“Here” Lola handed Harry a mug of hot tea, steam swhirling out the top in clouds. Harry took the mug in both of his hands, resting it on his lap. The temperature of the china must have been burning the handprint off his palms but he didn’t seem to feel it, or care.
His dark checkered pyjama bottoms rose up at the bottom as he was sat on the cozy cushy sofa. His ankles exposed, Lola noticed the subtle tan line under where the coarse brown hairs insulating his toned calves ended. His legs were long, quite muscular and a natural tan colour.
“Have you eaten?”
Harry shook his head, his lips red and slightly pouted as he parted them to envelope the rim of his mug. Lola watched him intently, noticing how his throat muscles moved as he swallowed the tea. He looked so drained and weak.
“Can’t stomach anything” he mumbled, resting the mug on a coaster before slouching backwards, sinking his heavy frame into the back of the sofa. His scruffy brown waves hung over his forehead slightly, and he unconciously swept them to the right.
Lola twiddled her thumb awkwardly, unsure of what to do in this situation. Harrys stare at the wall infront of him was blank, not absorping any of the visual before him. Too much was racing through his mind at that moment, too many grieving thoughts. He couldn’t take it anymore, he needed sleep for a few hours to give his aching head a break. But whenever he laid his head down, all he could see behind his closed eyelids was Andy. It was torture.
Lola sat down on the other end of the sofa, an empty metre or so inbetween them.
“Is there anything I can do?” she asked
“Er yeah how about leave me alone?” Harry fired back sarcastically, without thought. It was his initial response and Lola felt a slight pang at the irritable tone to his voice, like he really didn’t want her there now.
Lola swallowed and nodded slowly, not wanting to say anything else. If Harry wanted to be alone, she was going to let him. She didn’t need to play victim in his mood swings. She rose up from her seat, inhaling deeply and turning on her heel towards the door.
With her hand hanging loosely by her side, she felt Harry suddenly take hold of it from behind her, bringing her to a halt.
“Wait no, I didn’t mean that” he rushed
Lola turned her head, looking back at him over her shoulder. His jade green eyes locked on hers, a pleading look in them as his dark eyebrows turned up in the middle. Both of his hands held onto her one small palm, bunching her four fingers in his gentle grip.
“I don’t want to be on my own” he said, his voice cracking slightly as he spoke.
She was baffled by the change in him and didn’t know how to behave as a reaction to this. She was only used to reacting to his abuse, this was new stuff to both of them.
Harry witnessed no change in Lola’s facial expression and knew she was fed up and ready to leave. He knew she would always be reluctant to do anything for him anyway, but he really was frightened to be alone.
He stood up to seem more sincere, letting go of her hands and letting one of his drop to his side as the other one scratched behind his neck anxiously.
“Could you…perhaps..stay with me, for a little bit?” he asked, trying to sound casual and not desperate. He scratched the scalp beneath his thick curls and his eyes glanced from the floor up to Lola’s eyes questioningly. Lola and him obviously weren’t best friends and were never going to be, but he didn’t care at that moment. He just needed her company.
Lola relaxed her facial features and sighed inwardly, giving him a reluctant nod of agreement and weak smile. Harry gave her a grateful nod in return and went back to his position on the sofa. He kept watching her as she tottered around, looking for something to do instead of sitting awkwardly.
Harry didn’t say anything, and watched as she found a can of polish and a yellow dust cloth, slowly wiping down the surface of the shelf above the fireplace. It was decorated with ornaments, photo frames and a clock. Lola recognised the middle photograph and Gemma and Harrys school photo from their younger years. Another one showed the whole family, on a holiday. Lola wiped the cloth over it slowly, revealing the content smile on Andy’s face as he had his arm locked around pre adolescent Harry.
There were dozens of mugs and glasses lying around, the dregs of tea and coffee covered in a film of milk after being there for days. They’d obviously had a rough day or two leading up to Andys death, and it showed in the unusual untidyness of the house. Lola gathered them and washed them up in the sink, setting them on the draining board to dry off.
”Where’s your Mum Harry?” Lola called as she walked from the kitchen back to the front room. She felt a little uncomfortable as she realised his tired eyes were locked on her, watching her every move.
“She’s with family right now… grieving” he said, leaning forward and resting his forearms on his thighs “I wanted to stay at home”
Lola put away the cloth and spray and turned round to see Harry sitting forward again. He’d taken a photo frame from the table beside and was holding it in his hands, looking down at it.
Lola stood still for a few silent seconds, watching as long chesnut waves hung down shielding Harrys face as he looked down at this picture. His focus on it was strong despite the fact she couldn’t see his face.
She heard him sniff, quietly cracking the silence and saw a teardrop fall and splash onto the glass protecting the photo.
“Har-“
“He was always so kind to me” Harry cut her off, his deep voice strained and wobbly as he spoke through the painful lump in his throat “Really treated me like his own blood and flesh. Like his biological son”
Lola struggled to listen to the sound of his voice, the pain and grief evident in it. It created a hollow yet heavy feeling in her stomach. She shouldn’t have been affected, after all the time he’d seen and heard her cry the exact same, and never batted an eyelid. But it was natural to. She never enjoyed seeing people cry, and this wasn’t any different despite who it was.
“I always tried to be like him, but in some ways I think I ended up being the opposite and never even realised” Harry inhaled and looked up from the photo, his eyes wet and shiny as the daylight reflected off them from the window. He shifted his jaw slightly, his tongue poking gently into his inner cheek.
He turned his had to Lola, creating another small pang in her stomach as her eyes met his. “You’d agree wouldn’t you?”
Lola shifted uncomfortably in her seat, now avoiding his eye contact as she mentally recalled all the times he’d hurt her. It was almost a daily ritual now to think over these times. She hated reminiscing of those memories. But was Harry right? Had he ended up the opposite to his caring and doting stepfather? Of course he had. He’d behaved awfully. There was no way to sugar coat or attempt to justify his actions.
“You…. may have treated me in some…. very unfair ways” Lola spoke slowly “And my back is still suffering from that.. thanks”
Harry made a feeble attempt to lick and moisten his dry chapped lips and dropped his head down slightly, looking back at the picture frame. He shook his head slightly
“He’d be so ashamed of me”
Lola didn’t know what to say to that. She couldn’t neither agree or disagree. She didn’t want to make this situaton worse nor did she want to stop him from admitting to where he went wrong. Like a boiling saucepan, it seemed like it was slowly beginning to bubble out over the surface, the confessions and realisations that she’d hoped he’d one day see.
“I-It might seem awful now….but...” her voice trailed off slightly and she shrugged her shoulders. She couldn’t say alot, some things were better left unsaid. “It will get better”
**
It got to around 9pm and the house had gradually become dimmer, as the sky clouded over outside and the sun hid away until dawn. Neither Harry or Lola had been paying attention to the time as they were wrapped up in their own thoughts.
The room had been generally quiet, except for the odd sniffle or shudder from Harry, or the rustling sound as one of them changed seating position on the sofa. The atmosphere was gloomy and heavy, almost kind of spooky with the knowledge that someone had just passed away in the house the previous night.
“I should go now” Lola finally broke the tense silence as she unravelled her curled up legs and stretched them out. “It’s getting late” She stood up from the sofa, noticing no movement coming from Harrys part.
She felt slightly agitated at the thought of leaving so abruptly, and like there was still something she should do for Harry given the circumstances.
“Why don’t you come stay at your Dads tonight?” Lola suggested as she slid her arms through the sleeves of her jacket, flipping her blonde hair out from underneath it and buttoning it up.
“I don’t think I can. Feels….f-feels like leaving here is leaving the last traces of Andy….j-just never mind, go. Go” Harry stuttered, unsure how to word his feelings. Lola understood what he meant, and accepted it.
She still felt odd leaving, like the job of providing help was unfinished. “Can I do anything before I go, you know, cook you something, clean bed sheets, grab you anything?”
She buttoned up the last button of her coat, and Harry saw how ready and eager she was to leave. He felt a little disappointed with knowing he’d be alone very soon. And that she wanted to get away, even though he didn’t blame her. He remembered the other night, holding her limp and damaged body in his arms as she begged for him to leave her. Now she was leaving him, except he wasn’t all that glad about it.
His own company wasn’t ideal when he was grieving. He could almost feel the fading scars on his wrist screaming out for new attention once Lola leaves.
Lola watched Harry stand up, hesitating as he gulped. He knew it was pointless asking the girl who hated him. “Well, there is one thing… I would like”
“Yeah name it” Lola muttered as she made sure she had everything in her bag.
Harry felt his eyes begin to sting slightly again and clenched his jaw to prevent it. “But I-I don’t think you’d want to give it to me”
“Well…What is it?” Lola asked, scrunching her nose.
She felt like maybe he was going to ask for some money, she just had a hunch. Obviously he might need a bit for a day or two, but she only had £20 on her. And a handful of pennies. But she was wrong, money was the last thing Harry was about to ask her for.
He rubbed the back of his bicep nervously, his throat tightening again and words struggling to come out. He felt like the next noise that would escape would be some kind of honk or something similar to a 13 year old boys voice as it breaks.
He shrugged gently, vision blurring as water wobbled above his eye rim.
“A hug”
Lola parted her lips in suprise, her eyebrows flickering upwards slightly. She wasn’t expecting him to ask for that. Ever. Especially from her. But he looked so broken and weak, she felt like she’d go to hell if she didn’t help him. The look in his glossy eyes reached out and and touched something inside her.
Harry limply held his arms out, looking Lola in the eyes before mouthing a soft ‘please’
She couldn’t deny him anymore, her heart was almost aching with sympathy. So much so that it genuinely shocked her. She stepped forward slowly and fitted herself into his embrace, almost overwhelmed as he wrapped his warm strong arms around her frame. Her cheek pressed against the firm yet warm muscle of his chest, feeling his broken heart attempting to keep itself beating.
Harrys almost held his breath, unable to stop the sobs attempting to wrack his body. Being sad is one thing, but when someone hugs you, it makes it worse. Except he needed it. He wanted the comforting hug from his Mother, but she wasn’t here. And all he wanted was the nice feeling of someone holding you, letting you release all your pent up emotions. He missed that sometimes, having someone who really cared.
“I’m…i’m sorry for your loss” Lola said into his chest, referring to his loss. Harry clung onto her, the sweet coconut scent of her soft locks wafting beneath his nostrils. Lola wasn’t sure where it had suddenly flourished from, but as her stomach churned with feelings of sorrow and sympathy, she just felt an unusual and building need to make Harry feel better. Something she never thought she’d ever want.
THIS IS NOT MY STORY. All credit goes to xxfan1direction.tumblr.com go follow and check her out. She has an amazing blog and is a beautiful writer.