It's okay if you lie. It has to happen, sometimes.
*****
March 23rd, 2015.
"Could you please blink or something? You're starting to freak me out, Lea."
I hear her talking to me; I can even sense the impatience and concern in her voice, but I can't seem to be able to form a single sentence in my mind. Let alone speak.
All I can think about is how all of the pieces are clicking together inside my head; and how it all finally makes sense to me. His awfully evasive mood, that misterious phone call, everything.
Unlike my mind, which is slowly crawling out of the shock, my body does it rather abruptly as my hands rise to grab my head, covering my face as they do.
"I'm in so much trouble." My voice comes out muffled and my own breathing suffocates me, so I let my hands out of my face. "What am I going to do? This is so bad! Really bad!"
Olivia stands in front of me, staring at me with something that looks a lot like relief in her eyes. I guess she was truly worried about my lack of reaction until now.
Her brown eyes are wide open and fixated on me, watching my every move as she silently and slowly steps forward and places both hands on my shoulders.
"You need to calm down, Lea." She says with a soothing tone, and I try to oblige. "We'll figure something out."
I didn't think it was possible for me to harbor any other feeling other than fear and confusion within me; but as she says those words to me, I discover that I do.
Guilt. Suddenly, I feel guilty as hell. For lying to her, for keeping this whole thing from her even though she asked me about it over and over again. But above all, I feel guilty for forgetting that she is my friend.
"I'm so sorry, Liv." I say to her and she frowns. "For not telling you about it. I just wasn't..."
"Don't worry about that. I get it." She rushes to say, giving me a hug. "I really do. And I'm sorry for pushing you to say something."
We break our embrace and look at each other again. Her smile never falters and I nod, accepting her apology although I don't really think it was necessary in the first place.
"Why did you? Stop pushing me, I mean?" I ask her, suddenly remembering that she has been rather quiet about the subject for a few days now.
"Are you kidding me?" She laughs, turning to the side to push the button on the wall that would send the elevator back for us. "I got all the answers I needed when your beau went all Rocky Balboa on your ex's ass."
Right. There was that issue. And I guess I would have figured that out sooner if I hadn't been so absorbed by other things.
"Of course."
Tracing back to that day, I manage to achieve the impossible: forgetting about the little mess I am now in the middle of. But that blissful oblivion is quickly shattered to pieces the moment we set foot into the lobby.
Veronica is standing by the reception desk, talking to the same guy who greeted me earlier this morning. She seems to be having a conversation with him but her eyes are nailed to the screen of her phone.
The guy, whose name my mind can't seem to remember at the moment, does not look as carefree as he did before and the second he lays eyes on me he points his index finger in my direction.
"There you are." She says when she turns around and sees me. "My office, please."
The walk feels endless as I make my way through the giant room and into her office. All the while, and before I walk through the door, Olivia walks beside me. Her mouth is wisely shut but her hand squeezing mine lets me know that she has my back.
I know that it won't actually make much of a difference, but it is a rather comforting feeling anyway.
"Let me get some things done here and I'll be with you in a second." Veronica says to me, going back to her phone. "Olivia, go get ready for your shift."
If I didn't already knew what this is all about, I wouldn't be able to guess it from the way she behaves. Yes, her words sound sharp and demanding but then again, that is how she always sounds.
I give Liv a faint smile and a nod and returning the gesture to me, she goes off to do what she was told.
As for me, I close the door behind me and decide to accept my fate. Because now that I am here, alone and in silence, I have this moment of pure clarity and I realize that I don't regret a single thing.
And the fact that I'm not as angry at him for hiding this from me is the most tangible proof of that.
It was nice knowing you. Bye.
As soon as the message is sent and received, my phone vibrates in my hands and his name flashes through the screen.
Two times he calls me; two times I turn him down. The last thing I need is to have my boss walking in while having this conversation with Harry.
What are you talking about? What happened? Pick up the damn phone!
I smirk at the sight of his message, practically hearing his trembling voice and his thick accent while he says those words. And I type back.
Can't talk right now. Too busy getting my ass fired.
I don't get the chance to read his response because the door finally opens and Veronica walks in.
With a move of her hand she invites me to take a seat and she goes to do the same on her chair. Once faced with each other, an awkward silence follows. And with her elbows propped on the desk, and her chin resting on her intertwined hands, she sighs.
"I have a friend who's a lawyer..." She begins to say, and all that piece of mind I had managed to procure for myself goes shooting right out the window.
Why are we even talking about lawyers?
"... Well, she's not a lawyer per se, but she might as well be one." She continues, never minding if I had something to say about anything. "And I was talking to her this morning about this situation I have found myself in..."
I couldn't be more confused about this. And the fact that my phone keeps buzzing between my clenched fingers isn't really helping.
"Okay..." I just say that to make sure I can actually speak, but I don't have anything else.
"Are you familiar with the presumption of innocence principle?"
What? What is this? I am not too good with legal terms but I have seen my fair share of TV shows to know the basics. So having her talking to me about criminal law definitely gets me even more confused and back on edge.
"I do. Something about reasonable doubt, right?" I respond, not really knowing where she's going but acknowledging that the only way to get out of it is going right through it.
"Exactly." Her spine snaps to a straighter position, and with both hands gripping the edge of the desk she pulls herself closer to it. "Now, about that situation of mine..."
Her fingers glide across the keyboard as she quickly types something on her computer. And when she finds what she was looking for, she takes in a deep breath and turns the screen towards me.
In that moment, no matter how sure I was of the reasons that brought me here, the image displayed in front of me - which shocks me as the first time since it is considerably larger on this screen -, makes me cringe quite visibly.
"Veronica, I can..."
"I'm going to stop you right there." She cuts me off, showing me the palm of her perfectly groomed, raised hand.
I was going to say that I can explain that picture to her, but since that is rather impossible to do without openly owning up to my fault, I shut my mouth and keep quiet.
"If you say anything else; if you explain this picture to me in the way I think I know you will..." She continues, this time standing from her chair and walking closer to where I sit. "I'll have no choice but to do something about it, and I would hate that."
She never looks at me as she talks, but her eyes are nailed to the picture on the monitor. And with a hesitant movement, I follow her gaze and look at it myself.
The picture, though at first glance may not seem like it, is slightly different from the one I saw earlier. And this time, instead on focusing on the surroundings, I keep my eyes on the two people in it: Harry and... Me?
We are photographed from the side, which now let's me know that the intruder must have been hiding behind the sandbanks we foolishly thought would shelter us; his profile is perfectly discernible and even it wasn't, he is far too popular to be confused with someone else.
But me, on the other hand, my face is covered by his hands as he holds me into our kiss, making it almost impossible for me to be identified.
Of course that girl is me. I should know since I was there. But to all of the people who weren't, and considering that I am as anonymous as he is famous, that girl in the picture could literally be anyone.
Presumption of innocence. Reasonable doubt. All of those concepts suddenly make sense to me. And as I much as I would love to be fully relieved by them, I can't help to feel a little bit hurt by the fact that I have suddenly became a nobody.
Faceless. And consequentially, nameless.
"Look, Lea..." She calls my attention back, and I turn my head to face her. "I think I was pretty clear about the rules in this place. And since we are almost at the finish line of your task, and you are probably one of the best people I have working here, I'm going to go ahead and assume that this..." Her finger points to the screen and I follow it. "... Is just not what it looks like."
Okay. This is weird. Who is this woman who is willing to connive in my behalf and what has she done with my boss?
Actually, never mind. Whoever this person is, I hope she hid Veronica's body where no man could ever find her and stick around permanently. Because if I was looking for a miracle, I think I've just stumbled upon one.
"I don't really understand what this is all about..." I finally speak up, jerking my head towards the picture. "I have no idea what that is."
"Good girl." She gently pats me on the shoulder and I smile nervously, still baffled at how bizarre this whole conversation was. "Now, how are things going with your assignment?" She asks as she takes back her seat and spins the screen back to its normal position. "Any other requests from management I should know about?"
In the bat of an eye and as if we were not just having such a weird conversation, she is back on her chair and we are talking about work like every other morning.
It takes me a few seconds to recover, but when I'm about to open my mouth to answer her question, Olivia's voice travels from the other side of the room.
"You can't go in there!" I hear her, stifled but clear.
The door swings open and we both jump right out of our seats. I spin around to see what's going on and the moment I lay eyes on him, I release all the air I had in my lungs.
"I'm sorry..." My friend begins to apologize, but Harry interrupts her.
"You can't do this! It wasn't her fault!"
I instinctively rush to meet him, grabbing him by the arms which are desperately moving up and down. His face is red with anger and contorted by desperation; his voice sounding exactly like I've heard it in my head when I was reading his texts.
"Harry, don't..." I whisper to him, doing my best to come out as gentle as I can without being overly familiar about it. "It's okay, stop."
His green eyes shine with a forceful, unexpected flame in them as they travel down to look into mine. And I smile at him. But it doesn't work out the way I was expecting, and after giving me a frown, he goes at it again.
"No! This is not okay, Lea. It is stupid and unfair!"
Dear Lord, he is going to make a mess out of everything. But I'll be damned if this outburst of his is not making me fall over heels with him all over again.
"Lea..."
She doesn't need to say anything else for me to understand. I have to get him out of here before he says something she won't be able to ignore.
"So, that's it? We're off the hook then?"
I am silently escorting him to the elevator so he can go back to his room like Veronica said he should. I press the button and feel his fingers grazing my other hand that falls on my side.
With a quick movement, I jerk it away and I give him a scolding glare.
"I am off the hook for now." I say with a low voice as the doors open and I beckon him to get inside. "You... Not just yet."
His green eyes narrow at me and his lips purse in the shape of a small letter O, like he's about to say something. But as the bell chimes and the doors close between us, I turn around and walk away.
*****
"You're mad at me."
His voice, sounding even deeper than it usually does due to the tile covered walls, startles me. I look up to the mirror in front of me and I find him there; standing behind me and staring at me with a worried face.
I turn around and lean my body against the double sink counter of the locker room, and he takes a step forward. He moves cautiously and I narrow my eyes at him.
He wasn't asking me a question, so I don't bother answering him. And as he slowly approaches me, I take my time to evaluate my current state of mind.
I know what I've said before; that I wasn't angry at him. And it is not like I have any sort of murderous thoughts running through my head at the moment. But there is something about not having a rope choking around my neck and ready to turn me into an unemployed college undergraduate, that suddenly makes me able to focus on being a little upset about him lying to me.
"I'm not mad, Harry. I'm just... frustrated." I respond, once I manage to assess my mood and to find the right words to express what I feel. "A Twitter scandal? Really?"
"Fair enough." His worriedness seems to fade away when a coy smirk catches his pink lips, and his walk begins to regain some of its lost confidence. "But that truly did happen, love."
"I was totally blindsided over there, Harry! You should have warned me about this. I would have... I don't know... Try to find a way to handle it better."
The distance that was once between us has been rendered nonexistent when his hips press against mine and his long, perseverant arms snake behind my back.
"I know. I thought I could make it go away before it got so out of hand..." He explains himself. "I'm so sorry I couldn't."
Staying mad at him is not an easy endeavor. Impossible, I would even dare to say. Especially when he talks like that and looks at me with that same expression that got me into this mess in the first place.
"We still need to be careful, though." I say with a trembling voice when his mouth starts to travel down my neck. "The only reason we got out of this one is because she had no real proof that girl was me."
I should be feeling grateful about that. I know I should. But I can't shake this bitterness that comes over me when I think about it, no matter how crazy that sounds.
"I know..." He agrees with me with a moan as he keeps pecking my skin until he reaches my jaw. But I pull away before he gets to the lips. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." I lie, shaking my head both to emphasize my answer and to get rid of that nagging, stupid feeling I just got.
"I don't believe you." He tells me, cradling my face with both hands and resting his forehead on mine. "But for now, it doesn't matter. We can talk about that later."
I don't fight him this time. And when he leans forward to kiss me, I can simply feel myself getting lost in him and in all the things he awakens within me.
With a fast and skillful movement, he sweeps me off my feet and up the countertop, pushing himself between my legs. The urgency of his body is evident and adamant, probably coming from the pure relief of not having a secret hanging over his head.
"This is exactly what we are not supposed to do, Harry." I say with a ragged voice when his mouth decides to show mercy on me. "Didn't your mom teach you not to play with matches?"
"Oh! We are way beyond playing with matches, love." He responds with a sided grin that hides some serious purposes behind it. "This is a bloody wildfire."