another action that hadn’t gone a miss but was coming back to her thick and fast. The frenzy he sent her into with the mere rub of his finger or slow flick of his tongue across her warm skin. She felt a tingle of butterflies in her stomach just thinking about it. How he’d made her feel and how well he made her respond to his touch.
Yet the thing running through her mind the most was the fact that it was Harry. And the reality of the situation hit her hard in the face. Lola couldn’t believe she’d actually asked, almost begged Harry to have sex with her. She could cringe just thinking back to it, her palm shamefully rising to her warming cheeks.
‘No Lola, stop thinking about it’
She scooped a spoonful of soft ice cream and bought it to her rose pink lips, her eyes falling fuzzy again as she fell into another sudden daydream. Blurry images flashed suddenly through her mind. The dark curly silouhette above her when he looked deeply into her eyes as he slid himself inside her, the warmth of the clammy skin rubbing together, the way his face distorted as he reached his orgasm. She could almost feeling his scent, and could feel herself getting worked up just thinking about it and let out a small groan of frustration, almost biting down into the metal in her mouth.
Her dirty thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door being knocked. Lola widened her eyes and hoped John would hear it from upstairs, so she didn’t have to get it.
“Lola, can you get the door?” he called and Lola rolled her eyes, unfolding her legs and going to answer it.
She opened the door to see a brunette woman, possibly in her 40’s. She had a fairly tanned complexion and blue eyes, wearing a pair of dark desginer looking sunglasses on her head and holding a pair of car keys in her hand.
“Hi, you must be Lola” she said, giving her a warm and friendly toothy smile. Lola was confused for a second as she went to accept this lady’s handshake, when she saw Harry walking up the path behind her. Her stomach initally flipped at the sight of him after last night. Then she realised; this must be Anne.
“Yes, hi” Lola smiled “It’s nice to meet you”
“You too darling, i’m just dropping Harry off but i’d like a word with his Dad if he’s in” she asked hopefully. Lola stepped aside and welcomed Anne inside, who thanked her quietly as Harry closed the door behind her. Lola called John’s name up the staircase and heard the heavy footsteps follow.
Anne went to put her keys in her bag, causing Harry and Lola’s eyes to instantly fall to each other for the first time today. She had left his Mums house around an hour after they’d had sex as she didn’t want Anne to see her when she arrived home in the morning from seeing relatives. Now she felt extremely awkward.
Lola couldn’t read what Harry was thinking by his vague expression, but she swore she noticed him trying not to smirk. His head slightly ducked down, he looked up at her, his hair wild and knotty and his lips deep red. She couldn’t help imagine kissing them again, what they tasted like and how they explored her so expertly. He wore a black t-shirt with an open teal coloured hoodie, dark skinny jeans and his scruffy white converse.
“I’m going outside for a minute” he told his Mum before brushing past Lola’s arm and heading outside. The scent of him wafted from the soft material of his hoodie to beneath her nostrils and she felt like nothing else mattered but tangling her fingers in his messy curls and kissing him again, and again.
‘God, is this how you’re supposed to feel when you see the person who took your virginity?!’ she wondered, even more so since it was someone she’d hated for so long. Was it even normal to fantasise about her bully in such a way?
Lola turned to Anne and gave her a slightly awkward smile, almost intimidated by how young and attractive she looked. “Just wanna say, i’m really sorry for the loss of your husband”
Anne’s features softened and she gave Lola a loose grateful smile “Thank you, i’m sure you’ve been a lovely comfort to Harry, especially since he’s been spending a lot of time here”
“I think he just likes to….get away, if that makes sense. Not in a bad way, I don’t mean from you, just-“
“I know what you meant” she chuckled “He’s lucky to have a nice girl around”
“Aha….not so sure about that” Lola said embarassed, scratching the back of her arm as her cheeks flushed a little
“Oh no of course, I bet he loves hanging around with you, since you’re his age and all. He’s probably got a secret crush on you knowing Harry. It doesn’t really take much mind”
Lola felt like her cheeks were about to burst into flames as she avoided looking at Anne and showing her embarassment, simply brushing off her compliments with nervous laughter.
Meanwhile in the garden, Harry was resting his back against the wall, scruffing the front of his shoes against the gravel. He kicked a couple of stones, debating whether he’d be able to sneak a quick smoke before his parents noticed. He wasn’t fond of his parents being together like this, because he knew it always meant they were going to discuss him or Gemma; usually Harry.
He had a faint idea over what it was about, since Anne had found a screwed up empty packet of cigarettes in Harrys jeans pocket. She confronted him and he could only shrug, not really caring anymore. She understood that he was still finding ways to grieve but Anne always despised smoking and couldn’t imagine her children ever succumbing to the bad habit. They were good kids and she’d raised them well, at least she thought she had.
Then she started to let all her other observations spill out, ranting at Harry about how often he’d been coming home drunk lately. And how little he sat down and ate a proper family meal with her. Harry could sense his Mum getting upset as she revealed her concerns, simply not knowing what to do anymore. Harry used to be so affectionate and open to her, telling her everything and going to her for advice. But now it was different. He didn’t seem like her little boy anymore. When he gave her a hug, she couldn’t feel as much of him as she used to.
Harry didn’t want to ruin his relationship with his Mum, because she meant more to him than anyone else in the world. Her and Gemma were the two women he’d always be around for, but he felt like he was slipping away after Andys death.
Now he was certain that his parents were discussing the same thing right this moment. Harry leant his head back against the brick wall and sloped off back inside, wanting to know what they were saying about him
He saw Lola perched awkwardly on the chair in the front room as his parents stood metres away in the hallway. She was pretending like she wasn’t listening and it was obvious, and almost amusing to Harry
“I just wonder if he needs some kind of councilling, or bereavement therapy” he heard his Mum say sympathetically “It’s been over five weeks and i’d expect him to still be down, but he’s not talking to me. He’s just going out with his mates, drinking, not eating”
“He’s smoking as well” John added as if Anne didn’t know
“I know, it’s absurd, he always swore to me he’d never touch a cigarette, or any of that other nonsense kids smoke these days” she tutted “But now look”
Lola looked up at Harry and saw his anger begin to kick in, the familiar brow crease and clenched jaw. He pulled open the door, John and Anne’s heads both snapping towards their son.
”I don’t need anything i’m fine will you stop acting like i’m a fucking child!” Harry shouted, using his arms to gesture his annoyance, his tall frame towering over his Mother.
“Mind your language young man” Anne warned him sternly, putting a hand on her hip.
“It can’t hurt mate, loads of people have councilling. Just to help deal with what’s going on in your head” John said, trying to sound reasoning.
Harry looked at his parents in shock and disgust, but they simply gave him an equally sympathetic and patronising look. Harry hated it, he hated being treated like a child with problems. He was fine, he was just having a good time with his friends. So what if he enjoyed the fact that it made him forget about Andy? Or made him forget about what a low-life he was and the sins he’d made. Surely that was a good thing right?
Harry knew they were ganging up against him, and either way they would force him into this. He had no choice but to look back to Lola, silently asking her to defend him
“Lola?”
Lola took in the pleading look on his face, his shiny green eyes begging her to agree with him. She felt a pang in her chest, knowing he wanted her to stay on his side, and be there for him instead of teaming up against him with his parents.
“I….I-I think Harry is okay” Lola spoke quietly
“See!” Harry said, lifting and dropping his arms for emphasis “I wish you would both stop fussing over me, just let me live my life will you”
“All i’m doing is making sure my son is coping okay” Anne defended, putting her hands up in an ‘arrest’ action “You’re gonna benefit from it Harry so stop arguing and being so stubborn”
“The only thing i’m gonna benefit from is moving out away from both of you as soon as I can” he raised his voice before turning and slamming the door as he stormed off back outside.
Lola remained still and silent and Anne rolled her eyes, shaking her head helplessly at John. He muttered something in return that sounded encouraging but Anne hated Harry being mad at her, and knew he needed a little bit of time to get over this tantrum. Then she would talk to him at home, and hopefully convince him that it’s alright.
“I’ll….erm…go see to him” Lola muttered, sliding off the leather armchair and walking barefoot through the kitchen. She slipped her feet into a pair of scruffy nude ballet pumps and headed down the garden, feeling the dewy grass dampening her feet.
When Harry was in a huffy mood, she wouldn’t ever have considered going to talk to him. But things had changed, and now she couldn’t have rested knowing he was sitting alone and distressed in the shed.
The loose wooden door blew back and forth slightly in the wind, and Lola cautiously went to open it. She felt herself getting nervous as she was about to approach Harry, feeling hesitant that he might not want her.
But since she stuck up for him, she felt like he might welcome her comfort if she consoled him that is was okay. She hoped he’d realise that she was on his side. She had the urge to make him feel better, that same caring feeling that always came back despite how wrong it should have been to want it.
She wanted to hug him and have him accept her, just like he did when his stepdad died. When he was the one that asked her for a hug, and he was the one that asked her to not to leave him.
She stepped in carefully, Harry sitting down with his hands in his hair, elbows resting on his knees.
“Harry?”
He sighed at the sound of her voice and shut his eyes, knowing she wanted to talk to him and calm him down but he wasn’t in the mood for it. Like he’d realised last night, he was aware that she might develop a different perspective after sleeping with someone for the first time, or even just a stronger one than before. The night he’d spent with her blew his mind nevertheless, but right now he just wanted to be alone
“Lola” his husky voice spoke “Just, please…fuck off”
Lola felt hurt at his harsh order and her lips crumpled slightly, feeling rejected.
‘Okay maybe should have asked that in a better way’ Harry thought to himself as she turned back slowly on her heel, reluctantly leaving him alone in the shed as she stepped back into daylight onto the sodden grass.
She stepped slowly up the garden, glancing back and seeing Harry through the tiny tinted glass window. He was looking down at his iPhone, his thumbs tapping rapidly onto the screen. She bet he was texting, probably that girl he seeked out last time he was feeling down. ‘Laura’ or whatever or name was, the one who ‘makes me feel better’
Lola felt her eyes heat up and sting slightly at the unwanted, rejected feeling. She wanted nothing more than to be the one to hug him, talk to him, kiss him. But he wouldn’t let her.
‘He doesn’t want me’ she thought to herself, wiping away a silly tear that fell from her eye ‘God, grow up Lola’ she gritted her teeth, inhaling deeply.
It was then that Lola realised the extent of just how much her feelings had changed. It wasn’t simply a matter of caring about her previous bully any more, or finding him attractive and wanting to sleep with him.
She realised that she was actually becoming dangerously attached to Harry. But the worse thing was, he didn’t seem to feel the same way.
THIS IS NOT MY STORY. All credit goes to xxfan1direction.tumblr.com go follow and check her out. She has an amazing blog and is a beautiful writer.