HetaOni: Italy's Story

Chapter 8: Hidden Demons

Italy's POV:

I wake up extremely disorientated. Where am I? Why do I hurt so much? What the fuck happened? Then it all comes crashing back. I bite down on my inner lip hard enough to draw blood as my sleep-fogged mind finally registers the pain I'm in. FUCK!

My body has stopped twitching from the electricity, but I can still feel the muscles twitch underneath my skin from the pain. Damnit. I won't be able to fight for another day at least. We can't attempt an escape like this! I need to fight. I'm the most capable fighter here; I can't let them die again. Not when we're so close! Shit! Merde! Why did I get myself into this position?!

I register the quiet voices of the others. They're already awake? I've been sleeping for over 6 hours, then. That's no surprise seeing how injured I am. I can hardly move. Damn. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I know better than to stab a Lightning Thing in the fucking forehead! STUPID!

I decide that I'm done with my mental self-rant, and listen in on what the others are saying. "–ust be really tired... He's been seeping for hours. Nothing can wake him. You sure he's alright?" Romano asks, concern evident in his voice. They must be talking about me. I can't let China see me like this. He'll recognize the symptoms immediately! It's a miracle that nobody noticed my ragged breathing as is, let alone my trembling muscles!

"I can check up on him if he doesn't wake up in 30 minutes. I'm getting worried, too. We all woke up 5 hours ago, after all." China says. Five hours?! I've been sleeping for 11 hours?! Holy shit! I haven't slept that long—not including death, and comas, because really, they aren't a restful sleep at all—since we've entered this Mansion! I must be worse than I thought... Maybe I should have Yao take a look at me? No. Not when there's a chance to escape without telling them. I can't risk it. Not now.

I wrench open my eyes, wincing at the bright light. I wait for my eyes to adjust before glancing around, careful not to move anything but my eyes. Nobody. They must all be in the kitchen. I conclude.

Taking a deep, shuddering breath, I bite back a scream as I sit up. This won't do! I have to act normal around them. I can't show this pain to them!

"Oh? Veneziano! You're finally awake! Damn bastard! Worrying me like that! Just how long were you planning to sleep anyways, huh?" Romano demands as he comes up behind me and playfully slaps the back of my head. It takes everything I have to keep from screaming bloody murder. He doesn't know... He doesn't know...

FUCK! Let me murder that bastard!

NO! Damnit, just shut the fucking hell up! I'm in way too much pain to deal with you right now!

"Oi, Veneziano? You okay?" Romano asks worriedly. Somehow, I'm able to rearrange my facial features into something more sleepy and normal, rather than the extreme pain that it showed seconds prior.

"Si~ I'm fine. Just tired." I say, looking up at him with a slow yawn for authenticity. Romano still looks worried, but seems to shrug it off.

"Well, come eat your breakfast, then. It's actually lunch, though. Lazy-ass."

"Okay~ Grazie fratello." I then begin the process of standing. I bite my cheek hard enough to draw blood again. That's going to make the food taste off.

The taste of your food is the least of your worries.

Yeah, I suppose you're right. How the hell am I going to even make it to the table, let alone run all the way to the Front Gates while fighting off the Things?! It's suicide! And homicide!

Figure it out! Or let me take over?

The pain for you is dulled because I'm in control. Do you really think you could handle the pain if you were the one in control? Besides I'm never letting you have control again.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. One day...

One day, you'll die. By my fucking hand.

Can't wait to see that one!

Just you wait...

Somehow, by some fucking miracle, I'm able to stagger to the table while nobody's looking. Nobody saw! What a miracle!

I slowly eat my breakfast. Nobody notices. I wonder if this is how Canada feels sometimes?

"Oh?" Russia suddenly says.

"What's up, aru? Something wrong?"

"I thought I was hearing a tick-tick so I looked a little closer... I found this~" My heart stops for a second, sending a rush of adrenaline coursing through my abused body. My fork clatters quietly onto the table. In his hand, Russia holds a simple clock. The hands move steadily backwards. A Memory Clock.

But why?! HOW?! There's never been one in the Safe Room before! That's why it's called the Safe Room! No! No! No! I don't want to know what's in it!

Are you sure? What if it's... That Loop? Yang asks tauntingly. I felt myself go very pale.

Don't you dare fucking even suggest that! It... It can't possibly be That loop. There's no way... It'd never show up in a Memory Clock, I made sure of that!

You made sure it would never show up in a Memory Clock for someone else. The clocks themselves don't necessarily hold the memories; they simply tap into specific memories associated with them. You hold all the memories of That Loop. You can still receive the Flashback.

I forcefully shut Yang out, unable to take his taunts any longer in my pain-filled and shocked state. I suddenly notice that we're all sitting in a circle on the floor. No...

"Ve~ Why do we have to break this clock? Surely we can just escape now. We don't have to torture ourselves with these possibilities anymore." I try to reason. Please! Please! Please!

"We were thinking... What if it shows us something that will help us escape? Or what if we end up unable to escape because we didn't break the clock? It's our best option." Japan sighs. He, obviously, doesn't want to go through with this either.

"Italy, you haven't broken a clock yet, have you? Would you like to break this one?" England asks, handing me the clock despite my unenthusiastic response, or lack thereof.

"Ve... It's all right. I doubt I'm strong enough to break it anyways." Not in my current state.

"I'll break it, then." Romano says, grabbing the clock from my hands and swiftly smashing it against the floor.

I almost cry out as the fierce Time-Fluctuation hits me, winding me, sending agonizing pain through my body, and worsening my migraine by about 500%. Then, I'm sucked into Hell. My True Hell.

**~Memory Clock~**

"Ve~" I sigh quietly to myself. So many loops... Why? I'm always alone... Even though I'm surrounded by friends and family, I'm always so alone...

Italy, don't worry. You're not alone. I'm here for you. I'll always be here. And nobody can erase my memories.

You're right, Yang... You're my only friend that remembers. You don't know how much that means to me. Thank you. I say to him as Spain, Prussia, Japan, Romano and I head back to the Safe Room. Yang's a recent addition to my mind; he only showed up within the past 12 loops or so, but he's so kind. He's the only one that truly understands me. He's in my head, how can he not? He might just be a voice. Maybe I'm just going crazy. But he's what I really need. My emotional wall. Someone who doesn't forget everything whenever I loop back in time. It's Yang that's kept me strong these past few loops. I'm forever grateful to him. I feel like maybe we can get out now! With Yang here to keep me in check mentally, I don't have to worry about forgetting again! I don't have to worry about being alone again! He'll always be here for me. Like my friends.

*Mios Dio! NO! Not This Loop! ANYTHING but This Loop! It... It's... L-Loop 222... F-Forbidden Loop 1. No. No. NO... NO! I CAN'T WATCH THIS AGAIN! I JUST CAN'T! I'LL GO INSANE! I... I can't... I just.... can't face it... not like this... not ever.*

Yang? I ask him, needing the conversation.

Yes? What is it?

I was wondering... What are you, exactly? How are you here? Are you someone from another world like the 2Ps, or are you just a voice in my head? You're not a 3P are you?

Hahaha... Relax. I'm not a 2P or a 3P. I was made from you. I'm a personification of you.

What?! Of me? Why do I need a personification?!

I was made to help you shoulder your burdens.

Oh... So you're a personification of me to help me?

Exactly. Yang confirms. *Stop it! No! Don't trust him! He's evil! He'll–! He'll—!*

I look at Japan, Spain, Prussia and Romano. They're walking just a few feet in front of me. Why do I always lag behind, I wonder? Do you know, Yang?

Hm? What was that? Never mind. I think I'm done.

Come again? Done? With what? Are you taking a nap or something? I'm sorry, I'll be quiet.

No. I'm done with you. My heart skips a beat, and I miss my step.

Wh–what? Come on, Yang, stop messing around. It's not funny.

Who's messin' around? It ain't me. I've gotten bored of this charade. It's fun toying with ya, though.

Yang...? Why would he do this?! This can't be real! He's... He's my friend! Friends don't betray each other! *Heh. How naïve and stupid I was. 'Friends don't betray each other.' Right.*

Yang! Surely you don't mean this! You're me, remember?! You're a personification of me!

Yes. I am. I am the personification of your hate and anger and murderous intent. I am not nice. I am not kind. I am not your friend. I never was. I only strung you along until I deemed it boring. It looks like you and your friends might get out this Loop. But I haven't had enough fun yet. I think...

I suddenly realize, with intense panic, that I'm no longer in control of my body. I can't move anything. I'm trapped. I can still experience everything as if it were me, but I can't control anything. ...I'll Destroy this Loop.

"Help! Japan! Prussia! Spain! Fratello! Help me! I can't control my body! Please Help!" I cry out, terrified.

They can't hear you. I'm in control now.

What?! Since when can you do that?!

Since now. It's a nice feeling. Yang raises his hand—my hand—in front of his face and clenches it before unclenching it. A sickening feeling wells up in my stomach, as fear courses through my veins. I try to move, say something, anything. I think I like having a body. Thanks, Italy; I think I'll keep it. No, call me Italy from now on. I'll call you Ying. Hahaha!

No... This can't be... ROMANO! HELP! PLEASE! I try reaching out to my brother through our mental link, only to find that Yang has blocked it... I... I can't... do anything...? I'm... trapped...?

"Hmmm..." Yang hums quietly. Ah, so this is what controlling your voice feels like... Let's see... I can't simply let you escape here yet. I'm having way too much fun! I wonder what your so-called-friends would do if I were to...

*NO! PLEASE STOP!*

Yang, please! I'll let you have permanent control over my body if you get everyone out alive! Please!

Hehehe... Let me? Hate ta break it to ya, Ying, but I'm the one in control now. And there's nothin' you can do about it. In a flash, Yang draws my sword. I realize with horror what he's about to do. "JAPAN! ROMANO! SPAIN! PRUSSIA! SOMEONE PLEASE! LOOK OUT!"

It's no use. They can't hear you, Ying.

Yang takes my blade, and aims for Romano, knowing that I'd hurt the most from killing my own brother. Somehow, Spain notices at the last second. His eyes go wide with horror; he doesn't even try to understand or make sense of what's going on. All he realizes is that Romano is in danger. "STOP!" I cry, but no sound comes out. Instead, my mouth opens, and yells, "DIE!" as my arm slashes downwards. Perhaps the cruelest thing is that in the instant when the blade slices through Spain's skin, and blood is flying everywhere, Yang gives me back control of my body. It's barely enough time to register that I have control, before he rips it away from me again.

Aww~ Look at what you did! You just killed Spain!

No! No! I... I didn't! It was you!

You were the one in control. Not me.

YOU BASTARD! Never before have I felt so angry. I liked the Things more than Yang right now. At least they just killed my friends. Yang made me kill my friends! I... I just killed Spain... And my body is laughing... I start crying, but no tears flow from my eyes. I don't even have the release of crying?! The tears come harder, but still don't fall.

Look! Your so-called-friends are afraid of you! Yang taunts. I can't close my eyes or look away. I have no choice but to stare at the horrified, stunned faces of Prussia, Romano and Japan.

"Please! It wasn't me! I'm not in control! PLEASE!"

They can't hear me. I can't hear me. Prussia bends down to Spain, who's bleeding out on the floor. "He's alive!" He yells, much to my relief, as he tries to stem the blood flow.

"Che, Damn. I missed." Yang says with my voice. They look up at me, horrified. Terrified. Betrayed. Yang readies his blade again. His blade?

"I won't miss this time!" He yells, charging Romano. "NO! Fratello! Run! PLEASE!"

Clang! Japan intercepts Yang's sword with his own. He looks me—Yang?—in the eye, only for his eyes to be filled with confusion. "Why are you confused, Japan? Please, help me!"

"Itary-kun! What is wrong with you?!" Japan demands, more worried than accusing. Yang only smirks, "Nothing. I just got bored with the way things were going, and decided to spice it up a bit." He then attacks Japan with rapid slashes that instantly have Japan on the defensive. "NO! STOP IT, Yang!"

I thought I told you; my name is Italy.

NO! I'M Italy. I'm the only Italy. You are Yang!

NO I'M NOT!

"VENEZIANO!" Romano's yell is filled with absolute rage. He glares at me with betrayal, hurt, unimaginable pain, and confusion. I attempt to flinch back, but find myself unable to move. I can't control my body... The tears try to come again.

"What..." Romano takes a deep breath. "What the fucking hell? Why did you just–?! Did you really just–? To Spain?!"

"Fratello! Please, listen to me! It wasn't my fault! It's Yang! He's controlling my body! PLEASE! SOMEONE HEAR ME! I'M HERE! I'M HERE! I'M FUCKING RIGHT HERE, DAMNIT!" While Romano's distracting Yang, Japan attempts to sneak up behind him.

"Heh, Sorry, Jappie~ Not gonna work~" Yang taunts, slashing. His blade misses Japan's stomach by mere millimeters, actually cutting his shirt. He once again puts Japan on the defensive.

I try to stop him. To call out to someone... But I'm absolutely powerless. I can't remember another time when I've felt so utterly alone... so completely helpless... And so wholly terrified.

"This is the end for you!" Yang cries out, ready to run Japan through with my blade. Something inside of my mind frays. "NO!" I cry out desperately, the tears burning even harder to come as I somehow am able to gain just enough control of my muscles to hold Yang back, giving Japan just enough time to hit a pressure point in the back of Yang's neck, allowing both Yang and myself to fall unconscious. Just a split second before everything goes black my tears finally flow. Why?

I awaken to the sounds of arguing. "–told you that he's been up to something!" America?

"Spain's.... because of h...." Romano? What's wrong with Spain?

"...should live....hurt pretty bad, though, aru." The voices are clearer, now. Spain's hurt? Why? What happen—?! My eyes snap open. "I...? I'm in control again?!" I whisper to myself in shock, only to realize that I'm tied with strong rope to an uncomfortable wooden chair.

Che... So I'm back in here? The fuck?! Damnit!

Where you damn well belong, Yang. I say firmly in my mind. I can feel my nearly physical hold on my body now. I'll never let you out again. I promise him.

"He's awake." Germany says. I look to the nations, confused. Why am I bound in a chair? I expect to see worry, concern, perhaps some suspicion or irritation. Nothing can prepare me for this... outright anger. Hatred. Death Glares. The kind of look you give to someone just before you kill them in a fit of fury, and never regret it.

"G-Germa...ny...?" SMACK! It takes a minute to register what just happened. Germany... hit...me...?

"Don't EVER call me by that name again." I stare, unable to comprehend what just happened.

"Bu-but Germany, we're friends... Right...?" SMACK! Another backhand.

"I would never be friends with the likes of you. You thought it was funny, huh? Did our supposed 'friendship' mean nothing to you?! Well, DID IT?! How long were you laughing at me behind mein back?! How long were you just pretending to be mein friend?!" The anger and fury in his eyes scare me. For the first time in my life, I'm absolutely terrified of Germany. My protector. My best friend. Abruptly, the anger fades, and he's looking at me with disappointment. Suddenly, I want the anger back. The disappointment is worse. "I thought that you vere a gut friend... Apparently I was wrong... And I'm so disappointed in you... But even more so, I'm disappointed in me for not seeing you for what you really were." And Germany walks off, just like that. A friendship that's lasted through both World Wars... Through so many battles... I even switched sides in WWII, and we still managed to salvage our friendship somehow. And now, over something like this, it's all gone? I can feel the bridges I've built start to burn. I try to call after him, but Russia steps in front of me.

"V-ve....?" The look on his face can mean nothing good.

"I am thinking that we are needing the answers now, Дa? I am the one who was chosen to get them from you." Russia says with a smile; the kind of smile that means only one thing.

I pale rapidly to a sheet-white color. I then tell them everything. The First Loop, the Mansion, how I heard the rumors, and told America because it sounded like fun, and how I've been looping back in time to save them. I even tell them about Yang.

I don't see the pipe coming, until cold pain blossoms in my torso, quickly becoming hot as the blood rushes to the injury. The only reason the chair doesn't fall is because China's holding it up. I look up in shock. Didn't they want the truth?!

"W-why?" I ask when I can speak again, only for him to swing the pipe once more.

"We are wanting truth, Дa? Not silly made-up lie." I'm stunned. They... don't believe me?

"It is the truth!" I cry out, only for Russia to swing his pipe again causing blood to fly out of my mouth.

"Do not lie. This is all your fault, Дa?" He says. I turn my eyes to the other nations in the room, pleading.

America glares at me, "This is all your fault, Italy." He spits my name like a curse. "You dragged us here, and you probably want to kill us, right? Just say the truth and save us the trouble of dragging it out of you." A piece of my heart shatters, as something in my mind frays just a little bit more.

Prussia, surely?! After all the pranking we've done?! But he only glares and continues to comfort his brother... Another piece of my heart fades away. That something in my mind continues to fray.

Big Brother France?! France scoffs, as if I were less than England's scones. Another part of my heart breaks, and another piece of my mind frays. China's obviously for this... he's holding my chair, for heaven's sake!

Canada?! He's nice! He has a good concept of right and wrong! Canada doesn't look like he agrees with their methods, but he does nothing to help. He as good as condemns me. Another piece fading and fraying.

England? He just glares at me. My heart breaks a little more, as that little piece of my mind continues to fray. I can't take much more. No... no... Surely, Fratello?! I turn my eyes to Romano, who simply glares and says, "Hit it again." In a cold voice, and my heart shatters beyond repair.

It...? I'm an... it...? Romano? I can't think of anything else as the pipe comes again and again; the arms, legs, head, torso. There's hardly a place on me that he doesn't hit. The only exception is my face. I don't know why, but somehow that hurts the most. My mind is barely hanging on by a thread. It's all I can do to keep myself from falling completely into the darkness threatening to consume me. I eventually lose consciousness.

"–just kill him..." Germany...? I come to again, this time in great pain. I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from whimpering. Instead, I listen intently to the conversation.

"We can't just kill him outright! He's a nation, whether we like it or not!" America says, giving me a slight glimmer of hope, but his glare flashes in my mind, and that little piece of hope starts to die. "It's not right, no matter how much of a traitor he is." America finishes. My heart breaks again.

"Nein! He is likely working with those Things!" Germany yells, fuming. "If we kill him, they might leave us alone. At least they wouldn't find us as easily. I'm willing to bet that he's why they find us so quickly." Why?! Don't you trust me?! After all we've been through?!

"I agree." Prussia says, his voice flat and dark.

"Da." Russia.

"I agree. Eliminate the enemy while they're weak!" China, too?

"I say we can't just kill him. Killing is wrong, no matter who it is. We should just kick him out of the Safe Room. If he really is working with those Things, then he'll be fine." America says.

"And if he's not?" France asks, not sounding concerned at all.

"Then the traitor will die, but he'll have a fighting chance." America replies easily.

"Oui. I agree." France says. Why?!

"Sure. Release him." Canada says coldly. What did I ever do to you? Is it because this is all my fault? I got us into the Mansion, after all... It is my fault... isn't it?

"Release him, I say. He may be a traitor, but he's still a nation. Even still, he shouldn't last long with those injuries. Nice work, Russia." England sounds as if he's debating a horse race over a cup of tea. But...?! I'm sorry! I'm trying to fix my mistake!

"I say, kill him." My breath leaves me. Romano? He... wants me dead? My own twin brother? After all we've been through?

"WAIT!" Japan's voice cries out, carrying across the crowd. I squash down all hope, but I can't help that tiny piece of my heart that still remains. Please... Don't leave me, too. I can't take your betrayal as well, Japan...

"I think Itary-kun is telling the truth!" He states confidently. I can scarcely believe my ears. Japan.... Believes me?

"When I engaged him in combat earlier, I saw that his eyes were a different color."

"Were the fuchsia?" Romano asks dully, as if he already knows the answer.

"No. They were a sharp, icy-blue color with golden flecks. But they weren't Itary-kun's eyes. I believe him. I believe that this 'Yang' character is actually in his mind, and somehow took control of him. Like a split personality." Japan finishes. Thank you Japan. Your trust means more to me than you will ever know. But I doubt they'll believe even you.

"If they weren't fuchsia, then it wasn't his damned fucking 2P. Damnit! Even that damned 2P of his is a better fucking person than that Damned Italy." My breath hitches. I can't stop the tears. Romano never calls me Italy. Always Veneziano. Never Italy.

I listen as they eventually decide to kick me out of the Safe Room come sun-up, despite Japan's best attempts to convince them of my innocence. I listen as they all slip into bed, and fall asleep, leaving me to ponder my own thoughts.

Why? I know I brought them here, but I didn't mean any harm! Is this all I'm worth to them? Am I simply a tool to be used and thrown away as they see fit? I've been trying so hard to rectify my mistake... is it an unforgivable sin? They wouldn't all turn against me for no good reason, right? Even my own twin brother has forsaken me! It hurts... I didn't know loneliness could hurt this bad... my heart... feels hollow... Is it still there? I can't check. I'm still bound by the ropes... I... I made another mistake... A terrible mistake... I'm not sure if I can ever fix this one...

"Italy." The word is spoken with such malice and hate that it takes me a few seconds to recognize the voice as Romano's. My twin stalks out of the shadows, a glare darker than his Mafioso persona on his face. "Spain is famiglia," he starts, "you know the rules. Famiglia before all." I shiver. Never before in my life, have I been this terrified. I'd rather face a million Things and eat only England's scones for the rest of my life, than be on the other side of this glare. Then I see a glint of light.

Romano holds up the knife in his hand. He expertly gags me, so I can't make a sound, before he comes back around to face me, dragging the blade of the knife across my neck in a show of power and control. He drags it firmly enough that I can feel the sting of the blade, but softly enough to not draw blood.

"You..." he starts, as I look at him pleadingly, terrified. For what? I'm not sure. I'm not scared for my life. Nor am I scared for his. But I'm absolutely terrified that I'm about to lose something... irreplaceable.

"Fratello!" I try to speak around the gag. Next thing I know, my head is turned to the right, and my left cheek is left stinging. Romano's hand is still raised. He... slapped me...?

"You....have no right to use that name. Vargas, indeed. I DISOWN you as my brother! You are no longer part of this famiglia! You are a disgrace! Grandpa Rome would be livid with you. Beyond disappointed in you. And Holy Rome would be disgusted with you. You foul demon! You shall die nameless, and in shame." His anger is only matched by my sorrow, hopelessness, dread, and fear. My brain stops. "I DISOWN you as my brother!" the words keep echoing in my mind... My mind is hanging by a single thread, ready to snap.

I hardly register the sound of the knife traveling at rapid speed towards me.

"ROMANO-SAN, IIE!" Japan's voice cries out, as he pulls Romano back at the last second. White-hot pain erupts in my left eye. I scream around the gag. I can't see. The pain is intense. My brother just tried to kill me... he just blinded me in my left eye... My brother just tried to kill me... he... he disowned me... he's... not my...fratello...anymore... And somehow, even with a now sliced-open eyeball, and blood encrusted in the other eye, I begin to cry. Crimson tears flow down my cheeks as my tears run red, bleeding like my shattered heart. I scream around the gag in emotional agony as the weight of what Romano just did sinks in.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I scream in anguish. I just want to wake up from this nightmare! WAKE UP! That last piece of my mind, almost completely frayed, finally snaps with painful recoil.

"WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!" I repeat over an over, as I slam my head into the ground. "Wake up! Please....please... somebody... anybody... wake me up..." I trail off as my energy dies out. I hardly register the world around me. Nothing seems to matter anymore. I'm numb. I hardly notice China roughly wrapping my eye up, not even bothering to apply any healing creams or ointments. He doesn't even give me the drugs for pain. And with the rising sun, they kick me out—literally—of the Safe Room that Germany built for me! I lay there, still in great pain from Russia's beating, my thoughts growing steadily darker. They travel down a path that even hours before would've never even been considered.

Why should I save them? They don't care about me. I could leave this place myself. I think darkly, but a tiny voice in my head, the only part of my heart left, the part clinging to Japan and his trust like a lifeline, says, because they're your friends. You got them into this; you could at least get them out.

Why? Why should I get them out? What have they done for me? Blinded me. Tried to kill me. Hit me. Tortured me for information that I already told them. They don't trust me anymore. Did they ever truly trust me? What kinds of friends don't even hear out the whole story? What kinds of friends turn on each other that quickly, huh? Answer that for me, oh-mysterious voice.

Japan believes in you. He trusts you. Are you going to betray him, just as the others did you?

NO! I would NEVER betray Japan! Hell, I never betrayed any of them! They betrayed me!

Then don't. Don't betray Japan. Japan wouldn't forgive you if you only got him and yourself out. He believes that you're still the kind nation that you once were. I'm still in here, you know. You just need to find me. Save them. They've already betrayed you, and left you for dead. What more do you have to lose? Let me ask you this; would Holy Rome or your Grandfather be proud of you saving only yourself? After all this torture you've put yourself through, even if they aren't true friends, are you going to throw all that away? Save them. For Japan.

I can't come up with an argument for The Voice. Fine. I decide. I'll save them. This will be the last time. Heh... I can finally save them at the cost of my own pathetic life, and they won't come back for me. They'll just keep running. Isn't that what I wanted?

The Voice doesn't answer. The day drags by, but I don't move. I don't even bother to find shelter. I just lay there at the bottom of the first floor staircase. How'd I get here? Oh, yeah, America kicked me down the stairs that leads to the Safe Room, and Russia hit me with his pipe again, and I fell down these stairs. I'm bruised, broken, and shattered. Irreparably shattered. I know I can never be whole again...

For some reason, I start to laugh, even with broken tears streaming down my face, and my busted ribs. I don't know why, nothing's funny. Though maybe the irony of the whole situation finally hits me.

I laugh. I laugh for the friends I lost. I laugh for the sanity I've sacrificed. I laugh for the years of my life I'll never get back for friends that weren't really true. I laugh for the brother I lost. I laugh for the hopeless idiot I am, still trying to save those who betrayed me in the worst way possible. And I laugh... I laugh because I'm so broken. And I eventually laugh myself into a restless sleep, filled with accusing glares and stares, taunting words and flashing knives. Heh... And I thought this was Hell before... Goes to show how much I know...

I awaken, numb. I sit up and slowly climb to my feet. I feel the pain, but I can't bring myself to care. I don't care about the pain, even though my legs, ribs, and arms are broken. I don't care about my situation. I don't care about the Things. I don't care about anything. My emotions are completely gone... just gone. I can't bring myself to care about anything.

Is this how Yang feels, I wonder?

Nope. I'm filled with anger, rage, hate, the urge to kill. You're just filled with... emptiness. Interesting.

"You're still here, huh?" I ask aloud, not caring that I look like a loon. They already hate me anyways.

Me? Oh, I'm always here. Like I said, I'll be here for as long as you live.

"Is that so?" I ask disinterestedly.

CARE A LITTLE! Geez, I liked the other you better! You at least had interesting reactions then! Now you're just... nothing.

"Nothing, huh? How fitting. I have no name, no emotions, and no past. Soon, I will have no life."

No life?! Don't tell me you're going to off yourself!

"Yes. I am. But only after I get them all out of the Mansion. You instigated this whole thing, so of course, I must eliminate you from this world. And I am the one at fault for them being here in the first place, so I, too, must be eliminated."

THE HELL?!

"Hm? Oh, hello, there." I say, turning to Japan. Japan eyes me warily, not sure how to take my current emotional state, or lack thereof.

"Itary-kun, who are you talking to?" He asks.

"Yang. And I'm not Italy anymore. I've been disowned. I have no name, nor do I desire one. I suppose if you have to call me something, then call me Ying." My voice remains ever emotionless.

Japan blinks at the unexpected... me. "Alright, then, Ying, was it? I spoke to Romano-teme earlier today, and—"

"DON'T mention that mother fucker's name." I state, my tone holding a venomous anger, before suddenly vanishing back into that blank emptiness. "Huh, apparently I haven't lost all my emotions yet." In that second of anger, my hollowness was gone. It felt... addictive? No, that's not the right word... Fulfilling? No, not that either. But it felt. It wasn't numb. Interesting...

"Oh, Itary—I mean, Ying-kun."

"Please, no suffix." I say, before pausing. "You're the only one, Japan... The only one that stood up for me... Why?" I ask, mildly interested.

"Because you're my friend. If I can't trust you—you who's been there for everything even when you weren't supposed to be—then who can I trust? I thought I knew those yatsu in there... Apparently not. They're all bastards. I mean that. They don't know what they're missing out on. You, Ying, iie, Itary-kun—don't cut me off! Regardless of what that Teme says, you'll always be the personification of Northern Itary, and he has neither the power, nor right to take that from you—are a kind, beautiful, wonderful person, even if it's somewhat hidden right now. You'll always be my best friend. My precious friend. I'll always be here for you."

I stare at Japan. Turns out that without emotions, things process in my brain a lot faster that usual. Though I'm pretty sure my emotions are locked away tight, I still feel something wet leak out of my right eye. I raise a hand and pull it back. Tears. I'm crying. I look at the tears with curious interest, like a child seeing rain for the first time. "Hmm... It appears that some part of my heart is not dead yet. I believe I owe you that thanks." I say neutrally. Japan smiles.

"I also thought you might be hungry. I brought you some food." He holds out a small bento. I stare at it with a raised eyebrow, but make no move to grab it.

"Won't the others get angry with you for 'feeding the traitor?'"

"They won't know. Even if they do, they can do nothing about it."

"They could label you a traitor, too." I point out.

"Iie. I was a ninja for a very long time. I know how to avoid detection." My lips twitch into a slight smirk as I grab the bento.

"Then I suppose you'll have to brush up on those skills, then, won't you?"

"Hai. I'll keep you updated. And Itary-kun?"

"Hmm?"

"No matter what I may remember or forget, I am always here for you."

"Arigatou, Japan." I say in flawless Japanese. Japan only smiles.

"Call me Kiku." He says with a smirk, enjoying the slight surprise that overcomes my features, as he returns to the Safe Room before the others miss him.

"Hmm... So Kiku's remembered, huh?"

You do know that talking to yourself is one of the first signs of insanity, right?

"Well, then I guess that means we're both insane." I say as I dig into the bento with emotionless enthusiasm. I am hungry!

I ended up sleeping in the Fireplace Room, locking it with the key I snitched from Kiku—I snitched the entire ring of keys we'd collected so far.

Good morning, sleeping beauty.

Horrible morning to you too, Yang.

Wow. You're surprisingly civil today? Still numb, I see.

Indeed. Now, seeing as this kind of thing has never happened before in any of my looping, I think it's safe to assume that I no longer have any idea where the others will go from here.

So you're still going to save them?

I suppose. I'm definitely going to get Kiku out of here. The others are just bonus points.

Even I think that's kind of harsh, but whatever.

Harsh? After what they did to me, I think it's fair treatment.

I stretch, taking stock of my injuries. At least six broken or cracked ribs, possible internal bleeding, hellish rope burns on my wrists and ankles—still bleeding—missing left eye that hurts like a bitch, sprained or broken left wrist, possible whiplash—my neck is rather stiff— a few missing teeth—is that a broken tooth? No wonder my tongue's bleeding!—and a crap-ton of bruising. Well, nothing too bad I suppose. I guess they held back, after all. Not like that'll get them any brownie points from me.

"Well, I guess it's time to spy on them. How can I protect them, if I don't know where they are? I suppose the first thing to do, though, is..." I exit the Fireplace Room and make my way to the Kitchen. From there, I go into the room with the safe. 6-2-9-4. With a click, it swings open on well-oiled hinges. I blink in surprise... "Empty? I was sure I put it in here earlier. This isn't like me... The less access they have to the other areas of the Mansion, the easier it'll be to keep an eye on them, and keep them safe."

Heh. I bet if I were to be murdered in front of them right now, they wouldn't even run to the Front Door because I was the one who told them to do so. They'd think it was a trap.

I sigh. Nations sure knew how to make things harder than they needed to be.

'Nations'? What, you don't consider yourself one anymore?

I'm human in this place, Yang. I'm going to die in here. I'm going to die a human, so why fool myself any longer? I'll never be a nation again. That'll all go to... him. At any rate, I may as well think of myself as the human I'll forever be.

I carefully make my way to the locations of a few other keys, and lock a few of the open doors with the keys I snitched earlier. They don't need to access the Study, or the Hallway that leads to it. Nor do they need to access either Library. Or the Piano Room, but the Lever Room's lock is broken this go around, so I suppose I can't keep them out of there, which would give them access to the Piano Room... Definitely keeping them from the Annex, but I can't exactly lock that, now, can I? I shake my head.

BANG! I wince at the loud sound. Wow. And then they wonder how the Things keep finding them. It isn't my fault; that much is clear. I shake my head. Well, let's go see who's left the Safe Room, shall we?

I stick to the shadows as I make my way back to the Second Floor hallway. I see France, Prussia, Canada, and England walking towards the staircase to the First Floor. Ah, yes. To the Basement, I presume? Not likely. I smirk to myself. That is, until I hear a click.

My eyes widen. They have the key?! No! How?! I quiet my thoughts as I hear Canada speak with a vicious smirk.

"Who would've thought he'd had something like this on him? A Master Key. No wonder we couldn't get anywhere!"

WHAT?! No! How'd they get my key?!

Well, I think it's safe to say that shit just hit the fan.

This is all your fault, Yang.

How is thi— oh, yeah, it is. Never mind, then.

Yeah, you'd better shut the fuck...

I stick to the shadows, tailing the four nations through the Basement, all the while, plotting how to get that Master Key away from them. Even with my current injuries, I could take France and Canada easily. England's magic would be tricky, but with his levels as low as they are, I'll be fine as long as I don't get hit by any sort of motion-inhibiting spell. I'd need to watch for Canada's sniping abilities, but that shouldn't be too big of an issue. If I can fight the Elemental Things, then a bow and arrow won't be too big of an issue, as long as I keep him in sight. France is fast, but I'm faster. He uses distraction techniques and dirty talk, but mention of Holy Rome should shut him down if it comes down to it. If all else fails, obstruct his sight; he's crap at fighting blind. But don't hit his clothes—he'll get pissed, and a pissed France is a focused France. Prussia's a power-hitter. One hit from him would be extremely detrimental to my health. He can match power with Russia on a good day, and unfortunately for me, he's not in the best of moods today.

With my injuries as they are, my chances of snitching that key from them now is slim to none. So the best I can do at this point is tail them and make sure they don't get themselves into too much trouble.

I can't let them die. Not this time. This is a golden opportunity. There will be no Loop 223. There will only be this—the Final Loop. When the other nations ask where I am, they'll be told that I am a dirty traitor deserving of my fate. Nobody will cry. Nobody will mourn. Nobody will care. They will curse my name to the ends of Hell and the Netherworlds. Austria and Hungary will pretend they never had a son. Sealand probably won't understand for a while, but he'll get over it. South Korea will find another pranking buddy. Everybody will move on without me. They will leave me behind, and will do so with a smile. And that's okay. Because that's the fate a traitor like me deserves. I will finally atone for my sins, and burn them off in this Hell before retiring to the fiery depths below forever.

... Wow. You're in a dark mood.

I ignore Yang and watch as England finds the box with his magic in the back of the bookcase by the Tunnels. Thank Dio they won't find the Tunnels without me showing them where they are.

England absorbs the magic, bringing his total reservoir up to roughly 35%. Unless he found that wooden box in the Safe Room... in which case, his magic would've jumped to about 55%. Better to plan for that. Worst-case scenario planning saves more lives, and all that jazz.

I'm very careful to stay out of sight and hearing range—for them, at least. As they're heading through the Small Square Room, two Things—one a Fire Thing—burst through the door on the other side of the room. I lock the door behind them, so there aren't any surprise attacks from there.

"Ack! W-what is that?!" England asks, pointing to the Fire Thing.

"I don't know!" Canada replies.

"Perhaps it's a new foe sent by Italie?" France suggests. I barely hold back a snarl at the accusation. Wow, that's low, France, even for you.

"Who cares?! Let's just kill it!" Prussia exclaims, already engaging the normal Thing in combat.

Canada lets loose an arrow at the Fire Thing, but it grabs it with shocking speed, and burns it in its grasp.

"F-fire?! It can control flames?! Be careful!" England calls out, before casting a spell at the Fire Thing to slow it down. Unfortunately for him, the spell misses, and France pulls him out of the way of a deadly blow.

"It's no use! We can barely handle one Thing, let alone this one plus another!" France cries out in frustration, getting a lucky hit in on the Fire Thing's arm. It doesn't do much, as he doesn't have enough power behind his blows.

France is a speed-fighter. He deals fast, light blows that is best used to distract the enemy. He's great at dodging, and keeps the enemy's attention while the slower heavy hitters deal the real damage. But with Prussia and Canada dealing with the normal Thing, there's little chance of France and England beating a normal Thing, let alone an Elemental Thing. I observe.

Spell after spell misses and France and England are getting tired. Canada's almost out of arrows, and Prussia only just beat the normal Thing with a busted leg. He's not joining in this fray.

Too slow to react, the others watch in horror as the Fire Thing slips around Prussia and France and goes right for England. He holds up his hand, halfway through a spell that would slow it down. He won't make it in time. I realize. I step out of the shadows for a moment—everyone else is facing away from me.

I throw one of the shuriken that I got from Kiku's place years ago. Throwing it with just the right angle and wrist motion—and a little magical influence—I get it to circle around back and hit the Thing in the forehead, killing it.

I quickly faze back into the shadows, unnoticed.

"Angleterre!" France calls out. "Are you all right, mon cher?!" England shakily nods.

"Wow, that was some tricky spellwork! You got it just in time!" Canada compliments.

"I didn't..." He goes to argue, but his eyes lock with mine for a split second. I fear that he's about to call attention to my hiding spot, when Prussia saves the day.

"Kesesese! You did pretty well, I suppose. But I was AWESOME!" He grins.

I wince internally. They're all acting so normal... is that all I really meant to them? Can they really just continue on normally knowing they've as good as killed their once-friend? No doubts? Nothing? I thought that everything within me was dead. I can see now, that I was wrong. I feel the broken shards of my heart crack and break even further, the jagged edges rubbing painfully against my soul.

Laughing and exhausted, the four nations make their way to the Safe Room again. I trail after them to make sure they make it back alive. Once I'm sure they're inside, I return to the Fireplace Room, and lock the door behind me—not much good it does me if they decide to hunt me down, though. Then again, I should hear them coming... besides; Kiku would warn me, right?

I mentally slap myself. Trust is what got you into this mess in the first place, stupid. No more of that! Don't trust someone else—no matter who they are—with matters of importance. With that thought, and a firm nod, I instead move down to the First Floor Library. I climb up onto one of the corner bookshelves and lay on top—locking the door behind me, of course. Even if they manage to find me in here, almost nobody will be able to see me shrouded in the shadows like this, and so high up. I'll have plenty of opportunities to escape. With that, I fall into a light, fitful sleep.

The next day, I trail the group of America, Germany, Japan, and Russia through their explorations of the Basement. Again. Really, these morons should keep the exploration to a minimum. Especially since they met an Elemental Thing down here yesterday, and England almost died. I mentally scoff at their idiocy. Today, it seems, luck is against me.

"You know, I remember... He once told me about this 'clock-vision' that he had..." Germany spoke, obviously referring to me. America snorted.

"I seriously doubt He had any clock visions. If he was orchestrating this whole thing, then why bother with fake memories?" Germany and Russia nod, agreeing.

"Ja... but He mentioned something about a basement. I thought that he was making it up, but perhaps he was setting something up down here? We should search it thoroughly. He mentioned something about a tunnel..." I mentally curse myself. I just had to set it up like that, didn't I?

"Oh?" Russia speaks up suddenly, standing next to the entrance to the Tunnel. I stiffen. Uh oh...

"What is it?" Germany asks, turning towards him.

"This wall it sounding funny when hit with pipe, Дa?" He taps his pipe against the hidden door, eliciting a hollow knocking sound.

"A hidden door? I wonder what he was hiding from us...?" America wanders aloud, coming over. "Hey, Japan! Why don't you cut away some of this wallpaper with your sword?" He asks with a bright grin. Kiku nods to the other nation. I'm the only one who sees the thickly veiled disgust in his eyes.

He cuts the door free in a swift motion. "Thanks dude!" America shouts happily. I wince. Fucking loudmouth. I wonder how much easier it would be to escape if you were mute...? I momentarily entertain the fantasy of all the loud nations being mute, before I follow them down into the Tunnel.

"There really is tunnel..." Russia observes.

"So the question is why is it here?" America asks as they walk further down the Tunnel.

"I'm going on ahead. You're too slow." Germany says, reminding me strongly of the other times he's been to the Tunnel. I sigh internally. Some things never change.

"Hey! Don't split up!" America says firmly, holding Germany by the shoulder to keep him from going ahead. I blink. That's new.

"What?"

"You forget." America starts, his eyes darkening with anger and betrayal. "He could be out there, watching us, likely. He's clever, but weak. While he may not be able to defeat us on his own, those Things—especially that fire one—are seriously dangerous. We can't afford to underestimate our enemy." Internally, I'm both pleased and pissed at his reasoning. I'm by no means weak, though it'd be best if they believe I am. However, if the prospect of me being their enemy will finally get it through their thick skulls to stick the hell together, then it'll make my job a whole lot easier.

Then Germany catches sight of the rope ladder. His eyes widen, as an angry growl rumbles in his chest. "That traitor!" He spits. "There was a way to escape right in front of us this whole time!" He then makes a near fatal mistake, and punches the wall. An angry hissing sound answers the angry punch, and the group freezes. I catch Kiku's eye, and subtly shake my head. He nods in understanding.

The nations draw their weapons. They should've already had them out. "I think you woke them up..." America mutters, as they watch a long grey claw with little red markings reach out from the crack in the wall. A Fire Thing... As if it hears my thoughts, it climbs out of the crack, chipping away some of the wall as it fits through. It grins and growls in pleasure as it sees the weak prey that literally came knocking. Then, to the nations' horror, another one comes out, themed in blue this time, rather than red. I stiffen. Ice...

"Uhh... dudes... call me crazy, but that doesn't look right..." America says, pointing to the Ice Thing. It also growls menacingly, a cloud of frosty mist slipping out of its mouth—which I had little doubt was subzero temperatures in and of itself—quickly dissipating as the warmer air melts the ice crystals. While this little detail slips by the other three, it does not escape Kiku's notice.

"Be careful!" Kiku warns the oblivious nations. "I don't think that one's normal."

"Really? What gave you that idea?" America asks sarcastically. Without warning, the Fire Thing sucks in a large breath, and blows out a jet of flames like a dragon. The nations dive behind the corner, barely dodging the attack.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" America cries out. "Is that thing some kind of messed-up love child of a dragon or something?!"

Germany, tired of waiting, takes the first chance he can. Once the jet of flames has ceased, he dashes out from behind the corner, and uses his whip to wrap around the Ice Thing. Much to his shock, thick ice starts creeping down the whip. The Ice Thing suddenly uses its tail to shatter the frozen part of the whip, leaving Germany without a weapon. His eyes are wide with shock and horror, and Russia pulls him out of the way of a Fire Thing tail swipe.

I watch from the shadowy corner of the cavern, opposite of the Things.

What, you aren't going to step in?

Nope. I want to see how well they fare against two Elemental Things. Just so long as nobody dies. Besides, it's better if they see how strong they are for themselves. And the longer they think of me as a weakling, the more freedom of movement I'll have.

Russia then goes in to attack alongside Kiku and America. The Kiku stays back a bit to cautiously watch his foe, the Ice Thing, while America and Russia rush the Fire Thing. Idiots.

For their efforts, America gets a tail slash that catches his left side, causing a strangled scream to rip from his throat as the wound is instantly cauterized.

"Америка!" Russia shouts in worry, his distraction costing him as a claw tears through the skin of his left arm. He growls in pain, as his own wound is cauterized.

They aren't doing too well... I observe, before turning my attention to Kiku and Germany, who are trying to handle the Ice Thing. Germany, who now doesn't have a reliable weapon, is only succeeding in getting in Kiku's way. I flinch as Kiku is nearly decapitated by a swipe of its claws while trying to move Germany out of the way of the attack.

"Kuso!" Kiku cries, as the spiked tail of the Ice Thing catches him in the right side. He's sent flying into Germany, and they crash into the wall of the cavern. Kiku, while badly injured—and due to the nature of the attack, his own movements will be slowed drastically—gets back up, and throws himself back into the battle before the Thing can gang up on America and Russia—who are already losing badly. Germany, on the other hand, is out cold. Probably for the best.

Kiku now faces the Ice Thing alone. I frown. If I jump in now, they'll likely view him as a traitor as well, but if I don't, he may die. Well, time for a bit of a show, then.

Dashing out of the shadows, I first throw myself into the fight against the Fire Thing. I catch the bladed tail that would've taken off Russia's head from behind with my sword, and push it back. Both of the Things' eyes immediately land on me; their prize. I dodge around the two nations, and slash the Fire Thing's forehead with practiced ease. With the element of surprise on my side, I'm able to dispatch it within seconds. I don't stay there, however. I rush immediately to Kiku's side, and slam into him, throwing him to the ground and saving his life as the Ice Thing let out a jet of what I've always figured was liquid nitrogen from its mouth.

"A-arigatou." Kiku pants, exhausted from his fast-paced fight. Hmm... more training required.

I nod, before taking advantage of the situation and cutting off its dangerous tail. Unfortunately, I'm not prepared for the bullet to my left arm, courtesy of America. I don't cry out, but I narrow my eye in anger. That's the thanks I get for saving your asses?!

The Thing whirls on me, and my instinct screams at me to move! I jump over the Earth Thing's hand and spring off of the wall, back flipping over the Ice Thing, slashing at its forehead as I go. I barely miss, but Kiku doesn't. A kunai embeds itself into the thick skin, and it quickly fades.

I immediately dodge to the right as America tries to shoot me again. Russia dashes at me, sword drawn, and locks blades with me. I can feel the anger in his blows. He's no match for me as I am, though, but that doesn't make the anger and intent to kill in his eyes sting any less. With a small sigh, I dash back into the shadows and make a hasty retreat. So I'm nothing more than a Thing to them, now? How... insulting.

Later that night, Kiku comes to the Fireplace Room to meet me.

"Ciao, Kiku." I say, a bit of warmth seeping into my voice. He smiles softly at me. "How's your side?" I ask. He lifts his shirt up, and shows the expert bandaging job done by Yao.

"I will survive. How's your arm?" He asks, pulling out a first-aid kit. I get the hint, and take my jacket off so he can treat my injury. Luckily for me, the bullet went clean through. "They still think you're a traitor." He says as he applies some herbs and disinfectant. "Though Igirisu seems to be second guessing himself. I believe he saw you save his life yesterday."

"Did he now?"

"Hai. He didn't even stop me from taking the first aid kit tonight, though he likely knew I was coming to see you." He says as he finishes tending to the wound on my arm.

"Indeed, I did not." My eye focuses immediately on the English nation standing in the corner of the room. Must've magically hidden himself. I realize, as I mentally shoot myself for my negligence. Kiku's hand immediately goes to his katana. "I'm not going to hurt you." He says, looking at us both. "Either of you."

"You mean more than you already did?" I ask, my voice dead. He flinches.

"Italy, I..." He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before coming over to me, hands fully in sight, and kneels on the floor before me. He must've learned a few things from Kiku's culture, because he touches his forehead to the floor. "I'm sorry. I should've believed you... I never should've betrayed you as I have. I understand your anger. Please... Allow me to repent in any way I can..."

I blink, raising an eyebrow. "A simple 'I'm sorry' isn't going to fix anything, Great Britain." He flinches at the formal address.

"Italy—"

"Didn't you get the memo? I'm not Italy anymore. I am a human. Not a nation like you." I cut him off. Kiku looks sharply at me.

"What do you mean?" The Japanese nation asks.

"I'm not going to leave this place, Kiku." I say gently to him. "I will repent for my sins. I will get you all out, and stay here for the rest of my life. I will age and die as a human—and yes, nations do age here in the Mansion if you're here for any real length of time." I say wistfully, as if talking about a faraway place.

"You can't!" England cuts in.

"Why not?" I ask him coolly.

"B-because you shouldn't suffer here... you've done nothing to deserve it!"

"Nothing to deserve it?" I can't help myself. I laugh, a crazed laugh that has both the nations around me giving me a concerned look. "I lead you all here! I heard the rumors of this place, and that is why you are here now. You see, I've committed the most grievous sin all my life, that has brought nothing but pain, suffering, and death upon those around me. I existed. So I think it's about time to fix that, don't you?"

"You're getting out of here if I have to drag you out by your curl." Kiku says, glaring at me. I look at England who's still on the floor.

"Get up." I roll my eye, and nudge his side with my foot. "You're groveling in the exact location that Russia died in a past loop. You may not know how dirty that floor is, but I do." He slowly gets to his feet, giving me a questioning look. "I'm not about to forgive you anytime soon, if that's what you're wondering. You really have no idea how much you all hurt me, do you? No matter. This'll all be over soon, and you can all go on with your normal, daily lives as if nothing happened."

Kiku sighs in frustration. England just looks at me with thinly veiled shock. He's likely shocked about how different I am.

Why wouldn't he be? Hell, I'm shocked about how different you are, and I'm stuck in your head!

"Shut up, Yang. You're giving me a headache."

Better a headache in frustration and annoyance than this stupid emptiness! You're starting to scare me.

"Scare you? Really now?" I ask, somewhat delighted. "Oh, do tell me I can finally get you to shut the fuck up?"

Uh... no.

"Shame."

"It's normal for him. He wasn't lying when he said that there was a voice or split personality in his head." Kiku says to a rather horrified England. He then turns to me. "Now to treat that eye of yours."

I sigh and let him unwrap my injury, giving England a good view of the empty socket that's starting to get infected.

"I thought China...?" He asks, confused.

"Are you really that blind?" I ask, disbelieving.

"China did nothing more than stuff it with some gauze, and roughly wrap it. He didn't even use his herbs. Bastard." Kiku spits out, causing England to recoil.

"But I thought he... Why am I so confused about this...?"

"Because you're a human." I state.

"W-what?" He asks, his face a mixture of horror and confusion.

"In this place, everyone is human. That means that everyone thinks like a human, as well. While a nations' brain is naturally wired differently to survive the centuries of existence and whatnot, here, it's wired like a mortal human's. Your emotions rule your actions, and your impulses are that much stronger. Since nobody but me is used to it, it causes you all to make a lot of mistakes, such as splitting up all the damn time. Perhaps this will open your eyes to why war, greed, and betrayal seem to rule humans." England stares at me in shock, as Kiku continues treating my wound as if I was simply talking about the weather. After all, I explained this to him yesterday.

"... Allow me to help you." England finally says.

"No offence, England, but I don't trust you. You'll have to earn that trust back." I bite back.

"I don't expect you to. But know that I'm not about to sell you out or anything of the sort. At least give me the chance to repay my life debt. I need to thank you for saving my life at the very least, and try to make right the wrong I have done you." He replies.

I sigh. "Very well. Do what you wish. But if you hurt Kiku in any way, shape or form..." I glare at him, which must look rather intimidating with an empty eye socket, "I will make you beg for death." I promise him.

The next day, two groups leave the Safe Room. Germany, thankfully, is smart enough to stay back since he doesn't have a weapon. In one group, America, Canada, Japan, and Prussia. The other consists of England, Russia, France, and Him. I follow the second group, trusting Kiku to be able to handle the first one.

I watch from the shadows as they explore the safe in the Kitchen, and even the Study, using my Master Key to get into areas they shouldn't be able to get to yet. I smirk when they enter the caged area of the Cell Room behind the Study. I slam the gate shut behind them after making sure that the Cell Key is in my pocket. The four nations whirl around and glare at me.

"YOU!" Romano yells. I glare at him.

"Italy. How nice to see you." I say in a voice dipping venom.

"Italy! Let us out!" England pleads, though I can tell it's an act. Huh. Maybe he was sincere about his apology.

"No. Why should I? You stole my key, and have been exploring dangerous areas. Plus you'll just kill me. So... no."

"It is being okay. After all, we are having Master Key, Дa?" Russia smiles, walking up to the door and inserting the key, only to find it doesn't fit.

"Oh, did I forget to mention? The Master Key doesn't work on cell doors, the Front Door, or a few select other doors in this place?" They just growl at me.

"Traitor! You filthy traitor! You going to kill us now? Huh? Or call your friends in to do it?" Romano spits at my feet. I watch impassively.

"No. I have a fate much worse than death in store for you all." I promise. It's called survival. And Guilt. With that said, I turn and walk out of the room, locking the door behind me just in case.

I make my way to the Attic, and insert the Metal Pieces to reveal the hidden staircase to the fifth floor. I easily pass through the Blood Clock Room, and enter the Blood Number Room. The slow-moving Thing starts moving towards me, and I quickly move out of the way, just in case. I curse as I realize the Front Door Key is not there. Again. Back to the Annex, then. I quickly make my escape before the Cell Door opens and releases the Things on the Fifth Floor.

I take a moment to return to the Second Floor Library and lift up a loose floorboard. I store food in here just in case, for whatever reason, the Safe Room is inaccessible. I take out a bottle of water and a sandwich, and quickly eat and drink. I also reverently take out a bottle of wine. It may not be a very good quality, but it'll be the first drink I've had since starting the looping. Since this'll be my Final Loop, then I'll have a drink. Because I'm not sure if I can come back from the Annex alive.

I cast a quick charm to chill the bottle, and enjoy a quick glass of wine on the way to the Annex. Last drink or not, I'm not going to waste time sitting in a library eating and drinking while lives are in danger. No matter how much I hate their guts.

The Annex... I've only been in there two other times... including Loop 189. If I'm being honest, it's probably my least favorite place in the Mansion. I take a deep breath. Here goes...

A few hours later, I exit the Annex, both the Front Door key and the Gate Key in my hand. I'm injured... quite badly... but somehow, nothing fatal. I limp, trying to stay off my broken right knee, a hastily made splint in place to help support my weight. I make my way to the Study Cell Room.

"Oh? You're back." Romano sneers. He looks in surprise for a moment when he sees my injuries. I suppose I do look a little worse for wear... My right knee is broken visibly, my left shoulder is dislocated and there's a good amount of blood running down it. My torso is... frankly, torn up from a spiked tail to the chest. I'd gotten damn lucky that it was an adolescent Thing, and the spikes couldn't puncture anything important. A good chunk of my hair is gone along with a good chunk of skin—luckily it missed my curl. I'm missing several fingers, and I have a nice gash on the side of my neck. Though they can't see it, there are several internal injuries, including a punctured lung and several broken ribs.

"Who do I have to thank?" He asks, a pleased look in his eye as he looks at my injuries appreciatively.

I don't reply, and instead toss the Cell Door key through the bars to them—specifically England so they won't do something stupid like throw it out of their reach—and turn to leave. I ignore the stare of shock from England in regards to my injuries, and even France's strangled gasp.

"Ciao." I say before limping out of the room. I make my way to the Fireplace Room to wait for Kiku and start treating my injuries.

"You're late." I say when I finally sense his presence, along with England's. But something's not right. They're off... Their footsteps are grave, heavy, tired.

"Canada-san has been poisoned. We came across a grey Thing with—"

"Purple stripes?" I cut him off, as he nods. Angry fire fills me—another thing I've noticed about this whole 'emotionless' drama. When I do happen to feel a stronger emotion like anger or protectiveness (Japan only), it's all-consuming. "Damnit! The Poison Thing." Japan, who's been helping me figure my new self out, gently places a calming hand on my shoulder, as England looks on with sorrow. I sigh, calming down. I hand the two keys I'd retrieved earlier to Kiku. "It's the key to the Front Door and the Front Gate. Not that it'll do you much good now." I sigh. "I have to rewind time again... But I don't want them to remember this Loop... Any of you."

Japan nods in agreement. "Hai. I completely understand. What I said before still applies. I'll help in any way I can."

I stare at Kiku for a long moment, before nodding my head. "Grazie. You really are a true friend, you know that?"

"As will I. I may not be able to be a true or dependable friend to you, but I can be reliable when you need me. I can still be a friend." England says. I stare at him, as well. A scrutinizing stare. Finally, I nod.

"All right. You can help." I say. He sighs with relief. I turn back to Kiku.

"I'd like your help with two things; one. I need to practice pretending to act normally; otherwise the next few loops will be a flop. You'll surely notice something wrong with me."

"Your eye, too, Itary-kun."

"Right. I'll need to glamour that... All right, number two... I need to get into the Safe Room. I'm going to perform a spell to transfer everyone's memories of this loop to me." England pales drastically at that, but wisely keeps his mouth shut.

"Nani?! Why not just erase them?!"

"Memories can neither be erased, nor destroyed; only suppressed or transferred." I quote.

"I see... In that case, why not allow me to share this burden with you?"

"I appreciate the offer, really I do. But I can't do that to you. This is all my fault anyways."

"It is not!" Japan firmly denies. Switzerland would be proud.

"Yes, it is. The others have confirmed my suspicions, and nothing anyone says or does can ever change that fact. They hate me for bringing them here... After all I've done for them... how can they do this? To just throw away this kind of friendship? This kind of bond? To break me so badly? I'm not sure if I can ever go back to the way I was... I'm not sure if I even want to." Tears start to leak out of my eye, and Japan wraps me in a warm embrace. England stands there both awkwardly, and ashamed.

"I'm here, Itary-kun."

"I know... Thank you."

"It may not mean much, but I'm here, too." England says, placing a firm hand on my uninjured shoulder. I look at him, and nod.

"You may be the first of the group to be forgiven." I note aloud.

Five hours later shows Kiku meeting me outside the Safe Room—England's waiting inside. It's about 3:30 AM. Everyone's deeply asleep.

"Thanks again, Kiku."

"Ah, don't thank me yet... There's someone here... Who wants to apologize to you... I couldn't get him to leave or go to sleep... Sumimasen." My chest clenches with anger and agony, but not towards Japan. Never towards Japan.

"Why the sudden change?" I ask him, confused.

"Apparently the group broke a clock together without myself or Igirisu there. They apparently saw something that convinced most of them of your innocence and the truth of your words." He glares at the ground in disgust as he speaks.

"Figures. As humans, they're rather fickle, aren't they?" I ask rhetorically, before a familiar voice speaks up.

"Veneziano..." I stiffen. No. Not him. Anyone but him. My face, which had shown slight emotion towards Japan just a moment ago, instantly closes off, going blank.

"Italy." I greet coolly. Romano visibly flinches.

"I... I know what I did is unforgivable, but, please! I... I've seen it! The truth! The past, I saw you! Please! I'm so, so, so sorry, Veneziano, I–"

"I'm sorry, but there's nobody named Veneziano here." I cut him off. My voice is detached, as if I'm talking to a complete stranger. No, I'm warmer to strangers. Strangers didn't betray me.

"I have no name. I have no past and no family." I'm nowhere near forgiving him for what he did. I'm nowhere near forgiving any of them—not even England, but he's a hell of a lot closer than him. Maybe one day... Maybe. But right now, I can't even entertain the thought.

Romano gets this deeply hurt expression on his face. Hurt?! He hasn't the right to feel hurt! I keep my rage hidden within, and keep the cool, detached expression on my face. "I cannot forgive you." I state bluntly, watching with icy interest as his face falls and scrunches up, as if in visible pain. "The wounds you gave me are deep. You were the one I trusted above everyone else. 'Famiglia before all', right? Sure, Spain's famiglia, but so was I." I state harshly, my anger starting to slip through. Romano flinches back, as if I'd slapped him.

"The bridge you've burned can never be rebuilt the same way. If it can ever be rebuilt. I don't know yet. Right now, your chances don't look good." Tears start streaming down his face.

"You've come to speak to your brother, your 'precious fratellino.'" I say viciously, hoping to find some sort of satisfaction in making him feel at least a fraction of my pain. "Well, I hate to tell you this, but he's dead." Romano's breath leaves his body. He looks like he's been winded, like he can't breathe. "He died three days ago. He died when you attempted to murder him. You killed your own fratellino. He's gone. Deal with it." He starts openly sobbing. I idly notice that Japan, while somewhat uncomfortable with my words, still supports me, and openly glares daggers at Romano.

I sigh mentally. No... I'm not like this... That little Voice says. I feel no satisfaction in Romano's despair. I, for the first time, realize that in my bitterness and hatred and brokenness... in my need for vengeance, I've come so close to losing what once made up me. Holy Rome... I'm so sorry... This isn't the one you love... But I won't let him die... Not like this.

"I'm not like you." I tell Romano, glaring harshly at my once-brother. "I don't take joy in breaking others. So I'll tell you this; Feliciano Vargas is not beyond saving." Hope flies into his eyes. Somehow, seeing him look so broken, yet so full of desperate hope, causes some sort of emotion to well up inside of me. But I can't name it. "You can thank Japan for that. He's the only one that's kept my heart from turning to black entirely. But I'm not the same Italy you once knew. I've changed—perhaps forever. I'll never be able to trust any of you who betrayed me the same ever again. But that doesn't mean that I won't be able to forgive you all in time. I don't mean in a few days, or even a few years. I'm talking about centuries, millennia. You didn't just hurt me, or break me... the nine of you shattered my mind." I stress, watching his eyes widen as he starts to comprehend just how deeply the wounds he and the other eight nations carved into me. Slowly.

"You should be thanking what little heart I have left; I'm going to erase this loop from everyone's memories... Nobody will ever know about this loop. Not even you. It would break you as you are broken now. Germany would be mad with guilt. The others wouldn't be able to forgive themselves. I cannot do that to you all. Not even you, Romano; the one who hurt me the most... the one who drove the final nail into my coffin. So I'll tell you this; I cannot forgive you now, but I will forgive you some day, even if you won't know it. I'll call you fratello once more, so you can hear it one last time. Fratello," I start, watching as Romano sobbed tears of joy, pain, regret and deep-seeded guilt, looking at my coolly indifferent face like a man seeing the sun for the first time. "I will protect you and everyone else from this memory. I will protect you all from my mistake. I will get all of you out of this Mansion alive. And I will never tell any of you about this loop. This, I solemnly swear on the graves and memories of The Great Roman Empire, and the Holy Roman Empire. So mote it be." There was no great flash of magic sealing the oath. It doesn't work that way. Magic has nothing to do with this oath. This is not a magical oath. This is an oath on the two things I treasure most; my Grandfather, and the one I love.

"Grazie, fratellino... Grazie..." Romano cries, repeating the words over and over again. I give Japan a look, silently compelling him to follow me into the Safe Room, leaving Romano a sobbing mess of snot and tears at the bottom of the stairs.

Another surprise awaits us once I limp into the Safe Room. Apparently, Romano's little episode woke up the rest of the nations in the Safe Room. One or two glare hatred and murder at me, while others look at me with painful sorrow and regret. So we have about half that believe Kiku, England and Romano, and about two that don't. Hm... How interesting.

"Shouldn't you be asleep?" I ask detached. They all flinch at my arctic tone and blank eyes.

"Italy, we're sorry! We didn't know—" I cut America off.

"I did tell you the truth. You didn't believe me. This is the result. Your friend is gone. He might never come back."

"Are you Yang?" Canada asks from his sickbed, breathing strained and face pale—he looks like death warmed over. The tension in the room skyrockets, as they look at me warily and with suspicion.

Nice! Looks like I did more damage than I thought! Do you have to get rid of this loop? It's the most interesting one so far!

I don't even bother to respond to Yang verbally; I instead mentally punch his face, taking great, sadistic pleasure as he grips his mental broken nose, cursing me out in every language I know.

"I am not Yang. I am the one you called Italy." They stare, wide-eyed.

"N-nein! You can't be Italy! Italien is warm, smiles, loving, forgiving, carefree! You can't possibly be him! Stop lying! Give me back mein friend!" Germany yells, held back only by a pained Prussia.

"Ha... Hahahahaha!" I laugh. I laugh like I've just been told the funniest joke in the world. Tears start streaming down my eyes, as I double over. But the laughter is cold and crazed. It has an icy undertone that the others have never heard from me before. After about 30 seconds of straight laughter, I finally calm down enough to wipe away my tears of amusement. Japan stands stoically by me, glaring at the room with absolute disgust.

"Warm? Loving? Forgiving? Carefree, you say?! HA! That's a laugh! I'm lying am I?" I viciously rip off the bandages that cover my still bleeding left eye socket. "I stopped being that weak, naïve, cowardly, pushover Italy the moment I received this scar!" I yell, angry now, as I point to my missing eye. The room as a whole flinches. "The Italy you knew is long gone, and he might not want to come back. Why should he? His best friends betrayed him without even giving him a fair trial. What is it you always say, America? All men have the right to a fair trial? Something like that, si? Where's that justice and heroism you're always spouting about now? Huh?" I look around the room. Everyone looks guilty now. They all look so remorseful. Yet I can't find it in myself to feel any pity for them. They did it to themselves. I think coldly.

Some move to talk, either to deny my words or try to make amends, but I stop them, holding up my hand. "Japan." I state, not even needing to glance at him to convey my message.

"Hai." With lightning speed, Japan stands between myself and the other nations.

"Ja-Japan! What are you doing?!" America yells, still trying to get to me to apologize. "Back Off." Japan says firmly, malice lacing his voice. The nations flinch at the uncharacteristic tone and glare. China shivers.

"Japan, aru?"

Japan turns his Death Glare on his older brother. "I cannot allow you to interfere." He says frigidly. "This is Itary's decision. What you all have done is unforgivable, in my opinion. You yatsu should be glad that Itary is more forgiving by nature than I. He might forgive you for what you've done. Even if it takes a few centuries, or longer. I, on the other hand, will only forgive you when he does. And even then, neither of us will ever trust you all the same. Especially Itary. You all did more damage than you could imagine. You threw away a once in a life-time friend. He's even been trying to help you escape from this place alive, at the cost of his own life. Even after you betrayed him! You didn't just throw him away, either. You broke him first." Japan's livid by this point. I sigh.

"Kiku. That's enough. They aren't worth your anger. They're torturing themselves enough as it is." I point out callously. Japan looks at the 8 nations, some crying, some not. But all of them had fierce regret and visible shame, guilt, and pain on their faces.

"Hn. Sumimasen." Japan apologizes to me.

"Kiku. Don't apologize to me. You don't need to." I say, my frosty voice holding slight warmth. Kiku smiles to me, nodding his head.

"Right, Kiku, activate it now." I say, "I've already reset the clock. It'll turn back time as soon as I die." The others are sent into a panic by my words. Including Romano, who's managed to stagger up the staircase, still a mess.

"What do you mean, 'as soon as you die'?!" France cries out. Japan keeps them all from reaching me. Romano is still, silent, knowing that there's no stopping me.

I don't bother to acknowledge the question. Japan starts chanting in fluent, accent-less Latin, glowing a bright red color, tinged with white. It's only then that the nations finally notice that a perfect circle has been cut into the floor of the Safe Room, courtesy of England. The circle looks incredibly complex, symbols and characters and unfamiliar designs carved into the wood with painstaking detail and accuracy. Though unknown to everyone but myself, England, and Japan, most of the unfamiliar characters are actually the Language of the Ryuuzu. It's something that I've discovered only recently, and I've found that spells in that language are exponentially more powerful than my normal spells.

There is just one problem. I don't have enough magic. This is where the other part of the magic circle comes into play. I smirk, standing in the center of the array. "Don't worry." I say as I prepare myself mentally and physically. "You won't remember any of this. Ever."

I start chanting in the Language of the Ryuuzu, letting my instincts take over and the new, unknown words slip off my tongue. The spell circle starts to glow pure white, the color of my magic.

"NOW!" I cry, as the second part of the circle lights up, glowing pure black, Yang's aura. Yang's magic. Canada's eyes widen as he finally figures out the second array, giving up on the first one (the most he can figure out is that it has something to do with memories). He did grow up around England, after all.

"NO! YOU CAN'T! YOU'LL KILL YOURSELF! YOU'LL DO MORE THAN JUST THAT, YOU'LL RUIN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE FOREVER! STOP!" He cries. I only have a split second for the thought, 'huh, it almost sounds like he actually cares' to run through my head, before a ghost-image of Yang appears above the second array. We mirror each other. The only difference in our appearance is our eye color. It's my first time actually seeing Yang with my own eyes. Then, in an instant and without warning, we crash into each other, melding into one once more.

Then, the pain rips through me. It's about 10,000 times more intense than I could ever have imagined, and it's still growing. I let lose a bloodcurdling scream of pure and unadulterated agony, before I somehow force my mind to focus.

I continue chanting, blood trickling out of my mouth, ears, nose, and eyes. My empty left eye socket is wide open, and what little of the knife-wound had healed, is suddenly ripped open. For some reason, I think that the pain should be indistinguishable from the torture I am in, but it actually layers on top of everything else, the spell and merging of my aura with Yang's intensifying whatever physical pain I feel.

I continue the chant. It's almost over. Then I can rest... sleep... NO! Not yet! Keep chanting! The glow intensifies, now becoming something of a Yin-Yang symbol, rather than black clashing against white. The Aura merging completes, but the agony still increases. I can't take much more of this!

Then, with a click that I feel rather than hear, for an instant, there's no pain. There's no emptiness, or anger, or hurt, or loneliness. And for an instant, I can see the entire scene clearly, as if from outside of my body. Japan and England, forcibly holding back the other nations, who are trying desperately to reach me, my body still floating in the middle of the arrays, looking like a fallen angel. Blood streaming from my ears, nose, mouth, and eyes—or eye socket in the case of my left one. My expression is beyond any conceivable pain, but at the same time, has a sort of peaceful quality to it. Japan, I notice, is crying. Silently, Japan is crying for me. For the pain that I've had to hold inside, and the pain I'm going through now. For the betrayal I've had to face, and the horrors that I've had to hide. And perhaps most of all, he's crying for my soul. The soul of his friend, innocence lost to time, betrayal, and harsh reality. He's crying for me, his friend. And that means more to me than I could ever explain. And I feel myself crying with him. And a deep, unexplainable guilt for being the one to cause him pain. Thank you. It's the only thing I can think to say.

Then, the pain comes back in an instant, as the spell completes. I feel, rather than hear my body, numb in agony, fall to the wooden floor. My eardrums are ruptured, and my vision is blurry with bloody tears. My body is heavy and in far too much pain to even consider moving. I've died enough times to know that Death is quickly closing in on me. I can feel my heartbeat slowing, and my lungs becoming sluggish. Hello, old friend. I greet Death warmly.

Through my blurry vision, I see Japan, cradling my body as his is wracked with sobs. I use as much of my meager strength as I can to reach my hand up, and wipe away his tears, leaving a blood trail with my fingers by mistake.

"Itary! Gomenasai. Hountouni! Gomenasai!" I read his lips.

"K-... Kiku... Do-don't c-cry..." I struggle to form the words, and force the air in and out of my abused lungs. "I... shou-ould th-thank you. You'v-ve al-ways... stood b-by m-me... A-arigatou... Kiku...—" My vision fades, and I feel his warm tears fall on my face. The agony in my body starts to fade, but at the same time grows even more potent, even as I die. I feel my final breath come, as my struggling, gurgling lungs finally give up their futile battle for oxygen. As I fade to nothingness, the last thing I feel. Is the unbearable pain and agony, still growing stronger... Stronger... Stronger...

**~End of Memory Clock~**

Edited: 09/10/2018