"I just.... You and Dr Reid?"
Twenty minutes later and Hotch was still shell shocked. You'd given him a brief run down of how you and Reid had come to end up in this situation, steering clear of the nitty gritty. He didn't need to know that.
"And you've just acted totally normal around him at work, knowing you're carrying his child."
"Hey.... Don't you start judging me again Aaron. I thought we'd become friends. I can do without that right now, he's already hating on me enough."
You took a sip from the water you'd fetched after Reid had stormed out.
"I'm not judging you. I'm sorry if it sounds like that. And we are friends... "
You could sense a 'but'.
You were right. He continued tentatively.
"But, Reid has every right to hate you right now. He's just found out someone is having his baby, but that he's not allowed to play a part."
You sighed. Hotch was right.
"Y/N why do you so badly not want him to be in this child's life? Is it completely selfish reasons, because you don't get on with him?"
Selfish.... Yep, that was you.
"You know he'd make a good father. He's kind and considerate, and you know any child that has both of your genes is going to be the next Einstein. She's going to be a handful."
She.... Your little girl. Reid's little girl.
Who he'd threatened to sue you for custody of.
"Shit... Hotch. Could he really take her away from me?" As much as you'd initially not wanted this thing, you'd at least come round to the idea of it, making concessions in your life.
And you weren't going through another five months of hell just to have nothing to show for at the end of it. The ultrasound earlier had peeled another thin layer of away of whatever was coating your hidden maternal instinct. She was your baby. Your property.
"He could certainly try. I doubt any court would award him full custody though as it's not like you're unfit to be a mother. But if he was serious, then he'd stand a good chance of joint access. And you could provide him that without costing both of you thousands of dollars."
He was right again.
Ugh.
"Y/N look... I can't tell you what to do here. But if I put myself in Spencers shoes right now, I know I'd be heartbroken. He'll be an excellent father, and now he knows; you don't have to leave or transfer away from the BAU. You two can work something out, where he can help you and be a part of this little girls life."
Taking a deep breath and closing your eyes, you spoke. "Call him please. Get him to come back."
....
Twenty minutes later and Spencer was sat on your couch wearing an expression that, try as you might, you couldn't read.
Hotch had left when he had returned, telling you to call him if you needed him.
You seriously were beginning to wonder what you'd do without that man in your life. Since finding out you were pregnant, you'd seen a totally different side to the normally stoic and unemotional boss you normally saw. One thing was right. At least now Spencer knew, you probably wouldn't leave.
He looked at you expectantly, and you knew you should start talking. But that meant having to admit that you were wrong to not tell him, and you hated admitting you were wrong.
Another two minutes of silence passed, Reid fiddling with his tie and you scanning the room looking anywhere else but at him.
Your mouth opened and closed seven times before you finally muttered out a quiet "I'm sorry."
"Pardon?"His eyebrows raised at you, his mouth set.
"I'm sorry." Louder this time, still not looking at him.
"Well that's a start I guess. How long have you known?" Oh joy...... interrogation time.
"Six weeks."
"So you've lied to my face for six weeks? How does Hotch know?"
"Technically I've not lied Reid. I just didn't tell you. And Hotch was with me when I found out. The case where I ended up making an emergency trip to the hospital?"
He nodded, recalling and for once not making a snarky "I told you so" comment.
"Is the baby okay? Is it healthy? Are you okay?"
"Yes, yes and physically yes."
"So you're physically okay but not mentally? Explain please."
"Well I hadn't exactly got 'get knocked up by my work colleague' written into any of my planners or calenders. But I've accepted that it's happened." You shrugged your shoulders.
"I thought you told me you were on the pill anyway?"
"I was. But I'm not very good at taking it. Hence why I told you we needed condoms that night." You'd been offered other types of contraception by your Doctor, but had declined them all, not liking the idea of having anything inserted inside of you or having the time to go and get a shot every three months. But you were a walking example of why the contraceptive pill wasn't an ideal option for people who were constantly pulled from pillar to post.
"But we used condoms? I distinctly remember stopping to have to put one on. And you whining at me to hurry up." Ugh, you had. You, begging him to hurry up and put it in you, something you never in million years thought would happen. You shuddered at the memory.
"Think Spencer......" His eyes shifted to the ceiling as he thought back, and then the penny dropped.
"The third time........Shit.That was my fault."
"It's no ones fault Reid. We're both as equally responsible for it."
"Exactly."
"Huh?"
"What you've just said. If we were both equally responsible for you getting pregnant, then we are both equally responsible for the outcome of that pregnancy. I'm not walking away from this. I won't be like my father and abandon my child."
You knew his father had walked out on he and his mom when he was a child, which had been another reason you'd not wanted to tell him. You knew that there was no chance he'd make the same mistakes his own Dad had and leave you to raise this child alone. But you'd wanted to do it alone. And now........Your plans were going to have to change again to accommodate someone else.
Taking a deep breath, you met his gaze. "I know."
"You know? What does that even mean Y/N?" Why was he insisting on making this so hard for you?
"I know you're not going to walk away."
"And I'm not letting you walk away from me either, not with my child. I meant what I said Y/N. I'll take you to court if I have to. I don't care what it costs. This could be my only chance at have a child."
"I know. You won't have to. We'll......We'll work something out. Between us. I won't take her away from you. I swear it."
"Her?" His voice was suddenly questioning and soft, a complete contrast the the harsh, bitterness of a few moments ago.
You smiled realising he didn't know, how could he?
"Yes. Her. We found out today."
"We?" Harsh again.
"Hotch came with me." You winced, knowing how it sounded.
"So are you and he a thing now too? Is that why he was so concerned about you?"
"No. He's been the only one I've been able to talk to about this, that's all. He's been very good to me as both a friend and an employer and I asked him to go with me. There's nothing going on between me and Aaron, he's more like a Dad to me than anything."
"Okay, well that changes. I'm coming with you to all of your appointments now. All right?" Not really, but you'd allow it.
"Fine.
"
"Good."
"Spencer.......Do you want to see her?"
"Can I?" His eyes lit up.
You moved over to him,pulling your phone out and sitting next to him. Flicking through to your video collection, you selected the one you'd taken earlier today, small 30 second clip, and pressed play.
Spencer leaned in close and you heard his breathing stop as he watched the screen, the loud whooshing of your babies heartbeat filling the room.
"That's her? She's so........small."
You waited for him to start reeling of facts about how many centimetres long she would be and how the blood vessels and veins would still be visible through her paper thin skin and how her ears would now be set in their final position, but he didn't. Instead he touched the screen, replaying the video.
"That's my baby........I.........I made that?"
The emotion in his voice breaking through your barriers and you felt it tugging on your heartstrings. There was no way you could block him out of this now. Your eyes moved to his face, seeing him quickly swipe away a tear.
"We made that Spencer. Together." You whispered. "We'll find a way to raise her....Together."
His eyes met yours and you placed a hand on his arm.
"Thank you." He murmured.