Hey guys,so this is an updated version of the chapter. I will be posting more of the updated chapters in the future. The feeling that you get from the updated works would be more intense, more mature. Please look forward to it and thank you for supporting my work. Enjoy! :)
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I could never go against Fiona's commands. I did whatever she wanted me to do. Though I had attained enough strength and power to oppose her outright, I just could not bring myself to stand up against her no matter how hard I tried. Many a times I told myself that it because I didn't want to complicate matters for myself any further.But I knew the bitter truth. Fiona had hurt me physically and physiologically so badly that the thick iron chains wrapped around me allowed her to jerk me along with her tune. How could I escape from something that had become ingrained in my life?
Which was why I found it necessary to hide my secret from her. I didn't want them to know because there in the Fighting Ring, I found freedom; an escape from Fiona, Heather and Tasha. It was the only way for me to gradually weaken the chains so that I could break free and grasp control of my life with my own two hands.
At times, the abuse was too much and the pain would bring me to my knees. But never once did I shed a tear, neither did I voice my complain towards my inhumane treatment. Even if I did, no one would believe my story. Fiona just had too much power, enough to even cover her tracks. I knew I had to be patient and bide my time. I knew I had to hid my power from her and ensure that I always looked meek in her eyes, until the time came for me to bring her down.
But in the Ring, I could unleash all my hatred and frustration into the blows I threw at my opponent. I could drop my façade as the nerdy,helpless and frail girl into one that no one dared to mess with. It allowed me some semblance of balance in my life. It saved me from going insane so many years back.
"Elle,baby doll, you really have to stop with your momentary space outs."
My head snapped up to see Tyler who was looking at me over the rear view mirror. His face was a mask of worry as he looked at me straight in the eye. I sighed and pushed a hand trough my thick mass of hair,making it messier than it already was.
"Sorry,I guess I'm just tired," I said as I turned in my seat to face him.
Tyler had driven me back home, stopping a few blocks away from my house.Fiona didn't like it when I made friends. She would talk bad about me to all her friends in hopes that their children would stay away from me. With the help of her daughters whose favourite past-time was to ridicule and spread false rumours about me, almost nobody wanted to be my friend. With the exception of my wonderful and loyal childhood friends Tyler and Dani.
As a little girl, the social exclusion was a painful punishment, one I did not deserve. At that time I was confused and hurt by her actions but as time passed, I knew that they did it out of pure hatred for me. Hatred that stemmed from the fact that my father loved me more than them. The fact that he would always love my mother and me, never them. Fiona could not accept the fact that his attention was on a dead woman. And because she could not lose his favour, she took out all her anger on me.
"The unholy trio driving you hard again, huh?" Tyler asked, grabbing my hand and squeezing it gently.
I hesitated for a moment before nodding. These days Fiona and the twins had been especially difficult due to the fact that Fiona had recently been seeing this guy she claimed to be head over heals for. I only met the guy once and he didn't leave such a deep impression on me. If he was the type of person to hang around Fiona, I would definitely not want to make his acquaintance.
"It's gonna be alright," Tyler said, patting the back of my hand and smiling in reassurance as he did so. "If you have any trouble just give me or Dani a call. We'll be there for you."
I smiled at him. He always knew what to say to cheer me up.
"Thanks Tyler," I said and leaned over to give him a hug. "I'll see you later."
I stepped out of Tyler's car, and jogged quickly towards my backyard. I knew the twins and Fiona were not at home during the afternoons so I was safe to go anywhere that they didn't go.
I stopped when I reached the back door, dusting invisible dirt from my clothing and removing my sneakers from my feet. I took a moment to stare at the holes in my socks before sighing and decided to take them off too. The holes in the socks would provide me no warmth in the already ice cold house.
Tiptoeing across the kitchen, I dumped my soiled garments into the laundry basket before peeking around the corner of the kitchen door. I held very still, taking in the sounds of the house. The faint howling of the wind and the creaking of the wood as the wind pushed against them wall all I could here.
Sighing in relief, I crept up the stairs to my room in the attic and hung my sneakers near the window to air.Quickly, I stripped down to my undergarments and pulled out my housemaid clothes wearing them like I had thousands of times before. Over the years, the uniform had loss it original brown colour and had grown slightly shorter. Even then, I could not bare to discard it to buy a new one.
Taking a deep breath, I padded bear-footed to the closet under the stairs and pulled out the duster and vacuum cleaner. The cold was biting into my feet as I cleaned the living room, halls and bedrooms but I didn't mind. As I swept through the large house, I felt a strange sensation overcome me. It rarely happened but I was struck with a sense of sadness so profound, the emotion chocked me. Swallowing past the lump of emotion, I schooled my thoughts and went about mechanically doing the rest of the cleaning.
I did not permit myself to feel much emotion for I knew it would only be taken advantage of by Fiona and the twins. The only thing I could do to protect myself from even more harm was to provide as less weakness as possible. Over the years, I had conditioned myself to the point that not many things excited me anymore. I could only feel mild emotions in my tattered soul chained by darkness and pain.
I then picked up the laundry baskets from the respective bedrooms,balancing one on my head as I cradled the other two with one of my arms. As I made my way down the stairs I wiped the banisters with a wet rag. Such multi-tasking was expected of me. I could not do anything less for Fiona had trained me to make the house as spotless as possible before she returned. The scars on my arms were reminders that I had to do the chores like my life depended on it.
I deposited the basket in the wash room in the kitchen before proceeding to boil the pasta in the pot. I was making lasagna today.I turned on the tap to fill the wash bucket then went on to chopping up the onions and garlic to make the sauce. While the pot was heated up with oil, I mixed the fragrant soap that Fiona like into the wash bucket. Fiona specifically said she liked her clothes hand washed and that I shouldn't be lazy and put it in the washing machine, which did not exist in our house.
All our money was used by Fiona to pamper herself and the twins. None was left for me. Occasionally, just enough money was given to me to pay the bills and buy the necessary items to stock up the kitchen. But other than that, it seemed that money was not a commodity I needed.
As I placed the lasagna in the oven to cook, I scrubbed the pile of clothes with the soapy water before hanging them out in the afternoon sun to dry. The sun rays beat down on my head as the wind whipped my hair around me and the grass blades ticked my feet. I watched as the people who lived across me laughed in merriment. The little girl was playing catching with her brother while their mother sat on the porch, smiling in amusement as the sound of her children's laughter was lifted and carried away by the wind.
Watching the families around me occasionally brought about a feeling of nostalgia which was quickly tempered down before it could take root.I reminded myself that I should not let such emotions blossom within me, yet I stood as still as could as to prevent from attracting attention and continued to observe the happy scene before me. It was as if I was borrowing these moments of happiness to fill up the bleak spaces in my soul, to allow me to feel like there was hope for me.Hope that one day I too would feel the same happiness.
The aroma of the cooked lasagna drifted out into the garden, snapping me out from my little reverie. I hurried into the house to take out the lasagna from the oven before it burned and set it on the table with forks and knives. I then made a pot of coffee and set it in the middle of the table before rushing up the steps to my room.
At this time of day, I would usually be heading to work, but Sister Suzanne had allowed me to take the day off. It was no surprise that I worked in Daddy's diner that Fiona owned now. But despite not being paid a single cent for my services, I loved working there. It felt more like home than this cold place.
Sitting myself down on my small and creaky bed, I pulled out the book that Mummy and Daddy used to read to me from the hidden compartment in my drawer. "My First Book of Fairy Tales" it said. I didn't open it anymore. I just stared at the cover page, occasionally stroking it. I felt like it connected me to my parents somehow but I didn't want to read the stories. It still brought the painful yet happy memories of my beloved parents.
"Elizabeth!!!"
I groaned softly and set the book back in its rightful place, hidden from the monsters that walked this house. I stood up and straightened my clothing before climbing down the old, wooden stairs of the attic.I paused for a moment to steel myself for incoming high pitched complaints of my step mother.
"Elizabeth!!"
The screeching sound of her voice grated against my ear and I winced.Taking a deep breath to steel myself, I walked down the huge flight of stairs and into the living room where my step mother was cuddled up on the sofa with her current boyfriend Mike. He worked at the local pub and Fiona met him only last week.
Fiona had her pudgy arms wrapped around the poor, scrawny-looking man and was currently doing a grand job of sucking his face off. The wet and revolting sound of lips smacking against each other was enough to make my stomach churn. Fighting to maintain my composure and emotionless face, I forced my lips to move.
"Yes,Fiona?" I said, announcing my presence as I stood at the threshold of the living room.
It took her a moment to release the poor man from her clutches but when she did so, turned her heavily make-up face towards me and beckoned me forward with a crook of her index finger. She had a faint scowl on her face as she saw the impassive features on my face. The facial movement made her grotesque face even more repulsive and I fought the impulse to blink away the distasteful image.
"Get me and Mike some food and drinks and be quick about it," she snapped in her screechy voice. I curtsied in acknowledgement of the order and kept my features strictly devoid of emotion before making a beeline towards the kitchen.
I was absolutely perplexed as to why the man would choose to go outwith Fiona. Besides her wealth, I could not see nor did I know any redeeming factor of Fiona's that would attract a man. But then again,money was almost always enough to move the hearts of people.
I frowned to myself as I set the kettle on the stove. Who would want to go out with a woman who has her breast pumped with silicon to make it look bigger, who wears tight clothing to make her butt look oversized and who goes out with a woman who wears at least five tons of make upon her face? I was seriously starting to question the ability of that man to see...
I shook my head as I poured the coffee into two cups and cut two slices of lasagna before putting them on a tray. It was a phenomenon that went beyond my understanding of relationships but then again, my knowledge in that particular department was limited. Sighing inwardly, I placed the tray of food and drinks on the coffee table and proceeded to walk out of the room, leaving the two "love birds"alone. But not before I caught Fiona's words to gratitude towards me.
"She's such a wash out and useless girl Mike. She doesn't have looks to aid her! Honestly! I have no idea how to deal with her!" she exclaimed, throwing a thick arm over Mike's shoulders dramatically.
I heard Mike grunt an answer that had Fiona giggling in delight which was soon followed by smooching sounds that had my stomach churning again. I raced up to my room and locked it silently. My chest had suddenly felt heavy and my lungs burnt for air. Taking a few deep breaths, I allowed myself to fall to the mattress on the floor where I buried my face in my thin pillow, curling up in a foetal position.
My heart thundered in my chest as I felt the being inside me fighting for release. I gasped as it pushed hard against my ribs. My anger must have triggered its rage. It raked its class against my stomach and tried to push out from within me, roaring out in anger. I gasped again as I struggled to keep it contained, digging my nails into my stomach to distract myself.
I didn't know how long had passed since the being inside of me started to calm down, but soon enough I was feeling drowsy. The effects of the emotionally and physically draining day were finally gaining on me...
I dreamt a dream that I haven't in a long time. I dreamt that Daddy was reading to me form the fairy tale book. It was a week after mother's death if I recall. He was telling me that I was the princess and one day my prince charming would come to get me while riding his white stallion.
He said to me, "Elle my dear, life is a wonderful thing, don't ever let it slip through your fingers."
I watched as he reached out to stroke my cheek. His beautiful grey eyes shone with so much love for me that my heart leapt with joy and swelled with love for him. Suddenly he raised his head, pulling away from me. Sadness slowly crept into his eyes, stealing away the light that illuminated them.
"What's wrong Daddy?" I heard myself ask.
He smiled down at me and planted a soft kiss on my forehead. He then held me close to him and stroked my hair. I snuggled up to him and sighed in contentment as I heard the soft beating of his heart against my ear. Slowly, he pushed my back gently and gave me another sad smile.
"Take care of yourself, princess," he said, his voice fading away.
I heard myself calling out to him, as his image became further and further away from me. I willed my legs to go faster, to run after his retreating image but to no avail. I watched helplessly as my father's smiling face disappeared and my hand closed around nothing but darkness.
I woke up to hear myself crying out my father's name. Beads of perspiration were running down the sides of my face and I was breathing heavily. My hands were shaking as I slowly reached over to turn the alarm off. I could feel the steady stream of tears trickling down my face. I had not cried in so long that the tears felt like acid on my skin. Shaken, I buried my face in my hands,taking deep breaths to calm myself.
Daddy.
I took in another deep shuddering breath and wiped the tears from my face. I pinched my cheeks a couple of times before slipping out from under the covers to pad barefooted towards my dresser. My feet were moving but I could barely feel the floor beneath my feet. It was as if the whole world had plummeted from beneath me and I was standing on nothing but a sea darkness.
I watched as my hand drew closer to my face but I could feel nothing.My brain could not fully process what was happening around me, but my body was moving on its own, as if by reflex. The trembling of my body did not stop but neither did my body slow down. My hands pulled out clothes from inside the dresser but I felt like I was floating. I wasn't really doing anything. I couldn't feel anything.
Suddenly,I felt something tickling the sides of my face. I turned slowly and came face to face with the open window of the attic. The wind had blown into the room, pushing stands of my hair against my face. As if sensing the suspended state I was in, the wind started to blow stronger, whipping my dress around my ankles. It tugged and howled as if to pull me out from my trance state.
Oh Daddy, Mummy, how I miss you both.
I felt my lips quiver and my knees shake as the long buried emotions threatened to flood me. I was ready to collapse again when the wind started blowing stronger, almost lifting me off the ground. It was as if the wind was supporting me, giving me its strength. As the wind blew, the clouds started to part and the beautiful light of the waxing moon filled the tiny room. Its strange warmth filled the emptiness in my heart and I felt like I was finally being dragged back to reality.
I took in a deep breath to regain my bearings, pushing out the emotions that were threatening to surface. I looked at the clock on the wall.Twelve midnight.
I glanced down at myself and found that I was dressed in a black shirt and faded blue jeans that clung to my legs. Blinking to clear my eyes, I slowly slipped on my sneakers and tied the laces into a prefect bow. Daddy... I swallowed the lump in my throat as I tied my long hair into a ponytail. The pain was always there but to be reminded about it so suddenly had shaken me. Desperate to forget the pain, I quickly grabbed the knapsack that was hidden at the back of the dresser and faced the door to freedom.
I blew out a tiny breath and opened the window in my room a little wider. I jumped out to perch on the window seal, looking up at the moon that was shining down at me. I lifted my chin as the wind whipped my hair back. My hair flew behind me like a cape, the stray strands tickling my face. I took in a deep breath before jumping to cling on the pipe that ran down the side of the house. I slid down like had countless times before, passing the twin's room as I did so.
Their snores rumbled through the windows and as always, their sleeping form was nothing to gaze upon. They were sprawled all over the bed, the covers thrown aside and the pillows littered the floor.Their mouths were open with saliva drooling from it and their nightdresses had shifted up to reveal too much skin. I shook my head. It always amazed me how loud they snored and yet the glass windows still remained intact.
A floor below the twin's room was Fiona's room. She was curled up under the sheets with Mike who was currently being crushed by Fiona's heavy body. I shook my head in pity and slid down the rest of the pipe to run silently across the yard. I jumped over the fence and went racing down the streets, sticking to the darkness as I did so.
Adrenaline was pumping through my veins as I raced thought the maze of alleys.The feeling of freedom as I ran with the wind through the night helped me to unwind and ease the tension in my body. The familiar rhythm that my body took, the stretching of my muscles and the steady beating of my heart brought a deep sense of peace within me. It was these few little things that were constant in my life that reminded me that there was still a life I was leading. That I was still alive.
I ran, footsteps silent in the night, until I reached the familiar iron door.
The moment my feet stopped moving, the pigeon hole opened and I watched as Susan's beady eyes scanned the surroundings until they landed on me. When she spotted me standing in the light that was passing though the pigeon hole, she immediately opened the door and smiled warmly at me, pulling me into a bear hug. I was instantly crushed under her massive strength, but I hugged her back as well as I could.
"Angel! You look a little tired," she exclaimed, worry lacing her voice as she peered at my face anxiously.
I smiled at her.
"I'm fine Susan," I replied, rubbing at her arm, trying to reassure her.
Ever since I came to the Ring, I had experienced many things that I thought was no longer possible. It was here at the Ring that I was given the opportunity to learn how to defend myself, to make friends,to learn that the world was not really the hell I made it out to be and to receive a gift beyond measure.
People whom I could call family.
Susan studied me, her beady eyes raking me from top to bottom. Apparently whatever she saw made her so angry it caused her to snarl and crack her knuckles. I could tell that Susan was extremely angry for her face has turned red and the veins at the side of her neck had popped out.
"Someday, I swear I'm gonna knock the teeth out of that witch's mouth,"she muttered under her breath.
It took me a while to understand what she was talking about but when I did, I felt laughter bubbling inside of me, threatening to spill out into the confines of the room. Suppressing the laughter, I merely gave her an amused smile and slung my arms around her shoulder to lead her away from the door. My heart was beating fast and it swelled with emotion at the thought of someone getting angry on my behalf. It seemed to happen often here in the Ring. The people who cared for me enough to get angry that someone was using me.
I smiled to myself. I didn't have the adequate capacity of emotion to express anger. The only outlet for me to release all the pent up rage was to fight, to use my fists as a method to make use of the destructive power within me, to prevent myself from blowing up and going insane.
I glanced around the room. There weren't many people around since it was a weekday. Some of the regular patrons were sitting at the bar sipping at their beer and talking with each other, some were relaxing on the worn couches littered around the room and others were playing darts or billiards.
Seeing as the other children had not arrived yet, I sighed and plopped myself down on one of the comfortable but battered couches. I couldn't stay here because I knew what Fiona would do if she ever found out that I was here. She would call the police and accuse these people of hurting me. She would even file a law suit for good measure, just for her own twisted entertainment. And with their rugged and gangster-style look, they police would probably believe in the accusation.
"Here you go Angel, a hot cup 'o tea to warm ye up."
I glanced up to see Martha, a beautiful young women with soft features that made her look younger than her actual age. She had a heavy accent that made the sound of her words flow like honey and thick golden hair that hung in waves down her back to reach her waist. Her rosy cheeks on her pale, snow white skin as well as her red lips made her look like a porcelain doll. She had a ready smile for every customer that walked through the door and treated each one with kindness that added warmth to the room. She was no doubt the eye candy of most males in the room and the envy of most women, including me.
"Thanks Martha," I said sipping the tea, letting it warm my chilled body.
Strangely enough, though Martha held a warm presence about her, her warmth never managed to penetrate the ice within. I was very cautious of her at first, as I was to everyone, but I found that I could never truly relax around her. And I never second guessed my instincts, for they had allowed me to survive for this long.
"You better be putting on the mask 'o yers, Angel," she said, looking over my shoulder as the great iron door creaked open. "It looks like 'e others have arrived."
I didn't have to look over my shoulder to believe her. The sharp smell of their excitement and the sound of their laughter already had me pulling my mask out from my knapsack and walking to the changing room. In there, I found Gary wiping the punching bag that was hanging from the wall.
"Hey there, Angel," he greeted, looking up to smile at me when I entered.
I closed the door firmly behind me and smiled back at him.
"Hey Gary. Mind if I use that?" I asked, jerking my chin towards the bag.
Gary smiled at me warily, his eyes all knowing but he didn't comment. He simply gave me a once over before nodding and stepped aside. Grateful for his understanding, that I didn't want any questions, I pulled my mask on and took off my sneakers. Padding on the cold cement floor towards the punching bag, I stood directly in front of it and took in a deep breath to centre myself.
I stood in my fighting stance; my right leg placed behind me left,crouched down slightly and took in a deep breath, letting all my anger and frustration consume me. I clenched my hands into fists and punched the bag with all my might, making it rock back under the impact.
The sound of my fist hitting the bag echoed in the now empty room, the sound an echo of my pain and frustration. The bag swung back towards me and I shifted on my balls of my feet to swing my leg, the kick making the bag rock back even further. Spinning to avoid the bag that rocked back in a sideways loop, I did a spin to land a back kick on the bag thrusting it away from me. I then twisted, following the movement of the bag everything playing out in front of me like slow motion. I then landed several continuous punches, the blow even harder than the next.
I growled under my breath, willing myself not to scream out my frustration. I continued to land a series of rapid fire punches that caused the chains that held the bag to groan under the force. I knew that Gary had taken to strengthening the chains that held the bag,after I had thoroughly destroyed the previous bags, so I had no qualms about using a little more strength than normal.
Channelling the inferno of destructive anger that threatened to consume me into my fists and legs, the dark energy giving my body the boost I needed,I continued to pummel my fists into the bag, the repetitiveness of my routine effectively dispersing away some of the fire that burnt within me.
A collective gasp had me freezing in surprise. I turned carefully to face a group of kids who were standing at the threshold of the changing room, their faces all wearing the identical mask of awe as they stared at me. The punching bag beside me had steam coming out from it, the leather of the bag worn, the chains that held it creaking as the bag swung back and forth.
Panting,I barely had enough control left to contain the dark fire that threatened to spill out into the room. I noticed Gary look worriedly at me but what caught my attention was the boy, no man, who was standing next to Gary.