Chapter Seventeen: Maggie
Levi hadn't been trying to talk to me ever since we fought earlier, and Beth and Emily were quick to notice and didn't fail to ask me what happened.
Usually, when he's in a bad mood he tends to confide in his friends from the basketball team but he always comes to me at the end of the day to tell me about his problems.
So when Beth told me she had seen Levi appearing to be in a foul mood, not wanting to talk to anyone, and asked me if I knew about anything about it, I simply stayed quiet and nodded my head, but not in a way to reassure her that he's alright and that I'm here for him.
Because in reality, I'm the one that he's avoiding and vice versa. We almost never fight so when Beth and Emily found out that we got ourselves into our once-in-a-lifetime disputes, they were shocked and immediately tried to pry answers out of me, which I quickly gave to them.
I didn't wanna leave them out on anything considering they were friends with me and they were friends with Levi, so if there are rare moments where both of us catch ourselves fighting this drastically, it's always been their job to panic the most amongst everybody else.
But I felt guilty because despite caving into full disclosure, as always, I left out little fragments of what really happened that caused the explosion of the argument, from which those little fragments were the most significant details that planted the issue in the first place.
Such as how the conflict started because of me talking to Jasper, which only happened because I was secretly in contact with Evan still, which Levi forbade me not to do, but that can't happen now because as far as no one is concerned, I'm engaged to him.
And they don't even know about it.
That's why this whole thing is dragging me down mercilessly into my own demise because here I am, torturing myself by not telling my friends information they're more than deserving to know, especially Levi, and yet, ever since the engagement, I've been perpetually pulling myself back to do anything but tell them about it.
So here I am, walking side by side with both Beth and Emily as the guilt eats me up from the inside as they panic about the current situation at hand.
"I just hope you two will be able to get through this, I hate it whenever you guys fight, it's like the whole world feels it and no one is allowed to not feel anxious about what's gonna happen next," Beth said while Emily nodded her head in agreement.
I can understand where she's coming from, because again, Levi and I barely fight but when we do, it does feel like we're dragging down everyone with us.
Because we always seem and act like we have a good hold of each other, and when we fight, we just deviate from that. We float away from one another, and suddenly we feel like strangers, and if there's one thing Beth and Emily fear, is the possibility of that ever coming true.
But it does feel that way, even now, I'm still in shock that for the past few weeks, all Levi and I have been fighting, and nowadays, I just barely know him anymore.
I know that's not an excuse to keep secrets, all I'm saying is that it's never been this way before.
With that, I'm scared. I really am, because the most unexpected of things usually tend to lead us to the consequences that we've feared since the beginning.
But I wasn't going to tell them that, much or less show them how terrified I really was. So putting up my usual facade, I glue on a quick, reassuring smile and tell them "Don't worry, we'll get through this, we always do."
"I know, but still. It's bad enough that Levi hasn't been letting his presence known since last morning. At this time of the day, he's probably already vented out about Coach Rogers and practices, but he hasn't." Beth pointed out, troubled.
"Exactly, you haven't seen him since you two fought earlier in the day, right?" Emily asked as I nodded because indeed, I haven't.
I tried searching for him in the school's gym, the cafeteria, his classes, but to no luck, he literally just vanished and has made no attempts to be seen, and some part of me is stressing out over the idea that something might go terribly wrong, but I just forced myself to think otherwise.
"He probably just needed some time to cool off," I implied, not even convincing myself "If I still haven't seen him once classes have ended, I'll try to call him to patch things up."
"Yeah, maybe he's just out somewhere, trying to blow off some steam."
The idea of Levi just trying to blow off some steam seemed so innocent at first, because knowing him, he's probably out somewhere, trying to decompress. Touching the grass or something.
I just never would've thought that blowing off some steam can come in a lot of different ways to people who are slowly losing themselves. Because at that very moment, is when I really got to see how much of a stranger Levi had morphed into.
Because before we knew it, students were rushing past us, bumping into our shoulders, trying to get a view of something way far ahead "Hey!" Beth shrieked to the students that ran past us.
But they simply ignored our complaints, and we all collectively looked at each other before trying to see what the actual hell was going on.
"What the hell is happening?" Emily asked out of curiosity as murmurs and whispers traveled around us, all inaudible as we moved closer to see what the commotion was all about.
"Probably just another fight as always," Beth shook her head in irritation as she nudged a guy nearby "Hey, what the hell is going on? What's everybody freaking out about?"
The guy looked at us before quickly averting his gaze to watch the scene again, completely transfixed "Evan is having a fight with Levi." he blurted out.
And just like that, all of the air instantly got sucked out of my body as we stood there, shocked.
We immediately pushed past the crowd of students in front of us, wiggling myself into the masses, dread creeping into my system as I let a continuous chant play over my head-
Please don't let this be real, please don't let this be real, please don't-
But instead, my biggest nightmare was what greeted me. As I then made my way out of the sea of people that were swarming the entire scene of Evan tackling Levi onto the ground whilst Levi tried to shove him off, all the while trying to reach out and throw a punch at him.
Beth shrieked as I stood there, mortified and numb "You son of a bitch!" Levi yelled as he tried to get Evan off of him, grabbing his arm that was connected to the knuckle clutching his shoulder, pushing him down onto the ground as Levi made a swing at him.
"What's your fucking problem, huh?" Evan shouted back, his face red with rage.
"My problem? You! You're my fucking problem! Who do you think you are trying to make a move on my girlfriend after everything you did to her?!"
I felt the entire atmosphere shift as my mind started to spin, bewildered by the words that came out of Levi's mouth.
While Evan only laughed in pure mockery, looking at Levi almost as if he was a toddler throwing a tantrum "Everything I did? How about you ask yourself the same thing. Who do you think you are trying to act as if you fucking own her?!"
The impact of Evan's words probably fueled him enough reason to be more outraged by the situation, because just like that, he takes another swing at Levi, this one more powerful than the last as Levi's head turned and I saw from the corner of his mouth blood that was spilling out.
Snapping me back into reality as I immediately took a step forward "Evan! Stop!" I cried out, and almost as if he gained back his normal sense of self, he turned his head in my direction, surprised to see me here, witnessing all of this.
Which resulted in Levi getting the upper hand as he violently shoved him away while Evan was caught off guard, making him fall onto his back, groaning.
He landed near my feet and I bent down to inspect him "What the hell did you do?" I asked, my voice shaking.
He heaved out several heavy breaths before looking up at me, smears of blood and bruises all visible on his face as he clenched his jaw "What I had to do."
Levi sat up to stare at the both of us just as Beth and Emily raced to his side "So what? This is it?" he questioned, fuming with the sight before him "You're siding with him after everything you said about him? After everything I told you not to do?"
"She's not obligated to do what you tell her, she's not your fucking servant."
"Oh, how rich coming from the guy who treats all his girlfriends like shit! Did you know that what you're preaching about right now is the same reason why Maggie never liked you in the first place?" Levi hissed as he wiped at the blood-smudged at the corner of his lips "Now this?"
Levi brings his attention back to me as his eyes then turn into slits "It's either you lied since the beginning or you're a total fucking hypocrite."
Before I could even say anything, Evan immediately springs up to try and pounce on him, but I pull him back just as quickly before he could cause another brawl.
"Stop! Just stop, okay! This isn't how it's supposed to be!"
"Then how is it supposed to be?" Levi growled "Because I know this isn't how it's supposed to be. You're not supposed to be at his side but instead right here with me. What..."
And for a moment, I could see the hurt in his eyes as he tried his best to continue on with his words, evidently choked up and confused about the situation.
"What does this mean, Maggie? Why are you there? With him?"
I didn't know what to say, or simply didn't know how to say the words that were bubbling inside of me, just tempting me to scream it all out and go ahead and tell him.
That this isn't what it looks like. That I'm not here beside him because I chose to, and I'm not there with you because I want to, that none of this was ever really my choice.
At this very second did it dawn on me that all of this wouldn't have happened if only I had told him about the engagement. If only I wasn't just such a fucking coward and kept secrets from him, I never wanted this to happen and yet here I am now.
Begging him, pleading with him to try and understand a situation he was never made aware of all because of my thoughtless choices and blinded way of thinking that I could've somehow prevented all of this from happening.
I so desperately wanted to tell him all about it right now, even if it's too late, I just wanted to take my chances and not let this end in a travesty.
But before I could even try, and almost as if sensing it, Evan grabbed onto my thigh, squeezing it as I looked down on him, but he was staring straight ahead "Don't, it's not worth it."
Just like that, I was at war with myself, but then I realized more than half a dozen students were swarming us and if I decide to tell him the truth about the engagement now, we might as well reveal to the entire world that what we have going on is a sham.
Potentially ruining not only my relationship with Levi but everything I worked so hard to keep a secret, and so I did only what I had to do - I didn't say anything.
Knowing fully well I've added coal into the fire and given the assumptions running through Levi's head a false confirmation that yes, what he thinks is probably true.
It didn't help when his eyes darted to Evan's hand that was gripping my thigh, making him clench his jaw as he stared back at me, seething.
"I can't fucking believe you." he exclaimed viciously as I resisted the urge not to cry "For one moment I thought you were different from everybody else. But turns out you're just like any other sad, pathetic virgin who couldn't help but give in to what she really wanted."
I was mortified with what he just said to me, not expecting to hear such a spiteful set of words to come out of his mouth, and I knew right then and there that I lost him. I lost Levi.
"I never wanna see your goddamn face again, you hear me? You wanted him so badly and you just couldn't stay away?" he then turns back to Evan, a sadistic grin etched up his face as he points to me "She's all fucking yours, then."
He struggled to get on his feet but once he did, he could only stare us down before he turned on his heel and walked away, with both Beth and Emily reluctantly following him but not before looking back at us:
Emily was just perplexed and dazed with what happened, while Beth looked just as betrayed as Levi before she turned her head away and walked off. Leaving me all alone with Evan on my lap as the students around us waited on what was gonna happen next.
"Mr. Williams!" We turned our heads to see Principal Miller and a bunch of teachers marching towards us, distraught by the scene as they stopped right in front of us.
"Principal's office, now!"
* * *
They gave Evan a two-week suspension.
When asked what was my involvement with the whole incident, Evan was quick to rush to my defense and explain that I was only there to stop the fight, nothing else.
Levi refused to go to the Principal's office and will only give his side of the story once he knew neither one of us was in the same room as him, and it doesn't take a genius to know why.
But from my clear understanding of the whole incident, to which Evan decided to narrate his side of the story for me and Principal Miller, apparently, Levi went up to him just as he was taking a stroll around the school and had asked about his relationship with me, clearly infuriated.
Evan said he tried to dismantle the situation and calm Levi down but Levi was the one to blow things out of proportion and at first, I dared myself not to believe him. But then again, with the way Levi has been acting up these past few days, it's not that hard to believe.
But the question that was racing through my head with the thought of Levi picking a fight with Evan was why he didn't just come to me in the first place?
I know I made it seem like I was fed up with him intruding on my personal life and that I didn't have time for his hysterics, that's why he probably took matters into his own hands and got to the bottom of the situation, but that's no excuse to just start a fight like that.
Evan told Principal Miller that he tried to prevent the fight from happening, but due to Levi's intense outbursts and provoking threats, he couldn't help but act out on his aggression with violence as well.
Which didn't help him with his dilemma with Principal Miller and was told that the school doesn't excuse nor justify behaviors like this even if they were an act of defense.
However, Principal Miller did promise us that he'll give Levi a three-week suspension as well as to assign him some community service around the school, which I honestly appreciate judging from the excessive amount of broken violations listed on Evan's record as opposed to Levi's lack thereof, that he wasn't being biased.
Saying how he didn't expect such actions from such a studious and well-behaved student and that he was disappointed.
I can understand where he's coming from because even I, his girlfriend of two years, didn't expect him to act this immoderately, it just didn't seem like him at all.
After that, Principal Miller let us go, with him telling Evan to go fetch his things considering he had already informed both Tiffany and Mason about the events that went down and how they were waiting for him with a full explanation once he got back home.
Evan could only curse underneath his breath with the information given.
I volunteered to accompany him back to his place considering he seemed in no state to handle himself properly because of the fight, and it wasn't only until Evan was driving through the streets of his neighborhood did I really get to process what just happened.
"God, they're gonna kill me once they see my face." Evan groaned, pressing the pack of ice I got for him from the nurse's office before we left the school.
I didn't say anything and it was clear he could only perceive my silence as an act of showing indignation because that is what I felt, but in a way, it was much more than that.
"Hey, are you okay?" he asked, cautious.
I could only laugh at how oblivious he sounded "Am I okay?" I repeated to which he could only look at me with his eyebrows furrowed, lost "After everything you did today you expect me to be okay? With you?"
"Are you kidding me? I did nothing but defend you when your insane boyfriend kept saying absurd nonsense and acted like you were his property in need of protection."
"Well, now with what's happened he isn't my boyfriend anymore." I snapped.
Evan can only shake his head at that "Unbelievable, shouldn't you be thankful that I got the job done quicker? You were only bound to break up with him."
"But I wanted to break up with him on my own terms, Evan!" I cried out, frustrated. "You can't just go ahead and start a fight like that because you think you're protecting me!"
"I was protecting you!" he exclaimed "Couldn't you see how awful he was to try and claim you as if he owned you? I know that seems unfair, but it's for the better."
"No, it's not." I ventured "You have no right to decide what's better for me because this is my life, Evan! I get to choose what's better for me because if I don't this happens! Things that were way out of my own reach and I had no chance to handle them all on my own! Now there's a chance Levi and my friends won't try to talk to me because of what they saw."
The car jerked to a stop as we ended up in the Williams' driveway "If your friends and your boyfriend can just leave you like that without hesitation, I think it's more of a relief than a misfortune on your end."
"Easy for you to say," I said indignantly "Because unlike you, I have no one in my life now! I've lost the only people I had a reason to hold onto all because I wanted to keep this whole engagement a secret! But I didn't want this, Evan! I didn't wanna keep secrets all because of you and the least you could've done was try and respect that!"
"I did what I had to do because I do respect you!" he yelled.
"What part of you making my own choices for me is in any way respecting me? Because if you had actually respected me you could've prevented the fight from even happening in the first place and asked me first if it was okay!"
I stopped and gave myself the time to breathe and compose myself, my chest hollowed but at the same time, I was overflowing with rage.
"You knew the reason why Levi and I fought is that I don't like people trying to make my own decisions for me without my consent. But you go ahead and do the same thing."
"What did you expect me to do?" Evan questioned firmly, perplexed "To just sit around and deny everything he's said because I didn't ask permission from you first?"
"Yes!" I declared "That is exactly what I wanted you to do and could've saved you a hell of a lot of time and bruises if you had just suppressed the need to handle things on your own accord."
"My own accord?"
"Violence, Evan," I noted vehemently "Violence. The need to solve everything with a slam of your fist but you need to realize not everyone solves problems the way that you do."
"I didn't beat him up because I wanted to, I only did it to defend you. Why can't you just see that? Why does everything seem to never be enough for you?"
I stayed silent despite his outburst but when I looked back at him, he seemed almost desperate for my answer. He looked like a little boy, so vulnerable and yet so infuriated that things didn't go the way that he wanted.
For me to praise him because he resorted to shutting someone up by pushing them down onto the ground, and throwing a quick punch and kick or two along the way.
"I'm sorry if you think I don't appreciate what you thought was an act of defense for me, but you need to realize we're different from each other, Evan. That I don't condone this."
"Why is it never enough for you?" he asked, defeated, "Why is it always never enough for you what I do? I get it, he's your boyfriend, but the way he had treated you, I had to take matters into my own hands. If I knew you were gonna be this way about it, I never would've done anything."
He let out a dry laugh "I should never have done anything." he continued "I should've never tried to prove myself to you, to avenge you, knowing that in the end, it wasn't worth it."
I don't know why, but something pierced inside me hearing him say that. It's not that I didn't acknowledge his efforts, I did, it's just that...
"We're so different from one another, that whatever we do, it's either too much or too little," I said in a gentle voice, averting my gaze.
"We try our best to get along but there's always something that's gonna get in the way of that." I pointed out, my eyes welling up. "And as much as I wanna try and as much as you were doing so great, as much as we were doing so great..."
I turned my head to look back at him to see that he was already staring at me "It's just never gonna work, we ruin each other way too much."
He looks down on his lap, not knowing what to say as I close my eyes "Maybe this is just a sign that it's never gonna work out, Evan. Ever."
I held onto the car door, gripping it tightly. "I know we said we'll try, but the more we try, the more we supply reasons to stay further away from each other."
I open the door to the car as I look back at him one last time.
"And honestly? Maybe we should."