Tasha
Thank you," I said looking up at Allen. "I don't know what came over me but I will be fine."
"I hate seeing you like this," he said brushing the hair from my eye. Allen Roberts was a gorgeous looking man. With his muscular build, blond hair and amber eyes most women would be vying for his attention. He was smart and was about to start law school in a few months. He was still working as an agent with Chase and he helped to rescue my sister.
"I'm okay promise. Let's put these flowers in a vase." We walked in my office and found a vase. He took a seat on the black leather sofa and watched me.
"So you came just to bring me flowers?"
"Of course but I wanted to see your beautiful face."
"Please you don't have to say that."
"Tasha every time I tell you that you don't believe me. What do I have to do to convince you otherwise?"
"You think you know me but you don't Allen."
"You won't give me a chance."
"If you knew the real me, you would be running for the hills."
"It would take a lot for that to happen."
"I'm leaving in two days," I said waiting on his reaction.
"Are you going on vacation?"
"No, I'm headed to Africa, to Sudan."
"It's not safe there. I just read a report saying there is civil unrest because of terrorist groups fighting and the government is afraid of civil war."
"There is a malaria outbreak and they need doctors to facilitate treatment. Every since Sasha got sick, it has been something I wanted to do. I only took this job to be close to family. I miss being in the thick of things."
"That's understandable but I would hate to see anything happen to you."
"Awe, my little Allen is pouting. He doesn't want me to go?" I said walking up to him pinching his cheeks.
"I'm serious Tasha. Don't go," he said pulling me in his lap. It had caught me off guard. I tried to get up but he had me locked in place. He looked at me with worry in his eyes.
"Too late everything has been approved. I leave the day after tomorrow for two weeks."
I could see hurt on his face. It made me a little sad. I touched the side of his cheeks.
"Promise me you will be careful," he said hugging me and kissing me on the forehead. "At least have dinner with me tonight. Anywhere you want to go."
"I want you to cook for me," I said catching him off guard. "I heard you are an awesome cook."
"If that's what you want, eight o'clock," he said coming closer like he wanted to kiss me on the lips but I pulled away. I nodded and he kissed me on the cheek instead. I got up and he stood up. He reached for my hand and said goodbye.
I walked back to my desk and grabbed my purse. Allen was a great guy but too bad I couldn't give him more than friendship. I was damaged goods and he or no other man would want me.
I had dated Chase briefly but he was just a friend. Who would have known he and my twin would have hit it off? He was a nice guy too but I would have driven him away. I was glad he had found the love of his life, my sister.
An hour later...
I arrived at my parents house and pulled up in the circular drive. My parents house always blew me away. They lived in the East where most of the elite in New Orleans lived. Althetes, entrepreneurs, businessmen you name it, anyone that was rolling in the dough lived in his area.
When we were first adopted and they brought us here, Sasha and I thought we had moved in a castle. That the Worthington's were a King and Queen and we were their princesses. The house had six bedrooms and eight baths, a tennis court, pool and later they added a small basketball court. It was one of the biggest houses in the subdivision and they still had five acres behind the house.
I walked up to the white freshly painted huge wooden doors and unlocked them with my key.
"Mom where are you?" I called out as my voice echoed throughout the living room and family room. She didn't answer so I made my way to the kitchen. There she was cooking something good.
"Hey mom," I said walking up to her and giving her a hug. She turned around and wrapped her arms around me. There was something about a Samantha Worthington hug that made your bad day go away. I squeezed her tight taking in her Chanel perfume.
Samantha Worthington stood before me with light brown hair twisted up in a french twist and secured in a bun. Her light brown eyes sparkled, and her makeup was perfect along with her freshly manicured nails. She was wearing a long Valentino green sundress with matching accessories that complemented her soft porcelain skin. Growing up I thought she looked like one of those expensive China dolls. I always wanted to be glamorous like her as she was my role model.
"Hey honey. I just came back from your cousin's Amber's baby shower with those snotty nose wannabes friends of hers. They give me a headache every time I am around them."
"Glad I had to work," I said looking down in the pot. I was so excited as she was making my favorite crawfish étouffée and homemade baked rolls.
"Mom you didn't have to go through so much trouble. I could have eaten a sandwich."
"Nonsense. I love cooking for my babies. Jackson isn't home so I don't have to eat all those brussels spouts, plus you look like you have lost weight. You probably been eating that nasty cafeteria food. Last time I ate there I was nauseated for days."
"It's not that bad."
"You may be use to eating it but I'm not."
A few minutes later we were both at the table holding hands and saying grace and eating.
"So what's up?" She said looking at me. I swallowed hard knowing she was going to flip out about me going to Africa. I licked my lips and took a deep breath.
"I'm not sure you are aware that there is a malaria outbreak in the Sudan. People are dying including children and they really need help."
"Maybe we can send them some money so they can get the things they need," Samantha said taking a drink of her lemonade.
"It's more than that," I said leaning back in the chair.
"What is, Tasha?"
"They need doctors there."
She took another bite of her food until my words sunk in.
"Please tell me you are not going?"
"Mom, they need..."
"No Tasha. I almost lost one child in another country and I will be damned if I let another go unprotected."
"Mom, I am thirty years old. I think I am old enough to go without permission. I wanted to tell you in person and maybe spend some time with you before I go."
"I don't care if you are eighty, you are still my child. I know I can't stop you but please think about this?" She looked across the table with her fingers tapping against the wood.
I turned my head. She looked hurt and upset and I didn't want to see it.
"So you have already made up your mind?"
"Yes, I leave the day after tomorrow."
"You will tell your father, yourself. I won't do it."
I could see tears in her eyes. I hated to see her cry. She got up from the table and put her plate in the sink. She gripped the side of the counter and I got up and walked up next to her giving her a hug.
"You taught us to always help those that could not help themselves. You taught us to think about others and that is what I am doing. You instilled values in us to conquer the world and use our talents to help others."
"Yeah, yeah, me and my big mouth," she said smiling through her tears.
"No it's not. I love you mommy and I promise I will be safe and back in two weeks."
"I love you too pumpkin. Sometimes I wish you and Sasha were eight years old again. You two stole my heart and I miss those days. Remember when you use to follow me around the house and wanted to dress like me."
"Still do. Sasha and I always thought you were a Queen every time you and dad went out. You would look so glamorous and daddy couldn't take his eyes off of you."
"He still can't. Speaking of men that can't take their eyes off someone, where is Allen?"
"What do you mean?"
"That man is head over heels for you. I see the way he looks at you, his eyes get all sparkly and he puts his hands in his pockets."
"He does not. We are just friends."
"Baby please. That man's eyes are not big enough to see you. When was the last time you saw him?"
"Today," damn it that slipped out. She arched her perfect brow with her arms crossed.
"Today, unhun."
"Mommy!" I said with a smile.
"He called earlier and I was having a bad day. He stopped by and brought flowers, what's the big deal?"
She smirked and walked to the oven to take the brownies out. She grabbed some ice cream and walked back to the table.
"Tasha why do you think you are not suppose to be happy?"
"Why would you say that?"
"Guys have been flirting with you for years. You either ignore them or walk away. Honey, you are a beautiful girl and any guy would be happy to have you on their arm. Are you a lesbian? If you are I will love you the same."
"What! Of course I am not a lesbian. I am focusing on my career and I don't have time for a man."
"I said that too. Before I met your father I worked for a very successful law firm. I was about to make partner and was so excited. I was young, enthusiastic and ready to take on the world. I made partner at twenty five. I was willing and dealing, making money and just enjoying life. But so many nights I came home to any extravagant lonely apartment. Although I had all the materialistic things, I wasn't happy. I met your dad and it was something about him that felt like home," she said wiping away a tear as she stared at me.
"He promised me love, protection and family. The things I was missing. When I found out I couldn't have children I was devastated. I felt a part of me wasn't quite a woman. I felt I wasn't good enough for your father's love and then he said adoption. I didn't want to at first because I wondered how someone could give up a child when I wanted one so bad. Then I saw you and Sasha and I knew you two would help mend that hole I had in my heart."
I touched her hand and she held on to it.
"Remember the first time I met you both?"
"Yes, daddy played Santa Claus and you played Mrs. Claus at the foster home. It was the first Christmas Sasha and I actually had real toys and food in our stomachs. We were so excited that we had died and gone to heaven."
She laughed. "Sasha came up to Santa and told him that all she wanted for Christmas was a real mommy and daddy to love her and her sister. That toys didn't matter because you all had never had them before. She said you all would be good, promise not to disobey and work hard in school. That you all would do anything that was asked of you."
"I remember. I thought she was crazy and dreams like that would never come true until we came home with you for New Years. You and dad took us to the fireworks by the river and told us that in this new year everyday would be a brighter day."
"We had started the adoption paperwork and I thought it was the best Christmas present in the world. Before we left, your dad and I had made up our minds, that you and Sasha would be ours. It was no way we could leave you two there. It was love at first sight for Jackson and I. As soon as those words came out of Sasha's mouth, we were hooked."
"Awe you let Sasha sucker ya."
"No she didn't, stop that," she said laughing.
"Sasha was the sweet one, I was the loud one. I bet ya'll were like oh Gawd, the other one us loud."
"Nope because you two balance each other out. What you consider loud I call hilarious."
"What?"
"Tasha it's not your mouth that is loud, it's your emotions. You don't wear them well because if what you have been through. You are keep your feelings inside, hurt, pain, love even your excitement. You think you have to be tough because you are afraid to let the real Tasha out."
"I don't do that."
"Yes you do. You were an excellent athlete and won numerous trophies and ribbons and you hardly showed any excitement. You were just not an athlete but a scholar. You and Sasha both got scholarships to attend college and Sasha was so excited. When you got letters from Harvard, Yale and USC for early acceptance, you put the letters in the trash can."
"They probably felt sorry for me."
"No Tasha. You were accepted because you were smart, athletic and a downright good person. You were a triple threat and most schools van't find those qualities. Every time something good happens to you brush it off."
"No I don't."
"Yes you do honey. When we first adopted you, Rosa had abused you so bad. She had literally stripped away everything that was Tasha. She didn't give you the opportunity to be a little girl. You has to grow up way before time and I still hate her for that. She mistreated you in a way she never did Sasha. I wanted her to go to jail."
"What? You never told me that."
"Jackson talked to her," she said taking a bite out of her brownie.
"What did he say?"
"He basically told her to either sign her parental rights away to us or she would go to jail for child abuse. She would be looking at about ten years for each child. Another twenty for attempted murder on a juvenile." She blinked as if we were just talking about the weather.
"I thought she signed because she felt guilty."
"There's not a guilty bone in Rosa's body. I am a Christian woman and I have to ask God to take away the hatred I have for that woman every night and to make me a better mother to you girls. I still have this fear that she will come back and try to take one of you and my biggest fear that it will be you."
I wiped a tear away. Rosa had beat me until nothing was left of me. She hated me for no reason. Even my own adopted mother was scared of the hold Rosa had on me. Was I doing the right thing taking care of Rosa.
"I love you and Sasha as if I would have given birth to you. You are no where close to being like Rosa. You and Sasha are totally opposite of her. You are good girls. Jackson and I are so so very proud of what you two have become. Our chest stick out every time someone ask about you two."
"I just can't stop this feeling that I could never equal up to half the woman you are."
"Oh sweetheart," she said grabbing my hand. "I want you to be Tasha. Not me or Sasha. I want you to be your own woman. The woman Tasha, that I know is beautiful, kind and loving. Her heart is so big that it can't be contained."
"You are just saying that because you have too."
"Tasha Marie Worthington, don't you ever say that again."
I bit the inside of my jaw. Rosa had done it again. Just five minutes with her and I was transported back to that little girl she mistreated. She had me doubting myself and believing I had nothing to give.
"I don't want you to pass up your happiness. I'm not saying it's Allen but I want you to be happy. I see that sadness in your eyes that I saw so many years ago. You can always talk to me Tasha," she said reaching over to hug me.
"I've seen Rosa," I whispered as she released me. My mother stiffened at her name stared back at me.
"Is that why you look so sad? Is this where all this is coming from?"
"Even after all these years she still hates me. I never did anything to hurt her mom. She has so many medical issues right now. She came through the emergency room where she was high off some narcotic that a he coded and was sent to ICU. I was the doctor in call and had no idea who she was until I saw her chart. I sat there watching her until she got better. Even when my shift was over, I stayed by her bedside. As much as I hated her, I didn't want her to die."
"Oh sweetheart."
"She woke up days later and I just couldn't leave her so I had her admitted to a long term unit. Dr. Thompson did a favor for me to get her in. She suffers from cancer, diabetes and now dementia."
She squeezed my hand.
"The doctor is managing the diabetes and cancer, but the dementia will probably get her. I visited her today."
"How did it go?"
"She cursed me out, threatened me and basically treated me as dirt. I want to hate her for what she has done to me and Sasha but deep inside I can't. What is wrong with me mommy?" I wiped the tears away.
"Nothing is wrong with you. You are a good person. You have always been a good person. She had no right to cause you so much pain. She physically, emotionally and mentally abused you. She didn't know that out of her ugliness, that she bore two beautiful and wonderful daughters. I am so proud of the both of you and I thank God that he blessed me with this family. It doesn't matter what the color of our skin is you are mine then, now and forever."
I hugged her and cried. I cried harder and harder until no more tears would fall. She held me tight and I knew I was being protected. This was what a mother was for. To not share things in the good or bad times but in the worst of times.Why Rosa couldn't see the good in me?
"While you are gone I will watch out for her. I want you focused and not stressed out because of her. You have enough to worry about."
"Sasha doesn't know and I wanted to keep it that way. I asked Sasha if she ever thought about her or wondered if she would ever see her again, but she has completely washed her hands of her."
"You were right to keep it from her. You know I don't like secrets but she is still regaining her strength and she has enough stress so we need her to focus on getting better. Your father and I will take care of the expenses. I'll talk to Willard and Nancy."
Willard Carson was the President and CEO and Nancy Young was the hospital's Board President where I worked.
"I'm sure there are programs out there to help her, but in the meantime, I will take care of things."
I wiped my face. It was a relief but I knew me, I would still worry, but with Samantha Worthington on my side things would be taken care of. She took my hand.
"You are making my mascara run."
"You're still beautiful nether less mom."
"Ah hush. You don't have to wear makeup. Gorgeous skin, perfect hourglass shape you are the beautiful one. I do think it is a little because you are my daughter."
I chuckled.
"You deserve to have a man who loves you, a family to cherish and to be just plain happy. I can't wait to have grandchildren hint, hint."
"I don't want to get close to anyone because I might end up like her."
"Oh no you won't. You are totally different than her. Never compare yourself to her. You just have to open up your heart. I promise once you do, you will find your happy."
"You think so? I do think Allen is cute and all."
"I know so and he is adorable. I think daddy approves. He grilled him at Chase's house last week. "
"Allen probably wouldn't want me if he knew the real me? I'm damaged. One look at my scarred body and he would turn away."
"If he does then you know he is not the one for you. A real man in love will except you mind, body and soul and you will never have to worry about that."
"We have a date at eight o'clock tonight."
My mother looked at her diamond Rolex watch. "We have four hours. Let's go get you something sexy to wear."
"Mom, I'm n0t having sex with him!"
"Tasha, I already know you are a virgin. You might have Sasha fooled but I know my girls. When you look sexy you feel sexy. Who knows a little sex might lightened you up," she said grabbing her purse.
"Mom I am not having this conversation with you."
"Tasha you are a grown woman. Even your dad and I still have se..."
"TMI, I don't need to hear that."
"We might be old but we are not dead. Don't knock it until you try it," she said as we walked out the door. I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to be shopping with my mother or not. Once she got started on something she went on forever.