Epilogue
Georgie’s P.O.V.
“Thank you so much for allowing me to take Ava and taking care of her while I’m on call. I’m so sorry she had to come with me here. No one’s going to take care of her while I’m gone.” I once again apologized to my shoot director before going home. He smiled and told me its no problem since Ava has been really well-behaved. He even took great pictures of her but promised not to release it anywhere.
Ava smiled and waved her goodbyes to the staff as we walked to the parking lot while still clutching her bag of candies they have given her. “Up!” She simply said once we reached the car. I arranged her into her car seat then went behind the wheel. I glanced back at her pinched her cheek lighly.
Ian was already waiting near the gate of his school once I parked the car. Tumakbo agad siya papunta saakin and kissed my cheek. “How’s your soccer training?”
“Coach said I did better than the last time.”
“Then that’s good. Let’s go have early dinner tapos uwi na tayo. I’m already tired and nasa bahay si Blake.” He nodded yes and helped himself up the car.
“Yan!” Ava screamed and giggled once she took sight of Ian which made me smile. They are so close despite their age gap. Ian could already pass as a good brother even if he’s only 7. He takes care of Ava always.
**
Nagulat ako when I saw Ian and Ava laying down on my bed when I got out of the bathroom. Sinabihan ko kasi si Ian na doon muna sila kay Blake while I take a bath. Ian was watching something while si Ava, halata na inaantok na.
I carried Ava. She buried her face in my neck and wrapped her arms around my neck. “Ian, diba sabi ko doon muna kayo kay daddy mo?”
“He’s in the office and it’s locked. He wasn’t answering when I called him.”
I sighed and made him get up. “Come on. It’s past your bedtime. Patulugin natin si Ava then I’ll tuck you in.”
Ava fell asleep even brefore we brought her to her room. Before we left her, Ian turned the baby monitor on which was connected to my room and kissed her sister goodnight. After that, I tucked him in his bed. Aalis na sana ako when he called me.
“Tita, I miss mom.” Something deep inside me ached. I went back, sat on his bed, and pulled him into a hug.
“I know. I miss her too.” I heard him sigh. “She’s your mom, of course you miss her. Ako nga friend lang but I terribly miss her. You just need to be strong, okay? Tita’s always going to be here for you.”
“I know. You’re basically our mom. I wish dad could be happy like before though.” He giggled and kissed my cheek. “Goodnight Tita. Thank you for taking care of us. I love you.”
The phone was ringing pagkalabas ko ng room ni Ian. My mood shifted when I saw my mom’s name in the screen of the phone. As much as possible, ayoko ng pinapagalitan ako every time makakausap ko siya. That has been the case ever since things got complicated.
With a sigh, I answered the phone. “Ma, sorry I took long. Pinagtulog ko kasi si Ian.”
“Georgina, kelan ka ba babalik dito? This is so unlike you. You’ve declined so many opportunities back in New York and even here in London.” Her voice was furious and gentle at the same time.
“Madami rin naman akong work dito sa Philippines, Ma. I’m okay here.”
“Just because Rein asked you a favor doesn’t mean you’re going to hold yourself back from your career.” I heard her sigh on the other end of the line. “Ewan ko sayo. Might as well talk to your father.”
“Henry!” Mom shouted. “Henry! Please talk to your hard-headed daughter and try to put some sense into her.”
“Hello? Gie?” Hearing my dad’s voice and his really strong accent almost made me cry. As much as I miss them so much, I can’t just let everything fall apart for Blake when he has two children still depending on him. Tears were started to blurr my vision when I stopped infront of the hallway drawer near Blake’s home office and studied myself in the mirror. That’s when I also noticed that Blake’s bottle of scotch was again missing at the top of the table where it was always placed.
“Hey dad.”
I heard a door close. I smiled that my dad went away from my mom for us to have our usual talk. “You know I won’t disagree with your mom but I won’t also tell you that what you’re doing is wrong. Gie, you need to think of yourself too. You have a big career ahead of you if you would just open your doors to them. I’m not telling you to leave the kids behind but you need to decide and consider yourself.”
“This isn’t easy for me, dad. Since Rein…” I trailed off, not wanting to say the word. “I became an instant mom. Suddenly, the whole weight of putting a family in order is on me.”
“They’re not your responsibility, Gie.”
“Yes. Yes, they’re not.” I said, frustrated. “But dad, they’re a big part of my life. Rein’s like my sister, and Ian… well he’s like my son. Si Ava, I don’t want her to grow up with only a nanny by her side.”
I heard dad sigh. “Baby, don’t be upset about my question but is this really because of Rein and the kids? Or is this about Blake?” I muttered a curse when I dropped the glass angel I was studying while I was talking to him. It shattered and I accidentally stepped on a piece. “Georgina, are you okay? What was that??”
“Nothing. I’m okay.” I reached for the drawer and pulled out a hand towel when I noticed that Blake’s gun wasn’t in there. My heart started to beat faster. Blake’s gun was hidden under those hand towels in case of any emergencies.
My insides start to panic. He would always tell me how much he wants to give up his life to see Rein again. Blake would always get drunk but he doesn’t usually lock the door. Tapos yung gun… oh, God.
“Georgina!”Napatalon ako sa gulat nung biglang sumigaw si dad. “What the hell is happening?!”
“Dad, I need to go. I’m so sorry. I’ll call you back. I love you.” Bago pa makapagsalita si dad, binaba ko na yung phone and knocked on Blake’s door.
“Blake, plese open the door.” No one answered. I knocked again but still, hindi parin niya binubuksan yung pinto. “Blake… please.”
The sound of glasses shattering and things falling with a loud thump made me more nervous. Tumakbo na ako sa baba to get the keys and went back as fast as I could.
When I opened the door, Blake was sitting on the floor beside the desk with his sweat-stained shirt. The gun in one hand, and a glass of scotch on the other. His hair was dishelved and his eyes were glasst. When he looked up at me, his lips formed a smirk. “Georgina to the rescue. As always.” His chuckle made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
He stood up, almost knocking himself over and walked to me. Despite being drunk, he still looked absolutely beautiful under the dim light. He stood exactly a few inches before me. He smelled of strong alcohol. “Blake, please give me the gun.”
“Oh, this?” He raised his eyebrow and looked at the gun. “You don’t have any reason to use it don’t you? So hindi mo ‘to kailangan. Ako, kailangan ko ‘to so I could follow Rein.”
My legs were already shaking when he ran the cold metal against my cheek. I stepped back but I found myself trapped between him and the wall behind my back. “Blake naman eh. Hindi magugustuhan ni Rein yung ginagawa mo. Give me the gun now. Please.” I pleaded.
“You don’t know what Rein wants! Hindi ikaw si Rein!” He hit the wall hard which made me flinch. “Why are you even staying here?? Ha?!”
“Blake, just calm down. You’re drunk… Give me the gun… please.” I heard the gun clatter to the floor and the next thing I knew was one of his hands were around my neck and the other was in my cheek while he was forcing his lips on mine until I tasted blood and the strong pang of alcohol.
I started pushing him away but he was just too strong. His hand gripping my neck tightened until I couldn’t breathe and I felt his tongue go over the split on my lip. “Blake!!” I screamed but he just wouldn’t go away.
I fell on my knees and gasped for air once Blake let me go. He kneeled down in front of me and tilted my chin up to make me look at him. I tried to control my sobbing and clear my eyes from being blurry with tears. “What? Diba that kiss was what you wanted in the first place? Diba you’re just staying here because you’re hoping that you could replace Rein?”
His words hit me. My first reaction was hitting him hard enough that my hand left a red mark on his cheek. I stood up despite feeling dizzy because of lacking enough air for me to breathe. “I’m staying here not because of you! I’m staying here because I can’t bare the thought of your children growing up without someone to look after them like a real mom!”
I stedied myself by holding on to the wall. I looked down at him and saw no conviction in his eyes. “Ganon ba kababa tingin mo saakin, Blake? We may have had something before pero hinding-hindi ko aagawan si Rein even now that she’s gone.” I was sobbing uncontrollably now. My hands were shaking and all I could think of is I needed to defend myself for everything he’s accusing me of.
“Alam mo ba kung gaano kahirap sa part ko na araw-araw nalang, you would treat me like someone who’s just taking advantage of the situation?? Hindi ko ginusto ‘to, Blake pero ginagawa ko para hindi masira yung pamilya mo.” I hastily wiped away the tears running through my cheek and tried my best to stand tall. He watched me intently but didn’t say anything. “You know what, its been a long day. Let’s just talk tomorrow when you’re sober.”
I pushed him away gently and walked out of the room as fast as I could. I grabbed the keys to my car and drove away from the house as quietly as I could. I just need to be alone before tomorrow starts. I don’t now how long I was driving but I found myself parked in a spot overlooking Manila.
I stared into the lights and thought of how peaceful it was. I closed my eyes for a moment and all the thoughts of everything that’s been going flooded my mind again. Feeling ko all the weight of the world was once again in my shoulders.
One year na wala si Rein, one year na din akong hirap na hirap at hindi alam kung saan lulugar. I became an instant mother of two beautiful and loving children. The kids aren’t a burden but their father is.
Blake hasn’t been his old self ever since Rein passed away. Its like when Rein died, she brought him to the grave with her. Parang lahat ng happiness and hope has been drained from him. May time lang na he would let himself open and that was only when he’s with Ian. He’s been ignoring Ava, he never says why pero alam ko na sinisisi niya yung bata sa pagkamatay ni Rein. He doesn’t even notice how eager his daughter is to go to him every time he walks into the room. When Ava goes near him, he would just brush her off sometimes.
I know that their love was really strong but what I couldn’t understand is why Blake couldn’t even try his best to be okay for the both of his children. Lahat naman kami hirap na hirap, but we all do our best to cope. Ang masakit pa doon is Blake doesn’t seem to notice the things I do for them. Iniisip niya pa na I’m just doing this to replace Rein.
I gave up my career, I stayed here in the Philippines even if I didn’t want to, I even gave up the possibility of having my own family for them but why is it still not enough? Ano ba dapat ko gawin?
I rested my head on the stearing wheel, closed my eyes shut, and thought of what I think would do this situation good.
**
“Ms. Lerwick, Mr. Bustamante will see you now.” Blake’s secretary smiled at me and led me inside his office. He was standing behind his office desk in his suit and tie and his whole executive demeanor while looking at the view of Bonifacio Global City from his floor to ceiling windows.
I sat in one of the chairs in front of his desk. His secretary gave me a bottle of Perrier before she left us alone in the room. He didn’t even acknowledge me when I walked in; he just continued to stare outside the floor-to-ceiling windows.
“Blake, we need to talk.” I said in the softest way possible.
“I know. We really need to talk.” He finally turned to me and sat on his chair behind the desk. My breath got caught in my throat. This is going to be the first serious talk we will have since Rein passed on. “To start off, I’m really sorry for last night. I know I got reckless with the gun and the… kiss. Lasing ako, I had small control over myself.”
With curiosity, I looked him in the eye. “You remember what you did?”
“I may get drunk, but I always end up remembering all the stupid things I did the next day when I wake up.” He reached over for my hand and gave it a soft squeeze. “I’m really sorry with what I did and the things I said. It’s been a year and I still find it really hard.”
“I understand. Blake, lahat naman nahihirapan eh, lalo na tayo. We’re the ones who are most affected. Si Ian, it’s been really hard for him too but he tries his best to cope. I just can’t understand why you have to treat Ava and me badly.”
“Listen, last night was really a big mistake that I did and I really am sorry. As I said, I am adjusting. Ang hirap-hirap nito para saakin, Georgie. I’ve waited for years to be with her, tapos when that finally happened, she died. She died because of giving birth to the daughter I didn’t even ask for. What’s harder is every time I see Ava, I remember Rein.” His expressions were raw. I could easily anger, guilt, and hurt in his eyes which were already glassy.
“But can’t you at least try to be nice to Ava? Hindi mo ba napapansin how eager she is to go to you everytime you’re around tapos you would just brush her off? Lagi nalang siya pumupunta saakin with a sad look and she would just hug me. She doesn’t even know other words besides Yan, up, dad, and ta because the doctor said she’s somehow traumatized by the way you treat her. Your anger is affecting your daughter and you’re not even noticing. Hindi naman kasi dapat siya sisishin sa pagkawala ni Rein. Walang dapat sisihin dahil wala namang may kasalanan.”
I took a deep breath and thought of the nicest way to break my decision to him. “I don’t want to make decisions for your family, Blake but I think it would be better for you and the kids to be in a different environment.”
He looked puzzled but remained calm. “So, what are you trying to say?”
“I have my own life to deal with. As much as I want to stay here with you and the kids, I have to go back to my old life and although I want to have my old life back, ayoko iwanan yung mga bata. I’m going back to London and if you would allow it, gusto ko sana sila isama.”
I was expecting for some violent reaction or something, pero wala. He just clasped his hands and rested his chin on them. “Hindi ko naman sila ilalayo sayo emotionally. I just want to make sure they grow up receiving all the love and attention they could get and I think I could give it to them, just not here. Lahat ng masamang nangyari, nandito. If they’re going to grow up here with all the people confusing them, baka gumulo lang buhay nila. You’re welcome to stay and visit them as many times as you want. Hindi ko naman inaalis yung karapatan mo as their dad.”
He continued to stare. I started fumbling with the end of my dress while waiting nervously for his answer. “You’re right. Maybe it would be better for the kids to go back, lalo na si Ian. Ava could easily adjust. She’s still very young.”
“I understand naman if you want me to sign an agreement or some papers for the kids assurance basta gusto ko sila isama.” I added. Kinakabahan ako. What if kung ayaw ni Blake?
“No need to sign agreements. I’m coming with you.” Now it was my time to just stare at him. I was waiting for him to say something like joke lang or gotcha pero wala. Suddenly, his whole executive demeanor went down and he showed a hint of emotion. “Sasama ako. I need to make it up to the kids, lalo na kay Ava. I didn’t know that my actions had negative effects on them.”
“I really need to make it up to them.” He buried his face in his hands. I saw guilt painted across his face when he looked up again. This time, his pained expression went through me. “Sayo din. Sorry for the hurtful things I said for the past year. I swear I didn’t mean them. I just didn’t want to admit that we need you. Last night ko lang kasi narealize yun after you walked out on me. I’m so sorry.”
I stood up and reached over his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Basta we’re going to have a fresh start when we get back to London. I know you’ll be a great father to your children when everything falls back into place. Anyway, I have to go. I still an event to go. The kids are with Bianca. Let’s just talk about the other details sa bahay.”
“May dala ka bang car?” I nodded no. I had no intentions of driving with a puzzled mind so I just took a taxi papunta dito. “Let me drive you to that event you’re going.”
**
Blake and Tito Enzo shook hands and exchanged a few self-agreements and goodbyes before we went inside the airport. We promised him that we would bring the children back here in the Philippines every vacation so that he would have time for his grandchildren, knowing that they were the only ones left for him.
After all the papers were fixed, Blake arranged the nearest flight we could get. He also requested to be transferred to the London branch of Giroux Communication so he could still keep the job he loves. Anton and Bianca happily agreed naman when they were asked, saying that it is for the best. Mas favorable naman na din kay Blake to stay in Europe for his future races.
Since we had that talk in Blake’s office a few weeks ago, sobrang noticeable naman how much he tries to make his relationship better with the kids. He still struggles but at least, he does all that he can to push away all the hurt and hatred he had before.
Blake let Ava play with his phone while she sat in his lap quietly. Si Ian naman stood before the glass looking at the airplanes when I kneeled beside him. “I want to be a pilot someday.”
“I thought you wanted to be a racer like your dad?” He glanced at Blake who waved at him and smiled.
“Mommy said I could be both if I wanted to.” He faced me confidently revealing that the locket Rein gave him was in his hand. “Are we going to go back for good? How can we visit mom??”
“Babalik naman tayo every year during your school vacation.” I hugged him close to me but he didn’t do any effort to hug me back. He just continued to stare at the picture of Rein.
“But we couldn’t visit her always anymore.”
“Remember what I told you before na angel na si mom mo? Kahit we don’t visit the cemetery, you could still talk to her always. She’s watching over us every day kahit saan pa tayo pumunta.” He smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. He went back to watching the airplanes.
“Yan! Yan!” We both looked back at Ava who was running to us with Blake at her back carrying our bags. Ian went to Ava agad and took her to the glass and showed Ava the airplanes.
Kinuha ko yung isang bag kay Blake and let the kids observe and play muna. “It’s boarding time. You ready for a new start?” Blake asked with a smile. A smile that wasn’t fake or at least he was trying to keep up.
Natawa ako. He seemed really eager to start over. At least it was a positive sign of him wanting to get things back to normal. “Bakit ako tinatanong mo? Diba dapat ikaw tinatanong ko niyan?”
“I just want everything to turn out well for all of us.” He said with a little hint of nervousness in his voice. He scratched the back of his neck and looked down.
“Ano ka ba? Of course it will. Let’s go na?”
He once again flashed his heart-melting smile at me before calling the kids. I made him take the bags kasi kinarga ko si Ava. Ian was trailing behind us. Nagulat ako when he held my free hand with his.
I looked at him, not wanting to put any meaning to that small gesture he just made. We held hands until we reached the entrance of the plane. We settled the kids in their seats tapos inayos muna namin yung hand luggage namin sa head compartment. I gave Ava medicine that would make her drowsy for a couple of hours para hindi siya malikot while si Ian started to drift off to sleep even before take-off.
When the flight attendant announced that we were ready for take-off, Blake once again reached out and held my hand. “Thank you for making me see that there’s still a chance for me to go back to who I was before kahit wala na si Rein. Sana you wouldn’t get tired of helping me, us.”
Blake still held my hand until the plane settled into the air. I found him smiling to himself not happily, but contented thinking that it is because of the new chances laid before his life. Another chance for him to make it up to his children and try to at least be happy even if the love of his life is now watching over us from above.