Caira
I'm done I sincerely don't give a fuck anymore what happens, I'm trying to keep thing leveled with everybody but Julius made me feel like none of my efforts was worth it . The way he spoke to me last night made me feel like I truthfully did something wrong, if the shoe was on the other foot I would have no fucking choice to turn a blind eye to what he was doing if he had a female friend who couldn't get off of him . I wouldn't know shit about her trying to seduce him every time she saw him, I wouldn't know about it till temptation got the best of him and he was forced to tell me . I wouldn't be hearing shit about me then now would I ? How do I know what the fuck he's doing while I'm school or working ? Do I question him ? No, cause either like I expect he's doing what he's suppose to out there just like I am or he has a good way of hiding his shit . I'm been completely honest with him, if his ass wanna run through my phone go head I don't have shit to hide . Least for myself I bring everything out in the open, if it's not out there for him to see and he ask me I freely tell him . What about those bitches that kept calling the house, I don't know what he really told them behind my back .
When the situation came up, he's said to them he was seeing someone right now . Clearly they thought he meant he was with company right now, whatever the situation was how do I know his ass still ain't talking to them ? Females always fall for the okey doke, he could have they asses in line right now . But I don't say nothing about it or bring it to my concern, cause I trust him . For him to say that he didn't know where I'm at in this relationship hurt . I given a lot to his ass, I do shit for him that I'm uncomfortable with, and not once have I complained when he wants to go out to parties all I want to do is stay home . Sorry my body was too sore to go eat at your aunts house, it was my first day back to college give me a fucking break ! I give Julius whatever he needs, even tried to get him close to Gerald . I been right fucking here from the start, there is no where else I wanted to be .
"Smells good ." I said walking into the kitchen
"It ought to be, you know I don't play ." he said tossing his omelette out the skillet trying to be cute
"You won't believe the shit I heard yesterday ." I said hopping up on the counter
"Guess whose pregnant ." I said with a slight smile instantly seeing him sweat
He paused for a moment, then answered "Who ?"
"My moms ." I giggled as the color appeared in his face
"Congratulations, that's good !"
"I guess it is, she was really happy when she told me they both were . I wasn't though ."
"Why ?"
"Cause it's a stupid reason but it makes sense to me, I feel like when it's born I won't matter as much to her . I know that she'll always love me, but this baby is going to become first . As it should, but at the same time she not going to be worried about me anymore ."
He smiled "You just wanna remain the baby ."
I laughed "No, that's not it . Since my mother has been married, it's always Gerald, Gerald, Gerald . Gerald was the dictator over me, whatever he said I had to follow . I didn't have a voice because he always ruled over me, when I tried to have my way she would never listen . She's apologized to me about that, we had a heart to heart and everything but nothing has changed . I'm closer with my step-dad now than I am her, I have to talk to him about us, cause I can't talk to her . She put him before me and admitted it, she told me things would get better between us but they haven't at all . This baby takes that from me, only bright side about this is she can correct what she did wrong with me . I hope this baby at least gets the love and attention that I didn't, I lost my mother to him now I got him and still lost her ."
"Maybe this pregnancy will bring you together ."
"Maybe it will but this baby is still going to be the central idea of her mind, I want her to be happy and right now that's all that matters ."
"How Hakeem doing with that Krusty Krab ?"
I laughed "You wrong for that, I didn't question him about it . I assume he's good ."
He laughed at his joke "What about your pops ?"
"I can't remember the last time I seen this nigga smile so damn big, he can't wait . He's doing good though, I don't know if he went back to work yet ."
"How many months is she ?"
"I don't know, I didn't ask . Now I really can't come back if something happens, they taking my room and putting the baby in there ."
"You want her to have this baby ?" he asked taking a bite into his omelette giving me my plate
"Yeah, I'm mean it's not like I'm saying she can't have it . It's just that, I want to get what this baby is going to get ." I said as I put ketchup on my omelette, tasted like I was biting into heaven .
Julius and I laid around on the couch after eating, then got dressed to go the beach . It was cool out but the water was cold as hell, his ass picked me up and threw me into the damn ocean . Laughed his ass off as I resurfaced chocking from the nasty ass salt water, it's something about hitting the water like that instantly tires you out . I tried pushing him in but he wasn't moving, I jumped on his back and he grabbed on to my legs then purposely fell back into the water . I came gunning for him chasing him around on the damn beach, he started running for me though like a damn line backer I ain't no why so I ran away . His ass scooped me up and we fell over on the sand .
I laughed "What's your problem ?"
He just laughed and laid his head on my boob "Your crazy ass ."
"You the one throwing me in the damn cold ass water, chocking me and shit ." I smiled
He laughed "It was cold though ."
"You just wanted an excuse to see me in my bathing suit, your ass still ain't repay for the one you lost before ."
"That I did ." he said kissing me
I laughed "Julius, there's little kids out here and you putting your hands down my bottoms !"
"They going to learn about it one day ." he said helping me up
"Get arrested if you want to !" I said as he put his arm around me
"Tonight, we can do whatever you want ."
"Papa, all I want is to be with you . No friends, no strangers, no family, no parties . Just me and you ."
He chuckled looking down as he treaded through the sand "Alright, you don't have to worry about cooking nothing tonight . I'll order out and we can chill, I'll help you out with your homework ."
I laughed "I told you I already completed my homework, besides you don't know anything about anatomy ."
"We'll watch a movie then, eat ice cream, and get fat ."
I laughed "That sounds like a plan ."
Finally we can something simple for the night, all I want to do is be alone with him with no distractions and nobody . Last time Julius and I did something outside the house together was when he took me out on a date and we went to Dave & Busters, even if we were to do something like that today I wouldn't have mind . Cause he would be focused on me, I just want to be with him and nobody else . Before we got home we ordered Chinese food, I didn't want to have sex cause I knew once I stepped foot in that shower he would try to shower with me . Like I expected he came in the shower with me .
"I ain't ever notice how fucking good your body looks when it's dripping wet ." he said
I smiled giving in, he didn't put a condom on, . Julius always puts a condom on I guess he forgot to grab one, I been taking my pills like I should so I'm sure I'm good . I thought about what Gerald told me, just cause I have these pills doesn't mean I should let every nigga hit it raw . I started getting nervous, I would rather him have a condom on . I wanted to stop him but I decided I would be okay, he placed his hand on my shoulder adjusting my stance so he could slide himself in .
"You alright, your body tensed up ?"
I bit my lip kissing him "I'm fine ."
I thought why not speed this up and go down on him, he nuts, I get to continue my shower getting the sand out my ass and everybody happy . Soon as I lowered myself, he picked me back up .
"No, no, no . I don't want that, I want you ."
We kissed under the shower head building the tension back up, he placed himself inside of me bending me over grabbing my hair . I never felt nothing like this before, it was a different feel . It was like I could feel every inch of him passing though me, when he came I almost had an heart attack . I thought he would pull out, but he didn't . I became really warm in seconds, this the first time somebody came inside me . I highly doubt it's the last time, but it just took me by surprise . He kissed me leaving out the shower, I re washed myself then walked out too . I put on something big and comfy and eat our take out on the couch .
"Julius, stop imma kick your ass if you keep throwing your food at me !" I smirked as he kept tossing shrimp my way trying to get me to get it in my mouth
He laughed "Come on, you not even trying ."
"Cause, I don't want to stop !" I giggled but he kept going "Papa stop !" but he tossed another one, laughing as it hit my face "Babe stop !" he tossed another one "Babe stop fucking playing !" I shouted as he laughed at me
"Pick something we can watch ." he said laughing
I perused through Netflix and picked Don't Be A Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood . I swear this my movie right here, it's so damn funny . This is what I love right here, being with him alone just chilling no extra shit . I'm trying to get more days like this but I don't know how much we'll get in between school, homework, work, and shit thrown at me I don't know when I'll get him like this . We finished the movie then watched another, I dosed off and felt him playing with my hair . I love the feeling of being on him and hearing his sounds, I guess it's just everything about him .