Aurelie tip-toed to the closet, being extra careful not to wake anyone. For girls who were placed to keep an eye on her, they were rather terrible at it. The redhead fell asleep whilst Aurelie sat reading beside the window.
A bowl of water that had been brought up, for Aurelie to wash her face, stood on a counter in her clothing quarter. A mirror was right above it, with a little holder that kept her brush attached to it below. She tried to avoid both as much as she could. If she looked bad enough, she might be inclined not to scare away the good people of the city, and she certainly needed the outing.
From what she was able to gather, her father met with civilians for an hour before the sun rose. There was no better day to start attending these meetings, she thought. Perhaps if she annoyed him enough, he'd make a better effort at finding Kirin.
Aurelie picked out a red dress for the occasion—mostly because it didn't require the help of three women to put on—pulled it over her head, and straightened out the skirt.
The mirror caught her eye. She stopped and ogled the bags beneath her eyes. He face was pale as a ghost's. If she didn't acquire some color soon, she'd turn a shade of blue.
Rumors were bound to be spread of her affair with the High Officer's son. Why else would she be in such a state? In fact, they probably had already. She hadn't said his name in days. Though, a tougher milestone would be saying it without crying.
A letter from the King arrived two days ago inquiring whether she would like them to fetch Daerious and the rest of her companions. A firm "No!" was sent in reply. She might have been safe at the castle for the time being, but she didn't trust the King and would certainly not begin to with the lives of her closest and only friends.
Often, Aurelie would think back to the things she wished for before the King came to take Kaiden and Elizabeth. She wanted the castle, the gowns, the jewels so desperately; an adventure for which she would leave home and discover a new world.
She was as far away from home as she could possibly be. Her wishes had all come true. What an adventure she had. The last year of her life held so much love, so much color, but without Kirin there it all seemed bleak.
A craving for change set in. She walked back into the room and tapped Cassandra on her shoulder. The tall blond was Aurelie's favorite. She didn't talk much and her green eyes didn't seem to sympathize with every passing glance.
Cassandra lifted one eye and yawned. Shocked, she jumped up and held a hand over her mouth. Aurelie held her finger to her lips and silenced the woman. "Can you cut hair?"
Cassandra nodded.
"Then let's go."
She followed Aurelie into the closet area, stretching her arms as she walked. "What would you have me do, Your Highness?"
Aurelie stared into the mirror. "Cut it all. Up to my chin." Her hand passed her neck to show Cassandra the exact length.
"That is quite a change. Maybe, if I may, we can cut off a little now and—
Aurelie picked up a nail trimming knife and grabbed a long chunk of her hair between two fingers. She had to rub her hair against the blade to cut. "There!" She gave the knife to Cassandra and sat down on the edge of the bath.
Cassandra walked over to pick up the comb. "Well, alright then." Deep lines curled out of the edge of her eyes far into her temples. She was the eldest of the three in Aurelie's company. "If you're certain."
"I am."
She dunked the comb into the bowl of water and ran it through Aurelie's hair. Once she had repeated the exercise throughout Aurelie's whole head, she retrieved a pair of scissors from her apron and began to cut. Aurelie felt her head get lighter. A cloud of sorrow settled in her chest and to the soft sounds of snipping metal, she began to cry.
"Oh, now! I knew you were going to regret it. Didn't expect it to be quite so soon!" Cassandra moved around and lowered herself onto her knees. "We've got wigs in the castle, don't you worry. It doesn't even look half bad."
Aurelie waved her worry away. "No, it's not the hair."
"Ah, it's that boy that was taken, isn't it? The commander's son."
Aurelie nodded. "Ugh!" She wiped at her eyes, stretching her skin to the sides of her face. What must you think of me? "I wish I could stop it, but thus far leaving the bed has been a task."
Cassandra lay down the comb on the floor beside her. "I lost my eldest son ten years ago." She smiled in a way someone does to avert tears. "He was just nineteen. Now, you'll get people who'll attempt to comfort you by saying that it gets better—that you'll get a part of yourself back again, but it doesn't and you won't. They'll speak about beautiful memories that can never be taken away and the luck you had to have to possess whatever was lost in the first place." She raised a finger. "In reality, nothing changes but you. You have the power to decide when you will start to live again despite the pain. No love is the same, no death is the same. You own both. Decide what to do with it."
"He's not dead! We don't know that. They'll—They'll want to keep him as leverage . . . or something. Surely." Aurelie slowly lifted her eyes to look at her. "You must think me so weak."
Cassandra pursed her lips. "We're all weak, Princess. That's how you know you're still human."
Aurelie blinked away tears. She couldn't afford to be weak, but somehow everything she looked at reminded her of him, and there was no way for her to escape the jolts of pain that came with each memory. She would eat a piece of bread and the taste would link itself to the inn, and there he'd be, tormenting her with how much she needed and missed him. But she wanted that. She wanted him to always be with her and yet it broke her anew each time. "I just can't seem to find a way to do anything but think. If I cannot force myself to sleep, I lie there and I think. And every path leads to him. The other day, I walked into the closet to wash my face, and the scent of wood summoned him to me. I cried until one of the girls got worried and nearly broke the door down to reach me. I want the pain. I want him to never leave my thoughts. But I need to breathe and that's only becoming more difficult." She sighed. "They won't let me do anything to help either. If I could be out there looking for him . . . but where would I start?"
"You're the heir, I'm sure you have plenty to busy yourself with. Ask your father to put you to work. The infirmary never has enough hands. The herbalist can't stop complaining about how little help he gets, even though he gets more than anyone in the castle. He'd be happy to have you there to moan to. There's plenty to do here."
Aurelie felt more at ease after hearing Cassandra speak. She reached for a strand of her hair and remembered that it was now spread across the floor. "I wanted to see the villagers with the King this morning, but I suppose I've missed their arrival now."
"He didn't see any today. I heard a guest was coming. The servants referred to him as the Keeper, of what I'm not sure." Cassandra stood back up and patted Aurelie on the shoulder.
"Did you say the Keeper?" she asked. He had been entirely forgotten to her until that very moment. "We better move this along. I need to see him."
"Well, I can't leave you looking like this. They'll have my job the second you leave this room."
For a long moment, they were both silent. Cassandra attempted to fix the mess on her head, and Aurelie contemplated what had just occurred between them. "Thank you," she said.
"We all need companions even, and especially, in our despair. You know," she paused, "you have the perfect escape right outside this door. I'm not saying that it's healthy, or even logical to bury your feelings, but you have the leisure to be responsible for thousands upon thousands of people. Feed the hungry, clothe the cold and heal the sick. Who knows, that might be the secret to saving your soul, and if doesn't, it will sure as day take your mind off the things that broke it."
"That seems like cheating."
A wind fluttered past her neck as Cassandra dramatically flipped her hands over so that she could see how ridiculous Aurelie's statement was to her. "Cheat! For the sake of the kingdom and everyone who cares for you, cheat!"
Aurelie smiled. "Those seem to be dropping like flies these days. I wouldn't connect them with myself more than they already are. For safety reasons." A little at a time, she would get herself back. The fear and grief were slowly turning into anger. She felt her power twist and turn inside her like the cautious sway of a cat's tail.
Cassandra lightly slapped the top of her head. "If this atmosphere gets any darker in here, the crows will start making a nest outside your window."
"I was joking," she said and rethought the truth in her comment, shaking her head from side to side with her lip curled up. "Well, mainly, that is."
"At least you've moved on from wearing black." Cassandra dipped the scissors into the tub of water and stirred it.
"I'm not allowed to," Aurelie said simply. "We weren't wed. Just as well, he would have thought it trivial. I wore it in here because it fit my mood." She smiled.
Cassandra moved to face Aurelie. "Sounds like a smart lad." She moved a strand of hair behind Aurelie's ear and squinted. "Well, that's the best it's going to get."
Aurelie turned to the mirror and burst out laughing. "I look ridiculous."
"I told you not to cut it so short."
Aurelie held onto her stomach. "There should be a law to disallow people with wavy hair to cut it above the shoulder." The water didn't help. It looked as if a camel spit on her, a cow licked her and a gust of wind slightly puffed it up. "Very well, let me be an example to those who planned to try the style."
"I can assure you that you are the only one who had that plan," Cassandra said smugly, raising a brow. "You better defend me when this cut costs me my work. If you only let me make it a little longer..."
Dragging her fingers into her hair, Aurelie shook them to gain some volume. "I'll tell them all that it was my idea. The King's been walking on eggshells around me. I would pay to hear his thoughts on my sanity when he sees this."
Cassandra laughed. "He'll warn the guards to stand around your bed as you sleep and ban all sharp objects from the castle."
"Oh, it isn't that bad, is it?"
"No, dear girl, it is worse. And you had the loveliest hair!" Cassandra stood behind Aurelie watching her reflection in the misty mirror. She couldn't look more horrified with the outcome if she tried. "Just the other day I heard a group of ladies talk about how beautiful our Princess is."
Aurelie rolled her eyes. "It'll grow back." The last time she had a meaningless conversation... Well, she couldn't remember when, but the morning was as close to perfect as it could be. Her new haircut might have been tedious, but the ache in her heart came to a pause for a glorious moment and it was all she could hope for.
"Hmm." Cassandra pondered, with her hand on her chin. Her finger rose up to touch her nose. "Maybe a large crown..."
Aurelie heard her shuffle through boxes moments later. It's not that bad. Bending down, she shook her head and flipped her head back. She actually quite liked it. Not a popular style at the castle, but she wasn't positively popular either. It fit.
"Here," Cassandra came back in with golden crown that vined like a matured bush. Small rubies clung to spiky ends. It reminded Aurelie of the berries she survived on, on her way out of the Dead Wood. Funny how such little things could ignite her memories.
"It's perfect," Aurelie said as Cassandra place it on her head.
When Aurelie stopped ogling herself, she noticed that the sole of Cassandra's shoe had come undone. She walked over to one of the tall shelves that displayed her new shoe collection and picked out a pair with the smallest heal and a modest, black leathered design. "Here you go." She held the shoes out for Cassandra.
Cassandra flung her arms up to her hips. "Now, when I said clothe the poor, I didn't mean me. I can very well buy my own shoes, thank you very much."
"I didn't mean to imply..." Aurelie's widened. "I'm so sorry. I saw your sole—and I have so many." Truth was, Aurelie had more things than she would ever wear. It wasn't charity but a gift. The woman possessed the craft of making Aurelie feel again. No, was not going to be an option. "What if I command it?" Aurelie raised her chin and channeled Alorah's commanding stare.
"Well," Cassandra grinned. "I couldn't go against my future queen's wishes." The shoes on her feet flew in different directions. Aurelie put the pair down beside Cassandra's feet and helped her put them on.
"Oh! Did you feel the quality of this leather? My house probably costs less." She looked up at Aurelie.
"Mine did too once."
"I keep forgetting that you're more like us than them."
No one could have given her a better compliment. "And I will never forget that I am."